Sometimes, at the end of the day, I look at the mess my kids have made and I feel a profound sense of despair, much like Sisyphus at the bottom of his mountain (if his mountain were made of a pile of Mega-Blocks and Little People). But then I read things like the Telegraph's list of the most memorable gifts given to Prince George over the past year (out of the seven-freaking-hundred and six gifts he received total!) and I have to stop and thank my lucky stars that I'm not the poor peasant servant tasked with looking after all this weird loot.
1. A possum-skin cloak
A possum-skin what, now? I don't know if people have heard, but there's this cool new invention called a 'coat' that has pretty much made cloaks obsolete. Also, I'll never complain about having to fold a fitted sheet again now that I know someone has to figure out how to correctly fold and store a hairy marsupial garment.
2. A miniature academic gown
This gift from the University of St. Andrews is very sensible, because the only thing toddlers love more than dressing up as Batman or Elsa is pretending to be a freshly-minted PhD student.
3. Personalized surfboard and skateboard
What better gift could there be for a child who has only just mastered the concept of 'walking without falling face-first onto the nearest peasant'?
4. Toy polo mallet
Ridiculous. Of course the young Prince of Cambridge, when he learns to play the noble sport of polo, will use a live flamingo as a mallet, and a small gopher as a ball, like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland.
5. A crocodile
This critter was hatched the day that Prince George's ongoing gestation was announced. I suspect it will continue to reside in the city of Darwin, Australia, but we can keep an eye out for missing fingers on the staff at Kensington Palace for clues that it's been added to the princeling's royal menagerie.
6. A miniature motorbike
Um, who'd want to ride a motorbike when instead you could be carried around in a plush sedan chair by four of your favorite minions?
7. A permanently reserved seat at the pub
Who loves going to the bar more than a baby?!
8. An apple tree
This gift from Labour Party leader Ed Miliband is apparently a traditional gift for firstborn sons, but maybe it works better for firstborn sons who don't already own by proxy an entire kingdom's worth of apple trees.
9. A £10,000 diaper-cream charm bracelet
The only thing babies love more than going to the bar is breaking and/or eating the wildly expensive gold jewelry you got them for their birthday.
10. A hand-crafted pine toy box
That's sweet. Now, who's going to give him another 705 pine toy boxes to hold all the rest of the mega-loot he's gotten?
(Feature image: Handout/Getty)