co-parenting

I’m Not Afraid To Say That I Had Kids For Selfish Reasons

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shutterstock_162785546When I was first married, I didn’t give much thought to the reason that I wanted kids. I just knew that I wanted them, and I planned to wait until we were financially ready. Isn’t that reason enough?

After becoming a parent, I became more attuned to different parenting styles and perspectives. I think we can all clearly pinpoint parents that have their own agenda.

I can identify with some of this from my own childhood because my parents wanted me to be the perfect religious good girl. They got their wish, even though I was very unhappy at the time. I rebelled, in a sense, and started to break out of my shell in my early twenties.

Because of these overbearing parent models, like religious fundamentals and stage moms, it’s easy to criticize parents that “have children for the wrong reasons.” But what is the right reason, really?

Having a kid isn’t going to pay off for years when you factor in breastfeeding, bottles, baby food, and diapers. Even then it may not pay off because you’ll still be paying an arm and a leg for soccer camp and your kid’s college fund.

So what is the true purpose for having kids, besides a biological need to procreate? I can tell you that after some soul-searching, I know that my reason for having kids was selfish, and I’m totally fine with that.

I didn’t have a very good childhood, and I struggled with family issues. I’m not alone in this, I know. For me, I wanted to have kids for a second chance. I waited to find the right person because I didn’t want my kids to deal with divorced parent drama like I did when I was a kid.

But the reason that I wanted to have kids was because I wanted a family. I don’t think this is an unnatural desire by any means. I wanted to have people to love, and I wanted a second chance to raise kids in a happy home with a good childhood. I guess you could stay that I’m trying to make up for the mistakes of my parents.

I had kids for me, because I wanted a family. That may sound selfish, but I have yet to find a “good” reason to have kids.

(Image:ย CREATISTA/Shutterstock)

35 Comments

  1. Crusty Socks

    February 24, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Child Tax Credit

    • Alex

      February 24, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      Driveway ain’t gonna shovel itself.

    • Nica

      February 24, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      My my dad just called it “slave labor” – covered any chores that needed doing around the house… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Vรฉronique Houde

      February 24, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      ah man you stole my line.

    • Andrea

      February 24, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      I think this is funny how some people actually think we come out ahead with the tax credit.

  2. Kay_Sue

    February 24, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    My decision to have children was entirely selfless. How else would you all be able to enjoy my minions? #blessed

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 24, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      #lordknows

  3. Eve Vawter

    February 24, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I had them because I hate doing dishes

    • Alex Lee

      February 24, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      #KidsB4Chinet

    • Crusty Socks

      February 24, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      You could have had a dishwasher and saved money on the delivery.

  4. Megan Zander

    February 24, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    My husband is allergic to dogs and cats, figured kids was the next best thing

  5. bs

    February 24, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    All of these comments are glorious.

  6. Rachel Sea

    February 24, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Someone has to inherit all my stuff.

  7. Alex Lee

    February 24, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    I find that each day is a new social-experiment that has the potential to go horribly, horribly wrong.

    Sure, my kids may be poisoning the social fabric of humanity, but they are just so darn cute.

  8. leighshulman

    February 24, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Of course it’s selfish. But then, I tend to believe that most of the choices we make are made selfishly. Is that a bad thing?

  9. allisonjayne

    February 24, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I decided to have a kid because I thought it would be fun. I was right.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 24, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      I agree. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. LadyClodia

    February 24, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Having kids gave me an excuse to not feel as bad about not being able to find a job, and it gave me something to do.

  11. Jen

    February 24, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    There is NO act that is entirely selfless. None. So you are ok. ๐Ÿ™‚ We all are.

  12. Crusty Socks

    February 24, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    For me, having children would be totally altruistic. I mean, I am so f’ing awesome, the world needs more of me!

    HA-HA you can’t downvote me!

  13. jendra_berri

    February 24, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    Procreation is inherently selfish. No one takes on the task unless they think it’s going to be fulfilling on some level. “I’m doing this for the good of humanity” is not very likely!

    • Williwaw

      February 24, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      Hey, I very unselfishly had a kid because I KNEW he was going to save the rainforest, stop global warming, cure the common cold, and save Twinkies from extinction. If only I could have another kid, (s)he could find the Holy Grail.

  14. MerlePerle

    February 24, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    I had my kids cause I got knocked up and thought ‘eh, why not’.

    • val97

      February 24, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Ditto

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      February 24, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      Ditto too!

  15. SA

    February 24, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Yeah, I have never understood the argument that NOT having children is selfish. I had my kid for selfish reasons. I wanted a baby damnit.

  16. aCongaLine

    February 24, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    We totes had #2 so that our chances of #1 being a bat shit crazy only child went from 100% to zero.

    Ack, but reasons aside, I’m very much looking forward to the day that their little grimey hands can reach the top of our washing machine, and they can do laundry. I *hate* laundry. That’s where the real chore money is going to be in my house, fo’sho’.

    • Crusty Socks

      February 24, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      yea, make em pick up their own crusty socks

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      February 24, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      Get a stool ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s my hated chore too and I do make them drag me their washbaskets and toss their crap in. Too little to be trusted with the soap and the knobs yet but the time is nigh *rubs hands together with glee*

  17. Guest

    February 24, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    1.) To take care of me when I get old/die (maybe)
    2.) To have someone to have a close relationship with (maybe)
    3.) To have a tiny adorable version of myself (or spouse) (maybe)
    4.) Someone to do chores at my house (probably)
    5.) Someone to watch my pets when I go on vacation (when they’re older, duh)
    6.) To shut my MIL up (definitely)

  18. Williwaw

    February 24, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Hey, when you put it that way, I can’t really come up with a reason to have kids that isn’t selfish. Does anyone actually have kids for altruistic reasons?

  19. Ptownsteveschick

    February 24, 2014 at 10:45 pm

    I just had too much money and free time and personal space. And I decided I really don’t like pooping alone and we can’t have pets in our apartment. And it has given me an excuse to not work for 2 years. #sorrynotsorry

  20. Ddaisy

    February 25, 2014 at 9:29 am

    I don’t think that sounds selfish at all. You wanted the chance to make another human being really happy and loved. That is the OPPOSITE of selfish.

    I also had family issues growing up, and it’s one of the major reasons I DON’T want kids. I’m pretty sure I’d colossally screw them up. I willingly admit that I do not have the courage to do what you’re doing. I have huge amounts of respect for people who can come from a dysfunctional background, and turn it all around in one generation. It makes my weepy, mushy, sappy heart all warm inside.

    Of all the reasons anyone could ever have kids, “I wanted to give someone an awesome childhood” is probably the best one I can think of.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 25, 2014 at 9:40 am

      Thank you!! Made my day. ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. staferny

    February 25, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Don’t you have a better chance at an organ match with direct relations? Having kids to grow my own organ farm, I’m sure I’d be able to guilt one of them enough to give mama just one little kidney.

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