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This ‘Expert’s’ Financial Advice Is So Bad You Wouldn’t Send It To Your Worst Enemy

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Financial adviser Simone Milasas has come out with a book on how to get out of debt, but the last thing any person who is in debt should do is pay $21.17 for completely batshit financial advice like, “Don’t pay your bills, because when you pay your bills the universe thinks you like paying bills and sends you more.”

Seriously, that’s one of the tips in Milasas’ book, Getting Out of Debt Joyfully.

Australian women’s site Mama M!a published an excerpt of Milasas’ book on how to pay off debt, and the Internet is more confused than that time we couldn’t figure out what color a dress was, because Milasas’ advice is really, really weird.

Milasas’ first bit of advice is that the first thing everyone should do upon receiving any amount of money is to put aside 10 percent of it for spending on fancy stuff that makes you happy, because if you don’t pay yourself first, the universe will think you don’t want money and won’t send you any.

“If you pay your bills first, you will always have more bills. When you pay the bills first, the universe says, ‘Oh, okay. This person wishes to honour their bills. Let’s give them some more bills.'” Milasas writes. “If you honour yourself by setting aside 10 per cent first, the universe says, ‘Oh, they are willing to honour themselves. They are willing to have more,’ and it responds to that. It gives you more.”

I’ll just tell the electric company that I’m not going to pay them this month because I wanted more glitter for my vision board.

Milasas says to put money aside to buy yourself presents even if you are struggling to afford groceries. Can milk and bread count as a gift to yourself? And she also says that a person’s $10 “I am honoring myself” fund should never be used to pay bills, even if you are carrying around a ton of credit card debt and have more than enough to pay that in your 10-percent fund.

“At one point, the balance due on one of my credit cards was extremely high. I had three times the amount due in my 10 percent account, so I knew I could pay off the balance on my card if I chose to. I did not do that.”

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Anyone who can do math and understands that credit cards charge interest is probably having an aneurysm right now.

Her second bit of financial advice is to carry around the amount of cash you think a rich person would carry. She likes to carry at least $1,000 in cash at all times.

{Also read: College Student Mistakenly Declared Dead Could Lose Financial Aid}

There’s no real reason for that advice. Milasas just says carrying around a shit ton of cash will make you feel rich and happy when you look in your wallet and say, “I’m not poor! I have $1,000 in cash in my wallet!”

I mean, the electric company may have turned your lights off, but at least you’re carrying around a ton of cash.

Step 3 in Milasas’ Get Out of Debt plan is to buy “things of intrinsic value” like gold, platinum, and jewelry.

“You don’t have to have thousands and thousands of dollars in your 10 per cent account to start buying things of intrinsic value either. You could start with buying a silver teaspoon to stir your coffee with, and add from there,” she writes.

So to reiterate, her financial advice for how to get out of debt is: 1. Give yourself money for fun stuff before paying your bills. 2. Carry the amount of cash you think a rich person would carry. 3. Buy silver teaspoons and expensive jewelry.

This is so bad!

Milasas says she used to be $187,000 in debt and she paid it off in two years with these tips, but that makes zero sense. She never actually said how she paid off the debt, but to pay off that much debt must have involved getting or having a ton of money. Did she win the Lottery? Did the universe send her money by killing a rich uncle? (He must not have been honoring his “not dying” fund.)

{Also read: SAHM No More: I Don’t Regret My Divorce — Even Though I’m Under Financial Strain}

People are comparing Milasas to Gwyneth Paltrow, because if we asked Gwyneth Paltrow for financial advice she would probably tell us to spend $120 on magic stickers to correct our bio-energy and $80 on jade eggs to stick in our vaginas, and then wait for the universe to send us money. That would only be half as batshit as Milasas’ suggestion to just ignore math and bills and buy silver spoons to stir our coffee.

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Maybe we should also put milk out for the leprechauns while we’re at it. (But not from your 10 percent fund! That’s for honoring yourself. You’ll have to set up a second fund for honoring the leprechauns.)

What do you think of Milasas’ financial advice? Let us know in the comments.

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