Childrearing

Toddler Accidentally Wears Sex Toy as Bracelet, and the Internet Can’t Stop Laughing

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(Amazon)

Toddlers are the grossest people! When you have to deal with a toddler, your entire life is just repeating things like, “noses are not for picking,” “don’t lick the drain in the public bathroom,” and “put down auntie’s cock ring!” Well, that last one might not have happened to you yet, but it sure happened to Amy-Jade Barlow .

Barlow’s boyfriend, Ben Lauder, spent the night at her place. At one point, before going to bed, he tossed a pink plastic cock ring onto Barlow’s nightstand, and he completely forgot about it until the next day he received a text from Barlow that just said, in all caps, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?”

Lauder couldn’t imagine what he’d done wrong, and he texted back, “What?”

“Did you leave that cock ring on the bedside table last night?”

“Oh, I think I did. Why?” Lauder said, probably wondering what had happened or if the cat got it or her mom had found it or something. Then¬†Barlow sent him a photo: Her 2-year-old niece, Macy, was wearing his pink cock ring as a bracelet.

Barlow said she’d been sitting on the couch while the 2-year-old bounced around talking about her new watch, and Barlow was thinking, “What on Earth is she talking about?” Then she looked over and saw Macy proudly wearing the cock ring right around her little wrist.

Barlow pulled the bracelet off right away and hid it, and every mom in the audience probably just winced at the thought of how a 2-year-old would react to having a new bracelet snatched away and hidden. Predictably, Macy got very upset, and then Barlow had to explain to her mom and sister why the baby was wailing about a bracelet. (Raise your hand if you’d just let her wear it.)

Macy’s mother thought the story was hilarious. Macy, however, is still prowling all over Barlow’s house looking for that missing bracelet. Let’s hope she doesn’t find it.