Vagina Cakes That Are Disturbing And Awesome Part II: Electric Boogaloo
Vagina cakes aren’t just wholly inappropriate for baby showers, people – they can destroy any party. They’ve pretty much destroyed my life since my editors keep expecting me to pump out more vagina jokes. There isn’t enough vodka in the world to erase the shame of this career trajectory.
SEND HELP. Enjoy, Internet!
1. The “It’s A Tunnel, No- It’s A Clitoris, No, It’s A Tunnel, No – It’s a Clitoris” Cake
No. It’s a Clitoris.
2. The “Whoever Made You This Hates Your Fucking Guts” Cake
No. Why? No. No. Why? No. Why? No. Why do your friends hate you so much? And why is Guy Fierri emerging from your cake-vagina?
3. The “Lord Of The Rings/ Vagina Mash-Up” Cake
“There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery.”
4. The “Rorschach Vagina” Cake
I see the Virgin Mary. Go!
5. The “Stop Calling The Vulva A Vagina” Cake
It’s not a vagina, it’s the vulva, okay? Stop calling it a vagina. The Internet hates it when you do that.
6. The “I Have No Idea What Paul Is Into” Cake
What in the…? Paul, what the hell is going on here? Is that a keychain coming out of a fondant butthole? I give up. Happy born-day, Paul. Because the only thing that annoys me more than a cake making me feel like a prude is when people use the phrase, “born-day.”
7. The “Where Do Babies Come From, Your Butt, Right?” Cake
Remember in the 80’s when everyone was standing in lines for these things? That’s clearly not happening anymore.
8. The “What In The Mother-Of-All-Things-Holy Is This?” Cake
Someone royally screwed the dimensions on this thing. No way should your frosting clitoris be as big as your fondant baby-fist.
9. The “Vagina Says You Are Getting Very Sleepy” Cake
Look into my eyes, not my chocolate-sprinkled anus.
10. The “Glorious 70’s Bush” Cake
Ugh. Just… here. I can’t think of anymore vagina jokes.