Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs
Drinking is really fun. Personally, I’m of the opinion that most— if not all—situations can be improved with a drink, except, like a job interview or open heart surgery or Olympic competition in archery. And now, there’s a wonderful amazing terrific unbelievable new product that will let you take a drink with you literally everywhere you go. Because it’s a bra. The Wine Rack (YUP! That’s the name!) is going to change my life and the lives of bored boozy moms everywhere.
The Wine Rack basically consists of a sports bra with clear plastic inserts that hold booze, with a bendy plastic straw you can suck from. It holds a full bottle of wine, 20 shots, or 2.1 beers. THIS IS A GAME CHANGER. We’re all going to be like this:
BUT WITH OUR BOOBS.
This is sooooo much better than a flask. It makes your boobs look bigger (if you’re into that sort of thing) and it’s totally discreet: Over at LA Weekly, blogger Mary Carreon tested out The Wine Rack at a concert and, from the pictures, you can hardly tell she’s wearing it. Plus, she got tanked without having to pay for any overpriced music venue drinks.
There are so many uses for this bra, y’all. With the holidays coming up? Oh, my god. You can drink whenever you want, wherever you want, and no one will know about it. You can carry your holiday cheer actually on your mammary glands! Just blame breastfeeding or PMS for the fact that your boobs have suddenly gone up two sizes and no one will know the difference or you’ll be so drunk you won’t even care why people are suddenly raising their eyebrows while looking at your chest. You can covertly drink at the playground, at story time, at mom’s group, at soccer games, at the movie theatre…
And if you’re not a drinker, hell, fill this bra on up with coconut water or ginger ale or whatever you teetotalers prefer. Although if you’re not a drinker, then I have nothing to talk to you about, ever. Bye.