Diaper Bags Are Full Of Crap – Here’s Why You Don’t Need One

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Of the most useless things everyone insists you need when you have a baby – the diaper bag ranks pretty high. Organized mothers everywhere are gasping in disbelief. The rest of you are thinking, “Yup. That’s pretty accurate.” Diaper bags are useless.

How can a diaper bag be useless? Black is white. Up is down. Nothing makes sense anymore! Is that what you’re thinking? Well, allow me to dispel the myth that a diaper bag is an essential piece of the new-mom arsenal.

1. Diaper bags are too big.

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Seriously – how big do you think diapers are? Not big. They are very compact little things. And unless your baby is having some serious issues or you’re leaving the house for more than five hours – there is absolutely no reason you need more than two diapers on your person at any one time. How often do you think moms with infants leave the house for whole day trips? Not often. On a daily basis, you simply do not need this much space for stuff. You will probably be out of the house with the baby for a couple hours, tops.

2. Diaper bags are ugly.

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If you ever hear someone say That’s a really cute diaper bag! what they mean is, That is not hideous for a diaper bag! Diaper bags are ugly. It’s like designers think the minute women give birth they suddenly have a desire to own something made of padded fabric with some weird flower pattern on it. If you are a lover of quilt and Vera Bradley – you are in luck; you will love diaper bags. If you do not (aka, if you have eyes) you will not.

3. Seriously, nobody needs this many compartments.

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Some genius actually thought that every, single thing you use for your baby needs its own compartment. There’s usually at least four pockets on the outside, and about six inside. The diaper bag is the cargo pants of bags. You can never remember which of the 10 pockets has the pacifier in it. And why do we have to hold the bottle in some weird outer pocket that everyone can see? No likey.

4. You will fill a diaper bag with a bunch of useless crap.

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The zombie apocalypse is probably not going to happen during your outing at the park – so you really don’t need every, single thing a baby may need to survive in life for the few hours that you leave the house. If you have a diaper bag, chances are it will contain way too many diapers, way too many wipes, more than one pacifier, some toys, some food pouches, a change of clothes, burp cloths, and a diaper pad. You do not logically need all of these things for every outing. Maybe the longer ones – but not for most of the trips that you take.

5. You will start using it as a purse – and that just sucks.

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Nothing says “Mom Life” quite like abandoning your amazing leather hobo for a stupid ugly diaper bag. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to! Shove some diapers in a Ziploc bag, do the same with a few wipes, and decide whether your baby will be ready for a bottle or a pouch of food while you’re out and pick one. Done!

It may seem crazy to leave the house with just a few items shoved in your purse, but I’m telling you for most short trips it’s really all you need. Down with diaper bags! They’re overpriced, they’re ugly, and for the most part they are just too much. Wouldn’t you rather be carrying this:

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I know I would.