Women's Issues

Elliot Rodger’s Horrific Violence Sparks When Women Refuse, And It Will Fill You With Rage

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In the wake of the horrible violence that happened last weekend in Santa Barbara – when a man fueled by misogyny and rage took to the streets on a killing spree – the conversation around women and violence has come to the forefront. The YesAllWomen hashtag started on Twitter, with women everywhere sharing their own stories of consequences they’ve faced for snubbing the advances of men. This week, the When Women Refuse Tumblr was born – and it will fill you with rage.

When Women Refuse is filled with links to stories about women who were hurt or killed as a result of a man feeling rejected. It’s absolutely horrifying. As long as women are seen as objects to be controlled, manipulated and owned, we will never be safe. Here’s a sampling of the headlines the page offers:

Transgender woman threatened with a crowbar after refusing sex

Man Allegedly Shot At Women For Refusing To Have Sex With Him

Police: Man hits on woman at Alewife and when that doesn’t work he punches her in the face

Man tosses a woman’s toddler in a creek after she breaks off their engagement

Woman attacked with acid after refusing to have sex

Casper man accused of starting house fire after failed sexual advances

The list goes on and on and on.

Why are some men filled with anger when a woman turns down their advances? It’s a question I’ve often asked myself. I, like most women, have been on the receiving end of unwanted advances many, many times. I’ve been called a “bitch” more times than I can count. I’ve been schooled by men I’ve rebuffed on the “right” way to turn a man down. Women are not personally responsible for the care of a man’s fragile ego. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with you – tough shit. Work on yourself. Get smarter and less creepy. Be interesting.

One in five women will be raped in her lifetime. Sites like When Women Refuse are filled with stories. There are endless MRA sites that bash women for finding men undesirable or being “unapproachable.” There does not exist sites where women bash men for refuting their advances. They do not exist. 

We have to start dealing with these crimes correctly. If a woman is killed strictly because she is a woman – that is a hate crime. Women are plagued by violence. They are unsafe leaving relationships. When will we escape this prison? When everyone starts recognizing that misogyny exists and women “pay” for simply not wanting to be with someone all the time.

(photo: Tumblr)

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