10 Reasons Not To Take Your Kids Out Trick Or Treating On Halloween

As my lovely boss Koa Beck said yesterday, I’m a “Halloween Mom” – which sort of conjures up images of me being some weirdo with a Halloween themed pumpkin sweater and candy corn earrings, and even though I do love Halloween I wouldn’t go that far. I love my kids dressing up, I love Halloween decorations, I love seeing little kids come to my front door with their costumes. But even with my adoration of all things Halloween, I can think of quite a few reasons not to go out Trick Or Treating.

It’s Either Going To Rain Or Be Really Cold

If you wanna get really scared on Halloween, try dealing with telling a small kid they have to wear a coat over their costume because it’s cold out.

There Is Booze. At Home.

Total props to those awesome parents who make the neighborhood rounds pulling a little red wagon with a cooler full of beer, but it’s sort of difficult to do that with a bottle of wine or a cocktail.

You Can Make A Fancy Spooky Dinner

Yes, candy is awesome but if you stay home you can construct a giant head. OUT OF MEAT PRODUCTS.

If No One Is Home Your Pumpkins May Get Smashed

Or your house TP’d.

The Evening May End In Tears

As some of you pointed out, your younger kids get really freaked out by Halloween decorations and you hate dealing with them being all terrified and sad.

You Have To Get Up Early And Work The Next Day

For those of you keeping track, Halloween falls on a Thursday this year, which means I have work early in the morning and my kids have school. Boooooo.

You Can Buy Your Own Damn Candy

Why resort to begging your kid for a bag of fun size M&Ms when you are a grownass human with your own damn money and you can easily go tho the drugstore and buy allllllll the candy?

You Would Rather Stay Home And Scare Trick Or Treaters