Pregnancy

Open Thread: What Would You Change About Your Birth Experience?

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When I look back on all the ideas I had about how my first labor would go, I see that none of my ideas came to fruition. Well, none of them except the most important one — that I would eventually have a healthy baby in my arms.

I’ve spent years coming to terms with the idea that things don’t always go as planned, mostly by reaching out to other women through my writing — to let them know their feelings matter. To let people know that you can have birth disappointment and that’s okay — it doesn’t make you a selfish monster. And also to weigh in on the idea that, yes, a healthy baby is really all that matters. But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to feel like you wish it could have been different.

So – if you could change anything about your birth experience, what would it be? I’ll start:

I hated the hospital I ended up delivering in in Brooklyn. My room was dark, my nurses were gruff, and there was no TV – just a giant clock on the wall in front of me. It was far from my house, I was reeling from the emergency c-section and I felt lonely. Hard to explain – my family was there. I just felt like I was out-to-sea. So, if I could change anything, I would skip the necessity for an emergency c-section, because it took me a long time to recover from the feelings that brought up.

Your turn!

71 Comments

  1. It's just me, Bob.

    October 10, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    No precipitous labor followed by a 4th degree espisiotomy.

  2. oceanlily

    October 10, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    I would have been more assertive about having my choices respected. Unfortunately every hospital nearby practicies “baby-friendly” policies even if they are not officially certified. I had to listen to three different speeches about breastfeeding superiority and how my choice to formula feed would give me a fat stupid kid that would die before they were three, even though I had a note on my door asking to have our decision to formula feed respected. Finally at the third nurse I flipped out and demanded she shut up and leave and if any other nurses came in trying to bully me they were getting their asses kicked. They left me alone after that. I wish I had done that with nurse #1.

    • oceanlily

      October 10, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      I should also add that I never bought into the “birth experience” frame of mine. Birth was just a means to get my baby. My birth plan was only five things (epidural ASAP, baby wiped off before being put on my chest, formula feeding, husband stays with me, no one else alloowed in my room but the doctors and nurses who needed to be there). It was a pretty straightforward birth with no complications or issues but even if I had had an emergency C-Section that would not not ruined anything for me. All I cared about was holding my healthy baby girl that took us years to conceive.

    • Brandy

      October 10, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      Wow, this was my EXACT “birth plan”! Everything went as planned except for one thing: I was planning to formula feed because of all of the nightmare horror stories my breastfeeding friends told me, but I figured I might as well try to breastfeed once, and the little critter latched on with zero problems, so I ended up just going with it.

    • sarah

      October 10, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      My fiance and all of his brothers were formula babies and they are just as smart and well developed as could be. That’s your choice and no one else’s. You go, mama!

    • oceanlily

      October 10, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      Exactly why we chose it. Both my husband and I were formula babies and it is his older brother who was EBF who has ADHD, allergies and eczema while we have perfect health and my IQ is near genius (yep, bragging). That has proven to me that the benefits are really bull in a first world country. I had no reason to not breastfeed except that I didn’t want to. that really throws people off when I tell them that I chose not to. And my daughter is definitely bonded to both of us.

      At least until she is a teen and then she will dump us 😉

    • Rachael Brady

      October 10, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      I had the opposite experience! Diagnosed with ADHD and formula fed, my brother was breastfed but has psoriasis and allergies. I need to read into studies on breastfeeding & formula. It’s driving me crazy, I’m due in Jan. and there are so many things that can go wrong that was brought up in my birthing class and guilt tripping! Anyway I like your birth plan, in my class I didn’t have a clue on what to choose. These comments are making me feel more prepared 🙂

    • Samwisegamgeeeisthebesthobbit

      October 11, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      Birthing classes are great except if you decide to go against any of their suggestions. Then it’s one long guilt trip. Do your own research and don’t think of anything they say as doctrine, only suggestions. It is so confusing when you are in those classes hearing about all the scary statistics. In the end it’s not nearly a dire as they make everything seem. It just feels that way because it is such a scary new experience.

    • Hibbie

      October 10, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      That’s such bullshit. The night nursery staff refused to feed my daughter even though I told them it was fine to give her a bottle. I told them to let me sleep, feed her, and her dad would pick her up at the nursery. Night nurse from hell deprived her of food for 6 hours, wheeled her crib in, and woke me up by shouting “FEED YOUR BABY!”

    • rockmonster

      October 10, 2014 at 4:19 pm

      Would the forbidden c-word be accurate to describe this upstanding member of society that tried to starve your baby for what amounts to political reasons?

    • Hibbie

      October 10, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      You know, I hate that word, but I totally thought it about her. Especially when she then delayed an order from my OB for a necessary test because she thought I was overreacting to a very concerning symptom.

    • rockmonster

      October 10, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      I hope she got fired.

    • Hibbie

      October 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      Not to my knowledge, but that doesn’t really surprise me.

    • Marisa Quinn-Haisu

      October 10, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      Did you…punch her in the vagina? I would’ve

    • oceanlily

      October 10, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      That is child abuse IMHO. I can’t believe she did not get fired.

    • Williwaw

      October 10, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      You are awesome, and I totally agree. The first six weeks of my son’s life would have been astronomically better for me if someone had suggested that I temporarily suspend breastfeeding attempts and pump and dump, so that I could take medication for the severe chest cold I developed after my unscheduled c-section (I was also unable to eat solids for several weeks due to a thrush infection in my mouth). Instead, I literally got less than seven hours of sleep the first week of his life because I was so miserable (coughing violently after abdominal surgery is not fun). No one told me formula was bad, but they were all rah-rah-rah about continuing to try to breastfeed no matter what…and looking back on it with more objectivity, I know a break in the breastfeeding attempts would have helped me (and I don’t see how it could have made my breastfeeding any less successful anyway, ultimately, since after four miserable months of trying to breastfeed, I switched to exclusively pumping, which I eventually abandoned to give him formula because it was just so damn inconvenient).

      I think “baby-friendly” should mean supporting both breastfeeding and formula-feeding, whatever the mother chooses, and I that includes at least making suggestions that might benefit the mother and baby. By simply never discussing or even mentioning anything but breastfeeding, even when a mother is clearly near the end of her rope, medical staff are kind of making a statement about what they think is best.

      However, setting aside all that, I don’t think I would have changed a thing about my birth experience, except that I might have asked for the laughing gas earlier because it was wonderful.

  3. Megan

    October 10, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    I would have elected for a c-section. :: covers head in hands to brace for backlash:: when I found out I was having twins I knew the odds of having a c-section were higher,.so I had sort of assumed that’s what would happen. when I went I to labor at 33 weeks I was surprised ( and so were my nurses) that the doctor wanted me to try a vaginal delivery. I think the fear for my babies distracted me from focusing and in the end I had a c section anyway and pulled my back from pushing for three hours. Planning the c-section from the get go would have been a better decision for me.

  4. sarah

    October 10, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    For me it’d be the hospital also. I was induced, so they pumped me full of pitocin, ya know, after letting it drip on the floor for four hours. I was in labor for roughly 36 hours,during none of which did they let me eat anything except ice chips, and after I had the baby a nurse said I could have had some juice and a some crackers. Thanks for telling me now, lady. All of my “doctors” looked about as old as I am (I’m 21). And they had to try 3 different times to break my water, during which one doctor kept catching the hook thing on my vaginal wall as she pulled it out… every time. None of the “lactation consultants” knew a damn thing nor were they able to help me. Then they told me they don’t advocate babies having a pacifier, but after they brought him back from the nursery he had one in his mouth because “he wouldn’t stop crying.” No shit Sherlock, that’s generally what pacifiers are for. There’s a lot of other instances that make me never want to deliver at this hospital ever again, but we don’t have all day.

  5. Boozy Shark Lee

    October 10, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    The nurse gave me dilaudid to rest. I had an allergic reaction to it and was crazy itchy and having auditory hallucinations. I told her this and she gave me more. The other thing was that I forgot to verbally tell drs and nurses that I have an allergy to prolonged exposure to latex (it is in my charts). Recovering from my inflamed urethra caused by the catheter was a million times worse than the healing from my tearing and stitches.

  6. Greta Young

    October 10, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Apparently there were these pink 8.5×11 posters that I saw on other patients’ doors that said something along the lines of “Please do not disturb – I am bonding with my baby” and the nurses/interns/random hospital people that I swear were just here an hour ago won’t bug you. I was never informed of this magical sign…

  7. Looby

    October 10, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    I would have liked the option of Gas and Air – it’s standard in every single UK maternity unit but not here in the USA. I mean my birth was ok and all but the chance to be off my face for 14 hours would have made that SVU marathon my husband was watching in the room SO MUCH BETTER!

    • TheQuirkyDiva

      October 10, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      Oh my god. It would be so great if they had that here. I don’t know why they don’t.

    • ChickenKira

      October 10, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      The gas was so good, I have to admit. (Also standard in Australian hospitals).

    • Aussiemum

      October 13, 2014 at 6:46 am

      I loved the gas and air! I had it with all my 4.
      (Wa girl here!)

    • the_ether

      October 11, 2014 at 9:14 pm

      I had this during my stitches. I’m kind of glad I didn’t have it during birth as it made me feel very wonky, but gosh it was nice to get messed up enough to not care about the needles in my nethers.

  8. Heather

    October 10, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    I had to have an emergency c-section, but the hospital was wonderful and I didn’t really have strong feelings on the birth itself as long as I ended up with a healthy baby at the end. It sounds silly, but the main thing I would have done differently was bring my own sheets for the hospital bed. I had an allergic reaction to their linens and my MIL had to bring sheets with her the next day. We had brought our own pillows, so the first night I had to take my pillow case off and sleep with my back on that. I was already hot/itchy from hormones, so the sheets drove me crazy.

  9. Kristen

    October 10, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Honestly, I wouldn’t change too much. But I got mixed advice on when I should be induced due to gestational diabetes. Everything was looking really good, but the standard practice is to induce in the 39th week. Some doctors suggested day one of the 39th week and some suggested day 7. We went with day 1, since that was what was being pushed the hardest. Well, my induction took 60 hours so I really wish I had waited. Although who knows if that would have made a difference. Everything still worked out.

    • Hibbie

      October 10, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      60 hours?! Bloody hell! Glad everything worked out in the end. It can be pretty frustrating not to have any clear cut answer as to what is best in that type of situation.

  10. Hibbie

    October 10, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    I would prefer not to have had the birthing suite look like the set of a horror movie, but there’s nothing I (or my doctors) could have done to alter unforeseen complications.

  11. Grr! Arrgh!

    October 10, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Stuff I could have actually changed: I wouldn’t have labored in triage on my back for an hour – I would have had thought to ask for wireless monitors before the nurse left.

    Stuff I couldn’t change but wish had been different: Her heart wouldn’t have decel’d and stayed down so I could have delivered without forcepts and just the normal amount of fear and pushed without being completely numbed up. My blood pressure also wouldn’t have crashed, making me too weak and shaky to hold my daughter after she was born. Even though they got it back up and I felt fine 30 mins later, I still feel a twinge of agony in my chest when I remember them handing me my daughter and then having to ask the nurse to take her away almost immediately because I was afraid I was going to drop her.

    Stuff that was awesome and that I would never change: Looking over in the midst of baby-red-alert, seeing a doctor with a nametag that said “Dr. Peaceman” and having my husband murmur a 30 Rock joke in my ear to break the tension. The OB and the resident basically high-fiving over my stitches.

    All in all, I was pretty happy with the birth experience in toto and nominate my CNM for sainthood.

  12. Jamie

    October 10, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    Both of my labors and deliveries were absolutely perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing (they were both short, with no tearing). The after care in the hospital, however, is another story. My 36 week twins were healthy and growing but the hospital insisted they stay 5 days. I wish I would have put my foot down and taken them home when I got discharged.

  13. LeggEggTorpedoTits

    October 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Given that I am just grateful that I had a healthy little dude, I feel like I don’t have a right to complain too much…that being said, there were a few things that would have been nice:

    1. I would like to have had an attentive midwife instead of being left with a novice nurse –who couldn’t tell a baby’s head from a hemorrhoid — to push for 4 unproductive hours.

    2. I would like not to have had a maintenance man testing the intercom next to my head while experiencing excruciating back labor. Testing testing get the fuck away from me you dick.

    3. I would like to have had the epidural for my emergency-c effect only the lower half of my body instead if my entire body. Nausea + no muscle control = impotent gagging.

    4. I would like not to have been left in my amniotic fluid soaked bed for 20 minutes while my husband and mom spread out trying to hunt someone … anyone down to help clean me up. Nope nope nope.

    • ChickenKira

      October 10, 2014 at 6:55 pm

      What the hell at #2? WHY would someone choose to do that right then and there?

    • Williwaw

      October 10, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      #2 sucks for you, but I think that would be one of those opportunities to use some really colourful language, and no reasonable person could call you out for doing so. Because Labour. (If it ever happens again, I think you should scream at him: “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This is NOT a test!”)

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 10, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      I growled at him at told him to Get. Oooooouuutt.

  14. Kara

    October 10, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    I would change my first birth by making my daughter live instead of dying. I would change my fourth birth by having the whole placenta come out instead of a piece staying in and almost killing me. Sorry to be so frank, but I’m only 9 weeks out from my last birth and almost dying afterward was seriously scary.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 10, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      I really am sorry this happened.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 10, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      So sorry, Kara. I wish I could change this, too.

    • TheQuirkyDiva

      October 10, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      Oh my goodness. That puts things in perspective. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you’re recovering well. **hugs**

    • C.J.

      October 11, 2014 at 1:27 am

      So very sorry for everything you have been through.

    • Amanda

      October 13, 2014 at 10:44 am

      Yup. My son died. I would have taken nearly any type of birth experience if this could change.

  15. Guinevere

    October 10, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    I wish the nurses didn’t come in and say “cesarean due to failed induction” at every shift change. Thanks for using the word “fail” so much, when I already felt like a failure. grumble grumble.

  16. Amber Leigh Wood

    October 10, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    If I could change anything I wouldn’t have been induced and had my waters broken…. They set off a whole chain of events that ended in a stuck baby, in the birth canal on a diagonal, heart rate dropping, emergency c-section.
    Now I’m having number 2 I’m worried my body doesn’t know what to do

    • Georgia

      October 10, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      Omg I hear so much of this! Doctors are meant to be smart people, then they wonder why after rushing a baby that’s not ready to come out, the have trouble later on in labour. I call it the pitoxin chain.

    • CT Guest

      October 11, 2014 at 12:20 am

      We call it the “cascade of interventions.” There is a time and placed for medicalized birth. I think it is WAY overused here in the US. Docs use fear of litigation to determine when it’s time to intervene, not thought of how to get the best outcome for mom and baby… 🙁

    • Georgia

      October 11, 2014 at 12:48 am

      That’s a good term, and it’s a sad fact in hospitals.

    • Amber Leigh Wood

      October 11, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      I’m in Australia and was 10 days over due (which is as far as they’ll let us go here) I just always have that ‘what if ‘ feeling, its frustrating to say the least

  17. Kate Spencer

    October 10, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I wish my daughter hadn’t flipped and become breech in my labor. I wish I’d know this could happen. I wish I’d been more prepared for a fast birth, and what those contractions would feel like. I wish I’d not gotten a spinal headache and lived with it for a week. I wish someone had not robbed me of my phone and wallet (from my purse, which was in the nurse’s waiting room, long story) while I was getting my c-section. I wish the surgeon and c-section doctors had done a better job explaining what was happening when I panicked instead of just doping me up with drugs so that I was hardly awake when she came out.

    My first birth was kind of a bitch.

  18. NotaMandy

    October 10, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    I would have changed my delivery from 25.2 weeks to anytime in the third trimester. I don’t know that I ever acknowledged how traumatic delivering babies that only weighed 1.7 pounds each was until we had an unexpected third in July – 8 years later. I broke gown about 3 weeks after having that boring, mundane typical take home baby and sobbed for every thing my girls, my husband and I went through then
    .

    • Kate Spencer

      October 10, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      Mandy, this sounds so hard. I don’t know much about what this is like. Thanks for sharing.

    • CT Guest

      October 11, 2014 at 12:19 am

      That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. I hop things are better for you now.

  19. Elizabeth Wakefield

    October 10, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    I would have been more assertive about my MIL and SIL being in the room and my MIL inviting her best friend (whom I had never met) up to deliver a present while I was having contractions. They were obnoxious, a distraction, and made the entire experience about them.

  20. TheQuirkyDiva

    October 10, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    I wish I had been more aware of what would happen after I had my daughter. I had her at home. I delivered her, the midwife bathed her and checked her out, helped me shower and change, stayed for a while to watch for complications, gave us instructions, and then went home (normal procedure for a home birth). She came back the next day to check up on us, but it was pretty brief. So there was no call-button! Nobody to take the baby for a bit so I could sleep. My husband and I were like, “OMG we have a tiny human and we don’t know what to do!!” I think if I’d been better prepared for that, the transition would have been easier. I also would have done *way* more sessions with a lactation consultant beforehand and had a breast pump already on hand.

  21. Marisa Quinn-Haisu

    October 10, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    My baby got stuck and the nurses thought a good way to encourage me not to shout in pain was to shout at me angrily. If I could change the past I would like some kind nurses who would’ve tried to change the position of the baby by massaging my stomach. I wouldn’t get an epidural, either, because the piece of shit did not work and it hurt so much going in I started sobbing. I wish I’d stuck to my guns more about not wanting to breast feed afterwards instead of torturing myself for two weeks with faulty tits that had no milk.

  22. ChickenKira

    October 10, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    I had a real hippy dippy midwife overnight who I eventually put in a formal complaint about because her negligence could have resulted in some serious complications (I had to have an emergency caesarean, but if I didn’t complain when I did we could have been looking at broken bones for in ChickenEgg and some very serious tearing for me). If I could change anything I would have seen the NUM about her earlier instead of letting her convince me that all was well. She accused me repeatedly of being overdramatic, that I was no where near ready to push, that she had been doing this for a decade and she knew the baby wasn’t ready to come out yet, that it didn’t hurt that much and wait until I was in labour for real, after I complained and they sent a new midwife in, it was discovered that ChickenEgg’s arm was stuck in the birth canal and she was sideways, oh and yes, I was in active labour and the reason my pushing wasn’t doing anything wasn’t because I “Wasn’t actually in labour yet”, it was because she was sideways and babies don’t come out sideways particularly well/at all.

    She also did a few other things that I asked her not to do, like lighting oil burners (no opposition usually, I just despise the smell of lavender and of course she had to light lavender after I told her, repeatedly, that I hated it), I asked her to stop rubbing my thigh/backside because it made me uncomfortable and she kept doing it while crapping on about the benefits of massage, she kept trying to get me onto the stupid birthing ball which I hated, literally shoving it in my face and kept going on and on and on about how women have been doing this for years without medical intervention when I asked for an epidural, the anaesthetist was apparently “stuck in emergency” for 3 hours when I asked her, as soon as the complaint to the NUM was made he appeared within 5 minutes, if whatever was going on in emergency ended the minute I made the complaint, then that is one hell of a coincidence.

    Funnily enough, without medical intervention ChickenEgg and I would have probably died, so, you know, in hindsight it was a pretty stupid argument to make against an epidural. “In years gone by you would be dead! Isn’t that wonderful! The strength of a woman!”

    It has completely tarnished the idea of midwife care for me, which is really upsetting because all the other midwives I had (particularly the one who came into the operating theatre with me) were amazing, and I would love to have any one of them again, just not her. I guess midwifery does attract some people with those kind of ideals, but personal ideals should NEVER come in the way of proper medical care.

    • Williwaw

      October 10, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      Wow. I am glad you and your baby made it through okay. Also, you would think that any midwife, no matter how idiotic, would know that you never tell a labouring woman that “it doesn’t hurt that much”.

  23. Kheldarson

    October 10, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    I’d just have my husband there instead of including a family friend as well. She was helpful and it was nice having a mother figure there (my mom was five hours away), but I’d really rather have kept it between myself and my husband now as family friend got rather pushy with our son.

  24. aCongaLine

    October 10, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    I would have asked for help breastfeeding at every possible moment. That shit is hard, and I sucked at it. (ha).

  25. EX

    October 10, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Neither of my births were “perfect” (whatever that means), but I wouldn’t change a thing. I know that sounds hokey, but they are now the birth stories of my two favorite people in the world and I can’t imagine any of it having been any different than it was.

  26. TigersInLove

    October 10, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    I would have had epidurals. First time giving birth labor went so fast epidural barely kicked in before pushing. Second time in labor it was too quick to even attempt epidural. I didn’t feel like that pain was in the least bit magical or any sort of rite of passage I needed to experience. Also, I really really liked the idea of using the hospital birthing suite’s jacuzzi tub while in early labor, but never got the chance.

  27. Valerie

    October 10, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    If I could have changed anything I would have liked to have felt even one contraction and been allowed to try for a vaginal birth. For reasons out of my control, this was not possible. It will always bum me out a little but such is life.

  28. WhatTheHellAmIDoingHereDoNotBe

    October 10, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    I wish I could have talked my way out of the induction. The day they induced me I’d already had naturally-occuring contractions, but my doctor was worried about fetal growth and the possibility of my placenta getting all tuckered out before time :/ As it turned out, the induction went wrong and I ended up having a c-section after all. It was worth it though, LilWhatTheHell was born perfectly fine.

    And thank God for nitrious oxide.

    • the_ether

      October 11, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      I’m so glad my midwife backed me up when I declined syntocinon (to speed my labour up, not to induce). She said afterwards that considering how quickly I progressed after that point, and how strong my contractions got, she has no doubt that augmentation would have been too rough on me and on BabyEther, and could easily have led to distress.

  29. Nara

    October 10, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    If I could change my birth experience I would pick…
    1) Giving birth at 34 weeks instead of 37 so I wouldn’t have caught that infection that prevented us from pulling the twins out because my airway was too unstable, and so that Twin A would’ve had a better reason for being 3 lbs at term and spending 2.5 weeks in NICU
    2) The OB would have stuck to the plan and put me in an OR for my c-section, instead of an L&D room with no cell saver, no NICU teams (the L&D nurses LOVED that) and starting a cut into an anterior placenta without waiting to see if the spinal was working and despite it being an anterior placenta, a complete placenta previa with three previous haemorrhages, not having enough blood in the room.
    3) That I wouldn’t have lost a litre of blood in surgery,(presurgery blood cell levels 102, post surgery levels 78) then another two hematomas causing my levels to drop to 55, ending up getting 5 large units of blood transfused, but not until the next damn day.
    4) The Paralytic ileus leading to obstruction, ended up having tubes in EVERY orifice to try to clear it all out
    EXTRA: The jack ass who switched me to oral meds for a day despite nothing moving, so i had to take a cup of fluids down my ng tube and wait an hour to suck it back up on the same day they cut my morphine without telling me first.
    5) The massive abdominal infection, needed IV antibiotics, and then my subsequent case of C diff which I don’t mind at all because it FINALLY, after a week in ICU, cleared out the obstruction.
    6) Not getting to hold both babies at the same time until 5 days in, when things were critical

    I wish hadn’t missed out on the first couple of weeks of my twins lives.
    But I wouldn’t changed my awesome batshit crazy super ICU nurses, the NICU team, or my MFM team for anything. Because 9 months post partum i have cruising, babbling, growing baby girls 🙂

  30. shorty_RN

    October 10, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    My son and I are here and healthy. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing.

  31. Gangle

    October 10, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    I didn’t have a very complicated or strict birthplan, and aside from my husband being present and everyone being alive at the end, nothing went the way I would have liked. But honestly, for me, that is ok. I don’t have any hard feelings, because when things started to go really wrong the right decisions were made so that I and my daughter came out the other end alive. If I had my time again with the complications I had, I would do the same in a heartbeat. I guess if I would change anything, I would like to have not had a terrible chest infection and head cold at the time as well.

  32. Nica

    October 11, 2014 at 12:29 am

    Both my birth experiences were quite positive. I had considered a home birth, but the 25 minutes it took to get to the hospital from my house even in a speeding ambulance (sadly, I done that trip with a sick parent a few times) was too scary to me. So, I opted for a FANTASTIC OB who worked with midwives and actually, GASP, listened to her patients and their wishes. I had two pretty uneventful vaginal deliveries. I had the dreaded “big baby” syndrome – both my babies were 10 lbs at birth, but somehow I still managed to go into labor spontaneously at term and deliver vaginally with both kiddos. It can be done! My only complaint was miserable, unhelpful nurses after my first delivery (bad attitudes, waking me and the baby up for no reason, ridiculously outdated info on bf’ing when they had it and only 1 LC who was just there during business hours – WTF?). Well, the hospital was gunning for a “baby friendly” designation when I had my 2nd, so man did they step up their game. It was like night and day – ALL nurses helped with BF and were actually HELPFUL. There were THREE LC’s on staff and they were available 24 hours/day, rooming in was encouraged and most testing/procedures for the newborn (glucose check, O2 checks, etc) were done in room.

  33. Sammy

    October 11, 2014 at 5:34 am

    I would have aborted. *shrug*
    My son is 10 years old now, so that window is WAY closed, but yeah, I would have totally aborted. Shoulda woulda coulda. I’m a fine parent, living a comfortable middle class life. My son is healthy and thriving.
    I just don’t like having a kid around.
    I thought I would enjoy parenthood. I don’t. I should have aborted when I had the chance.
    Oh well. Eight more years of this BS and I can cut the kid (because he’ll be an adult!) out. I’m counting down the days people.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 11, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      Bookmarking this page for your comment, because I’m sure when I check in for my Essure placement at 6 a.m. Wednesday, the day after I move every item I own out of my apartment, I will be wondering what the hell I was thinking. So I will need the reminder that there are women who aren’t into the whole mothering thing, and I would definitely be one of them. You have both my gratitude and my empathy. 🙁

  34. the_ether

    October 11, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    I’d make it so my son didn’t get a blood infection while inside me.

  35. SA

    October 13, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    I would have stayed at home and gone back to sleep after my water broke at 230am. But being a ftm I was all excited and went in even though I wasnt having contractions yet. Doesn’t bug me though. I think the first baby is just a what happens happens and next time you know better. For my next I’ll wait for contractions and also have them turn my epidural down or off for pushing. Cause pushing when you can’t feel anything is super unhelpful. Pushing for 3 hours and then the vacuum. Birth experience isn’t a big deal to me like it seems it is to all other moms. I got my baby. The end.

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