Women's Issues

#YesAllWomen Is Trending Because It’s 2014 And Women Still Live In Fear

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On Friday night, a 22-year-old man who – by the admission of many strange YouTube videos – felt continually slighted by women, exacted his revenge by going on a murderous rampage in a California college town. He killed six people before taking his own life. He referred to these actions as his “day of retribution,” in order to punish women as a whole for those few who rebuffed his advances. Elliot Rodger basically killed a bunch of people because he thought women owed him sex. We have a problem.

Women took to Twitter to share their own experiences with not feeling safe in a culture that perpetuates the myth that men are entitled some kind of ownership over women. The Tweets are sobering and heartbreaking. They make me realize just how much we put up with every, single day. We all handle it in different ways, but the constant oppression you feel as a woman is a cross you bear forever.  I’m disgusted. I’m tired. Something’s got to give. I’m so sorry for all the families who lost loved ones at the hands of this man.

#yesallwomen

#yesallwomen

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253 Comments

  1. Lindsay

    May 26, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Because I live backing up to a high school, got out of my car, and a group of 16-year-olds shouted, “Hey baby, come say hello!” I ignored them and kept walking to my front door and heard, “Oh, she lives there.” Never felt so violated and uncomfortable waking into my own home. #yesallwomen

  2. Jennie Blair

    May 26, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Because the duggars have their shit tv show telling the masses women are property and are for the enjoyment of men and servitude

    • DionneKerrrba

      May 26, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      like
      Jacqueline implied I’m taken by surprise that a mom can earn $8130 in 1 month
      on the computer . see post F­i­s­c­a­l­p­o­s­t­.­C­O­M­

    • brebay

      May 26, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      Because TLC has a show called “Strange Sex” and apparently men obsessed with their own daughter’s hymens aren’t on it. They get their own show.

  3. G.S.

    May 26, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Because I had to walk a kilometer and past a bar to get home at quarter-to-one at night for four months because of my workshift, and every time I saw a car or group of guys, I’d have some level of panic.

  4. Bunny Lou

    May 26, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    When I was in high school I met this guy that I had originally liked, I didn’t think he was terribly attractive but he was a good friend. We’d get drunk together and he’d proclaim his love towards me and I would ignore it because at fourteen you don’t have the best skills at letting guys down easily.

    When I got my first boyfriend things changed suddenly and violently. We went from laughing and joking to my friend calling me a slut, a whore, a bitch, a cunt, just about any word you can imagine. I started seeing him outside of my bedroom at night time. He started threatening to kill me. I was afraid of being in my house. He salted the plants outside of my apartment, wrote obscene things about me both online and on sidewalks or walls.

    One day I accidentally dropped his CD player while trying to get it out of my house. I left it’s broken remains out by the dumpster and tried to ask his little brother where he got it so it could be replaced. Less than ten minutes later this guy was actively trying to kick down my door, he was threatening to beat me to death, he was telling me how he would beat me until I was almost unconsious, and then he’d skin me alive. He broke his skateboard on my front door.

    One day he followed me home from school and shoved me on the ground.

    While yhi

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      Why I believe every woman should know a significant amount of self-defense.

    • moonie27

      May 27, 2014 at 12:56 am

      Why the police and school administrators should do their frickin’ jobs.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:51 am

      yeah well, it’d be a perfect world if we could demand action of other people. But it’s probably a lot easier to learn self-defense than convince jaded people that they shouldn’t be jaded anymore. But I do agree.

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 10:48 am

      “Perfect world” my ass. If someone calls the cops or any other authority figure with that kind of problem, IT’S ENTIRELY THEIR JOB to help in any way they can. It is NOT acceptable to just sit on your ass and say, “Well, boys will be boys,” “He’ll get bored and go away eventually,” “You’re overreacting,” or, “Well, MAYBE if you did/didn’t do X, Y, and/or Z, you wouldn’t have this problem!”

      A perfect world involves one where money grows on trees and you can retire at age 30. What we’re asking for is a world where we can get help when we seriously need it from the people who said they’d give it to us, which isn’t much to ask, now is it?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      not it’s not really, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. Better do what you can than expect others to do something. Pretty common knowledge the police aren’t here to help us for the most part.
      better to be able to depend on yourself, in my opinion

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      Or, you know, work your ass off trying to change the current norm of, “Don’t get raped” to “Don’t rape in the first fucking place,” which we’re desperately trying to do.

      Even if you do fight back, he can have a gun, he could be three times your size, he could have spiked your drink when your back was turned for all of half a second. And guess what? THIS IS NEVER, EVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT. Seriously, when someone gets punched in the face, why don’t you just say, “Well, you shouldn’t have made him angry/should have moved your head/should have never been in the same room as him in the first place/should have learned Karate” while you’re at it?!

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      I get what your saying, but I don’t entirely agree. Your face-punching analogy isn’t applicable really, because there are plenty of times I’ve watched someone get punched in the face and it was entirely their own fault.

      But you’re right in that it’s never the victims fault, for the most part. First it has to be established that they actually were a victim, I’ve seen men beaten half to death because a woman accused him of touching her inappropriately or even raping her in some cases, because she knows she can go tell her guy friends and they will beat him senseless. This happens more than you might think. Just saying.

      And every says I blame the victim but I really don’t Most of my point is, which do you think can happen faster? The shift and change of an entire group of people, most of whom likely know that rape is unacceptable? You really honestly believe that there are rapists out there who are going to read things like this and say “Oh no! I had no idea I was a terrible psycho.” and change their ways? Probably not, and at least not for a very long time. So I don’t see a problem with people going out and learning self defense. Maybe it doesn’t work, and maybe it does. It builds confidence, give one the ability to defend themselves and a great many other benefits. It really can’t hurt, basically. It’s better to be safe than sorry, they say.

      I just feel that many of these situations could be prevented if people took the responsibility upon themselves to be able to properly protect them. It’s never, ever..EVER been a “safe” world we live in. So I see no reason for EVERY person to know how to defend themselves and be prepared for ANYTHING.

    • moonie27

      May 28, 2014 at 11:07 pm

      Or, better, we can move into a world where violence is not an accepted way to control people, or to teach people a lesson, or used as anything but a last resort.

      Because as long as violence is an okay go-to response for anything but self-defense when there’s no other options, I will always lose. I am short. I am female. I am strong for my size and I work out, but unless I dedicate all of my free time for the majority of my life into turning into a fighting machine, most men with some fighting experience will be able to overpower me. And I will lose.

      I have better things to do with my life than live in the expectation of someone attacking me. I refuse to do it. I also refuse to live in a world where the strongest, most violent person always win.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      I understand where you’re coming from, but don’t you think it might be a little wishful thinking? I’m just saying, never in the history of mankind on the planet has there been a truly and entirely peaceful civilization. I’m not saying we won’t get there eventually, but in our life-times is still pretty far off.

      It’s not like normal, sound minded people are going around perpetrating violence on a regular basis either. Most sane people try to avoid physical confrontation at all costs from my experience. It’s not really as if it’s acceptable to most people.

      And I also don’t personally believe that being small in stature or otherwise necessarily causes you to be at a disadvantage. And no ones saying you should turn yourself into a fighting machine, I only suggest that it’s wise to have a general understanding of self defense. There are ways to incapacitate someone with minimal strength and effort.

      I guess my position is that it’s going to take a long time to change the world as we know it, and it’s better to be prepared for what might happen in case it does. It’s not fair or acceptable that this is the world we live in today, but it is an undeniable fact. All of us are always in danger to some extent, though for women it’s more prevalent and intense. And it’s not about being expectant that something might happen, but rather to be aware and prepared. All it takes sometimes to be able to get away or get help is a ballpoint pen jammed into their inner thigh.

      Also, most men that perpetrate violence against a woman aren’t expecting much resistance. From what I understand. They only do so because they register an easy target, or have manipulated the situation to their benefit somehow. Their size and confidence may be their real weakness. Though it’s a given that theory isn’t applicable all the time.

      I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I’m not telling you how to live your life, just suggesting it may be more helpful than not.

    • moonie27

      May 29, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      The thing is, I don’t need another message telling me to live in fear or to get self-defense classes or whatever it is I’m supposed to do to prevent being a victim. I know the dangers of being a woman – I am one, I deal with them every day. I understand the risks. And people tell me about them all. the. fucking. time.

      In fact, people say things like that so much, that it overrides the message that violence is wrong. People don’t spend nearly as much time telling boys not to fight one another (outside of consensual things, like boxing or MMA, for instance) or to control their anger, or to find better ways to control their aggression as they do telling girls not become victims.

      The message in our society isn’t “violence is completely unacceptable, barring a situation with no other recourse.” It’s “violence will happen to you, women, and it’s your fault for being slutty/dressing wrong/walking a night/not taking self-defense classes/ect…”

      We change the message, we’ll greatly lower the amount of violence in our society. Yes, some people will still be violent, and yes, bad things will happen, but they’ll happen at a much lower rate, and when they do, society will start helping the victim instead of blaming them. I don’t want to be told to live my life in fear or expectation of a man attacking me. I want to be told that if the unthinkable does happen, it’s solely because of the man and they’re trying to put him away so no one else gets hurt.

    • Psych Student

      May 28, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      I agree. We should be working to establish that even if someone is accused of violence that it is not acceptable to beat the hell out of them. Yeah, self defense is great. If someone wants to learn something, aikido is an amazing technique that is about shifting weight and balance. The goal is to put your attacker on the ground, not injure them. Theoretically it can be done by people of all sizes on people of all sizes. That being said, even if you know self defense, it’s better to fight to end the violence.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Tell that to my black belt friend who was raped by two guys who outweighed her by 100 pounds and were taller than her by a foot.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      well it’s not as if it will solve every problem, and prevent all situations. But it’s better than not knowing. Seeing as often the men will outweigh the woman in these cases I often recommend a taser or pepper spray, both.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      You do realize that telling a woman that she should know how to defend herself after the fact does less than nothing, right?

    • CMJ

      May 27, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      Remember, if it doesn’t meet Brandon Issacs standard of self defense….it’s the victims fault.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      yeah, more personal attacks. You’re doing it right for sure. Demeaning me and negating my points with quippy bullshit. Laughable..

    • CMJ

      May 27, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Honey, go home. Seriously. Your points negate themselves because you are a fucking asshole.

      I already told you once to go away. No one gives a fuck about what you have to say.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      Lol. Weird how close you seem to understanding where I’m coming from, but then you just dive back into the bullshit. You could always just stop paying attention to the comments you know, if you find them so irksome. Believe it or not, I have a reason for saying what I say and you’ll not persuade me to stop doing so by calling me an asshole. Good on you for the personal attacks though. That’s not detrimental at all…and certainly not what I’ve been talking about in part this entire time.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 1:49 am

      Maybe we’re really just sick of men telling us it’s our responsibility to be able to physically defend ourselves instead of telling other men to stop physically attacking women.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      again, do you really think that I’m gonna go find a rapist and say to him “hey, did you know that’s fucked up, and wrong? You’re a sicko and that’s totally unacceptable behavior in society.” and he’s going to reply with “Oh my god, what!? I had no idea. I’m so sorry! I’ll never do it again”

      Probably not. It’s not like people aren’t aware that there’s something seriously wrong with molesting/raping someone. They just don’t give a shit. No person with a sound mind does things like that. NO ONE. They’re either deranged, stupid, or psychotic.

      It’s every person on Earths responsibility to defend themselves. This isn’t a safe planet full of nice things. It’s a tough and brutal world where you can die a million different ways any second of the day. So yeah, people NEED knowledge and practice on how to defend themselves in a multitude of situations.

      Which do you think will come easier? convincing degenerate sickos that what they do is wrong and they should stop? Or learning how do defend yourself against said sickos? There’s always going to be bad people in the world. They will never go away. So it’s better to know how to defend yourself than not. I’m not saying people should just stop trying to change things (even though most of the time people go about it in the wrong way and it’s damaging to the cause) but why wouldn’t MORE be better than LESS in the case of your personal safety?

      If there was a murderer lose on the streets, you wouldn’t be saying “well someone needs to get out there and tell him that this isn’t okay” because he probably doesn’t give a shit.
      And most people don’t have the option of just staying inside and being safe that way…so whats the next, most logical option?! Learn to defend yourself if the need arises, that’s what.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      But you find it easy to come onto a womens site and tell them what they are doing wrong? When you wonder what the problem is, it’s people with your attitude.
      I pray that nothing happens to a woman you love, be it your mother or your daughter or your friend, because your 20/20 hindsight isn’t going to do her any good… and the sad part is, something probably has happened to women you care about, but your head’s so far up your own rose-smelling asshole, you have no idea.
      Rapists are the worst in the whole situation, but people like you are not far above them, at all- and the sad thing is, you will never see that, because you will never have to worry about them the way women do. You’re just as mentally fucked as the perpetrators are.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Where do you get off saying shit like that to people? How fucking dare you. You are a truly sick, delusional person.

      Seriously, you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about and that kind of shit is just sickeningly horrible to say to someone. You’re the real fucking problem here. you fucking disgust me.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      You, sir, are fucking terrifying to every woman here, and should be to every woman in your life with that response.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      I’d like to apologize for being so..intense..but in all seriousness, you can’t go around saying things like that to people. It’s really not okay to paint that kind of picture about someone who’s never really done anything wrong. It’s not helpful to anyone and it’s seriously hurtful to me as a human being for people to say shit like that to me. It’s psychologically harmful to act that way under any circumstances, to me and you and everyone who might come across these posts.

      I realize you might vehemently disagree with what I say, but at no point did I deserve to be compared to a rapist. I’ve never hurt a woman in my life, and would never do so with ill intent.

      I also realize that I come across as a potentially crazy asshole, but really what do you think demeaning me will do? What purpose could that possibly serve in the long run? To anger me? To affirm your self worth and superiority? To express you utter disdain in the most hurtful way possible?

      I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, but that kind of behavior isn’t really acceptable by anyone’s standards. It seems you may be unaware of the damage you can cause with your words, but I’m fully willing to look past it and come to some reasonable conclusion if you were to recognize that what you said isn’t okay and that I have done the same. I do apologize for any offense I may have cause you, but I did nothing what-so-ever to illicit the response you gave me. It was deeply hurtful and offensive.

      again, I realize my position on the subject matter and subsequent attitude might give reason for incredible anger, but never once did I say anything even close to the viciousness and vehemence with which you attacked me.

      I am really sorry, and would greatly appreciate reciprocation of the feeling. It’s okay if you don’t apologize, but know either way that I am very sorry for my words and behavior.

    • YesAllWomen

      May 30, 2014 at 10:22 am

      Are you for fucking real @visitom:disqus? For a start, if you’ve never heard of the concept of mansplaining – look it up. You’re doing it, dude.

      Additional to that, you’ve just spent several threads of comments on a self-identified WOMEN’S WESBITE – telling women how they’re doing it wrong and how they should learn self-defence and then, and ONLY then will they be acceptable victims of rape if (and when for 1 quarter of women) it should happen to them. So essentially…learn how to make it another woman. Not this shouldn’t be happening, rapists are disgusting and need to learn how NOT to rape, but, women – make sure that it’s the woman next to you, not you.

      Third…You just spent a post justifying why it is that you think rape ‘jokes’ are funny. Who is it that hears you when you laugh at, or make, those jokes? I’ll tell you who it is – survivors and rapists. Everybody else just thinks you’re kind of a douchebag, but the survivors (and I guarantee you, you know some even if you don’t know that fact about them) are wary of you – because laughing at THE WORST betrayal of them is a laughing matter to you. And the rapists (and likewise, you DO know some, even if you don’t know you do) think that you condone their actions. Fodder for a joke. Nothing to serious. Those bitches had it coming anyway.

      You ARE harming women right here, right now. You’re jamming your privilege right down our throats. And then, when called on it, you’re demanding an apology after making a non-pology to somebody who truly deserves it.

      It’s gross.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      June 3, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Wow, I like your depiction of me. It’s interesting how you can manage to manipulate things I say into the worst possible form and add so much meaning that didn’t exist in the first place. Chill with the ridiculous twisting of my words and attitude. Also, you really should just bar the term “mansplaining” from your vocabulary because it’s blatantly prejudicial. I’ve hear of it, and seriously fucking hate that people who profess to want equality in the world go around perpetuating that shit.

    • Psych Student

      May 29, 2014 at 12:03 am

      ” It’s not like people aren’t aware that there’s something seriously wrong with molesting/raping someone”. Actually, a lot of people *don’t* know that coercion or having sex with someone too drunk to consent is rape. And even I they do, they don’t have a real understanding of how sick and fucked up it is. So yes, you *should* be telling every rapist you know that they are a horrible, awful person. Maybe some of them will listen to you. You should also talk to people about their sooo not funny rape/DV jokes because someone may actually listen. If the people telling the stories don’t listen, maybe some victims will hear you and identify you as an advocate and the world really des need more advocates.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 29, 2014 at 12:41 am

      I assure you I tolerate no such behavior around me. To be honest, rape jokes can be funny, and I know thats a rather unpopular opinion, but I’m a guy who finds comedy in most things in life, even death. So sorry about that. But if i find it in bad taste or intentionally offensive or indicative of more serious things, believe me I speak out. And I don’t know any rapists that I’m aware of, of they’d likely be in a
      less than healthy condition.

  5. keelhaulrose

    May 26, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Because I couldn’t walk the hundred yards between my apartment and my friend’s without my fiance in college because there was a frat who would send pledges out to harass any woman walking past, and the police called it “a bit of fun”.

    • Jennie Blair

      May 26, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      I always walked around late at night with my turkish friend on campus. All turks have to be in the military and I was never worried about some creeper bothering us.

    • keelhaulrose

      May 26, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      My fiance (now husband) is 6 foot 5, 300 pounds (mostly muscle), has a missing tooth, a biker-style ponytail (several ties down the back), and carries a knife wherever he goes. Nobody messed with me when he was there (nobody messes with him now, either), but that freaking frat would send out three or four guys to harass any woman walking alone. It was disgusting and terrifying to be walking and then suddenly be surrounded by men calling you ‘baby’ and asking if you want to party with them. And because it was the frat the ‘rich boys’ tended to go to they got away with a LOT of shit.

    • Jennie Blair

      May 26, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      Frats are shit. Plus on the list, because Smart Girl 101 says always mix your own drink, keep an eye on it at all times, put your thumb over the opening of your bottle, and go to all parties with a buddy in case you still get drugged.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 27, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      How terrible 🙁 I thought the verbal harassment from the porch of one particular frat at my college was bad enough.

  6. keetakat

    May 26, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Because my father didn’t see a daughter… just another outlet for his perversion.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      I don’t want to “like” this, but I do want to tell you I’m so sorry.

    • keetakat

      May 26, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Thank you Sunny.

  7. AnastasiaMcNally

    May 26, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Because you thought “because I love you” or “because you shouldn’t have been smoking” were reasonable explanations for abuse…

    • Surly Canuck

      May 26, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Mine said, “You need me to do this to you” because he was afraid I was going to leave him.

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      May 26, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      Because “no one else would have you anyway”

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Because my boyfriend at the time beat me, brainwashed me, mentally abused me, forced me to cut myself in front of him for his enjoyment….and I get called “crazy”

      To this day, no one believes me, despite my scars, despite being hospitalized for bulimia because he convinced me I was “too fat for him or anyone to love”. I’m not believed because he “comes from a good family”

  8. shorty_RN

    May 26, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Because I feel the need to hold my car key like a knife when I’m in a parking lot at night. Why should I have to feel afraid?

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Because I carry a can of deodorant for easy spraying for protection…Pepper spray didn’t work properly for me…

  9. Joye77

    May 26, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Because he admitted to enjoying making me cry.

    • barefootwithoutagun

      May 26, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      My heart aches for you. My violent ex took pleasure in making me cry too.

  10. G.S.

    May 26, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Because one of my friend’s colleges has a “superhero” group where the only thing that makes them a “superhero” is pledging to not have sex with a girl when she’s drunk (aka, the bare minimum requirement to being a decent human being).

    • brebay

      May 26, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      What school? I tried ggogling “college superhero pledge sex” and got just so much porn…

    • G.S.

      May 26, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Cambrian College in Canada. I think it was a dorm thing.

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 2:54 am

      Yeah…Fuck that.

      How about a second “superhero” group that’s just for people who refrain from going on shooting sprees? Everyone can take the pledge and everything–it’s a very serious issue and we need to make people feel like they’re doing the right thing for not committing mass shootings. Or maybe a third superhero group for people who pledge not to drown puppies? Kick walkers out from the elderly? How about bonus for every time that I don’t shake a baby?

      Wow, I’m really racking up the superhero points here.

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Yeah, like, if it was just a bunch of guys who knew that rape was horrible and they’d do anything to prevent it, and their entire group was about spreading awareness about consent and keeping creepers away from drunk girls at bars, sans “superhero” moniker, I’d have no problem, but calling yourself a superhero for doing something that any decent human being would do, while implying that only a superhero could do it, is spreading all kinds of myths and misinformation (such as, “Men can’t control themselves”). And, to quote the comic from the other article that someone else posted in the comments, “You don’t get brownie points for not raping me!”

  11. pixie

    May 26, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Because I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t want to dance with someone I don’t know at the bar and don’t find it sexy or a “turn on” when they grab my arm and try to drag me back towards them.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 10:56 am

      Because I’m also sick of this.

      I’m also sick of customers offering me “dinner” (nudge nudge wink wink) for a staff discount and am sick of their reactions when I tell them that’s sexual harassment.

  12. allisonjayne

    May 26, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Because the women at my university were told to “avoid walking home alone after dark” to prevent being attacked by a serial rapist, even though most of the attacks happened in the afternoon, and in the winter it gets dark here at 5:30pm.

  13. Hansen Harlley

    May 26, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    • Bunny Lou

      May 26, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      How does General Motors recall have anything to do with women not feeling safe?

    • brebay

      May 26, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      All his comments are spam. I always flag them, but they never get taken down.

  14. brebay

    May 26, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Because if you’re going to teach your kids “Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer” you need to context the shit out of it or say something else.

  15. brebay

    May 26, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Because every day at work I am on an equal basis with my male colleagues, and every night I still have to ask one of them to walk me to my car. And every time I wonder if the subconscious message that I’m weaker physically will hurt me professionally. But they never wonder whether the subconscious message that men attack women will hurt them professionally.

  16. Roberta

    May 26, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Because my boyfriend feels perfectly safe walking alone in the dead of night, meanwhile my co-workers and I (all women) need to use the buddy system to walk the 20 ft to our cars after work.

    • the_ether

      May 26, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Because my coworker is happy to drink and then walk 15 minutes back to his house, but the idea of doing the same makes me hyperventilate.

    • Roberta

      May 27, 2014 at 1:05 am

      Preach

  17. Sri

    May 26, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Because after a guy trapped me in his room (about 8 of us were playing cards, I was the last in line to leave, he called my name to make a gap, and then shut and locked the door behind my friend) and I still turned down his advances, I became the bad guy because he’s just “sweet, nice, awkward, and lonely.”

    Because every day of my internship I had to walk past two young boys while their fathers screamed sexually explicit comments at me and encouraged the boys to join in, too.

    Because everyone thought it was cute when a kid held me down in pre-k and kissed me, and then told everyone I was his girlfriend, even though I couldn’t stand him, and my protests were met with “he just likes you” (and nobody cares that I don’t like him?)

    We teach young boys that they are entitled to the attention of girls. We teach young girls that they should be quiet and accept it, because having someone you despise be interested in you is better than being unwanted by anyone.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      This sounds a lot like something that happened to me, except I had sex with the guy so he’d let me leave. I felt so dirty, and the worst thing was he kept calling me.

    • keetakat

      May 26, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      It’s surprising how many women I know that have said exactly the same thing and we somehow never think about it being a form of control by way of emotional manipulation.

  18. brebay

    May 26, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Because millions of parents of sons still think that having no daughters means you get to skip the rape talk.

  19. js argh

    May 26, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Because reading others’ comments on this thread sounded familiar, and felt heartbreaking.

    • keelhaulrose

      May 26, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      This is seriously one of the saddest things I’ve read in my life.
      And: Because some douchebag dudebro would read this thread and say we’re all on our periods or something, and to stop being a ‘bitch’.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      Ugh, like seriously! Why can’t we just lighten up already?
      Because I have daughters and this shit is UNACCEPTABLE!

    • G.S.

      May 26, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      That, or, “OMG! Women have it so easy! Men get killed, too! Don’t you mean EQUALIST?!”

  20. whiteroses

    May 26, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    Because not raping someone makes you “a nice guy”.
    Because “friendzoning” is a thing.
    Because men believe that women owe them sex in exchange for dinner.
    Because it surprises us when we have strong, competent women in the public eye who could give two craps if they’re seen as sex symbols.
    Because my son will learn at a very early age that women who get raped aren’t just women who have DDs and short skirts- they’re women like his mother.
    Because I have three nieces who deserve better than this.
    Because “men’s rights” still exists.

    • keelhaulrose

      May 27, 2014 at 12:09 am

      Because there’s supposedly a “three date rule” and I shouldn’t get a choice after I’ve gone out with a man three times.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 12:25 am

      Because calling someone a “stupid bitch” on the Internet is somehow ok.

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 3:27 am

      because I once wrote a personal essay about my experiences getting into college and the differences between when I applied and today’s climate, and some guy in my writing class told me that he didn’t think I sounded credible because “there’s like, no guys in your essay. Like, all you did was study and worry about college. Didn’t you have a boyfriend or if you didn’t, weren’t you like, worried about why you didn’t?”

      When I told him that yes, I had a longterm boyfriend for two years of HS–and I kicked him to the curb because he was getting in the way of my college aspirations, he said he thought that “sacrifice” deserved mention. So I told him, “Um, it wasn’t a ‘sacrifice’ to…not date someone. I didn’t pine away for the boyfriend I couldn’t have; It was really kind of too perfunctory to mention: I did away with a distraction and worked on my own aspirations.” I think that this was the first time it had ever occurred to him that a woman might describe a man as “perfunctory.”

      I also mentioned to him that many girls who are in HS today (my students, for example) shockingly don’t live and breathe Taylor Swift songs; most of them have plenty of other things on their brains besides boys. He said, “Yeah, of course girls go to college and stuff, but, I dunno…This whole thing doesn’t seem normal. Maybe I’m not the audience for something like this.”

      It took a lot of restraint not to reply, “Yes, that’s probably it, because I don’t write for misogynistic idiots.” Kind of fucked up that a woman writing about getting into college and *gasp* not referencing men in the process isn’t believable.

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 11:00 am

      I know it’s not the same, but I watch this internet show by Lindsay Ellis/Nostalgia Chick, called BYOB (Booze Your Own Adventure, used to be called 50 Shades of Green), where they alternate between writing an intentionally crappy/parody paranormal romance novel series involving Cthulu and doing book reviews. In one of their videos, they asked for the audience to find them a young adult novel with a female protagonist and no love interest whatsoever. Or as they put it, “Go find us a unicorn.”

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      You bring up a unique gap in YA lit (my pet
      love!)…Challenge accepted. I’ll write it myself.

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 8:35 pm

      I freaking love YA lit. I don’t particularly mind the love stories that they always throw in, as long as it’s written well and the characters are well-rounded and interesting and it doesn’t take away from the story, but this latest “love-triangle with marketable ‘teams’,” trend is really starting to get on my nerves. Katniss goes off to save her baby sister from dying on national tv, and is super resourceful and intelligent with her own shit going on, and you’re reeeaaaally just gonna focus on whether she picks Guy A instead of Guy B? I mean, shipping’s always been around, but this is just sad.

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 10:32 pm

      And…I sorta felt both guy A and guy B kinda sucked.

      I mean, Peeta’s a fine enough character, but he sucked for Katniss.

      Gosh, I’m such a dork! 🙂

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 10:50 pm

      Hey, you want a book series that will make you want to throw the book against the wall and violently punch things? Look up the Trylle series by Amanda Hocking. How in the FUCK it became the best-selling book on Kindle I have NO idea.

      I mean, I’m a glutton for cheesy stupid shit to laugh at, but this series just BROKE me in the worst possible ways.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 27, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      There are some. Sparrow Road by Sheila O’Conner. Catherine Called Birdy by Karen Bushman (hysterical b/c it’s medieval and she spends whole book trying to get out of arranged marriages). Pictures of Hollis Woods by Patricia Reilly Giff…. Hopefully I’m not forgetting some damn romance in these, but I’m pretty sure there’s not one.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      OMG Catherine Called Birdy is one of the best books ever. EVER. I love that book and will require my son to read it.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 28, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      She is probably the most entertaining YA protagonist ever. And least romantic minded 🙂

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 7:57 pm

      I fell in love with her based on this sentence: “My father conspires to sell me like a cheese to some halfwit needing a wife..”

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 28, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      There’s some stuff in there that’s so eloquent I hung it up on my quote board in my classroom. Now, though, of course, I can’t remember it. But she’s awesome!

    • Psych Student

      May 29, 2014 at 12:18 am

      Alright, so I feel *really* guilty doing this, but talking about books makes me desperately want to pimp my wife’s books. She writes about a strong female lead who, get this, fights men. It’s so horrible that movies tend to require men to fight men and women to fight women. Again, I am so sorry for doing this (but not sorry enough not to do it). http://www.amazon.com/Kids-These-Days-Files-Mercedes/dp/1490581669/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1401336999&sr=1-1&keywords=Mercedes+Mace
      It is important to note that these are NOT YA books. They contain a great deal of swearing and violence and a whole lot of a woman kicking some serious ass!

  21. keelhaulrose

    May 26, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Because I was molested by a man while dancing with a girl in a gay bar, and when I told him I wasn’t interested his words were “because you haven’t had me… yet”.

  22. brebay

    May 26, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Because purity balls. Girls only.

    • shorty_RN

      May 27, 2014 at 10:32 am

      Oh my lord. Don’t get me started on purity balls. Sooooo gross.

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      I can’t help but stifle a giggle every time I hear “purity balls.”

      I see a glowing pair of testicles.

    • brebay

      May 27, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      I’m pretty sure his testicles are glowing…

  23. koreander

    May 26, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Because my ex-boyfriend needed a kick in the guts to figure out that a no from me really does mean no and threw a hissy fit afterwards about how I’m a big meanie for “playing hard to get” like that and I really ought to be sleeping with him whenever he wanted because that’s what people do in a relationship.

    Because in my first few years of college, I was honked at on my way home from school, threatened and mistaken for a prostitute on a regular basis, in broad daylight, wearing jeans, hoodies and messy lab hair. The first time this happened, I was 15 years old.

    Because it’s apparently totally cool for some racist dudebro in his 80s to chat up female students in the campus library, visit sketchy dating sites just this side of pornography and wait at my desk while I’m packing up at 11pm. Because when I told him to get out of my space and reported him to security, I was told I’m a stuck-up, crazy bitch and he’s just a sweet old man who didn’t do anything wrong.

  24. brebay

    May 26, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Because pulling your pigtails means he likes you.

  25. Surly Canuck

    May 26, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    Because my guy “friends” only believed me after my ex had sexually assaulted two other girls. And the only girl brave enough to talk to the cops was talked out of it by her boyfriend.

    • Surly Canuck

      May 26, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      Incidentally, they thought he would stop if I just took him back.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Not your fault.
      I was in the same boat.
      I did actually report him. Nothing was done.

      He did it to three other girls.

      He’s now in jail.

  26. Kay_Sue

    May 26, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Because I can write an entire blog post on victim blaming using no other material but responses from a news story posted on Facebook by my local TV news and not hesitate to consider it a substantive post, and the majority of my community can entirely miss the point when I comment on it.

    http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/2014/05/sexual-assault-media-and-victim-blame.html

  27. Maria Marry

    May 26, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    No no I am not agree with that because http://bit.ly/1tFDwSM

  28. Snarktopus

    May 26, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    Because there are men that I refuse to be left alone with.
    Because my friends and I were chased to our car on the way home from the bar by two much, much older men who wouldn’t leave us alone after we told them we didn’t want to talk to them.
    Because my coworkers and I (all women) wait until everyone is in their car and has started them, before leaving.
    Because we have to go in pairs to take the trash out at night.
    Because “Don’t get raped” is an acceptable farewell.

  29. Abby

    May 26, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Because saying “you’re making me uncomfortable” doesn’t work.

    Because saying “please leave me alone” doesn’t work.

    Because trying to walk away doesn’t work.

    Because the only thing that does work is saying, “I’m married and my husband is bigger than you.”

    Because my desire to be left alone means nothing, but the fact that I “belong” to another man means everything.

    • MeganLinefyl321

      May 27, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      just before I looked at the receipt ov $8130 , I
      didn’t believe that my sister woz like actualy bringing in money part-time from
      there pretty old laptop. . there aunts neighbour has been doing this 4 only
      about 22 months and at present repayed the mortgage on their appartment and
      bought themselves a Chrysler . see here M­o­n­e­y­d­u­t­i­e­s­.­C­O­M­

  30. SunnyD847

    May 26, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Because we teach girls how to avoid being raped instead of teaching boys not to rape

  31. the_ether

    May 26, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    Because that guy who brushed up against my back in the pub last night, was he just walking past or did he get frustrated when I moved away from the contact?

  32. Shelly Lloyd

    May 26, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    I remember the first time I felt ashamed of my body due to a boy. In the 7th grade, this boy I had a crush on came up to me and said, “you know, you’re pretty damn ugly but you have nice tits. If you show them to me I’ll let you hang out with me.” I was horrified and ran away from the school and had a friend’s mom pick me up.

  33. ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

    May 26, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    Because I developed early, and a boy in fifth grade used to follow me around and squeeze my breasts. Everyone thought it was funny. Thankfully I finally got the nerve to tell the principal. He didn’t see the humor in it either.

    Because I had to tell my boss that an aggressive male employee was not to work alone with any of the female ones, including me, when the employee’s ass should’ve been fired.

    Because I don’t feel safe walking alone at night (or even sometimes in the daytime), and I live in one of the safest neighborhoods in the area.

    Because when a boy harasses you or makes you feel like shit, you’re supposed to be flattered because “he likes you.”

    Because I have a son of my own. Enough said.

    • Guest

      May 27, 2014 at 10:23 am

      I also live in a very safe neighborhood but I won’t walk my dogs more than a block away because I want to be close enough to see the house and be able to run to it.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 11:07 am

      ^^ Feeling you on the fellow employee…
      Because my ex colleague would make horrible comments about how much he’d “do” my mother.
      Because every time she came in, he’d pretend to jack off under the counter.

      Because he laughed and nudged a fellow colleague as he said “God it’s bad when you’d ride the mother faster than the daughter”

      Because *I *got fired for losing my cool and telling him it was sexual harassment and what makes him think me or my mother would go for a little weasel like him. His father was the company boss

  34. cabecb

    May 26, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Because I already see it starting to happen to a 12 year old girl I know. Boys and men are hitting on her and trying to get her back into their room. She is not interested and just wants to be a kid. She is so sweet and pretty. I want her to stay safe but I’m so scared for her.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 27, 2014 at 11:08 am

      Because I’m terrified for my 10 year old.
      She’s so tall and developed she looks 14.
      I’ve already had to tell young lads to f**k off, that she’s not even 12 yet.

      I am so afraid for her in this world.

  35. Caitlin Burrows

    May 26, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Because I’m a polite person, but at a certain time at night, when I’m by myself, that goes out the window for self-preservation. Because I don’t want to see the guy asking about subway routes as wrong for talking to me after a certain time at night because “you don’t do that.”

  36. Buffy

    May 26, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    Because after drinking one single beer at a party I don’t remember anything but his weight on me and how I wanted to get away but couldn’t open my eyes, regaining control of my body hours later.
    Because I was too afraid to tell anyone.
    Because I thought they’d tell me it was my fault.

    • keelhaulrose

      May 27, 2014 at 12:15 am

      I’m so sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t your fault. No one deserves what you went through.

    • Buffy

      May 27, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Thank you so much. I felt vulnerable after posting this and was afraid of reactions. You made me cry, in a good way. Really, thank you.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Because I woke up with my beautiful waste length hair cut off, and I’m still afraid to grow it back.
      Because I still can’t eat jellybeans.
      Because the smell of scotch will always make me want to throw up.
      Because my husband knows how uncomfortable corners make me.

  37. N.

    May 26, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Because we make movies where the woman is a prize in a bet and call them “romantic comedies”.
    And because we call movies like Revenge of the Nerds “a classic”, and accept the female lead is fine with being raped because the nerd was just so good at it.

    • G.S.

      May 30, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Can I also add that we make movies where a busy career woman is berated and looked down on for not having a man (or children) in her life, and when she gives up her career for some smarmy guy who makes fun of her and gets her to “loosen up”, it’s the “happy” ending?

  38. Ansy

    May 26, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Because as a 7 year old I was pulled out of a tent and held at knifepoint and the only thing that saved me was my voice.

  39. Brandon Isaacs

    May 26, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    This kind of shitty worthless self-indulgent bullshit does NOTHING but give the psychopaths out there MORE of a reason to be that way. Not mention disgusting and disappointed the general populous. Stop fucking complaining and actually do something already. It’s just pathetic really, that this these equality movements have been reduced to the most base form of activism possible, Whining. So sick of this shit. Society is doomed if people keep this shit up.

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 9:58 pm

      Go away.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      I’ll do no such thing. The behavior in these places is reprehensible. If people want change then they need to actually start doing something, anything besides whining online. It’s a rather entitled way of doing things, demanding that society changes without any actual effort on their parts, besides being an “advocate” of “equality”

      it’s all justifications and expectations. The world isn’t going to change itself, and neither is your dismissive attitude. You’ve got to actually do something.

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      No. Asshole, misogynistic dudes’ behavior is reprehensible. No one has a dismissive attitude. WOMEN DO THIS EVERYDAY. That’s the issue. We do all of this shit everyday to avoid this shit happening to us…and it still does.

      If you don’t like what we’re saying here, you’re welcome to leave.

      Seriously dude, fuck you.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      I’m also very welcome to stay, weather you like it or not. And I whole heartedly agree the the behavior of men like this is actually far beyond reprehensible and makes them sub-human abominations. There’s a broken mechanism in these movements. Much of what’s being done in a positive sense is being directly counteracted in other ways. It takes a whole effort on all people to stand-up, toughen up, fight back and make change happen. Whining and coddling each other, spreading tragic stories and the like sort of activities serves no purpose but to perpetuate the issues we face today.

      People need to stop professing to be activists and advocates and actually go and do something about it. There’s a great many things one could do that I see time and time again being disregarded and negated by some asinine logic.

      I realize you may have taken some offense to what I say, but there’s really no need to say “fuck you”

    • AlbinoWino

      May 26, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      *whether. If I may correct you, the lowly peasant that I am

    • AlbinoWino

      May 26, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      Yes, surely you will inspire the most change of all lambasting people who disagree with you while you claim they are wasting time. But you’re not wasting time, oh no. YOUR ideas must be among the most valuable. Man, did you know this latest killer? I think you two would have gotten along quite well.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:38 pm

      That’s a seriously fucked up thing to say to somebody.

      It’s not like this is all I do, ever. Whereas some people have posted thousands and thousands of comments. The same stuff, over and over.

      But seriously, who fucking says something like that to someone? Do you even realize how fucked up that just was?

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      Do you not realize how seriously fucked up it is to tell women to “stop complaining” about being harrassed, threatened, and assaulted in our schools, workplaces, streets and homes?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      Oh wow, seriously? You’re going to compare my words to hers? This is the exact kind of detrimental shit I’m talking about. Fucking wow.

    • SunnyD847

      May 27, 2014 at 12:49 am

      Yes, because you seem incapable of understanding how hurtful, offensive, demeaning, and insulting your words have been to so many of us on this site. Maybe if you realize that the way you felt about her words is the way we feel about yours, you can begin to empathize.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:54 am

      Uh no..absolutely no. There’s no fucking excuse whatsoever for saying something like that to someone. If you honestly relate my words with the shit she said, then you have a problem.

      Not even close to the same ballpark. That’s a completely different planet. Fucking disgusting…

    • Jen

      May 27, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      I think you are the one with the problem. You have repeatedly been told, patiently and with a lot more kindness than you have shown yourself to deserve, how your coming on here and telling people to “stop whining” is offensive and harmful. You don’t even seem to understand the fact that coming here as a man who has NEVER had these experiences and telling people over and over how they should think, feel and behave aligns you with the exact type of thinking that this monster used to justify his own behavior.

      Also a major part of social change IS talking about things. Equality for gays is being achieved because more and more gay men and women are talking about their experiences openly and “coming out” to their friends and family. Women are doing plenty of other shit too–we are marching on Washington and in cities across the US to demand protection for our reproductive rights. We are making street art and starting campus campaigns and boycotting products and services. We are filing lawsuits and commissioning studies.

      But, we are also making sure that our ALLIES–those people with penises who know that they do not have insight or knowledge about our experiences–understand what it is like to live the way we do and we are making sure that our sisters know that we are all going through the same thing.

      Have you ever been harassed on the street with your toddler by a group of people 3 times your size who are threatening to rape you? Have you ever been grabbed inappropriately on the subway or followed home from the bus stop or propositioned by a cabbie? Have you ever been raped? These are things that can be incredibly isolating for women. We feel ashamed and embarrassed because we have been raised in a culture that tells us that we can and should prevent these things from happening to us and that we are somehow in the wrong if we do not. So we keep quiet–sometimes for years, sometimes forever–because we don’t want those we love and care about to tell us what we should have done. And we feel more and more alone and ashamed. The internet has provided an amazing outlet for women to not feel alone anymore and that is a useful and wonderful thing.

      Furthermore: you came to a fucking website called “mommyish”. As I write the header article is “You don’t have to be a frumpy mom”. Any idea why the women who post to this site might find it a “safe space” to share their ideas and feelings and experiences and why someone with a dick coming on this site and telling them how wrong they are (I won’t use “mansplaining” because apparently that sounds like sexism to your tin ear) and how they should be doing things differently might be perceived as hostile? If not, I think you need to maybe reevaluate some things and try and figure out how you got to be the sort of person who thinks they are the smartest, most knowledgeable and capable man in the whole wide world tasked with the mission to tell women everywhere just how wrong they are.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      disqus is a rather open commenting bored. I get a lot of what you’re saying, but I wasn’t talking to the people actually doing something.

      Anyway, some of your more reasonable points have been taken into consideration. But I assure you you’re mistaken about me and my intentions.

    • jen27

      May 27, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      I’m sorry, but you haven’t actually taken anything I’ve said into consideration and that’s the problem. You haven’t apologized for repeatedly and offensively telling the women on this forum (a forum which, while welcoming to men, is pretty clearly geared towards women given that it’s called MOMMYish) how they should be behaving.

      You still do not seem to understand that this–this thing that you are doing here and now is the EXACT THING that the women on this forum are “whining” about (to use your terminology). You come into a space that is majority women and hijack a thread that is filled with women sharing frustrating, upsetting and downright scary/emotionally wrought experiences and tell them that there are only certain ways that they should share and commiserate.

      You–as a man who does not have the shared experience–are coming into a forum dedicated to women and proceeding to blame us, shame us and use loaded terms to tell us all that if we choose to share these experiences in ways that aren’t acceptable to you we are providing fodder for psychopaths.

      Please try and use some common sense and have some common decency and consider the fact that we spend every day of our lives thinking about or living stuff like this and perhaps understand why having a forum where we can voice these feelings is important and why we feel like we need to make damn sure that men–like yourself–understand that for us this isn’t a “one time this guy hit on me and it made me uncomfortable” it’s “one time this guy started feeling me up on the subway and nobody did anything and now EVERYTIME I have to take public transportation I am on edge the entire time which makes my hours long trips super duper fun”.

    • AlbinoWino

      May 27, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      You certainly seem to have more in common with that piece of garbage than anyone on here. You’re criticizing women for sharing their experiences of being mistreated and targeted by men. The internet is about anonymity and the fact is you have no idea what anyone here does or doesn’t do to ensure change for women and themselves. I don’t see how it’s so wrong to share experiences and know that we’re not alone. Finding a common interest to enact change is the first step and yes, I feel inspired to do good when I read these things. I try to make changes even just in small ways calling out the sexism of others, etc. That DOES count for something because even just standing up to others shows that some behaviors and comments are not to be tolerated. How are you making the world a better place by criticizing women for sharing their experiences?

    • H

      May 27, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      You have NO idea. These are shared experiences not whines. You don’t know what we do elsewhere. I am a police officer. I was sexually assaulted on duty in public because I am a woman.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      I have some a fairly decent idea, actually. And not all of them are, as If said before, but there are a great many that indeed that simply use these outlets for purely self-indulgent reasons time and time again.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      This statement is why you are the problem.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Just so you know, you’re the exact kind of purely detrimental person I’m talking. You obviously paid very little attention to what I was actually saying, like many other people. Then you say some of the most fucked up shit I’ve read on here. Then you spend however many minutes trolling my posts and stating you case against me in the worst way possible. You’re the kind of pathetic, regressive asshole that is the reason I came here to say what I said.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Why don’t you read this:

      http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2014/05/an-open-letter-to-all-men-concerning-yesallwomen/

      And what was so fucked up about what I said? You got so mad when I brought the women in your life into this… is it possible that the same humanization of women on this thread is why everything you say is so offensive?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      having read the article twice, it’s barely applicable to anything I’m saying. What was so fucked up about what you said? Lets see..

      Things have happened to the women I care about in my life, many of them, many times. They are the people I talk to most and have discussed my thoughts with to great extent. To tell me that I don’t see it, or my hindsight will be useless to them or inferring in any way that I haven’t helped these people in my life is presumptuous and fucking base.

      Then you go on to directly compare me to a fucking rapist?! Saying I’m just as mentally fucked as they are? That’s fucking WAYYY beyond unacceptable on so many levels. If you really can’t see why what you said is so fucking unacceptable, then that makes it even worse. That’s the exact kind of bullshit that is bringing the entire movement to it’s knees and destroying any credibility it might still have. Horrible..

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Anyone who makes any excuse for why rape happens is just as bad as rapists themselves, and if you are really as close to the women in your life as you claim, you wouldn’t be on here telling all of us how wrong we are.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      excuse for rape? What are you talking about? Oh, it’s clear you really don’t know what you’re talking about, so stop wasting my time with you half-assed, horribly negative responses.

      You’re highly mistaken and off base on all accounts. I can’t even believe you think it’s acceptable to say some of the things you say. You’re a detriment to equality everywhere, in every sense.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 7:11 pm

      Telling us we’re providing fodder for psychopaths doesn’t help either.

      This is an anonymous forum. The thing is, we know each other. I count some of these people as Internet friends- at least, as close as you can get to another human being without ever seeing their face. If you put me in a room with these women I wouldn’t know them, until I heard them talk. Then I’d pick up on allisonjayne’s humor. I’d hear someone use complicated medical terms and probably pick up on the fact that it was shorty_RN. The guys- Paul White and Alex Lee? pixie, Kay_Sue, brebay, G.S, ToastDontCare,NotTakenNotAvaliable, Bethany, Eve, CMJ and momjones? So many other names that I can’t even remember but I’ve come to rely on in a way? I “know” them all.

      And they know me. They know about my rape. They know I love to read and knit. They know that sometimes, mothering is damn hard for me. They know things about me that I don’t tell my IRL friends and family because they couldn’t be objective. They let me know I’m not alone.

      Basically, this is our community. And you don’t get to come in here and start shitting on us for sharing our experiences. It’s like coming into someone’s house and deliberately crapping in the corner of their living room. Yeah, this is a public website and a public message board, but you just don’t. get. to. do. that.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      I’d like to apologize because I may have indeed unintentionally shit in the corner of your collective living room. But it wasn’t without purpose or point, i just did so incorrectly.

      Also..I can in fact do whatever I want, and telling me that I can’t isn’t serving any real purpose. Though I understand where you’re coming from and apologize for my questionable behavior. I realize I was being offensive, but please understand I have no ill intentions necessarily, I’m just a passionate and frustrated person who occasionally uncontrollably shits on things. Again, my apologies.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 8:01 pm

      I get that. And I’m not saying that you can’t do whatever you want. It’s just that you’re not helping, you’re not being useful, and unless you shape up we’re showing you the door. It’s not acceptable to us, and we won’t stand for it. We can’t keep you from commenting, but we’re not going to sit back and let you say whatever you want either. If you have the right to say what you want, we have the right to respond to it.

      I appreciate the apology, though. I really do, I’m not being sarcastic.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 8:52 pm

      I better understand that position now than when I made that comment. I realize I was being a completely insensitive ass at this point, lol. More power to you, is my stance at this point. My previous comments were ill conceived and weren’t meant to be directed at everyone, but rather a particular group of people. I certainly should have gone about stating my piece differently and I am genuinely sorry for being an ass. I totally understand now.
      So stand up, be loud, and be proud.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 10:19 pm

      How do you know these women aren’t “doing something”?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:30 pm

      Most of them aren’t and I know so from personal experience. There’s a counteractive and highly detrimental thing happening where people like myself present reasonable ideas, however they may be worded..and those ideas are shot down and disregarded because some people choose to take offense to them.

      Anyway, even if they are doing “something” I highly doubt it’s what they need to be doing. Not to mention the simple fact that I see people waste inordinate amounts of time posting thousands of comments on the internet, professing to be an advocate for equality and wanting change. When in reality I find they’re seeking some self-indulgent affirmation of their self-worth. Which in some sense in necessary, but not thousands of comments worth of necessary.

      I just find that the women and men actually “doing something” about these issues are often counteracted in many ways by the behaviors I previously stated. It’s a vicious circle and nothing will happen as long as it continues on the way it is.

    • N.

      May 26, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      You know most of the women here from personal experience? There’s a counteractive and highly detrimental thing happening where certain people post offensive things, then when confronted choose to generalise about the characteristics of the people objecting despite knowing nothing about them except an internet handle.

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      He’s precious, isn’t he?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      No, obviously I do not and please don’t be so ridiculous. I’ve dealt with many people on this site, yes, but I was referring mostly to my personal experience NOT pertaining in any way to the internet. Logic should tell you that I obviously am making these statements on a generalized basis because I have no factual grounds to do otherwise. Though through my own personal experiences both on and off the internet, I stick to my words and apologize if you found them offensive. I speak of the majority, not of any particular individual. Evidence has time and time again showed me there are crippling flaws present in this movement. And by logic and statistics I can reasonably guesstimate that there are a great many women here failing to do anything practical.
      And many here provide the availability to review what and when they’ve previously posted, indicating to me that there are in fact many people here that are guilty of the exact behavior I was referring to previously.

    • Benwhoski

      May 26, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      You’ve said repeatedly that we should be “doing something”. You’ve given exactly zero examples of those “practical” things you think we should be doing. Yet you’re accusing _us_ of filling the air with unproductive chatter.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      What makes you the expert in what we/they “should” be doing? For some women merely speaking out about their experiences is a huge step and takes enormous courage. Others are working, volunteering, educating to create change. You don’t know us and don’t get get to denigrate our efforts because they don’t meet your undefined standards.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Well those that are actually doing something are not those refereed to in my statements, Nor are those that are seeking solidarity and comfort In a reasonable way. Speaking time and time again about the same circumstances is something else. Thousands of comments by some.

      I’m not saying that the people actually making progress are detrimental. But I’m saying that there’s people that profess to be making progress who are doing the exact opposite.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 12:36 am

      And out of curiosity- who are you to decide if someone’s “making progress” or not?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:48 am

      to your other comment, yes I am aware people comment on other things and about other things, but that’s no who I’m talking about. I’m generally referring to people with literally thousands of comments that I’ve sifted through, most of them being basically the exact same things, over and over.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can say that letting other women know, albeit anonymously, that they are not alone is the most I can do at this point. I was raped nearly ten years ago. I still have nightmares about it. Probably always will. I have anxiety and asthma attacks if I go too deep into my own past. And if the most I can do is let other women know, anonymously, that they are not alone until I can raise my son to be an actual nice guy, then it is what it is.

      I don’t have to justify what I do off the Internet to you or anyone else.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      THE REASON WHY WE ARE SAYING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER IS BECAUSE THE SAME THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO ALL OF US, ALL OVER, ALL THE TIME, NOT BECAUSE WE ARE REPEATING EACH OTHER’S STORIES.

    • SunnyD847

      May 27, 2014 at 12:35 am

      What is the “reasonable idea” that you’re presenting? That we should stop complaining and do something? Wow. Thanks. Problem solved!

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 12:35 am

      You do realize that most of us comment on other things besides this, right?

    • N.

      May 26, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Your comment is victim blaming at it’s finest. Women having a conversation designed to raise the topic of gender victimisation into the forefront of people’s minds gives psychopaths more of a reason to be psychopathic? Seriously?
      How has any oppressed population in history overcome their oppressors? They either overpower with violence or they repeat their message loudly and publically until the culture shifts and the oppression becomes less acceptable to the general populous. I guarantee most of the women here discussing their experiences are also out involved in raising awareness through other avenues as well.
      If you are opposed to women who have been victimised publicly discussing how and why this has happened to them, what are you advocating for instead exactly?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 10:40 pm

      That’s ridiculous, I’m doing no such thing. So stop making me out to be some villain. You really think that people change the world just by talking about it? Impossible. I find this to be a very narrow understanding of cultural changes as brought about by activism in some form. History has show that it takes years upon years of blood sweat and tears. Fighting and dying for the cause in every sense.

      You can make no such guarantee, not to mention their activities elsewhere may be equally or more detrimental than what happens here. There’s a growing sense of general disdain for the “feminist” movement specifically for that reason. It’s not just about raising awareness. I’m sure that everyone is well aware that there is inequality in the world at this point, and it’s really changed very little in the grand scheme of things. Something else must be done. I’m not omniscient, but there are a great many things I rarely see happening that I’m fairly confident would inspire more change than simply “advocating” and “raising awareness”

      And I do not have a problem with public discussion of victimization at all. It’s healthy and necessary, but only to a certain extent. There are people posting thousands of comments and telling their stories far and wide across the internet. Wasting inordinate amounts of time seeking what I can only believe is some form of solidarity and self-affirmation.

      Talking about is necessary, but not to the extent most go about doing so, especially while most of those people do literally nothing else in the way of making change happen. The word has been sufficiently spread, and now it’s time to speak less, and act more. That’s just the way I see it.

    • Benwhoski

      May 26, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      Given that I’ve seen a good number of responses to the Twitter campaign by people being shocked by the stories, admitting they never realized what a common problem harassment and assault are, and how they hadn’t really considered it from that point of view before, I believe that talking about it _is_ useful.

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      I’m not really going to bother pointing out all the problems with the concept of replying to things on twitter, but I get what you’re saying to some extent. I simply see it as a digressive and flawed way of doing things.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Which is “fine” (by which I mean not even slightly, but I can’t change your mind)- but obviously we don’t agree.

    • N.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      “This kind of shitty worthless self-indulgent bullshit does NOTHING but give the psychopaths out there MORE of a reason to be that way. ” Your words, and calling you on them is not making you out to be a villain, you did that for yourself.
      And again with your narrow world view of what “most people” aren’t doing. You know nothing about what other action anyone on this forum has taken against the victimisation they have experienced. You know nothing about the legal action I’ve personally been a part of to initiate change, action that wouldn’t have eventuated without first “raising awareness” and “advocating” for the victims so they knew they were not the only ones who’d experienced it.
      And even if people speaking here are looking for solidarity and don’t feel able to do more, so what? You came to a website that supports feminist views and then tried to mansplain why women who have been victimised shouldn’t seek solidarity from other women?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:12 pm

      Well you obviously didn’t really catch most of what I said, and you’ve ousted yourself as a bigot.

      “Mansplaining” is a sexist term and you’re perpetuating the problem.

      But to be clear, I was never speaking of you individually until these replies. You chose to take offense and construe an obviously generalized statement (as logic would tell you) as a personal attack.

    • footnotegirl

      May 26, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      Speaking out about it and letting each other know that we are not the only ones, that we are not each alone having some anomalous thing happen to us, but that this is a thing in the world that happens to all women is incredibly important. SPEAKING ABOUT OUR LIVED EXPERIENCES IS NOT WHINING and telling women to shut up about whats happened to them is bullshit.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:07 pm

      I never said shut up, and I understand that finding solidarity is necessary in life. But the extent many people take it to is entirely unacceptable. I’d say a good 95% of the time, no actual discussion are happening, and no real progress is being made in anyway. And it’s many time people who’ve spoken about the exact same things on multiple occasions.

      Many of the responses consist of “I’m so sorry” or similar shared stories and condolences. My main issues is that this happens over and over. I want equality in the world as well, and I see this behavior as entirely detrimental to the concept as a whole.

      Therefore I am passionate about it. So sorry if you took offense to my statements. Rest assured my intention was not to tell every woman that want’s to share her issues and feel comfort and solidarity to “shut up”

    • N.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:12 pm

      No you never said shut up that is true. Your actual words were “Stop fucking complaining “. Totally better /sarcasm

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Because we can’t tell our stories without some jerk telling us to “stop fucking complaining”

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      Complain- express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. My reference in that was to those that do so excessively for the most part. But also do those who spread and advocate without actually doing anything else..

      “and go fucking do something”

      So though I can see how it might piss some people off, it really wasn’t directed to those already doing something.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Go. Fuck. Yourself. Call your mother and tell her what you are doing, please. Sure she’d be so proud.

    • footnotegirl

      May 26, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      I still get told to my damn face that women ‘make this up’ and that it’s ‘just a few bad seeds’ so no, clearly it’s not being said enough, and it’s not getting out enough. If you think that inequality is a problem, then stop bitching to women about speaking about their experiences, and start bitching at men who perpetuate these experiences.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      you assume I don’t do so already? And “making this up”…well just because more people are saying more things doesn’t mean the people that think that are going to have their perceptions swayed. Likely they will just assume people are jumping on a popular trend to capitalize on the attention.

    • Benwhoski

      May 26, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      “you assume I don’t do so already?”

      Why not? You already made the mass assumption that we’re not doing anything other than “complaining”.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:40 pm

      Generalizing. Once again, there are people who’ve posted entirely too much, saying the same thing over and over. You’re not like that, congratulations. I’ve said before, I understand the need for solidarity and support, to some extent. But there are a great many here who take it too far.

    • footnotegirl

      May 26, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      Well, you appear to be spending time on a mommy website chiding women for sharing their experiences. That looks like seeking out and blaming the victims rather than going out and doing something about the perpetrators.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      Indeed I may, I don’t often pay much attention where I am, just what I’m reading.

      And I never intend to blame the victim, but rather point out in most cases that the victimization of the individual likely could have been prevented or lessened by some means.

      And what is it you suggest I do? If I were ever to be aware of such things happening in a situation that I could directly influence in some way, I would do something about it. And have on a few occasions. I do what I can do, for the most part.

    • CMJ

      May 26, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      “And I never intend to blame the victim, but rather point out in most cases that the victimization of the individual likely could have been prevented or lessened by some means.”

      I’ll take Victim Blaming for $2,000, Alex.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 12:02 am

      I find it absurd that you don’t find the difference there. Maybe go read what I’ve said before in other cases. It’s more of an example than blaming.

      Though I might be guilty, it’s not as if that’s my intention. Rather to state my point so that others might understand in some way.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Dude, you’ve got to be the craziest person on this site.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      Oh, I’ve seen crazier… sadly. Not trying to defend the indefensible, but I’ve seen crazier.

    • footnotegirl

      May 27, 2014 at 12:02 am

      “I have no idea how I ended up on a website specifically tailored to women, particularly adult women with children. But regardless of knowing neither the context nor the populace, I feel free to speak from a place of superior knowledge and experience.”
      The victimization of the individual could be prevented by people ceasing to expect that they have a right to treat women as property, and society either happily going the fuck along with it or intentionally and insistently ignoring that the problem even exists. You start doing that by pointing out the problem, by surrounding it with big bright signs and blinking fucking arrows and REFUSING TO SHUT UP when the mens come and tell you how talking about things isn’t the way to fix them (and then of course, turn around and say ‘well, how are we supposed to know this happens if no one ever tells us about it?’).
      We are not going to shut up. We are going to talk to eachother, and we are going to talk to our friends, and we are going to talk to our family, and we are going to talk to other women, and we are going to tag the hell out of #YesAllWomen no matter how many men find our doing so to be uncomfortable or tell us to shut up. We will also keep doing the things we have always done, like providing women who’ve been abused with resources, and acting like some random strange woman we don’t know is our BFF that we’ve been waiting for because it’s the only way to make a creeper leave her alone, or watching eachothers drinks, or the million and one things that women already do.
      We are not going to keep this under the rug because it annoys you. You are not entitled to demanding our silence.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 12:07 am

      Not the point..really..Not what I ever intended to do, as I’ve said elsewhere.

      Great passion though.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      THIS.

    • Benwhoski

      May 26, 2014 at 11:14 pm

      Okay, so it’s not “shut up” but “only talk about it in the terms and amounts that I find acceptable”. Got it.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      Seriously? It’s not about me. It’s about people not being detrimental to the cause they profess to be fighting for. And I promise you it’s not just me that is seeing it that way. I’m not here to just be a trolling douche, I’m here to let people know this isn’t working anymore and that there’s people here that are doing more harm than good.

    • Benwhoski

      May 26, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      Seriously?

      The first thing you did in this discussion was tell us that things like this campaign “give the psychopaths out there MORE of a reason to be that way”.

      You tell us to “stop fucking complaining, and fucking do something”, and give exactly zero examples of the things you think we should be doing, while automatically assuming we aren’t (then seemed to think it unreasonable when someone made an assumption about what you were or were not doing).

      You counter my example of what purpose the Twitter campaign serves (in the form of some readers who had never considered how common the problem is gaining some insight and empathy into the problem) with a condescending “I’m not really going to bother pointing out all the problems with the concept of replying to things on twitter”.

      You insist that such campaigns are a detriment to the people who are out there “doing things”, but again, give no insight into what those “things” are or how talking about our experiences with misogyny on Twitter “counteracts” that.

      You accuse us (in a “generalized” sense of course, as you keep reminding us) of filling the air with unproductive chatter, but you have added nothing of substance to the conversation yourself.

      If you didn’t come here to be a trolling douche, you’re doing an accidental, but excellent, imitation of one.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 26, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      I never intended to spend as much time here as have, so I’ve been rather lazy, as most of what I’ve spoken of I’ve said before, elsewhere. In similarly combative situations. Feel free to go do some research and read what else I’ve written. As I’m sure it will entertain your, and many others misconceptions of me being a horrible trolling douche. But then again you might gain something from it.

    • Anna Cinneide

      May 27, 2014 at 4:58 am

      Please tell us what course of action you suggest.

    • keetakat

      May 27, 2014 at 8:26 am

      Because some guy felt justified in shaming women for expressing themselves.

    • shorty_RN

      May 27, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Yea, I’m wondering if he understands that he is just proving our point…

    • allisonjayne

      May 27, 2014 at 10:25 am

      this “shitty worthless self-indulgent bullshit” might not do anything FOR YOU. It’s not FOR YOU.

      Also, I work at a non-profit international women’s rights organization doing grassroots on the ground activism working (and succeeding) to change laws and minds all over the globe, so sally forth and fornicate with thyself if you think I’m not “doing anything”.

    • shorty_RN

      May 27, 2014 at 10:27 am

    • CMJ

      May 27, 2014 at 10:38 am

      But look at all the big words he uses! And his verbose posts about everything we can do and should be doing!!

      oh wait, he just sounds like Joey with a thesaurus…

      http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/c4/38/99/c43899f3319b07d2ffc10eaada54e8f3.jpg

    • koreander

      May 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      So what are we supposed to do instead? And more importantly, how do we get started if not by sharing our experiences?

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Well that was fun, met with the usual lot of people not actually paying attention to the things I say, Loads of bigotry in a place where people profess to be fighting for equality, unreasonable anger and personal attacks. Quippy little cartoons and gifs and jpegs. The usual loads of self-indulgent crap. And to top it off, one of the most fucked up things anyone ever said to me. . Good times..

      To be clear, I was never referring to every person that comments and shares their feelings. If you assumed I was, you’re a little dumb.

      many people here were somewhat reasonable, but they’re far outweighed by the jaded bigots and people who can’t help but attack others directly for expressing their views. (my “attack” was generalized and meant to “raise awareness” of the fact that this entire movement is being tainted by liars, bigots and straight up horrible people, which was made even more obvious through these comments.) But do keep in mind that some of you are respectable in your efforts, and I understand you’re doing the best you can. Kudos to those people.

      but again, the good is overshadowed by hoards of people being horrible. It’s pretty clearly the majority. And obviously my words won’t ever reach irrational, jaded minds so I’m done here for the most part. Sorry if I didn’t reply to your comment, blame the hateful individuals that continue to spout uninformed, unreasonable anger. You could say my anger is equally unreasonable, but it’s not. I’m angry because I want equality for all people as well, and people are literally sabotaging progress by being complete dolts. People who don’t want to listen to reason, or care what others have to say if it doesn’t fit in their narrow minds. Rather disappointing as I see time and time again..

      Anyway, have a good day to all that read this,

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      What you don’t understand, though, is that nobody asked for your opinion. I mean, you’ve clearly got one, but nobody really wanted to hear it.

    • CMJ

      May 27, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      His latest “manifesto” made me LOL.

    • CMJ

      May 27, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      Honey, people are “paying attention” to what you are saying. We just choose not to agree with you and not take your “advice.”

      If that makes me “stupid,” well, I am fine being the biggest idiot on the planet in your mind.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      the points are there if only people took the time to understand. And no, you don’t just disagree. You disagree and proceed with a multitude of personal attacks, bigotry and sexists behavior. Not necessarily you personally, but I’m speaking generally.

    • Maria Guido

      May 27, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      Oh, okay. Your attack was “meant to raise awareness” because you are a man, I presume. And we’re just a bunch of women so we’re not allowed to express how we feel. How are women telling their own stories being “shitty and self-indulgent?” Fuck off. You’re a moron.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      wow you guys just don’t stop do you? Try actually reading my other posts and fully understanding them. Good job with the personal attack though. That’s definitely progressive behavior.

    • Maria Guido

      May 27, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Your posts aren’t hard to understand – they’re just dumb.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      that you think they’re dumb indicates to me that you have difficulty understanding them. And seeing as you appear to have missed most of my points entirely, i question if you even bothered to look and understand, or just jumped on the bandwagon so you could attack me personally and feel justified in doing so. Part..of the problem..

    • jen27

      May 27, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      Wow. I was trying to be reasonable up thread, but you are clearly NOT GETTING IT. I honestly feel bad for any women that have to come in contact with you on a regular basis. You are clearly a sad little mansplainer who feels like he has not just the right but the divine authority to put us womenz in our place and explain how if we would just do everything exactly like the menfolks want and not ever say anything to rock the boat ever everything would be all sunshine and rainbows for us.

      I hope to God you are sterile and just drifted onto a parenting website because you can’t understand how the internet works.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 27, 2014 at 11:07 pm

      Wow are you serious? Sorry to say this, but you’re the exact kind of person that needs to go fuck themselves. You sexists, insane piece of shit. You truly fucking horrible bigot. This is exact kind of thing I’m talking about. There is NO TIME that this kind of behavior is acceptable. You fucking disgust me. You are truly a degenerate if you can say that kind of shit to someone. It’s the mentally ill people like you I have a problem with. Sincerely go fuck yourself .

      You are fucking disgusting. FUCKING ABHORRENT BIGOT. Fuck this shit. This is bigotry and fucking sexism at it’s finest. Yes indeed I broke my own ideals of the ways things should be, because you are absolutely fucking disgusting to me. How can you possibly think this is something that is in anyway acceptable to say to someone. Be ashamed of yourself. You are a major part of the problem. You are the reason I am ashamed to be a part of the human race. Fucking sickening.

    • N.

      May 27, 2014 at 11:36 pm

      Since you have shown you still can’t empathise with victims of abuse and oppression, you probably don’t understand why the gamut of responses you have played out here do nothing but remind women of the behaviour of people in their lives who perpetrate these abuses.
      You start with lashing out “This kind of shitty worthless self-indulgent bullshit does NOTHING but give the psychopaths out there MORE of a reason to be that way.”

      Then you follow up with condescension, victim blaming, denial that it was even an attack, more condescension, attempts to paint yourself as a “protector” of women, and even more condescension because if we women can’t understand your superior (sarcasm) thoughts and ideas we must just be “a little dumb”.

      And when people are still not accepting your intellectual superiority (that you seem to think you have but don’t) you lash out again with an even more disgusting personal attack.
      Any woman here who has been a victim of domestic abuse could probably tell a similar story about the range of emotions their abuser goes through before and after an attack.
      And before you get high and mighty, I am not using this anology to attempt to paint you as an abuser of women. I am simply trying to get you to understand why we do not think you have any moral high ground or superiority of ideas whatsoever in a forum of women who have exhibited incredible strength and wit in standing up against their victimisation.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      It’s obvious that you didn’t pay enough attention either. I really am not trying to establish superiority here and I’m not sure what personal attacks you see me committing, but I’ve twice been attacked on sickening levels far beyond anything I’ve said to anyone personally.

      So yeah, I get angry. And I know for a fact I have the moral high ground in cases where people compare me directly to the murder and say things like “I hope you’re sterile”

      And actually, despite what you say it appear that you are indeed painting me as an abuser, however subtly it might be.

      So maybe I come across condescending, but I don’t see myself as victim blaming necessarily, but rather pointing out reasonable things..as usual though, people skip past the reason and logic and jump straight to the worst conclusions possible, instead of actually making some semblance of an attempt to actually understand. As I’ve said before, my attacks were mostly generalized and meant not for the people actually doing something proactive, but those professing to do so whilst exploiting places like this for purely self-indulgent reasons. These people, and many others are directly damaging and holding back the progress that could be happening, but instead of them being the bad guys, I’m the bad guy for attempting to oust them as detrimental to the cause. I’m got plenty of empathy, thanks, but there are some things that are simply intolerable.

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      But… but… but… you come off as a latent misogynist that would have no idea why having sex with your passed-out-drunk girlfriend would be wrong….

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      There’s something seriously wrong with you…

    • SomminSneakers

      May 28, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Yeah, because numerous women telling you how wrong and insulting your statements are can be completely dismissed, but your singular opinion about one of them is totally valid.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      I regard every statement made in a reasonable manner appropriately, though it may not appear that way to you. Though I’m under the firm impression that if most of them would take the time to put a fair amount of critical thought into understand what I’m saying and where I’m coming from, they would better understand. Instead I often see people like you miss the point almost entirely and retort with vehemence.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      May 28, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      you’re seriously fucked up. Firstly your sexists, I hope you realize. And secondly, who says something like “I hope you’re sterile”?!?!?!

      You sick fuck. Who finds that acceptable? You’re part of the problem too, which sucks because I ALMOST payed attention to your other post. I actually found it somewhat reasonable and still take it into consideration, but now that you’ve ousted yourself as a sexists fucking lunatic who intentionally degrades people in horrible ways, you’ve lost all credit you may have had before.

      Seriously though, that’s fucking disgusting and you’re a terrible person. Fuck you.

  40. Megan Zander

    May 26, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Because a former boss told me it was my blonde hair that “reminded me of his wife when she was young” that got me hired, not my resume.

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Ugh! That reminds me that at my first real job out of college my boss introduced me at my first staff meeting and when I stood up he said “You can see I hired her for her looks.” It was mortifying.

    • Megan Zander

      May 26, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      No! How awful!

    • SunnyD847

      May 26, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Yeah, I didn’t know if he was serious or “joking” but it was not a great start.

  41. N.

    May 26, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    Because working late to try to achieve unrealistic KPIs is apparently an open invitation to be asked whether my sex life was lacking then be groped by the CEO of the company.

  42. logicofvicky

    May 26, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    I am a a lesbian and apparently being polite and friendly to guys without immediately telling them my sexual orientation gives them the “wrong idea”. I’ve been told that is unfair to men that I don’t look or act “like a lesbian.” It is really messed up and the sad thing is, I never even thought about how messed up these situations are until today.

  43. Sara

    May 26, 2014 at 11:51 pm

    Because when I was in 5th grade some girls got bras and the boys declared open war on bra straps. Then the girls were reprimanded for retaliating because, “that’s not what ladies do.”
    Because walking 4 feet to our truck me and my two friends assumed a defensive position around the youngest when a started talking to us because we were afraid he would cat-call us.

  44. K.

    May 27, 2014 at 2:58 am

    Because when Michael Sam came out and stupid people said it wash’t okay for him to play ball because he’d be ogling his teammates in the locker room and how terrible and inappropriate would THAT be, my first reaction wasn’t the apropos, “Fuck you homophobes!”

    It was: “Yeah…Sucks don’t it, men, to imagine yourselves as on the receiving end of unwelcome objectification in your place of work? Welcome to womanhood. Maybe now you get it?”

    Still waiting.

  45. tSubh Dearg

    May 27, 2014 at 5:11 am

    Because at 12 I was shouted out in the street that I “had a nice pair” by an old man on a bike and at 14 I had my leg felt up by a man sitting next to me on the bus, who was pretending to read the newspaper.

  46. Layla

    May 27, 2014 at 5:47 am

    Constant oppression felt by women? I am a woman and don’t feel this way. A little over dramatic. Plus this guy who did this was clearly mentally ill. Yes were his thoughts and actions clearly wrong yes. But now to turn this into a debate about mysogony (I think I just messed up that spelling really bad). What about maybe talking about how people are allowed on college campuses with serious mental disorders and how we can either help them or help those around them be safe. That should be more the debate here – how we handle and treat mental illness.

    • JenH1986

      May 27, 2014 at 9:45 am

      He was being treated for mental illness. And that’s a huge part of the issue. However, he didn’t hide his misogyny, his threats or his disdain for women and NO ONE FUCKING SAID ANYTHING. His mental illness doesn’t give him a pass. Everyone is going to chalk this up to his mental illness (which certainly plays a part) and no one is going to talk about the fact that there are many many many men who think this way but their lack of a mental illness keeps them from lashing out in THIS way, but likely doesn’t keep them from making shitty comments, making threats, actually physically hurting someone. But it’s only one someone, not 22 so it’s ok. Fuck that. I’m a therapist. I’m usually on board with discussions of mental illness but the clear and blatant misogyny going on needs to be talked about too.

    • keetakat

      May 27, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      I’ll probably catch shit for this but…

      1. A considerable percentage of women are still paid less for doing the same job as their male counterparts because they are women.

      2. Women in some cultures are forced to cover themselves from head-to-toe because their appearance threatens male impulse control.

      3. Girls in some cultures have their vaginas mutilated because it threatens the illusion of male superiority.

      4. We have to cover our breasts because men don’t have them (generally).

      5. Girls are bombarded with notion that we have to look a certain way in order to attract a man…because we need to “attract a man”.

      (vs.)

      6. Girls are regularly instructed how to avoid being attractive to men so that we don’t become victims of “the wrong” kind of men.

      7. See mixed message above.

      8. Rape is a woman’s problem: a) don’t get drunk at a party because you could be raped. b) don’t wear a short dress because you could be raped. c) don’t walk alone because you could be raped. d) don’t dance provocatively because you could get raped. d) If some guy grabs your ass and you were wearing a tight dress, it’s your own fault…etc.

      9. Abortion is a woman’s problem: only sluts have abortions… or rape victims, but they were probably asking for it by being drunk or slutty.

      10. There are countless misogynist websites and groups in the world dedicated to hating women because…vaginas.

      11. 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime (vs. 1 in 33 men). How many of them are your friends? Your family members?

      Yes, this is a constant state of oppression. I’m so glad that you are fortunate to have lived your entire life without every being effected by any of these things…or any of the things that effected 1,000,000 people who have #’d with their own experiences. Lucky you.

    • koreander

      May 27, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Of course the guy was a psychopath, noone’s denying that, I just don’t think the #yesallwomen hashtag has a lot to do with this concrete case any more at this point. I mean, just look at this thread, all these stories about gender-based harassment, assault and worse that women have experienced. That IS misogyny and male entitlement right there, and it needs to be addressed.

      Personally, I don’t see the stories I shared earlier as signs of me being oppressed by the system either. I see them as instances of men feeling like they can and should get away with things that ought to be unacceptable to any halfway decent person. I don’t care if the patriarchy made them do it or whatnot, the fact is that this kind of attitude exists, it hurts people and it needs to stop. The first step towards that is to make it visible and get a debate going, and I’m glad it’s happening.

    • K.

      May 27, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      And clearly, your singular feelings and experiences should be the basis by which we define oppression.

      …You *really* want to be the voice of “gee, I’VE never experienced sexism (which you have, although it may not be overt), so the rest of you are being overdramatic” when there are a number of women on this comments thread and THOUSANDS on twitter are talking about their own experiences domestic abuse, harassment, discrimination, and sexual assault?

    • G.S.

      May 27, 2014 at 7:11 pm

      No, no, no, off you fuck. Don’t you DARE twist the issue around here. Having a mental illness does NOT mean you’re a violent, uncontrollable fuck, and millions of people live with mental illnesses, and I’m telling you right now, there are WAY more violent misogynists without mental illnesses than there are with, because guess what, Buttercup, this society is a DOUCHE to women. Just because it never happened to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Just look at this thread, look at all these stories, do you think we’re just making them up?! There is NO WAY IN HELL that I’m going to stigmatize or write off people with mental illnesses over this. Most mental illnesses don’t even have violent tendencies as a symptom, and you’re MUCH more likely to hurt yourself than someone else. Do you even know what it’s LIKE to have a mental illness?! It’s hell. You wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Do you know what the LAST thing people with mental illnesses need? To have people look at them with fear and turn away because you’re “dangerous,” to miss out on opportunities that everyone else has, “because since this person has a mental illness, she could murder someone.” My mom is bipolar, and she can’t even buy life insurance, since apparently she can kill herself. LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE CAN’T! /sarcasm.

      Did you not see the part where this guy was on every anti-woman-hate-group he could find?! It’s not like he had voices in his head just randomly yell at him that all women should die if they won’t be with him. Those thoughts were put there from reading and believing all of that misogynist propaganda that he could find, because THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS of men think like that WITHOUT A MENTAL ILLNESS OR DISORDER OF ANY KIND.

      Also, people with mental illnesses and disorders are still individual people with their own character. Just because you’re bipolar/Autistic/suffering from depression doesn’t mean that that’s all you are. Everyone on the planet has their own unique way of working and thinking and being.

      What you’re saying is basically the equivalent of, “Oh, well, there was this guy who died of a heroin overdose who was also diabetic. I think it’s because he learned to use needles from his medication, so now we need to be aware that every diabetic can be a drug addict.”

  47. tSubh Dearg

    May 27, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Also my friend linked to this piece on Facebook, I think it’s excellent:
    http://www.tomdispatch.com/post/175641/

  48. I_loathe_disqus

    May 27, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Long story and it’ll date me, but here goes:
    When I was a little girl ,my parents used to watch Hee Haw. And one day, I heard the grown ups talking in hushed tones about Stringbean, one of Hee Haw’s performers. When they realized I was present , someone murmured “Little pitchers have big ears”, and they changed the subject, a situation that happened more than one over the next few days…Lots of talk about Stringbean and all of it Very Serious/Disapproving, that was truncated whenever I was near.

    I came to the conclusion that Stringbean had done something bad,and here is what I thought it was:

    He had got into trouble for kissing and grabbing the Hee Haw girls.
    Because they were pretty.
    They were pretty because they were scantily clad (for Hee Haw anyway) , had big breasts, and long hair .
    And when you’re pretty-long hair,big breasts, wearing less clothes than mommies wear-men will do things to you.
    Like grab your breasts and kiss you, even if you struggle, because men are stronger.
    Because being pretty and not wearing much clothes excites men andboys (I was told at age 2-3 that I could no longer go shirtless in the yard, while my male cousins still could).
    And if a girl was grabbed and kissed by men , it was her fault, because she looked that way.

    All this, at an age too young to attend Kindergarten…And most of it was implanted not by my parents or other grown ups, but by what I gleaned from the media.

    (BTW, poor Stringbean (aka David Akeman) was actually the victim, along with his wife of 28 years Estelle Akeman ,of a particularly brutal home invasion robbery.That’s what the grown ups had been discussing. I saw a recreation of the crime on A&E’s American Justice program,and it brought all the weirdness from all those years ago flooding back.)

  49. Grrr! Arrth!

    May 27, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Because yesterday afternoon, as I was pushing my infant daughter in her stroller, some guy hanging out in an alley with his two chuckle-head friends decided that was the moment to tell me he “really liked that ass.”

    That was the first time I’ve been harassed with my daughter (7 months – a new record?) On the one hand, it made me angrier than any cat call has ever made me because it is UNACCEPTABLE that men like that should share a planet with my sweet girl and I wanted to tear into them with the fury of a class five hurricane so make damn sure I was the last woman they ever pulled that garbage on. On the other hand, there were three of them and just me and my vaulnerable baby, so it was simultainously one of the scariest moments of street harassment I’ve ever experienced. Then I got to spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to teach her how to navigate sidewalk yellers, subway pervs, and office mansplainers without being so afraid of people that she never makes new friends and with her sense of self esteem and self-worth in tact.

  50. SeeMac

    May 27, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Because the guy in front of me at Starbucks thinks it’s okay to refer to my toddler daughter as a flirt.

  51. gothicgaelicgirl

    May 27, 2014 at 10:48 am

    #yesallwomen
    Because a teenage boy tried to take my bikini top off when I was 13.
    When I screamed and pushed him away, his response was “You look old enough for it”

  52. 1Hell

    May 27, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Because my criminal law book says “No means No” is not a valid interpretation of consent because sometimes women say No when they don’t mean it.

    Because I’m terrified to walk alone at night and then guys will yell out that I shouldn’t be afraid.

    Because in middle school, the boys’ favorite game was to fling peaches down my shirt.

  53. Guinevere

    May 27, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    …because at 22 I interviewed for a job and afterwards, the guy shook my hand and told me, “I’m sorry, but you’re just too pretty to work here”….because at a job that I actually was able to obtain I was told I would lose my position if I did not “work out more”…

  54. Katie

    May 27, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Because I have to worry if my five daughter’s clothes look too sexy so people don’t get the wrong idea. Again she’s five and it’s hot out.

    • whiteroses

      May 27, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      Because I was grateful to have a boy because I wouldn’t have that problem.

  55. JulesInNC

    May 27, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Because having a guy buy you a drink isn’t some cool benefit of being female. It’s a covert way for him to feel like he “owns” some portion of your time and attention thereafter. (The number of times I’ve had to explain this one to seemingly enlightened men…)

  56. G.E. Phillips

    May 27, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Because before I turned 18, I was “hit on”–ie, sexually harassed, by two different male teachers and my dad’s boss (on multiple occasions.)
    Because in college, my Intro to Religion professor, who was also a pastor, found out what restaurant I worked for and started showing up several times a week to “eat dinner at the bar,” repeatedly asking me to join him. And when he finally got the hint that I was not interested in him, he gave me a C for the semester, even though I had never gotten anything lower than a B+ on any of my assignments.

  57. JessBakesCakes

    May 27, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    #YesAllWomen because when I worked for a local newspaper in the sports department, they shortened my name to “Jesse” to “give me more credibility”.
    #YesAllWomen because when I turn a guy down, I’m being “too picky” or “self centered”. I don’t have the right to be uninterested, and if he’s a decent human being I’m socially obligated to “give it a shot.”
    #YesAllWomen because when this started trending on Twitter, so many men and women said we should be focusing on the Veterans this Memorial Day Weekend instead. My father and grandfather, United States Marine Corps veterans, did not fight to protect the rights of men to tell women to “shut up”.
    #YesAllWomen because when a co-worker jokingly pulled my ponytail in the parking lot after work one night, and I instinctively elbowed him, I was the one who “overreacted”.
    #YesAllWomen because when a man my father’s age hit on me at my place of work, my male boss ignored my request to sit in the back room until the man left. And laughed.

  58. dy

    May 27, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    I spent two years of my early twenties being physically and emotionally abused by my then-boyfriend. He would tell me how I owed him sex and if I didn’t, he was just going to make me. And he did, repeatedly, for two years. I hid the abuse from my family because I thought that I deserved it for not being the “good girlfriend” that I was supposed to be. And when I became pregnant, he took me to an abortion clinic…pointing a gun at me for the entire drive. When I had finally had enough, I told a couple of close friends about what was happening and they asked what I had done to piss him off. They said that he was so possessive because he loved me so much. I finally got away from him when I took my cop friend to his house to get my stuff. The cop took him in outside for a few minutes and after that, I never heard or saw him again. Fuck these assholes.

  59. H

    May 27, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Because I was sexually assaulted by a gay man who didn’t like that I disagreed with him in public #yesallwomen

  60. Jodina Joseph

    May 27, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    I can’t believe on it because http://goo.gl/QBaHdV

  61. G.S.

    May 27, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Because there is a trucking company that won’t hire women lest they have to share a truck with a man. Not for the woman’s safety mind you, but because if the man has a wife/girlfriend, they could get jealous.

  62. Pingback: Elliot Rodger Proves How Much We Need Feminism In 2014

  63. Psych Student

    May 29, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Because after my junior homecoming dance I went to a Denny’s. I left after eating about three bites because a creepy older guy sat at my table and tried to chat me up.

  64. Pingback: If You're Participating In #MenimistTwitter, You're An Ass

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