Spare us the overpriced cards and cardboard hearts filled with waxy chocolates that the kids will just steal from us anyway. February 14th is a fake holiday where we are told that lavish gifts are both wanted and expected, but the marketing teams behind all those jewelry ads have got it all wrong. Here's what moms really want for Valentine's Day.
1. The remote control.
A vase filled with flowers in a house with toddlers is just a trip to the emergency room waiting to happen. There's nothing romantic about blood unless you're a Twilight fan. But letting me hate watch The Bachelor without interruptions is a rose I will accept.
2. A clean litter box.
I already deal with the bodily fluids of two humans, three if I count myself. Having someone else comb through the sandbox so I don't have to makes me purr more than the cat.
3. For someone else to scrub the bathroom.
I don't mind cleaning, but no matter how often I wipe down the bathroom, it still manages to get filthy in a matter of days. I'd love for my husband else to take a turn. Go on, scrub that mildew, honey. Harder.
4. A takeout menu.
No need to shave my legs and get all dolled up for an overpriced dinner plus hire a sitter. But while my kisses don't begin with Kay, they do start when you hand me the Chinese menu and tell me to order whatever I want.
Whether it's about dinner, my clean leggings or the fact that I managed to keep the kids alive for another 24 hours-- make me feel appreciated and I'm putty in your hands.
6. For someone to fold the laundry.
Forget bringing more things into the house by getting me a present, i'd much prefer help excavating the living room couch from under Mt. Laundry. If you offer to put away once it's folded you're excused from getting me a birthday gift this year too.
7. Seven minutes alone in the bathroom.
Remember that game Seven Minutes In Heaven? Image that, only with less awkward first kisses and more me plucking stray chin hairs in peace.
8. For someone to scrap off my car.
Valentine's Day is meant to be this red hot holiday, yet it's freezing outside and the snow storms come along with almost the same frequency as which Taylor Swift is played on the radio. Ignore the commercials that tell you I want a new car with a giant red bow. I just want to be able to see the roof of my old car, period.
Valentine's Day is just like any other day, which means coffee is a must. The Keurig will do just find, but Starbucks would make my heart go pitter-patter, and not just from caffeine.
10. To sleep in.
I don't think I'm asking for too much. 7:00? 7:15 maybe?
(image: Olga Rosi/Shutterstock.com)