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What Your Baby Monitor Says About You

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Tell me what type of baby monitor you have and I’ll tell you what type of parent you are. There are a zillion baby items on the market and a lot of them are useless. But every parent out there has that one baby item that is the “must-have,” the item you make sure your besties put on their registry. For some, this mandatory baby gear is the magical Diaper Genie, others make it their life goal to find the perfect stroller. For me, I’m all about the baby monitor.

Doing hours of research on the subject before my kids were born and being the proud owner of three different monitoring systems makes me a self-appointed pseudo-expert on the subject. I’ve found that people can generally be categorized based on their baby monitor of choice.

1. You don’t have a baby monitor.

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You are the definition of “laid-back.” You didn’t have a birth plan, you decided to just go with the flow. This is probably not your first child, so you know that if the baby is really in distress, you will hear her even without a monitor. Or, alternatively, you live in a one story dwelling where you don’t need a monitor because the walls are super thin and if the baby is up, everyone’s up.

2. You have an audio baby monitor.

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You like to keep things simple. You trust that the baby will be just fine in her crib, and if she isn’t, she will let you know. You never worry about freak accidents like a silently falling mobile or that if you can’t see the baby you won’t know if she gets abducted by aliens. Chances are your relaxed attitude makes you really good at yoga.

3. You have a standard video baby monitor.

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You like to get a glimpse of your sleepy little angel, but you’re perfectly fine if the image is a bit grainy, as long as you can see her general outline you know she is well.You feel better being able to look at the monitor in the middle of the night instead of shaking your partner any time you hear a noise from the nursery and holding a midnight Senate debate over whether or not you should go into the room. This practical streak means you probably have a simple, no-fuss get ready routine in the mornings that leaves you looking polished and perfect and everyone else wondering what your secret is.

4. You have a video baby monitor with multiple cameras.

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Sleeping in the room yourself would be preferable, but you recognize that your baby can benefit from sleeping on her own, so you compromise by leaving no inch of the room unmonitored- you don’t want to miss anything. If your child is a toddler it is highly possible that she is prone to climbing out of her crib and getting into mischief, so this way you can see her when she starts coloring on the walls or falls asleep under her bed. A teeny part of you wants to be Quentin Tarantino and you quietly whisper, “Action” to yourself each night as you turn on the monitors.

5. You have a video baby monitor with remote lullaby, nightlight and remote intercom.

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This monitor is a favorite among super anxious moms that would prefer to have the baby sleeping right next to them until college. You would totally upgrade to a monitor that allows you to view the baby from your phone, but that would require you to actually leave the baby, and you’re just not comfortable with that yet. With a zoom lens to make sure the baby is still breathing and the ability to sooth whimpers from the other room like the disembodied voice of God, maybe with this monitor you can finally relax enough to get some sleep. In my house, this monitor is known as “My Precious”. If this is your baby monitor of choice, you and I would be fast friends and share hand sanitizer.

6. You have a baby monitor with video monitor, remote lullaby, nightlight and remote intercom remote viewing from your phone.

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You trust no one, not even the babysitter, and the babysitter is your mother. You like to be in control of the situation and need to know what is going on with your baby at all times, but you also have things to do, or a job which requires you to leave the house. You fancy yourself just a teeny bit like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and enjoy the spy gadget aspect of pulling up the baby nursery on your phone where you can watch her without anyone knowing what you’re doing. Also, I’m a little bit jealous of you.

(Photo: B Calkins/Shutterstock)

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