Taking a toddler trick-or-treating is not for the faint of heart. I did not bother until I had a preschooler and was forced to take her toddler brother with us. I had no desire to delve into that kind of shit-show until I had no choice. I know they look precious in their costumes but let's face it- they have no idea what's going on, they probably can't eat a lot of the candy anyway (because, choking hazard) and they will likely lose interest pretty quickly. It seems like one of those things you do for you own benefit but when you really think about it, it's basically torture and you are probably better off staying at home if you can. Here is a sampling of all that can go wrong when you trick-or-treat with a toddler.
1. They Lose A Shoe So You Have To Carry Them
After a few blocks, you realize that your teeny Elsa is sans her left shoe and none too happy about it. A frantic search yields nothing and your older kids are getting antsy so now you have become her trick-or-treating chariot.
2. They Spill Their Candy Right At The End Of The Night
This actually happened to us- the handle ripped on our son's bag. Because our daughter is the sweetest child alive, she let him carry hers around for the last few houses and we salvaged what we could of his little disaster. I'm sure some birds enjoyed a stray Tootsie Roll or two that evening.
3. Someone Scares The Shit Out Of Them
One year, our trick-or-treating ended after four houses because some asshole had a pretend goblin that popped out of a cauldron and scared the living shit out of our son.
4. They Throw A Fit When It's Over/Because They Want It To Be Over
Like many other outings with a toddler, they are either upset it's ending or upset because it's not ending soon enough and they are ready for bed.
5. They Have A Diaper Blow-Out
All that apple cider has come back to haunt you. Good luck getting the shit chunks out of that fluffy puppy costume!
6. Their Costume Rips
Someone steps on the train of their princess dress and all hell breaks loose.
7. They Fall Into A Puddle
Obviously, this is not limited to toddlers but they are most likely to freak out about it. Our daughter walked around half the night last year with soaking wet sneakers because, candy. Toddlers have no such motivation.
8.They Make You Carry Them All Night
You are that set of parents that didn't think to bring a wagon. Big mistake.
9. They Refuse To Wear Their $80 Costume
The Max costume from Pottery Barn Kids was on back-order for months but you FINALLY got it. Good thing your toddler staged a protest on Halloween night and outright refused to wear it!
10. They Pitch A Fit When They Can't Eat All The Candy
You get home and the kids are examining their wares. Your toddler starts desperately trying to tear open the Milk Duds despite having had several candy snacks already and you have to take them away. I'll let you fill in the rest.
(Image: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)