Holidays

Evil Rich Bitch Wants To Know If She Has To Give Halloween Candy To The Poors

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mom giving candy

Halloween is a time for everyone to have fun. For adults, it could mean binge-eating your kid’s leftover candy, wearing a costume and going to a party or going hog-wild with scary decorations. For little kids, it means mostly one thing- CANDY. I know my kids are chomping at the bit for next Friday to come so they can scurry from one house to the next collecting their treasured sweets. All kids, rich or poor, deserve to know that brand of unbridled joy and excitement. It is literally a rite of childhood and my heart breaks thinking of any child who is denied this experience but apparently, not everyone feels this way.

The most recent installment of Dear Prudence brings us the most evil bitch to ever bitch. She wants to know if she has to give Halloween candy to the busloads of poors that invade her elite ‘hood each year on Halloween. I can’t do this justice describing it- you just need to read:

Dear Prudence, 
I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

—Halloween for the 99 Percent

Take a moment to recover from the rage stroke you’ve undoubtedly just suffered (well, if you are a person with a heart, that is) and then, let’s talk.

First of all, how does this shitstain know the kids are “clearly” from another area? Do the richie rich kids walk around with big, green, dollar signs floating over their heads like thought bubbles? Or do they wear their parent’s pay stubs like a talisman around their necks to ensure they are treated as they deserve to be? Do the poors smell funny or something? I mean, HOW does she know?

Secondly, what is her plan if she detects a less fortunate child smiling up at her hopefully in her Elsa costume? Will she tut-tut at her about what lazy assholes her parents are for not making enough money and to come back once they have reached a higher income bracket? I mean, I kind of want to know what she has in mind here. Is she ACTUALLY planning to deny a sweet, little kid candy on Halloween? She is even worse than the fat-shaming mom from last year. This really does take the cake.

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