being a mom

The Breeder Dictionary: Common Phrases That Parents and Non-Parents Confuse

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Child-free folks, have you noticed that your parent friends seem like they have been invaded by pod people? Child-full people, can you barely understand the lives your single friends lead? Even the most seemingly straightforward communication becomes fraught with weirdness.  Well, you can breathe easy now, with this helpful non-parent/parent dictionary.

1. “Life has been so hectic.”

Non-parent: I am really slammed at work. I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks and I ate lunch at my desk every day but Friday! Oh, hey, did you see The Bachelor last night? Crazy!

real housewife meditating

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Parent: I have three sick kids and I haven’t showered in four days. I eat Ritz crackers and wash them down with last week’s coffee. When my children descend into fitful sleep, I feverishly attempt to “work remotely,” accomplishing nothing of value, until I pass out. I will only return your call if you text me that your husband left you. For a man. Who is my own husband.

women-putting-on-mascara

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2. “Haven’t had sex in a while.”

Non-Parent: “Between Jason’s promotion and my business really taking off, we only really have a few hours a night together. Also mornings. But those are rushed because we have to walk the dog. We’re only having sex 2-3 times a week. Not including weekends.”

homersimpsonsexy

Parent: “I have not seen my partner naked in two months, except when he changed his clothes because the kids vomited on him last week.”

adele-no

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609 Comments

  1. no bueno

    October 30, 2014 at 10:08 am

    This actually rubs me the wrong way. I might be being over sensitive, but this seems to trivialize the experiences of childfree people. Hectic is hectic. Not all childfree people are so vapid as to count a sculpting class as not getting out of the house. No sex is no sex, no matter how long it has been going on. This just feels martyrish.

    • Hibbie

      October 30, 2014 at 10:11 am

      I wouldn’t want to be friends with either of these people!

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 10:12 am

      Eh, it’s cute and humorous. And it’s nice to get a little perspective.

      I’m tired at work this morning because I stayed up late to marathon South Park and eat mints. True story. If you think I’m going to mention how tired I am to a coworker with two kids under 5, aw hell no.

    • Hibbie

      October 30, 2014 at 10:22 am

      That’s a perfectly acceptable reason to be tired at work. I’ve done similar things as a parent!

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      I think if it were written for the perspective to go both ways, then yes. But it really seems like a lecture to childless/childfree people.

    • LotteryTicketRetirementPlan

      October 30, 2014 at 10:13 am

      It’s supposed to be funny. You know, for laughs and stuff.

    • Guest

      October 30, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      I think it would have been better served if the writer went more over the top with the parent side of things. As it stands, I’ve seen parents say those things and be serious. I think that’s why it missed the mark for a lot of people, including myself.

    • LotteryTicketRetirementPlan

      October 30, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      I mean, I agree with what you are saying but, as a rule, I don’t take anything with GIFs too seriously. It seemed over the top enough for me: Ritz crackers and last week’s coffee? Everyone knows there’s no left over coffee! That’s absurd.

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      Something that’s supposed to be funny, and something actually being funny are two different things. I’m not saying I hated this or that there weren’t funny parts, but it’s valid to question things. Yes, even comedy.

    • Allyson_et_al

      October 30, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      I think it failed, though. It just struck the wrong tone and came out superior rather than funny.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 10:26 am

      It rubbed me the wrong way, too. You put into words exactly why, especially the “haven’t been getting out much” crap.

      I get that it was supposed to be funny, but IMO it’s a little too true to life to be very humorous. We child-free hear often how easy we have it, how we don’t know what real love is, how we are all apparently party animals who stay out all hours then roll into work like it’s nbd, etc.

    • AMANDA - JASON

      October 30, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      @disqus_pKN1lJbvjX:disqus uptil I looked at the receipt 4 $9302, I didnt believe that my brothers friend could realy taking home money in their spare time on there computar.. there aunts neighbour haz done this for only twenty two months and by now repaid the loans on their mini mansion and got a top of the range Jaguar E-type. I went here,..&nbsphttp://GiftHalloween/Free/qm2r……

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      The word you’re looking for is ‘épée’ – a small fencing sword. Good luck with your crossword puzzle!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      I can only hope she’s not doing that crossword on that thar computar. Them thangs get a smidgen picky ’bout spellin’.

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      Ha! I love computar. The way I say it in my head is so ridiculous.

    • Spitting_mad

      October 30, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      To me, this felt like that same attitude where you should smile because it can’t be that bad.
      You don’t have kids! You can’t be that tired / busy / stressed! I’m sure your problems don’t compare to a parent’s problems.

      I get that it was supposed to be funny, but it missed the mark.

    • Emily A.

      October 31, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      I think that one big difference is not the quantity of things on the to-do list, but the time sensitive nature of them. For example… Before kids: I don’t feel like doing dishes, so I don’t. Next morning, I do the dishes. After kids: I don’t feel like doing dishes, so I don’t. Next morning, kid drinks old milk left in cup on counter, and throws up. I learn that next time, I should just do the dishes. Or, before kids: I hate packing my lunch, so I go out. After kids: I hate packing lunch, but have to anyway, because kid’s school does not offer lunch to preschoolers.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 10:35 am

      I agree with you, and I have a kid. Before that, I still had a hectic work schedule, relationship/family stuff to deal with, and commitments. I still have those now that I’m a parent, but I don’t automatically think my day-to-day life is more difficult–it’s just different difficulties (and some of the same ones!). They don’t have to be compared one-to-one to see who “wins” at having it harder. Lots of people are out there busting their butts every day, kids or no kids. Having a child doesn’t automatically mean all your pursuits go from trivial to meaningful. I know plenty of parents who occupy their time with vapid shit.

    • Lilly

      October 30, 2014 at 11:11 am

      I am a parent and totally do vapid shit, for example:

      Had a team meeting one morning and my boss asks if my kid kept me up late since I looked tired and had a big coffee. I had to fess up that no it wasn’t the kid it was me marathoning a bunch of Downton Abbey the previous couple of nights.

      I know that a colleague is dealing with some crazy stuff looking after her mom who has a lot of health issues (she is trying to get her into a care facility), she has no one else helping (rest of family is out of country).
      If someone had given me a pass thinking my fatigue was due to kid and not her since she doesn’t have any kids it would have been seriously not cool.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 11:22 am

      I am also guilty of the “tired at work not due to child but due to Netflix”

    • aCongaLine

      October 30, 2014 at 11:22 am

      me too! all the netflix!

    • Allyson_et_al

      October 30, 2014 at 9:09 pm

      When I started watching Breaking Bad, it was like doing meth. My husband and I would look at each other like, ok, it’s 3:00 am, but I need to see what happens next. Just one more episode, then I’ll stop, I swear! We were pretty late to the party so this went on for weeks. Thank God my kids are old enough to make their own breakfast!

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 10:59 am

      I get what you are saying, but it also seems to make fun of parents too. I mean, washing down Ritz crackers with last week’s coffee is a bit melodramatic.

    • Emee

      October 30, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Yeah I agree, it felt a little STFU Parents-ish to me

    • chickadee

      October 30, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      I agree with you as well, and I have a child at home. I teach six classes this semester, and that is stressful enough. My husband and I haven’t been out together for weeks, and it would be the same without the child.

    • WriterLady

      October 30, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      I couldn’t agree more. I partied a little on the weekends before I had my son and certainly had a bit more flexibility in my schedule, but I could never have maintained the social life depicted here–especially after the age of 24 or so. It’s definitely a bit degrading to childless/childfree individuals, many of whom work long hours and have other important responsibilities. Having children is an adjustment, for sure, but the dichotomy presented here is just exaggerated to an extreme.

    • Allyson_et_al

      October 30, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Yeah, this sounds like the kind of parent who insists you can’t say you’re tired unless you have kids. I mean, I do have kids, but they don’t invalidate your experiences and/or feelings. And tired/hectic/sex-deprived aren’t zero-sum games. Jeez.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2014 at 9:59 am

      A mom here and I agree. It made me cringe, because it seemed like a “you think you have it bad, just wait until you have kids” article. I am sure that wasn’t the intent, but kinda came across that way.

  2. LoveInfinitely

    October 30, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Yeah…..I get what the author is going for, but no. Childfree doesn’t mean getting wasted, eating dinner out all the time and watching a ton of tv. God forbid people without kids have actual engaging, busy, stressful, hectic lives. Nice attempt at Oppression Olympics though.

  3. notfunny

    October 30, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Wow, thank you for thinking my childfree life is so quaint. My life is currently hectic because the doctors finally figured out why I can’t sleep and am sick all the time – I have lupus. My mother in law has been trying for seven years to get my husband to divorce me because I am Atheist and he had to change his phone number and threaten other family members not to give it out to her. And I have not been getting out much because I am trying to hold down a full time job in spite all my other issues so I go to work and then come home and sleep, and sleep all weekend long which is also why we have not been having sex. And we were planning to have children when I got “better” but with this new diagnosis I will never get better and we have decided against having children as I cannot even take care of myself, which broke my heart as I want to be a mothr so badly and that has now been taken away from me.

    If this was meant for laughs you failed miserably. I too can play the “my life is worse than yours” mommy martyr game too. Unfortunately I think I win.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Yeah if we want to play the martyr game…

      I’m in recovery from alcoholism (2 years sober in 2 weeks) and in addition to attending to my own continuing care, I have service commitments to my sober living home and my recovery fellowship that keeps me out of the house most nights.

      I’m at my mom’s every weekend to visit my cats because I’m not allowed to have them in my house. Working full time plus all my commitments leaves little time to do the mundane things like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping… so I try to squeeze that all in on Sunday afternoon.

      My housemates are all much younger than me and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get them to be responsible for themselves. I have to deal with stress either from nagging and making sure they follow through, or just dealing with house problems and chores by myself. Either way, it sucks.

      My boyfriend (who is also in recovery and just as busy as I am) works a job that’s nearly 100% physical labor. When we have a chance to spend the night together he’s usually asleep 2 minutes after his head hits the pillow.

      I’m currently in the process of opening a new sober living home, so I’ve been meeting with the owner of the house, trying to get help, trying to get donations… Oh did I mention this is all on a voluntary basis because I owe the organization for giving me a chance to stay sober?

      I haven’t seen a television show on the night that it aired in at least a year and a half. I’m a fairly big Broncos fan, but I’ve yet to catch more than a quarter of a game this season. And forget the gym… I think the last time working out took priority was about 6 months ago.

      So yeah, my life is all puppies and rainbows because I don’t have kids. And good luck with your health issues. That sucks.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Congrats on your upcoming anniversary. That’s a big deal! And kudos on the sober living home! 🙂

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 11:17 am

      Thank you. I’m really proud of it. I try to make a point NOT to hide that I’m in recovery, because the only way to remove the stigma of addiction is for people who are successful at staying clean to share their stories.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:23 am

      Agreed! you don’t have to wear a shirt that says “In Recovery” but it is something you should be proud of!

    • Kitsune

      October 30, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      I definitely think it’s something to be proud of. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. I hope the sober home goes well, it’s awesome you’re giving back that way.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      Thank you. I spent a long time being selfish and self-centered. It feels good, if exhausting, to be involved.

    • alexesq33

      October 31, 2014 at 10:54 am

      This. I am not as involved as you, but it feels so much more gratifying to be so busy versus the kind of chaos that comprised my “former” life.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      A few years ago my grandma moved and the local AA group she joined was almost all newbies and people having a hard time with their recovery, but in the last year two other old guys joined and between the three of them they have over 100 years sober. It’s making a big difference to the other members who are getting more 1 and 2 year tokens than they ever have, because they’re seeing that long-term sobriety is actually possible.

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      October 30, 2014 at 10:57 am

      It is pretty amazing that you are doing all that. Good for you for opening a sober living home. The world needs more people like you.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Thank you. 🙂

    • Maria Guido

      October 30, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Congratulations on your anniversary – that is something to be really proud of.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Thank you Maria. 🙂

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Congratulations on your anniversary! And all your work sounds incredible–it’s always great to hear about people who are dedicated to making the world a better place. Until things settle down enough for you to watch more of the Broncos games (a sure sign of sacrifice that you’re missing them this year!), I’ll be sure to tell extra loudly at the TV on your behalf!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Haha, awesome! Especially this weekend, please. I can’t watch the game and I hate the Patriots with the burning heat of a thousand suns. >:(

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      There is an ongoing debate among my family members as to whether the Patriots or the Seahawks are more loathsome. I got you covered!

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Patriots, no question. Seahawks are annoying, but the Patriots have been loathsome for YEARS. They’ve got some next level experience going on, which is why they get my vote.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Agreed. And Tom Brady… ugh what a crybaby. The only NFL player who’s a bigger crybaby than Brady is Phillip Rivers.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      YAAAASS. Agreed on all counts.

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:35 pm

      Ahhh, Philly. The Chargers ain’t exactly high on my list of beloved football teams, either, and it’s not solely due to the divisional rivalry.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 30, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      I’m a New England fan, and I’m sick of Tom Brady’s whining.

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:36 pm

      True story. It doesn’t help that I’ve got a Seattleite friend on FB who keeps posting all these links about Russell Wilson working with impoverished kids, RW speaking out against domestic violence, RW being nominated for sainthood…at one point, I posted, “STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOUR QUARTERBACK!!!!” on his wall.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      October 30, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Congratulations on your sobriety! From what I heard, that’s a hard thing to do, so I give you mad props for it. And very cool on the sober-living home. 🙂

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Thank you. 🙂

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      Congrats! You’re such an awesome person! <3

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      Aw, that is so sweet. Thank you. 🙂

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      Good on you for that anniversary.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      Thank you Rachel. 🙂

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Silver lining in a misguided article: your comment really warmed my heart. You’re doing great things and have a lot to be proud of.

      Even if you don’t have kids. (sarcasm)

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Thank you so much. 🙂

    • WriterLady

      October 30, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      Congratulations! I’ve been down that road myself, although with a different substance (painkillers). I’m over 2 years clean myself, and I am so glad to hear that you are giving back by making a positive impact on others who are trying to control and maintain their sobriety.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Congrats to you too! I’ve got plenty of recovery friends with prescription med addiction. It’s a tricky beast, but love and support go a long way. 🙂

    • WriterLady

      October 30, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      Thank you! I really appreciate it!

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 10:37 am

      I’m very sorry to hear this.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 10:46 am

      I am really sorry that you are going through all of this.

    • Jennie Blair

      October 30, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      I send you lots of hugs

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      I’m so sorry. Internet hugs, if you want them.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      That is awful. I don’t know that much about lupus, but I do know all about the joys of chronic conditions. I also know how hard it is to be an atheist when your SO’s parents are committed churchgoers (though my ex’s parents were nowhere near as bad). I can only wish you the best of luck.

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 30, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      Sending you hugs if you want them.
      One of my mom’s cousins has lupus and my mom’s mom had scleroderma, which is related. She managed to live for a very long time (it affected her digestive tract), but we have a family friend whose wife was diagnosed with the same thing but died within a couple years of the diagnosis because it affected her vital organs. My mom, her sister, and I have all been tested for the antibodies for autoimmune diseases and they’ve come up negative, but I am absolutely familiar with how shit autoimmune diseases are.
      I definitely agree with being annoyed by this article. I’m a grad student on a varsity team (I could be less busy if I didn’t join the team, but then I would have even less contact with other people than I already do). I can’t compete in the “suffering Olympics”, though, as I have nothing on you or a few other commenters.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      That all fucking sucks, I’m sorry.

    • Kitsune

      October 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      That just sucks and I’m sorry you have to go through that.

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      I’m sorry that you have lupus. My sister was recently diagnosed and is pretty sure that between that and other health issues, that’s why she has had miscarriages. It really sucks. I hope that with the diagnosis now and so now you and your doctors know what you’re dealing with, you’re able to find some methods/treatments that help. Maybe one day there will be a treatment that will help so much you’ll feel up to becoming a parent through other means. Or not. Sometimes it’s a relief to just have a plan and go with it. Or maybe you’ll be able to have a close auntie type relationship with someone else’s kids. Which is all a really long-winded way of saying I hope you find joy and happiness even if it’s not what you originally pictured. 🙂

    • Dirty Old Lady Phillips

      October 30, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      I am so sorry that you are going through this, notfunny. My ex-boyfriend’s mother, who is also possibly the most amazing and awesome person I’ve ever met, has had lupus for 30 years; what has really helped her for the past 5 years was going gluten free. I’m not one of those crunchy anti-medicine people at all, I know she does take medication too, and she needs to get a lot of rest, but I’m just relaying that because she’s definitely felt a huge improvement in her energy level and with her joint pain since giving up gluten. Sending you good, strong, healthy vibes! Take care of you (picture me saying this like Kit in Pretty Woman, haha.)

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      I’m sorry for your troubles. I’m an Atheist as well, and I’ve gotten shit for it from my in-laws for years over it. And I’m sure dealing with a chronic illness is hell.

    • WriterLady

      October 30, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending you love and hope that you can feel as healthy as possible. Autoimmune disorders are tricky, and I’ve long wished for quicker and more accurate diagnoses (along with better treatment methods), as I know several people affected by lupus and other disorders. I know it’s a difficult road. Hugs to you.

  4. Ursi

    October 30, 2014 at 10:29 am

    I dig the spirit of this. Being childless by choice, I only find it offensive when people assume my life is lacking something essential. I don’t really take offense to the idea that all things being equal it’s harder to be a parent, you know, be responsible for a child. Because I believe it is. When family members with small kids occasionally complain about how hard it is I nod sympathetically and I think, damn, that sounds miserable. My life seems so stress-free in comparison. Makes me feel okay, things could always be worse, I could be parenting a 2 year old.

    As long as people don’t give me the “must be nice to have so much free income” (we don’t) or “you don’t know love” then it’s all fair game. My childless life is pretty low-key and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 30, 2014 at 10:47 am

      I think what irks me about this kind of thing, every time, is that being a parent is a choice. Even if a person doesn’t get pregnant on purpose, being a parent (as opposed to terminating/adopting out) is a choice. Certainly not any easy one, but a choice nonetheless. We all make choices and live with them.

      I have a cousin with three kids. She whines constantly about how hard her life is. She comments on everyone’s tired/sick/busy/stressed posts with “Try it with three kids!” (and so on.) Honestly, it’s all I can do to refrain from replying, “Who told you to have three kids? Not me!” Because really…..

      I don’t have kids, so I don’t have the specific challenges that come with kids. But I do have a job, and home, and a husband, and family obligations, and a chronic illness, and and and …. we all have stuff.

      The other thing that irks me about this type of post is that they are so frequent. Not just here but basically everywhere online. How many times do parents need to parentsplain to us about this? Sheesh lol we are not idiots, just not parents.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Ahh but you’re missing such an easy opportunity to shut that crap down when you hear it. Mommy Martyrs, real devout Mommy Martyrs want it both ways. They want to lord it over those without children that they have the “real true love” and the meaningful life AND they want everyone to know about all the difficult sacrifices they have to make because life is so hard.

      But you can’t have it both ways, right? That’s why I prefer to take the “my life might be hard but at least I don’t have kids to make it even harder” attitude. Because then when I get the whinging and complaining I just have to say, “Wow, that SUCKS. Your life sounds terrible, I feel so bad for you.” And then watch them founder as they realize they have just made my case for me. Oh, sorry, did you mean to say, “I love my kids and it’s all worth it”? Too late! Yes. Yes my life is awesome. Thanks for justifying my choice to not have children. Boom!

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 30, 2014 at 11:30 am

      You know Ursi, it’s exactly posts like yours that make me love hanging out here. I dig your posts, even when we kind of sort of disagree. Gold star for you. * (sorry it’s so small)

      And yes, you’re right – I could/should totally call people out on this bs, but I try so hard not to fight with people on facebook because it seems so … stupid. I shouldn’t let it bother me, I know that, but as someone who is childless by circumstance and not choice, I get so irritated. Like please, complain more about your kids – I’ll happily take them off your hands, ingrate! <- I know that's not fair, but part of my brain really honestly does go there. It's like complaining about having too much money or a husband who thinks your ass is too perfect. Really?!
      Serious sidenote: I totally get that some parents' lives are actually, truly complicated. For those people, I have bottomless sympathy. For those who were lucky enough to have kids and then can't shut up about how AWFUL THEY ARE and how TOUGH LIFE IS … I just can't. Ugh.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      Aw, thanks 🙂

      I totally understand what you’re saying. People should really tone down the complaining in all aspects of life. I don’t think it would be unreasonable to drop a hint to a clueless FB friend now and again. And nothing shuts down a martyr like agreeing with them.

      And now I feel like looking for a George Michael gif for anyone complaining their ass is too perfect.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 30, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Lol George Michael, love it!

      Yes, too much complaining across the board. Maybe when people complain about how terrible their life is, I’ll respond with the video for “Everything Is Awesome” instead. That way they will either change or be really annoyed. A win either way, I think.

      Someone once told me, “Not every day is good, but there is good in every day.” Brilliant.

    • guest

      October 30, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      You motivated me to find this:

      Sidenote: Don’t google “George Michael ass” if you aren’t prepared for a fair amount of gay porn to come up in the images.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 7:36 am

      LMAO!!!

    • guest

      October 30, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      It was supposed to be this, not the still: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcp4rz1dXa1rjtca0o1_500.gif

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      I totally agree! My life is in a special sort of limbo right now–just a couple weeks ago, I thought that I’d be gearing up for the last and longest stage of my move to SoCal right about now. But the project I’m committed to in Denver suffers from a very high Clusterfuck Index of multiple people with varying schedules, so I will be living on my friend’s couch until it’s finalized, which could be another month at this rate. Plus, my geriatric cat was getting too stressed out at the kennel, so my friend agreed to let him come stay with me, and him, and…his, uh, exuberant two-year-old Doberman. Refereeing the two has been interesting.

      But it would be way worse if I were also trying to referee kids while balancing all the rest of this. The pets can go in separate rooms and forget there ever was another animal to fight with, bless their pea-sized little brains. The kids, especially if they had any of my genes and therefore my family’s grudge-holding potential, would already be Googling the worst nursing homes in America for use in considering where to put me someday.

  5. NIGHTHAVEN

    October 30, 2014 at 10:43 am

    I am trying to see the humor…. really…. but this just comes off as my life is so damn hard because I have kids and NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE UNDERSTANDS …UNLESS of course you have KIDS. Martyr! 1. its a choice to have kids. 2. being single doesn’t mean free time and LOADS of money. 3. being a parent does not mean NO adult convo no time for self or hubby and ONLY children. YES it is hectic and everything else but if you didn’t get out in 14 MONTHS then that is YOUR choice. Not showering for 4 days after 3 sick kids puke on you ya OK? reality check with humor please.

  6. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    October 30, 2014 at 10:45 am

    I really, really didn’t like the tone of this piece. Call me crazy, but stereotypes aren’t funny to me. I really didn’t like how it came across that childfree people have so much less to worry about, while simultaneously painting us breeders ike total martyrs.

    I have an aunt who’s childfree. Right now, she’d might say her life is hectic. Do you know why? She’s balancing her life, her job (complete with overtime), her partner, and along with that she’s pitching in to help my uncle who lives two hours away from her and just lost his wife suddenly after 25 years of marriage. She’s doing things for my cousins to help them keep functioning even while they are missing their mom, at one of the most important times of their lives (freshman year for one, senior year [with all the associated graduation prep] for the others). She also is the guardian for an adult who has been deemed incompetent by the courts and who has no one else to take care of him, and he’s having significant health problems, which require her to be on call 24/7 in addition to the time she makes for him anyway. Oh, and her cats. She’s got her cats and they are awesome. And yet, she’s still made time to be there for me to cry on the phone over losing my dog. So yeah, her life is hectic. And it’s got nothing to do with the Bachelor. I have no idea how she is managing it all, but I plan to treat her to all.the.drinks. when I get a chance.

    I really understand that it was meant to be funny. I really do. But I think pieces like this are misguided.

    • TheQuirkyDiva

      October 30, 2014 at 10:50 am

      I’m with you, completely. This piece was borderline ugly.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 30, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Exactly. It (and frankly all the posts like it) are so dismissive. Is this a new thing? Like, an internet thing? I remember my parents being parents, but also being people (with LIVES, ya’ll) and not needing a pat on the back for their troubles.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 10:52 am

      I really feel like it goes hand in hand with parenting in the digital age.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 30, 2014 at 11:24 am

      Which brings up an interesting point – maybe these Woe Is Mom types wouldn’t be so stressed and overbusy if they just got off the dang internet?!

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 11:31 am

      It does help! 🙂

    • STB

      October 30, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      ‘Woe Is Mom’

      Totally stealing that. 😉

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 31, 2014 at 7:38 am

      I can’t take credit – as far as I know, belongs to Blair over at STFUP. But hey, steal away! 🙂

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 10:57 am

      Definitely missed the mark.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 10:59 am

      I am really glad that it wasn’t just me. I know I can be touchy on the subject because I know a variety of childfree/childless people, who are all living hectic lives, so I can take this stuff personally on their behalf…

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:01 am

      She managed to make the parents sound awful too. I get where she was going but it came across as: Parents=whiny whiners childless=clueless assholes

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 11:06 am

      I know. I hate it because I can see the overall arching theme, but it’s just really hard to play off stereotypes in a meaningful way.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Me too! I read it and thought, ‘wow, this is awful, am I being too sensitive?’. I get that’s it’s trying to be funny, but it doesn’t really go far enough where it feels like satire, and it mostly just makes me feel like a childless asshole.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      If it makes you feel any better, it made me feel like a child-ed asshole…

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Asshole fist bump my friend. Solidarity.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      And thank you for doing so. I’m tired of my problems being trivialized because I haven’t been #blessed yet. Hectic means hectic.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      No thanks necessary. Compassion and understanding should be default positions. 🙂

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Wholeheartedly agree. I do so wish we could get everyone on board with that.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Necessary? We can debate that. Wholly deserved? Totally.

    • Emee

      October 30, 2014 at 11:15 am

      My mother in law’s life is always “SO BUSY” because she works something like 10 hours a week (but not every week) and does things like spend a month+ washing and re-hemming every curtain in the house because “they shrink every time I wash them!” She also recently decided to wash all of the ceilings in her house. I feel ok judging her for her definition of “busy” but I do NOT feel ok comparing parent busy to non-parent busy.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 11:33 am

      I think there’s a difference between knowing someone and not knowing them. Most people I try not to judge, but occasionally, there’s an instance where it’s like, “What the fuck?” And it’s not based on their generic identities, it’s based on specific aspects of them, personally, if that makes sense.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      I think there’s a difference between knowing someone and not knowing them.

      I can’t believe I wrote that sentence…I caught it while scrolling down just now and WTF was I thinking? #Proofreading #WhoWillBeMyCommentEditorInChief

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 3:50 pm

      Dude, I’ve made so many typos here I bet no one believes English is my first language

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      I read it really quick while scrolling and was like…I did NOT type that….

      But I did.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      I’m one of those people who froths at the mouth at homophone confusion, and yet I’ve left some comments that have made me yell, “Damn you, autocorrect!” Not in the usual sense, either, more the “Why didn’t you catch that!” sense.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      This might be my favorite comment ever.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:15 pm

      Did yo realize there was a difference between knowing and not knowing people prior to that? I apparently did not…

    • alexesq33

      October 31, 2014 at 10:52 am

      LOL

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      I got what you meant. Which puts your comment far ahead of some of mine which were just plain illegible.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      It gave me a good chuckle reading it back through, though. I thought to myself, “Why yes, there is a difference, self, now that you mention it…” 😉

    • Emee

      October 31, 2014 at 4:44 am

      Totally. I just enjoy taking the mickey out of my MIL and this article brought that specific judgey-ness to the forefront of my mind!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Right on. If I were still teaching writing, I’d use this as an example of how just a few changes to the wording would make this a more relatable piece. Because I too see how this *could* be funny, but even in spite of the fact that I admit that I fit a lot of childfree stereotypes and love it, it still irked me a little.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I know. I said it somewhere else, but I can see the overall arching theme…I just think it missed the mark. Especially with our audience.

    • Tina

      October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      I totally agree. The audience here is awesome for that very reason. I love Mommyish because most of the writers and commenters are down to earth and realistic yet give us childfree folk hope for the future that a) just because parenting is hard and challenging, life will not be a completely showerless, sexless, cabin fever-inducing hellhole once I have kids, and that b) I will not turn into an unbearable martyr of a human being whose previous identity will vanish completely into thin air once I have kids. Sure, I could get offended at how vapid and shallow she presents the non-parents to be, but mostly it just makes me sad for her and all those parents who do see life this way once they have kids.

    • alexesq33

      October 31, 2014 at 10:09 am

      this rubbed me the wrong way a bit too, despite the fact that it fits me pretty well both before and after kids. I was very much a partier before and now just have no freaking time or energy and it’s hard to want to do so when you know you’re gonna be up at 4:30/5am every weekend morning. Not to say others don’t have struggles, but this is pretty much my experience (obvs not the ridiculous parts.)
      That said, I really didn’t like the tone either it felt patronizing to both sides, or something, just “not right”…

    • Valerie

      November 2, 2014 at 11:15 pm

      Thank you – “patronizing to both sides is exactly what I though when I saw this.

      As a person without kids I am tired of having a certain set of parents feel that they need to educate people like me because we couldn’t possibly fathom how children create new joys and stresses in our friends’ lives.

      Of course we can, we aren’t morons, and, honestly, the parents I count as friends with are not the perpetually harried martyrs that seem to populate the interwebz.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      My husband and I pretty busy (and we are currently childless but if all goes well we will not be in early June!), but man – just reading about your aunt makes me tired! She sounds like an amazing woman.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      And she does not even know it.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      A lot of people like that don’t, and that seems to make them more incredible to the rest of us! 🙂

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Your aunt sounds awesome. I hope that when she needs the help, karma comes around and she is taken care of the way she has taken care of others.

      And I’m so sorry about your dog. It’s really a huge loss and it’s extra hard because not everyone understands.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      I don’t know about karma, but I know I will be. She seriously is an amazing person and has no idea how great she is or how much she touches lives. She thinks she’s a crabby liberal ole crazy cat lady (she’s not even close to old either…). 😉

    • EX

      October 30, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      Agreed. The whole “haven’t left the house after 8 PM in 14 months” thing particularly annoyed me (on the parent side). Being a parent does not have to mean the end of your social life.

    • Allyson_et_al

      October 30, 2014 at 9:16 pm

      I haven’t left the house after 8 PM voluntarily in a couple of years, but that’s because of agoraphobia/crippling social anxiety.

    • Garavriel

      October 30, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      I completely agree. Maybe I don’t have kids but I’m in graduate school, juggling classes, homework, 20 hours a week interning at a children’s psych hospital, a long distance relationship, work study, and just general life stuff. Just because I work very hard to make sure I take a day off every once in a while and relax does not mean my life isn’t hectic.

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 30, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Grad student internet high-five!
      I’m also in a long distance relationship, though I’m a lot closer to the boyfriend now than I was for my undergrad. 4.5 hours now instead of 18-20!

    • Laura

      October 31, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Your aunt sounds awesome. I hope she gets a break soon. And I’m very sorry for your loss. It must have been really hard to lose your beloved pet, and I’m glad you have an awesome support system to help you.

  7. TheQuirkyDiva

    October 30, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Wow. This is the kind of crap that gives “Mommy blogging” a bad name. Good humor has a firm basis in reality. This just comes across as whiny and judgmental. No bueno.

  8. MomOf1+2

    October 30, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Isn’t this the kind of article Mommyish usually makes fun of?

    • ActionComics25

      October 30, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Yes! I’m hoping that the reaction in the comments will keep it that way.

    • PAJane

      October 30, 2014 at 11:04 am

      Yep. People who post articles like this on FB become content for STFU Parents.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Absolutely. Reading it, I was completely repulsed. I was kind of planning to make a negative comment, but I knew that my fellow commentors would have already harpooned it so I wouldn’t have to!

    • EditKitten

      October 30, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      I kept reading it going, Wait, it CANNOT just be me reacting so badly. The commentariat has made me feel a little saner today. 🙂

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      It does that for me on a regular basis! 🙂

  9. Lackadaisical

    October 30, 2014 at 10:54 am

    As a parent this missed the mark for me too. I am not really interested in competing in the suffering Olympics and I don’t think my life is any harder than for those with no kids. Yes, there will be things I find stressful that child free people don’t need to worry about, but then there are also stresses and pressures on child free people that I don’t have to worry about. I chose to have kids and I am enjoying it. It isn’t one long martyred nightmare. Those who have no kids have lives that are equally important, stressful and rewarding as me. Why do we have to undermine and dismiss other people’s problems to make our own seem more valid?

  10. Jen TheTit Whisperer

    October 30, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I’m sure it was supposed to be funny, but for me it made it seem like childless people are flighty twits and parents are child obsessed. My hectic life sounds nothing like that childless person you described. It’s not a competition. But you make parents sound like whiny martyrs and the childless sound like vapid carefree people who have not a single iota of self awareness.

  11. ActionComics25

    October 30, 2014 at 11:00 am

    I’m really disappointed in this peice. As a bunch of great commenters have already said this is super trivializing to those who don’t have kids. The last thing we need is to perpetuate is that people with kids think this is what their child free friends are like.

  12. MC Dangerfield

    October 30, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Man, am I glad I’m not the only one who winced at this one. I understand it was supposed to be a cheeky humor piece, but geez.
    At least the GIFs were awesome.

  13. CMJ

    October 30, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Oh man. This is bad.

    ETA: I should add – this kind of article is completely against what I thought Mommyish was about. I’ve been here for a while and it’s been a while since I’ve been so offended by a piece on here.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 11:21 am

      The last article that offended me was the “I’m fat I look fat fat fay fat” o e from scary mommy. That one really bugged me.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 11:21 am

      That one was pretty bad too.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:24 am

      I’ve been pretty disappointed with Scary Mommy as a whole lately. Not just here on M’ish.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 11:38 am

      I never read St, so my first exposure was the article on Mish. I’m pretty certain it’s not for me. I’ll hang around here with the cool kids. 🙂 read: you all are stuck with me.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:41 am

      I’ve enjoyed a lot of the past posts. But lately it’s taking a bit of a mean edge. :/ and we’d just come find you anyway, I mean, you have Oakland Booty! Who is just going to let that walk?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      True. Oakland Booth doesn’t just come along every day

    • March

      October 30, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      Hear hear. Also, HEAR EFFING HEAR.

  14. LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

    October 30, 2014 at 11:08 am

    So, I think this was meant to poke fun at the stereotypes CF and Mommy Martyrs have for each other. Unpopular opinion time: I didn’t find it offensive. It’s pretty funny. I see it as “oh, you think all CF people are living it up and complaining about not being able to day drink?” or “so all mom’s are mombies who can’t talk about anything other than their own suffering?”. Basically sarcasm about stereotypes.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 11:11 am

      I REALLY hope it’s supposed to be sarcasm. I honestly hope I didn’t get it.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      If it was sarcasm, it wasn’t very deftly written as such. I’m not trying to be a turd to the writer, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a boatload of us feel this way.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 11:14 am

      This was my assumption too

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:14 am

      I think that’s what it was but, like a couple other newer writers. I think maybe it wasn’t the best way to open. Because I’m not seeing the sarcasm.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 11:27 am

      Yea, the sarcasm honestly just reads like a lot of things that are already out there about how much harder it is to be a parent. It doesn’t play off those stereotypes as much as just echo them IMO.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 11:30 am

      Yep. I think if it were someone we were more familiar with we would have gotten the joke. Or As Wicket Prophet pointed out, that ONE line might have made a difference. It’s ok. Not every post is going to hit it out of the park. I’m just glad I wasn’t the only one!

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 11:14 am

      I know it’s supposed to be sarcasm, but I think what missed the mark for me is painting it as a dictionary. Instead of saying “This is what you hear when they say…”, the dictionary spin says, “This is what they mean when they say…” and it’s quite a different tone.

      Well, you can breathe easy now, with this helpful non-parent/parent dictionary.

      That’s the quote that I think changed the entire meaning of the piece, honestly.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      October 30, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      I didn’t see the sarcasm at all.

  15. aCongaLine

    October 30, 2014 at 11:08 am

    eh, busy is busy. hectic is hectic.

    My life was WAY more busy and hectic and filled with bad stress before i had kids- 3 jobs, one of which required me to live at the facility for 12 weeks at a time, which put stress on my relationship. I was only in charge of feeding myself, so my diet was awful, with a side of convenience. I hydrated on coffee because 3 jobs meant no time for rest. My principal kept promising me classroom teaching positions, only to turn me down, and then ask me to take on other teachers’ leaves, which I did, hoping it would illustrate how well I taught, which would lead to a full time classroom job, all while suspending my health insurance, because I technically had to leave my current job to take the leave job. My blood pressure was high, just like my stress level, and I spread myself way too thin. It was unhealthy.

    Have been able to stay home with my tiny humans, slow down, quit two of my three jobs, and nanny a friend’s baby. Sure, there’s stress, but it’s totally not the same.

  16. misskris

    October 30, 2014 at 11:43 am

    So where do I get this awesome life that I’m supposed to have as a child-free person? The “haven’t been getting out much” part sounds the best.

  17. guest

    October 30, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Guest comments don’t seem to be showing up, do they just take longer?

    • guest

      October 30, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      Edit: so of course this one shows up. My original comment that seems to have gotten lost, was that at first this article’s title was off putting. I didn’t think breeder was a very nice term for a gravid lady (right?) and calling yourself that is kind of condescending–most parents seem to like the idea that they’re more than breeders. But reading it, what it really feels like (if not sarcasm) is that this woman is feeling this way about herself…. and then projecting it out onto everyone else. As in, “I didn’t change… my uterus didn’t eat my identity. It’s my friends who are all vapid ninnies. I’m doing the best, hardest, most consuming job ever and I’m really not regretting how it’s going at all!”
      ……… Which is fine, I guess, if you like the whole barefoot and pregnant broodmare thing for day to day life. Not judging that necessarily, everyone has their own groove; just make sure your husband gets you reshod every once in a while with the good horseshoes. Got to have good arch support because you know moms are always on their feet and never sit down ever! 🙂

    • guest

      October 30, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      One last edit: Upon rereading the article I can see where it’s really more obvious that it was satirical. Sometimes it takes a bit to sink in.
      ….. However, I think we can just pin this projection issue on that Truth person and be set with a decent comment still yet. Would this be a case for sorry not sorry?

  18. Personal

    October 30, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Loved, loved, loved this. And it describes ME to a tee. I have no idea what OTHER childfree folks lives are like when they say they’re stressed or tired, etc, but it describes past-me perfectly. 🙂 (PS I haven’t seen my husband naked since the ‘baby’ was born and he’s almost 2.)

  19. Elizabeth Wakefield

    October 30, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Not everything in my life relates to my child. Sometimes my life is hectic because that’s how life goes.

  20. FishQueen

    October 30, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    So apparently as a childfree person (who never got a chance to make that choice, thanks), I have money to go do all this cool stuff? Awesome! Where do I find that? AND I get to see my partner? Wow, I must be doing this all wrong.

    Everybody has their own hardships, and nobody’s lives look the same. Acknowledging this takes a level of compassion I expect from my young niece. So far, she seems to be doing better than some adults.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Yup. Where do I get my payment for uterine vacancy? If you find that out, pitch me in please? :<

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      BRB, searching for the endless wine cellar these articles seem to also think I have.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      I just want the loads of money I apparently have being childless. That way I can build the endless wine cellar.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      I can’t drink wine in large enough quantities to justify a wine cellar anymore, but all the money that’s supposed to be banked in my uterus in lieu of babies would allow my cat and me to spend the inter-moving period shacked up in the Brown Palace downtown. How do I access those funds?

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      If you find them, my cats and I would like to be your neighbors at the Brown Palace.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      And if we were, we could obviously party it up all night long, so I’ll keep searching! :p

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      Not sure i’m researching but I need to know what the fee per month I’m childless is. Because I’m owed a LOT of back pay.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      And when you do, be sure to party with all the childless people, because every last one of us has scads of free time for that!

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      You are probably posting this from your bathtub, while you simultaneously day drink and Internet shop.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      You know it! I’m also eating designer brioche donuts because I know I’ll have time to hit the gym.

      I’m certainly not sitting in the dingy closet of a breakroom eating a kind of stale peanut butter sandwich because I didn’t have time to make a decent lunch in between my two jobs.

      God, that donut sounds good.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Is there any tequila? Oh man, I hope there’s tequila, because I’ve been needing some of that as of recently.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      There is if you want there to be! Our lives are a booze filled gourmet food nicely scented beige furniture wonderland!

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:16 pm

      And cat-shaped pillows, please. Or actual cats!

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      Cats who are willing to be used as pillows. EVERYWHERE.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      Beige? Ew. I want none of that.

      Nicely scented sounds good though…;)

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 9:18 pm

      Beige, for no-jam smattered hand shall marr its pristine upholstery.

      (In actuality, I agree with you- beige is blah, and I am way more likely to stain it than any little person.)

    • alexesq33

      October 31, 2014 at 11:00 am

      This, my husband uses me as the reason we can’t have nice things LOL. I don’t care – poop brown couch FTW!

    • FishQueen

      October 31, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      Mine is also a questionable brown, and man, it works for us. Neither spaghetti sauce nor spilled juice nor melted chocolate ruins my furniture.

  21. meteor_Whoricorn_echo

    October 30, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    I’m 26, childfree, and am going to stay that way until I die. Now let’s look at what my life is like right now.

    1) I’ve been studying in another town lately, and my courses are outright exhausting. I spent an astronomic sum of money for secondary expenses, quit my job to study fulltime, and now I have to ask my boyfriend for money. I’ve lived with an abusive relative and only recently escaped from her – and I haven’t seen my cat, the only creature in this country that I really love, for three. Fucking. Months. All this shit makes me want to drink myself into a stupor or to start cutting again. Life is hectic indeed.
    2) I haven’t had sex for three years. The boyfriend lives in another country, and neither of us are into open relationships. Also, the place I’m currently renting has shit connection, so I haven’t been able to have webcam sex with the boyfriend for three months. I’d kill to have him live in the same house as me.
    3) Just three weeks ago I escaped from my abusive grandmother, who ended up screaming profanities at me after months of my trying to ignore her increasing abusiveness. I wanted to smash her head into the wall for all of those three months. I drank. A LOT.
    4) I’ve only been getting out to the nearby park for an hour on two on weekends. Hopefully I’ll be able to hike sometime soon again.
    5) Ahahahahaha what vacation. Haven’t had one since ’09, except for that half a year I spent looking for a job in ’12. It was definitely not a vacation.

    Life is not Suffering Olympics. It’s life, and the childfree have it just as bad as parents do.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      Are you sleeping regularly? Are you eating? Do you have the ability to change your circumstances? Yes, yes and yes? Then sorry – your life is not as hard as those w/ kids. We can’t just give them back. Or take a break. Ever. You can do plenty to change your circumstances if you really want to. Babies and kids require 24/7 care. Your life allows for some breaks some times.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      Oh if we are going to play that game: You opted to have kids, you don’t get to bitch.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      Sure, I opted to have kids. But once you have them, there is no turning back. Whereas with other life choices of the child free (going back to school, taking a new, more stressful job, entering a romantic relationship, etc) there are ways to opt out if the going gets tough. But people with kids are locked in for life. Yes, a choice. And one I would never change. But one without any breaks and few options when the going gets tough.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      Ok ok. You win the Suffering Olympics today. Mostly because I don’t care.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      You could totally give your kids to the state if they suck so much.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      “with other life choices of the child free (going back to school, taking a
      new, more stressful job, entering a romantic relationship, etc) there
      are ways to opt out if the going gets tough. But people with kids are
      locked in for life.”

      I keep trying, and I don’t even know what to say to this. It is literally too ridiculous and hyperbolic for me to respond. Good day.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      That’s where I’m at. It kinda sounds like my little cousin who thinks that I, as an adult, can spend my money on anything. Yes, small one, I have more buying power than you but I also have more responsibilities and, no, I cannot buy All The Toys on a whim. But it’s ok that he doesn’t get that right now. He’s 5. Empathy and ability to picture alternative situations is a bit beyond him. Not sure what truth’s excuse is.

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      October 30, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      When I need a break I get a babysitter. Life with kids allows for breaks sometimes, you just have to make them happen.

    • Sara

      October 30, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      I’m child-free. But I also have a chronic pain condition that makes me want to peel my skin off just to see if it might help or if I could maybe see the bad parts inside of me. Once I fucking had it there’s no going back. You might be locked to yours kids for life by blood but you can kick them out of your home and out of your life if you ever so decide. I have no breaks and zero fucking options. Kindly, take your stupid opinion and go.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      No, I have chronical insomnia that makes it easy for me to wake up and hard to fall asleep again. I’m not eating properly because I’m short on money. And you’re a mommyjacker and should go away before I chew you up and spit you out. Thank fuck I’m childfree, because if I turned into a person like you, I’d ask someone to take me out to the backyard and shoot me like a limp horse.
      Eff off.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Get some sleep pills. You are so touchy.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Okay. Listen. You are literally telling people to get pills and therapy and dismissing their VERY REAL hardships. And then you tell them they are “touchy?”

      You are the fucking worst.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      You can always tell when someone is a terrible person because they upvote their own posts.

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Ha! That’s awesome.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      Now that is Truth. 😉

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      L O L. Didn’t notice that!

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Stop getting high on your child’s crap-filled diapers. You’re fucking toxic.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Give me money to buy sleep pills, lady. Oh and, feed me, while you’re at it.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      I am not sleeping. I am not eating regularly. I don’t have the ability to change my circumstances.

      You know who else requires 24/7 care? ME. ugh.

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      What the hell are you talking about? I have a child and I take plenty of breaks. Because I’m not a martyr and my kid doesn’t need or want my constant attention.

    • Dirty Old Lady Phillips

      October 30, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      My kid totally wants my attention constantly. I take breaks anyway. I will literally say to Face, “Ok, I need 5 minutes of Mommy Time.” I think this is healthy and normal and sane. A happy Mommy is a good Mommy.
      But yes, the last time I checked, no one was giving out awards for being a fucking martyr.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      Yes you have “A” child. Not several. It’s different. Talk about martyr!

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      I don’t think you understand what martyr means. My best friend has 3 kids under 4, one is an infant, and we spent the afternoon drinking coffee and laughing at your comments. If parenting is that hard, you’re doing it wrong.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      So ignoring your kids all afternoon is how you do it “right?” Oh, how silly of me!

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      Well yeah, you mean to tell me that isn’t how it’s done?

      PS quit upvoting yourself. Gawd.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      You forgot to mention the booze.

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Booze is a given!

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      So, you’ve been here responding for quite some time. How did you magically find the time to do so? Were you *gasp* ignoring your kids?

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      *wondering where Stephanie/Truth’s children are…*

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      Wait…so now people with only one child are on your shit list of lazy-asses?

      WTF?

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      No – but don’t come in here with your “one” kid and say how much you get done and how the rest of us with 3 or 4 kids under age 5 are in the same boat! When I had one kid, I got SOOO much done too. But I wouldn’t dare suggest that everyone else w/ multiple children should have it just as easy!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Just wait. She’ll be up to those with just two kids, or those with only older kids or only younger kids or those with 4 kids since the oldest can, of course, take on parenting duties while her 3 are hers alone. Then when she’s blown past that she’ll probably start in on anyone who has family or friends on the same continent. Then one of her kids will develop an illness or need special care. Not sure what comes after that but I look forwards to finding out. In a gawking onlooker sort of way.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Cute.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      Honestly, the way she’s trolling I suspect it’s less mother of three and more pathetic teenager hanging out in a basement trying to see how big a rise he can get out of us all.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Sorry to disappoint. Real mommy here. Is it that hard for you to believe that people could have a different opinion than you? I work my ass off all day taking care of my 3 kiddos. I lived a hectic life before kids so I have that reference point. And I can say that child free have it easier than people with kids. Why do I have to be a “troll” to have this opinion? Is this seriously hard for everyone to comprehend?

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      “And I can say that child free have it easier than people with kids.”

      And I can say you’re dead wrong.

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      Yes, it is difficult to comprehend how someone that knows an extremely small fraction of earth’s population can unequivocally state “child free have it easier than people with kids”. Most people recognize that everyone’s life is different and that that means you can’t make sweeping generalizations. YOU may have had it easier while CF, that doesn’t mean that is true for anyone else.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      You should log in with your usual account.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      You’re giving my friend NTNA a hard time. I call troll. She’s childfree and she never did a thing to you. I think you just like harrassing CF people

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      October 30, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      mommy martyr alert. And you chose to have kids, as much as people here chose to go to school, or to work or blablablabla. I would advise you quit now because you just seem to dig yourself in deeper every minute.

    • Guinevere

      October 30, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      Have you been checked for post-partum depression/anxiety/psychosis? If mothering makes you feel the way you describe, there could be some benefit in a discussion with a trusted care provider. I too have felt overwhelmed at times, but never felt the need to attack the childless. I am a little concerned for you.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      October 30, 2014 at 3:15 pm

      Maybe she needs some pills and therapy.

      And a hug.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      I forgot hugs make it all better.

    • Guinevere

      October 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      i thought you were in the mental health field, sheesh!

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      I suck at it apparently. Tho, I am totes making good money for hugs.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      Big chubby hugs.

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Seriously?

    • Guinevere

      October 30, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      fat-shaming?

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      Wow, that was seriously uncalled for.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      Oh, go be stupid somewhere else.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      October 30, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      They really do. #truth

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      So your kids never go to school and are also awake 24 hours a day? You’re making me scared of the life I will hopefully soon have and have fought like hell to get.

    • Dirty Old Lady Phillips

      October 30, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Wait. What? I just woke up from a nap while my son is at preschool. HAHAHAHA YOU MUST BE NEW AT THIS.
      Troll.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Yes you with your one child in preschool. How about the 2 year old and 7 month old in addition to the preschooler? Idiot.

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Le sign. Le eye roll. Le YAWN.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      OMG.

    • Dirty Old Lady Phillips

      October 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Interesting that you seem to have so much time to troll on this article though. See, you could have been napping instead.

      But that’s ok. I’ll take all the naps for you. You are so jealous of my luxurious mid-day romps through dreamville. You are sweating my jammies hardcore. While you’re busy being a martyr, I’m eating Halloween candy in mah bedddddddd.

      What you got to say now, bish?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      I think imma go have a nap now that you mentioned it…

    • Dirty Old Lady Phillips

      October 30, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      Make sure you eat candy in bed too. It should go candy, nap, more candy.

    • Allthingsblue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      I’ve had a preschooler, a two year old, and a 7 month old before and I’ve never been the horrible person you are presenting to this discussion.

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      October 30, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      Babysitter’s are a wonderful thing. You really need one so you can take a break to un-bunch your panties.

    • Blueathena623

      October 30, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      Jesus, if you hate kids so much why did you have two of them? Or is it a religious thing?

    • Azy

      October 30, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      Dude. I have five, all under the age of seven, the youngest being six months. It was a choice to have kids. And sure, I can’t change it but guess what? Unless you have unlimited money, people without kids can’t change their lives either. My life isn’t easy but some people have it way worse than me, INCLUDING people without kids. Chill. The. Hell. Out.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 6:51 pm

      Preach it. Whenever people start on about how us childfree folks can do whateeeeverrr we waant, I’m kind of like, uh, no, I would love to be able to move into a place where the neighbors don’t get shitfaced every night and throw things, and afford decent glasses instead of these cheap ass things that keep breaking, and breathe underwater, but life and reality get in the way. And part of acknowledging reality is knowing that there are people in this world who would love to have my problems, both child-ed and not.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Two year old and 7 month old can go to daycare. Voila. I just solved your problems.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      PEOPLE WITH KIDS DON’T HAVE OPTIONS! THEY ARE LOCKED INTO THEIR MISERABLE EXISTENCES FOR LIFE! FOR!!!! LIFE!!!!

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      Well, then. Guess I should rethink that having kids thing… I mean, there’s still shit in Colorado I haven’t done yet because I’ve been squandering my childfree life by working.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      In addition to that, there’s shit I haven’t done in Colorado because I’ve spent my free time doing other shit in Colorado. It’s a huge state! I’m pretty sure this state is why baby backpacks and all-terrain strollers exist, however. 😉

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      But… but if I have a kid, I must never do anything as selfish as breathe air outside. I mean, what if I take the baby for a run and he or she catches ebola?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      It’d be pneumonia-Ebola-West Nile, dontchaknow!

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Touche.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      (But, no, seriously, I have been eyeing some of those all-terrain strollers.)

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      I’m married so I have no options to go out and have random sex with random guys and instead come home to this one guy I love and who does the dishes all the time and doesn’t complain when I haven’t brushed my hair or put in contacts. WHERE ARE MY VIOLINS??? I’LL NEVER ESCAPE THIS HORROR!!

      Oh, wait. Choices. Made mine. And there’s benefits to either lifestyle and maybe I’m being a little unfair in my overgeneralizations and overtrivializations of the other side? Nope. Can’t be.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      Umm…no. Never. No daycare for my babies. Nope nope nope nope!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      Then you have nobody but yourself to blame for your self-inflicted prison. You can’t disallow help from everyone while martyring yourself.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Well, you have the ability to change your situation and you’re refusing to.

      http://media.giphy.com/media/ukoTQGBQyMjXa/giphy.gif

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      Then don’t bitch about how you never get a break.

      Cause and effect. Booyah.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      It took you three tries to realize that kids were a burden you didn’t want? Damn, slow learner over here, people.

    • Guinevere

      October 30, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      I am legitimately concerned for you. 7 months postpartum is a time when certain issues arise, as I posted earlier, particularly if you have been breastfeeding and then your baby starts solid foods in addition. There’s a hormone flux at that point. Getting evaluated, even if you haven’t had problems with the previous postpartum periods, could do you a world of good.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      What kind of kids are you raising? Mine are nearly 8 and 4, and don’t require anything close to 24/7 care. I’ve slept regularly for the last 3 and a half years (a little longer), I eat regularly when I remember to (nothing to do with parenting–I’ve always been that way), and I most certainly have the ability to change my life. I made plans just last Sunday to attend a guest speaker from Americans United for Separation of Church and State. All by myself. No kids or husband.

      You should stop projecting…

    • Laura

      October 31, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      A lot of people are way worse off than you, as shown by these comments. But I’m not. Sure, I have responsibilities, but in general, I do what I want. I go to work, I come home, pay the bills, clean the house, etc. After that, my time is my own and I can quit my job, start a business, move to another country, etc. without major repercussions. I know that would go away if I had children, so i don’t have them. Certainly you must have known your life would change with children, and you still chose to have them. I don’t see why you get to complain when you chose this life. I have an easy life not because I lucked into it but because I structured it that way. Not my fault you chose a different path.

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Just wanted to say that I’m sorry things are really hard for you right now. It sounds like you’re working really had and doing a lot of the tough stuff to make your life better. I’m sorry that some people suck in real life and on the internet. As much as you can, brush them off. You’re doing a good job. You’ve got this.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Thank you <3
      I've had no perspectives in my region (I live in Crimea, and the job prospects went to total shit since it joined Russia). So I started courses in another city 12 hours away by bus, so that I could least get some sort of requalification. Now my parents pressure me to find a job in Moscow, but I want to find a smaller city to live in. I feel overstressed as fuck, and my life feels like a real mess. I hope I manage to do something that changes my life for better, really. Thank you again, you made my evening.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      If I could throw that far I’d throw you a plush TARDIS to cheer you up.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Could you throw me a plush Sailor Moon or Miku please? :3

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      *tosses all the Moon Plushies and Henshin* *accidentally tosses a Zoisite* Whoooops, that one was mine! 😉

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      Hahah. Have you been watching Crystal? I’m equally excited about the possible Shitennou/Senshi ship and sad at the lack of relationship between Zoisite and Kunzite. I can haz a conflict.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      Hell yeahhhh!!!!

      It’s like re-living my old memories, I love what they’re doing with Crystal, but the Zoisite/Kunzite is pure nostalgia, I miss it!

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Also, the new ending theme is glorious. I heard people complaining about it, but no complaints from me – and I also like the opening theme more than the old one, since it fits the Senshi much better. Man, can’t wait for the new episode this week.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      The spouse really digs the theme and he didn’t have the joy of growing up with the old one, it’s so awesome seeing new fans come to it.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      I think you should let him listen to “Otome no Policy” – the ending from Sailor Moon R. It’s lovely, catchy, and has really sweet and positive lyrics. I’ve been humming it to myself a lot, recently.

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      I would gladly give you a Miku plush if had the dough.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0-2lzA7_Cg

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      Oh godfuckingdamnit. I know the Popipo song by heart – so now I’m running around the room and singing it out loud.This is my adult childfree life, right there.

      Have an earworm, too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGawBjJd1j8

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      It sounds like you’re making amazing steps in the right direction, though I can totally see why you’d feel overwhelmed. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will pay off for you soon!

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      I just hope I find a job, really. These are flight attendant courses, so getting a job like that won’t be easy, as well as moving to another city (with a fuckton of things and a cat – not leaving my floof at my parent’s home!). I feel really overwhelmed.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      Awwww. I wish I could take your floof in for you, at least. 🙁 FWIW from someone who hasn’t done any professional work with the airline industry, I still think that if you speak even half as well as you write (in English, no less!), you’ll definitely be able to get a job.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      I’m fluent in English (I’ve been studying it since i was 3, and now I’m 26), so I hope that it ends up increasing my chances for a job. And hey, I think you’d like the floof, because he’s utterly charming and also very smart and snuggly :>

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:25 pm

      Awwwww!!!! :3 My fuzzball is charming and snuggly, though I do question his intelligence sometimes. :p I think you and your floof will do just fine. I would’ve never guessed that you were from a non-English-dominant country if you hadn’t explicitly mentioned it!

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 31, 2014 at 3:08 am

      http://i.imgur.com/nlsYpVr.gif Here’s my floof, licking the remnants of cat food off my finger. I picked him up after he was hit by a car, so he has several missing teeth and a damaged facial nerve (the left side of his muzzle won’t move), but he’s still adorable. He knows the Russian words for “fridge” (will come to sit near it), “home”, “dinner”, “no” and “Zoe” (the name of my parents’ cat – he’ll look for her if you ask him “Where’s Zoe?”).

      I miss him so much 🙁

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      Seconding this because it is a perfect way of stating it. I hope something improves soon enough.

  22. Maal

    October 30, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    Since various sources, prominent among which this very site, have been bending over backwards to assure everyone that NOT all parents are made of “OH WOE IS MOM/DAD”, I think we can safely assume that none of the above is true.

    Since none of the above is true, the only reason for posting this… piece would be ‘because it’s funny’.

    I find it about as funny as someone walking down the street and suddenly yelling “Aw maaan! Look at that HOUSE!”

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      I would laugh at that, though

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      Yeah, surprises are more funny than tired, mean stereotypes.

  23. Truth

    October 30, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Everyone is so SENSITIVE! Seriously, this is supposed to be FUNNY! And come on – I know you child free folks have some stress definitely. But let’s be realistic. At the end of the day, you can all decide to throw your feet up and binge watch TV, take a shower, stay up late and sleep in, drink yourselves into oblivion and not have kids to care for the next day at 6am, go to a bar on a whim, take a spontaneous drive ALONE….I could go on and on. Us folks w/ babies and small children simply cannot. So while we both experience stress, you have LOTS and LOTS more options for coping/burning off steam/chilling than we do. So stop pretending its the same. It’s just not.

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      Sadly supposed to be funny and actually funny are not the same thing. Also, hire a sitter or something.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Sure – hire a sitter here and there. Expensive and not practical on the reg.

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      If you don’t like your situation just change it.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      no. no.

      I wish I had lots of options. But you know what? My clinical depression and anxiety keep me from even thinking about those options.

      Ugh. I don’t even have a gif I am so angry at this comment.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      Go get some pills and therapy. Options. Boom.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      Adopt your kids out. Options. Boom.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      Aren’t you in the mental health field? So you do realize what an idiot you sound like, right?

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      I am which is why I feel confident in saying that your “pills and therapy” boom response oversimplified a very complicated issue. I merely responded in kind.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      I am in therapy.

      Seriously. Fuck you.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Don’t speak for mothers ever again. I am one, and you don’t speak for me. If your life sucks so damn bad, remember- nobody forced you into it.

      Boom.

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Way to be a douche about someone’s mental health issues. I think you’re lost. Baby Center is here – http://community.babycenter.com/

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Also, maybe The Bump.

    • WriterLady

      October 30, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      You’re just an a-hole who is here to insult everyone…whether we happen to be childless/childfree or parents. You’re sage advice: “Go get some pills and therapy. Options. Boom.” Sure, that will *fix* a major anxiety or depression disorder. Why didn’t we think of that before? Umm, no. It doesn’t always work that way, sweetheart. Please spend less time trolling, and more time reading up on topics of which you know nothing about before dolling out medical advice.

      We really did not need some pathetic, whiny, miserable troll ironically named “Truth” to come by and drop some knowledge on us. Focus on your kids, lady. Since they are all-consuming and daycare is oh-so-bad (cooties!!), you are surely neglecting your duties as mommy of the year. Tsk, tsk.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      I’m sad that there’s no gif because I know that means it’s bad. I’m sorry – very below-the-belt comment directed at you, and that’s not OK.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      Solidarity. Please ignore the troll.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      You also had LOTS and LOTS of options for preventing your life from becoming the teeming pit of misery it apparently is post-children. Apparently you didn’t choose to exercise any of them.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      You are a miserable human being. I have read your comments for months and they are all so negative and anti-child. What are you even doing here? This is a community for MOMMY folks. Go away.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      It’s called MommyISH for a reason, and I’m not the only childfree commenter on here. And while my life ain’t all sunshine and roses, I enjoy it overall, which would make me far less miserable than you seem to be. 🙂

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      You don’t have to be a mommy but it would be nice if you could even have a kind/decent/sympathetic/supportive thought about mommies. You are always just so down on motherhood. Find another cave for your misery.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      But you can tell childless people to get some pills and therapy?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Soooo either you haven’t read my comments, or your reading comprehension is somewhere below preschool, since I am completely and totally supportive of parents who love and treat their kids well–parenting simply isn’t something I’d choose for myself, however, and I fully admit that it’s partly because I don’t like small children. But seeing as how you don’t seem to be supportive of anyone, yourself or your kids included, I’m not sure what you’re still doing on here.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      sounds like someone’s a bit jealous of all that sweet freedom

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      Why can’t you try and have a kind/decent/sympathetic/supportive thought about the other people here who are sharing their struggles?

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      The only person who seems down on parenthood (I refuse to call a grown woman “mommy”) is you.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 30, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      Upvote strictly for the fact that I hate the “Mommy” club mentality.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Eh, NTNA is plenty supportive of me, and I’m a mom 🙂

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      You’re pretty awesome. I like to be supportive of awesome!

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      This is a community for people with and without kids. If you want to be an ass and a martyr, YOU can go away.

    • Kitsune

      October 30, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      I like this website specifically because it is welcoming to the childfree. I have people in my life who are both parents and childfree so I think it’s awesome to have a site that reflects that. You go away. I think Babycenter might be more what you’re looking for.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      October 30, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      No. It is a community for people (not only moms) that enjoy discussing parenting, feminism and snark. You’re the one who’s got it all wrong.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      Stalk much? Do us a favor and return to lurk mode.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Go back to whence you came from (aka CafeMom). Please. You’re no fun.

    • Shadow

      October 30, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      Woah. False.

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      “What are you even doing here? This is a community for MOMMY folks. Go away.” Actually, you should. It doesn’t seem like the majority of this community likes you very much. Beat it.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Plus, if a friend with kids (of whom I have lots) ever referred to herself as “MOMMY FOLK” I would straight up slap her in her face and tell her to get a grip. Of course, none of my friends whould do that, because they’re not assholes.

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Hahaha. Exactly. And the kind of people I’m friends with would be thankful for it.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      I happen to enjoy all the Childfree folks here. For the most part, they offer some awesome, much needed perspective. It’s the sanctimommies (and do I need to tell you who those are?) who I really can’t stand.

      I mean, it’s nice that you think because you squeezed out a kid that you have the right to tell people how to live their lives, but the only thing you did was..,squeeze out a kid. You didn’t learn the secret of love, the secret of life, or apparently the secret of how to be a decent human being. Here’s a hint- step one? Don’t tell people you don’t know they need pills. You’re not a mental health professional. Step two- remember that you’ve done precisely nothing that millions of other women haven’t done. Being a parent doesn’t make you special. Step three- find another website. You’re an ass.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      So, as a CFer who loves it here, I’m getting a little sniffly over all the awesome support and I don’t know if my small, unchilded heart (which hasn’t felt Real Love(tm) yet) can handle it without going full Oprah on you all. You get a cupcake and YOU get a cupcake and EVERYONE gets a cupcake! Even the grumps. Maybe the sugar (it’s practically a drug, right?) will help.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      I accept the cupcakes 🙂

      I hate it when people get all Mom of the Year on the Childfree. I am actually glad that, if you know for sure kids aren’t for you, you have made that decision before you actually had kids.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 4:30 pm

      With you on the love (though obvs. not Real Love (TM)) and desire to hand out cupcakes, but all my cupcakes are, uh, special…though maybe that will bolster the sugar?

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      I know! Really reaffirming the reason that I love coming here. Cupcakes for all!

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      1. Chill on the name calling.
      2. Mommyish is a site for EVERYONE, and we have a lot of child-free readers, dads, etc. They are a welcome and vital part of this community.
      3. Seriously. No more name calling.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      Ok, I will stop name calling. But there are plenty of others doing the same or worse back at me. Just sayin’

    • Hibbie

      October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Sorry to go a bit off topic, but will there be any further Dad ‘n Buried articles? Or articles from a father’s perspective? I really enjoy those contributions to Mommyish.

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      “You are a miserable human being. ” says the asshole making fun of people’s mental health issues and genuinely being a huge, colossal, whiny thunderjerk.

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      “Thunderjerk” That’s one to add the book.

    • EditKitten

      October 30, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      “Thunderjerk” = stealing.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Gonna need thunderjerk on a throwpillow…k? Thanks….

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      Thunderjerk. Awesome dig noted and filed.

    • Hibbie

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      I’ve been reading and commenting here for a while and have never come across any judgment or assholery from NTNA. I’ve also yet to come across a child-free troll. It’s unfortunate that I can’t say the same for the parental set.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      I wanted to say thank you, since I know I sometimes come across as a jerk in real life, so it’s nice to know I present myself better online!

    • Hibbie

      October 30, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      One of the best parts of the commenting section is that parents and child-free readers can have fun, be supportive, and share different perspectives. Just like in real life!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      That’s especially true here, which is why I keep coming back despite my closest brush with parenthood being random shouts at my cat to stop eating weird crap he finds on the floor and having him completely ignore me. Disagreements usually fall under the realm of debates rather than arguments–it’s fantastic!

    • nikki753

      October 30, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Even when crappy comments come from obvious nutjobs, sometimes they do still hurt. Which is almost worse because you know they shouldn’t bother you but they do. So, I just wanted to let you know that even though I don’t always agree with you 100%, I like you and I appreciate your perspective and there’s certainly nothing that qualifies you as a miserable human being.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Thank you so much! I’m thinking Frances is right and this is really someone who never left his mom’s basement, but even still, it’s nice to have the affirmation!

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Gee. I have three under the age of 10 and at one point two under two in diapers. And I was never as miserable as this Truth person. I’m thinking she’s actually a middle aged dude in his paren’t basement ODing on Mountain Dew and fucking with us.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      I think you’re right, and I actually hope you are–I would hate to think there are people who truly are that miserable after having children. I know parenting isn’t awesome 24/7 even if you were one of those people who always wanted children, but nothing in life will always make you happy. If this isn’t a troll, it sounds like nothing makes her happy ever.

    • TngldBlue

      October 30, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      That just simply isn’t true. Everyone has a different experience. Not all people with kids run around stressed out 24/7 and not all people without kids have the freedom to do whatever they choose.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      You are high.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      Mmm, most stoners I know aren’t nearly so bitter about their life choices. :p

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      I think she’s getting her buzz off Lysol and paint, those highs make people nuts.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      And poopy diapers. Best high in the world, I’ve been told.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      My Diet Mt. Dew is now on my monitor. Lol Thank you!

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      Ugh this makes me want soda. That is so not right. If only the wife wouldn’t murder me for having one….

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      Damn wives.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      Keeping me from my sugary, caffeinated delicious goodness.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      Are you allowed to sorta cheat and have the diet version?

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Nope. Never liked the fake sweet taste of diet sodas. 🙁 I’m allowed soda on special occasions and when we go out to dinner. I’m getting my legs waxed tonight. I’m calling it a special occasion.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      Since I was diagnosed with diabetes so young that I could never drink anything but diet, I’m the opposite–I can’t do real soda unless I’m hypoglycemic, and even then, I make faces. But go you! Sounds like tonight will be a good one! 😀

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Fair enough. 🙂 I know lots of people who prefer diet to regular, and lots of people in the other camp. I figure everyone do themselves for we are one big happy sugary (in one form or another) soda family. 😀

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      I’ll raise a glass of diet to that!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      They smell like popcorn. Or so I’ve been told.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Excuse me, that’s BUTTERED popcorn!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      Ah how silly of me. The secret is in the butter…

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      This whole series of responses…I upchuckled!

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Indeed. I hurked a tad as I was typing it. :p

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      So sad. ;_; Sorry about the giant life-altering time-sink you’ll be shackled to for the foreseeable future. I’m going to spend my evening getting drunk and dancing in my living room naked to the Saturday Night Fever album. Enjoy the kid!

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      October 30, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      NOPE. I have 2 kids under 2, and can categorically say that my child-free, boyfriend free good friend who is doing her Master’s while working has it WAAAAAAY harder than me. I go out more than she does right now.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      “At the end of the day, you can all decide to throw your feet up and
      binge watch TV, take a shower, stay up late and sleep in, drink
      yourselves into oblivion and not have kids to care for the next day at
      6am, go to a bar on a whim, take a spontaneous drive ALONE.”

      Ummm. No, no I can’t choose that. Because choosing to do that would make me a horrible person who doesn’t take responsibility of my life. Plus I would lose my job, my home, my family, my cats, and I would be alone and homeless on the streets just in time for winter. Yeah, that sounds great.

    • EditKitten

      October 30, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Bingo on all of that. Pretty sure 1) I’ve never taken a “spontaneous drive” anywhere, and 2) if I just went to the bar all the time and spent all the money my husband and I make, he’d be pretty pissed off that we couldn’t make the payments on the basement refurb we had to do after we got hit in Hurricane Sandy. Because we were all YOLO that week, pumping out our basement and being hit with $30K in damage and still having to go to WORK.

      Some of the coolest people I know are parents. BECAUSE THEY HAVE A GRIP ON REALITY.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      Haha, gas is way too expensive to be Sunday driving. I mean, what is this, the 1950’s?

      I hope the basement refurb is awesome, at least. Something good out of being swept away by a hurricane… 🙁

    • EditKitten

      October 30, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      But hey, it’s below $3 a gallon finally, so why not, amirite?! We don’t have kids, so we can do that!

      The basement refurb is finally done, which means I can finally make room for the potential nursery. We’re still paying it off and out the nose for it, so we’ve really had to back off on those weekly dinners at Per Se.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      At least until the elections Tuesday…

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      I did the spontaneous drive thing once in college and it was /amazing/, not going to lie. But that was college. Sometimes I wonder if the people who have this amazing view of my CF life vs. their childed one just had kids too early and just think that because their prekid days were college and awesome then my non-kid, post-college days must be just like theirs were. They aren’t. There’s goods and bads but it ain’t college anymore for any of us. Not that I want to go back, but that spontaneous drive and ability to pull an all-nighter afterwards was pretty sweet.

    • EditKitten

      October 30, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      See, I’m jealous of that college drive. 🙂 But at 36? Yeah, don’t think that’s gonna happen.

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      I’ve noticed this misconception, too. There are people out there who really think that if you don’t have kids you MUST very young and free of adult responsibilities; they don’t picture us as middle aged, with careers, and being the breadwinner, or caring for aging parents, etc. I guess to them it’s mystifying that people can reach a certain age and not have children.

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      Gasp! You are 25+ and have not done your duty to procreate? SPINSTER! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:45 pm

      Burn her!!!!!!!!!!!

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      I’m 28. Where’s my flying broom, dammit?!?

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 31, 2014 at 3:09 am

      I need a broom, too. Can I haz an invisibility potion as well?

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      I’m sorry, I have a small child and at the end of the day, I CAN and DO watch TV, shower, stay up late, and drink a lot. Sometimes I do things on a whim. Sometimes I do things alone.

      Your life is not everybody else’s life. I am not like you, and quite frankly, I don’t want to be in the Mommy Martyr Club with you.

    • Harriet Meadow

      October 30, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Kelly, I’m with you. I have plenty of free time when the little one is sleeping, and my husband and I sometimes even make use of friends and/or pay babysitters so that we can go out and do things. My mommy life is not a hopeless pit of despair. You know what IS the hardest part of my life? The part of me that’s a grad student trying to finish up her dissertation. Sure, some people have it harder than others (both in the realms of parenting and in the realms of career, etc.), but that just means that no one should assume that they’re worse off than others…

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      Dissertation? I’m in awe. Right now I’m trading glances between my thesis and my new niece and wondering if I can trade one for the other because at least she sleeps sometimes. And my thesis has never given me a cute baby smile. And that’s just a thesis!

    • Harriet Meadow

      October 30, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      You guys are too sweet!

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      “A” small child. Not several. It’s different.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      Fine. My mom had six. SIX. She somehow also managed to work full time and shower and whatnot.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      Most likely. But funnily enough, one of my best friends has two kids and she still manages quite well.

      It’s about perspective. If you can’t deal with the choices you’ve made, that’s not on anyone but you. If your life sucks, then I’m sorry, but mine doesn’t- and I’m not going to say it does just to make you feel better.

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      You’re right. Just the one. Well, my sister has three of them and I assure you, she also showers, watches TV, goes places alone, has a full time job, and also pursues hobbies like knitting and gardening. This summer she planted an orchard on her property. She also watches my child while I’m at work so I’m gonna give her an honorary FOUR children, which is one more than you have. Still clean, still with free time, still with alone time, still drinks and goes to parties. She also went to Europe with her husband last year.

      Perhaps your problems are “you” problems and not “mom” problems.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 30, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Staying up late and sleeping in isn’t exactly an option for people who have to work to, you know, have money to live.

    • Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

      October 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      So basically you think all CF folks are…what? College kids? Trust fund babies? My CF friends work their ass off. I’m sure this is true for some CF people, but it’s not the norm. Not in this economy. Hell, as a work at home parent, even working 8 hours a day, I have more binge TV time than my 40+ hour a week CF friends.

      Like I said to you above, le sign, le eye roll, le YAWN.

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      I could not love this comment more.

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      I took advantage of the fact that I can’t log in to my Disqus account on my computer (I was on my phone previously) to upvote it again. 😉

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      October 30, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      You should get some more help from the father of your children. It sounds like he isn’t pulling his weight leaving and is you so over stressed you are being unnecessarily nasty to strangers on the internet.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      I can’t because I have other responsibilities I’ve committed to that can’t be taken over by a babysitter and which won’t be in school 8 hours a day in a few years. There’s aspects of not having small kids around that I love beyond all reason but there’s also parts of the childed life I envy because it is, in some ways, easier than mine. But in the end I chose what I chose (and am very thankful I had that option) and you chose what you chose … own it. Love the awesome and don’t play martyr to the rest.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      Let’s do a point by point rebuttal, shall we?

      1) the Childfree have just as many responsibilities as a parent. They’re different. But it’s not like they don’t exist.

      2) if you can’t take a shower, that’s your own damn fault. Most Childfree, responsible people don’t drink themselves into oblivion because they have jobs. And if you can’t handle or don’t want the responsibilities of being a parent, perhaps you should have thought of that.

      3) Your coping mechanisms, or lack thereof, are your own problem.

      Honestly, if you hate being a parent so much, that’s on you. Dont condescend to people who don’t have kids because you can’t handle your own choices. You don’t have to keep your kids if you don’t want to. Nobody’s forcing you to stay a parent, and you don’t get a prize for being Mommy Martyr 2014. suck it up, buttercup, and remember that just because someone’s life may not look hard to you doesn’t mean that’s how it actually is.

    • Choux

      October 31, 2014 at 2:03 am

      Um, fuck your face? I know you’re a troll and I usually ignore those, but just.. Really? I have 4 mental illnesses, can’t undo those. Pills and therapy sometimes help? I work constantly, and I mostly saw my husband when he had cancer at 29 and I was his primary caregiver. I changed his diapers too! But I guess unless I had three husbands who had their colostomy bags (we decided it’d be cleaner than diapers) leak onto the carpet of our rental apartment (that I got to clean too!) to take care of, I wouldn’t know about “hectic”. Oh, and he had to work fulltime. And he isn’t really much better. But we are hopeful that two bouts of chemo and and one of radiation and two surgeries did the trick!
      We’ll get busy on the baby making so that my complaints are justified! Oh wait, radiation might have killed his sperm. We’ve been too scared to find out.

      Don’t fuck with CMJ. You fuck with everyone.

    • MomOf1+2

      October 31, 2014 at 9:45 am

      I’m sorry you are dealing with all of this. I’m sending you a hug (if you want it).

    • Choux

      November 1, 2014 at 2:12 am

      I want all the hugs <3 thanks. It's really like 2 steps foward and 1 step back, but he's alive and that's enough for me. I'd change his diapers for the rest of my life as long as I'd get to have him alive. And he is and will be, we all have to have some hope.

  24. Rachel Sea

    October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Yeah, no. When my life is hectic it means I’m working 8 to 12 hour shifts every single day of the week for months, sometimes working two jobs in one day, and am so tired and busy I may go a month and a half without even seeing my wife naked because I’m not even home when she changes to shower, and getting out means once a week or so getting Burger King and going over to a friend’s house, helping them put their kids to bed, and falling asleep in front of the tv with half-finished glasses of wine. But thanks, I haven’t been patronized all day, now I can check it off my mile long to-do list.

  25. Meredith Bland

    October 30, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    This is funny, sarcastic, and not meant to be a serious description of life with or without children. Good job, Samantha! I loved it.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Unfortunately, Meredith. I have been told by a commenter that to “just get some pills and therapy” by another commenter who believes my life is just not that hard because I don’t have kids. So, while this may have been MEANT to be funny….it’s not. I am extremely disappointed in this post.

    • Meredith Bland

      October 30, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      I would say the exact same thing to those commenters — this isn’t meant to be TRUE. This isn’t about anyone’s particular issues. It’s meant to be ridiculous. I’m sorry Samantha is getting targeted and I’m sorry anyone else is getting targeted. I don’t get it.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      I don’t think she’s being “targeted.” I think people are disagreeing. Those are two very different things. It is not up to the readers to understand and realize sarcasm…if the majority of regular readers can’t see the hilarity in this post…maybe it’s not our fault?

      ETA: Also, I should not have to take a commenter that tells me to get some “pills and therapy” lightly. If that is the way we are going around here…I am out.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      I haven’t seen anyone target her specifically. I’ve mostly seen “I get where she was going but for me it failed.” Now if someone is calling her names or being hateful, that’s not okay. I think most of us are clear on her intent, it just didn’t pan out.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      When you have a majority of commenters saying, “This missed the mark,” perhaps it is something worth listening to, especially for writers and editorial staff.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      I am so mad.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      I miss Eve. 🙁

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Yeah. Since she’s gone, Mommyish hasn’t been so hilariously sassy and wonderful. I miss her.

    • Truth

      October 30, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      So go away! Seriously! Door wide open! Byeee!!!!

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      lol worst troll ever

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      Ursi, can I just say, for some reason the crazy posts by “Truth” were showing up as Ursi for awhile in the posts, and I was so confused because it I couldn’t imagine you saying any of that crap. Eventually it seemed to correct itself and I am so glad. Weird computers.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Disqus sometimes does that. It’s a jerk like that.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      It was double funny because I would see all of her rational posts (sometimes in response to what looked like herself) and it was confusing me so much.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 5:13 pm

      One might even say thunderjerk.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      OMG YES! How did I miss that opportunity?!? Damn you, autocorrect! :p

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      Disqus is haunted by the ghost of Ned Ludd.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      oh noes! it’s seriously my worst fear that people will think im saying something bad because of DIsqus messing up– thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt!

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Yeah. We like Meteor WAY more than you.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    • Valerie

      October 30, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      Wow. This bums me out. We’re trying.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      I think it just takes time to adjust. We’ve got an interesting dynamic in the readership of this site, and you’ve got to get used to it, I think.

      But Eve is doing great at SheKnows, and I’m loving having two parenting sides that I relate to.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      I’m listening! And my email is in all my posts, too. So you can always hit me up that way as well: kate AT mommyish DOT com

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      That wasn’t meant to sound threatening either, Kate. Unless you all go way off the rails and become a crazy anti-vax site or something I’m a loyal reader. 😛 Some posts are going to miss the mark, and in no way do I expect y’all to cater to me, personally (or any commenter personally).

      I do take a bit of offense to posts disagreeing with authors being labelled “targeting”, simply because we actually DO have authors on the site that have been targeted, personally, because people took issue with them, and it’s a whole different ballgame from someone disagree–respectfully, from what I can tell–with a column’s point of view or tone. One of the reasons I love this site is that the comments always prevent a wide range of opinions and views, and everyone is fairly respectful and civil. It’s a safe place to engage with the writers in a way that a lot of sites I participate in aren’t necessarily.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      I totally agree! I just don’t want my beloved Mommyish to turn into xoJane where the writers/editors come on and say all the dissenters are “targeting” and we should always agree with every post.

      (not that it will or that Meredith’s comment was xoJane level…but yeah, as a regular commenter, I didn’t feel very supported by a community that has always been so amazing and that supportive nature is the whole reason I’m here!)

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      Yeah, I was thinking of Aimee and Frances and even Eckler back in the day that were all pretty seriously targeted by commenters. There’s a difference in the two behaviors.

      And I also don’t want it to feel like xoJane, where it seems they have to double-down instead of admitting that they misread the situation.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      I don’t read the comments on XOJane, but I can assure you I have no interest in this either. I want you to feel supported and like your being hugged by the internet all the time. And I definitely don’t expect anyone to agree with every post – that would be boring! The best part about Mommyish is the community, writers and readers. So I want it to be a positive relationship for all of us. Like Beyonce and Jay-Z.

      http://ioneglobalgrind.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/jayonce-bet-gif.gif?w=614&h=465

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      I’ve had a few pieces published on xoJane. I learned after reading the comments on the first one that there are simply some places you absolutely should fear to tread. :X

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      I did not take it as such. I want to be clear that I read everyone’s feedback and take it all into consideration on a daily basis. I’m genuinely interested in what commenters and readers have to say about our work and the tone of the site, which is why I’ve posted my email twice on this thread.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Dually noted.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      Let’s spoon?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      I’d love to spoon, but I really love to fork! 😛

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      *Dully

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      *Duly, actually.

      But I did spell it wrong. 😛

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      Just the blind leading the blind, that all.
      DERP

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      I always do that. I don’t know why my brain registers “dually” instead of “duly”. But I’m accepting it as my penance for being such a grade a grammar nazi. I need humbling somewhere. 😛

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      I’ve had a few, um, interesting spellings based on what I can only assume is some phonetic recreation of clearly screwy regional dialectalisms. Which is my way of trying to sound smart about the fact that I was shocked, shocked I tell you!, to learn years after being an elementary-school Spelling Bee champ that it’s actually “dilemMa,” not “dilemNa.”

      I am also way more embarrassed about this than I am about the loud and proud belch I emitted in the crowded produce aisle of King Soopers yesterday afternoon, which likely says nothing good about my priorities in life.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      October 30, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      Nope. I feel you completely on that one. Better out than in, I always say. 😉

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      I’d raise a toast to that, but those champagne bubbles are killer!

    • candyvines

      October 30, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      Dully noted:

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Ive got no beef with the author, and I don’t think most other people do either. But obviously this missed mark for a LOT of us here. And it does seem to recycle a lot of the same old tired tropes that have been written before without really giving a new take on them.
      I wouldn’t automatically avoid anything else this woman posts here, and I don’t think negatively of her as a person. But I didn’t like this piece.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      I am someone who liked the article, but wow. If everyone but one or two people were offended by it, it probably missed it’s mark. Maybe Mommyish is moving in a new direction, I don’t know. If it is moving in THIS direction, you run the risk of losing lots of readers.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      I wouldn’t say Samantha is being targeted – it just seems to be one of those pieces that ended up missing the mark, and I think it had to do a lot with how things were presented. I think it was Kay Sue who pointed out that this was meant to be a “dictionary” between the “breeders” (which is a term I hate since so many gay people I know use it derogatorily towards heterosexuals) and the “childfree.” I could definitely see the potential of the article, but the execution was off, if that makes any sense. If anyone is being targeted, it’s the childfree by an anonymous commenter.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      I think it has potential and I like the author’s style but it’s a good first draft. If it were rewritten as a “this is what the other side hears” bit then it could have been really great. Especially if it was clearly with the aim to poke fun of both sides’ assumptions of the other and point out that we’re all doing the best we can with what we have. The mom sides were amusing and, actually, I did get a laugh out of the CF side as well. However the CF side is more what a parent might think when the CFer says that phrase while the mommy side is written as the Truth. Can’t have it both ways. Especially when it’s presented as showing (a rather exaggerated) reality for either side.

      I hope the author tries again and just makes sure to run any future us vs. them articles by a them before calling it done.

  26. Kelly

    October 30, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Not a fan of this, M’ish.

    My life is complicated by many, many things. My child may be one of them but she’s certainly not the only thing. And that would go for my friends without children too. Their lives are full and rich and complicated in a myriad of ways.

    I expect better, and smarter from this site. Especially since I know the women who contribute to it are smart, funny, warm, wonderful people who wouldn’t dream of insulting either mothers or women without children in this way in real life.

  27. Kate Spencer

    October 30, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    I chose to run this post because it made me laugh. I related to both perspectives as exaggerated, heightened moments of once being single and being a parent of 2 kids. There’s nothing I like less than offending or disappointing people, so I’m glad to read your comments and appreciate the constructive feedback. Like I said below, I welcome it via email as well: kate AT mommyish DOT com.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 30, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      I kind of want to rewrite all the childfree parts, like:

      1. “Life has been so hectic.”

      Non-parent: I am really slammed at work. I’m doing the job of a co-worker out on mat-leave, on top of my own, taking my aunt to and from chemo on my lunch break, and working late to cover for the three people who left early for parent-teacher night, but that’s cool, because, in the words of my boss, “I have no responsibilities.” I’m sure my diabetic grandma, who can no longer cook, is fine waiting for me to bring her dinner.

      3. “Issues with my mother-in-law.”

      Non-parent: She’s gone from giving us pregnancy books and baby clothes, to asking about why we won’t give her grandchildren, to putting her hand on my belly before running out of the room crying.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Don’t forget being poked in the stomach and told, “Oh, you are pregnant”. Nope. Just had a big lunch.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      Happened to me too, once 🙁

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      To be fair, my MIL never says crap like that. My Grandmother however…

    • Spitting_mad

      October 30, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      Every. Single. Holiday. Creepy leering. I guzzle alcohol I don’t even want and get more buzzed than I want to be because otherwise the looks and questions begin.

      I mean, I feel kind of bad: these are my step-grandparets. They have no biological grandchildren (all daughters from previous marriages), they’re in their 80’s, and the first three girls have shown ZERO interest in children. I’m the first married one.

      But I’m not going to get pregnant so they can coddle a baby for a couple hours twice a year.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      If you want to pitch me a piece, my email is kate AT mommyish DOT com. I especially think something about the pressure in-laws put on women to have kids would me wonderful. Do it!

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Do it, Rachel!

    • Kate Spencer

      October 30, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      COME ON RACHEL!

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      omg once my MIL emailed about a big international, un-changeable trip she would be taking in six months and ended the email with “Can you think of ANY REASON we shouldn’t be out of the country at that time? We’d hate to miss AN IMPORTANT EVENT.”

      They don’t really say much out loud to us, just drop bombs every once in a while so I know they’re scrutinizing my belly every time they see us. It’s agonizing.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      I’d probably reply, “Yes! There is a big event coming up!” and send a link to whatever comic/anime convention was in town six months from then. This sort of behavior is no small part of the reason why I am single.

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      srsly. she’s the worst on her best days.

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      You rock.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      I love your modifications.

      I’ll say it again: I think this article has some good points and is a good starting place, it just needs a little wider perspective. And the writing itself really worked for me. It just came across less the dictionary it wanted to be and more “what I hear when my single friends say x/what I feel like when I say x.”

  28. Trina

    October 30, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Oh no! I think you have been replaced by a pod person! It looks like the green eyed monster hijacked your body and/or your computer.

  29. Leslie Kendall Dye

    October 30, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Oh my god I am laughing so hard and interrupting my husband to read this to him while he shuffles the ninth load of laundry downstairs to our outdoor basement creepy laundry room. We washed the sheets finally last night so of course our child peed all over the sheets to christen their cleanliness. I am too tired to write a coherent comment, but mostly I blame you because you are making me laugh to hard to type properly.

    • Allthingsblue

      October 30, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      What is it about clean sheets that make a kid pee the bed?

  30. EditKitten

    October 30, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    This was half a good article — the parent part was funny. Unfortunately, the nonparent part was incredibly condescending and lacking in any real humor. I agree with the vast majority of the commenters below. This only serves to divide the two groups, and as a nonparent, isn’t Mommyish supposed to be a fun place where both can come together and enjoy the humor?

  31. Frances Frumpy Mumps Locke

    October 30, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    I’m with the commenters who say this missed the mark. I get that it’s humorous, and it’s certainly not a terrible piece, but there are some problematic shiz in here. Firstly, “Don’t call me unless your husband left you for a man”? Why is this worse than if he left you for a woman. I’m sure I sound nit picky, but as a bisexual woman, this bugged me.

    And I agree with the other commenters that this trivializes child free folks and makes parents seem like passive aggressive and sanctimonious.

    • Laura

      October 31, 2014 at 11:02 am

      I think she was only using that as a segue to “who is my husband.” Because it all goes back to the author. She doesn’t care about your life unless it directly affects hers. I have a feeling she wouldn’t give a darn if her friend’s husband left her for a strange man.

  32. SA

    October 30, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    The only thing I found funny about this piece is #3 because whatever inlaw problems you have will be magnified by one million percent. I used to be irritated by mine and now I keep documents for potential court battles.

    The rest of it sounds like you can’t possibly have problems if you don’t have children and that attitude irritates the hell out of me.

    • SA

      October 30, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      *will be magnified after having children

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      With you on #3. The rest? Eh. Saw what the author was going for but respectfully disagree with the attempt. However the in-law thing – word. Amazing or terrible, whatever your in-laws are like seem to be magnified when kids get involved. Of course, bad in-laws are bad and worthy of a good rant every once in a while regardless of one’s reproductive status. Just that it seems adding kids to that can take bad to really, really bad.

  33. Barbara Loelf

    October 30, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    I am laughing too. Not just about the post but also about all these stressed out people who can’t see the FUNNY in it. Relax, smile or frown but take it easy. I have three kids and wonder oh wonder I had a life before I became a mother. It was stressful. Really. But nothing compared to juggling three little ones plus a part time job. But since my kids are older I do feel privileged with just working part time. And I am doing all these fun things again. So I am not complaining but I can totally relate… Peace. 🙂

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      Yes. We are so stressed out we just can’t see the funny.

    • Barbara Loelf

      November 1, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      🙂

  34. Leslie Kendall Dye

    October 30, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    At the risk of getting my head bitten off, I really don’t think the author was trying to condescend. I think she was looking nostalgically back at a time when her life was a different kind of “hectic.” I was a nanny for ten years before I was a parent and truly, of all the jobs I have had, and those have been many, including dancing professionally, I have never ever ever been as tired as I am when constantly taking care of little ones. There is a frustrating treadmill of repetition and a sense of pointlessness to much that you achieve with each day, as you often wind up in a circle. Yes, that can happen with other activities aside from being with a child, but nothing requires the steadfast patience and ability to let go for a goodly time your dreams, your sanity, your love of 20 minutes of quiet contemplation. (Unless you are mega rich and have lots of help, and most of us aren’t.) Parenting is undoubtedly the most rewarding thing I have ever done (with my profession as a performer a very close and different kind of second) but it is also the most sleep sapping zombie-behavior inducing endeavor of modern life. We don’t have the support structures in place for when people go from being non-parents to parents, we don’t have a community or workplace that favors helping families balance all this exhausting work, so forgive a tired parent a humorous post about how bloody tired she is. It is very likely she is MUCH MORE TIRED than most non parents. OK, let the beheading begin.

    • anonymouse

      October 30, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      I think it differs from person to person. I nannied three kids all a year apart (youngest was 6 months, I think?) for a while, and that job was one of the easiest ones I’ve ever had, even with the crying and the running around and the constant poopy diapers and the long days. Working retail, though? I would take the kids and the mess over retail any day. So while I get what the author was trying to do, whether she meant to be condescending or not, her piece came across that way. Each person has a different threshold of what puts things over the edge, and all this is doing is further perpetuating that parents are martyrs while the childless have it easy.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Word. I’ve been on the “frustrating treadmill of repetition and a sense of pointlessness” with different jobs and it’s crazy-making. However it was 1000x worse when it was for a job that underpaid and had nothing to do with anything I wanted to do with life. I’ve also been there with a job that was frustrating but was also one step along the greater path and that made it bearable. It’s kinda how it works with my niece. It might be rough at times and I’ve certainly wanted to scream (and that’s just talking as an auxiliary caregiver), it’s also bearable because I chose to have this relationship with her and I see the future returns to both of us as worth the current pain. So even when she’s being, well, her age, I’m not going to play suffering olympics with someone who’s on a similar treadmill with no other payout than “you’ll get to eat and live in a crappy place another day.” My situation (a degree removed, true) has hope and that makes ALL the difference. Well, hope and the fact it was a choice which also matters SO MUCH.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      I just don’t understand why it has to turn into the “who has it shittier” game. Everyone’s problems are hard and their own and someone is always going to have it worse than you, but telling someone else they have it so much better than you and they have no idea how bad or how tired they could be is never gonna win anyone any favors.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      “nothing requires the steadfast patience and ability to let go for a
      goodly time your dreams, your sanity, your love of 20 minutes of quiet
      contemplation.”

      I respectfully disagree. Just because you didn’t deal with that until you had kids doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.

      No biting off of your head – people here don’t tend to do that unless/until you get downright nasty like a certain other poster. And I agree with Aldonza that it doesn’t have to be about who has it worse. We all have ups, downs, successes, failures… It’s not a parent/non-parent thing, it’s a human thing.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Why are parents the grand arbiters of who is and who is not allowed to be tired?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      It’s one of our many duties, and thus yet another reason we are so exhausted. Martyrdom ain’t easy.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      Haha – fair enough! I will need to home that skill between now and June…

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:49 pm

      Congratulations!

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      Thank you!! It’s been a long time coming and is the product of much waiting and several unsuccessful IUIs…

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      Congrats! This is not the place to learn those skills, however.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      Thank you, and yep – I figured 😉

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Congrats!

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      Thanks!! I had a miscarriage back in March somewhere around 8.5 weeks, so I will be happy when we reach the end of the first trimester (in about 3 weeks or so). Our fingers are crossed 🙂

    • Elyne

      October 30, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      Congratulations! I hope this pregnancy goes well for you.
      http://s49.photobucket.com/user/qdd280/media/Emma%20GIMP/happybirthday.gif.html

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Thank you so much!! And OMG ADORABLE 🙂

    • Elyne

      October 30, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      Becoming a parent is a choice with either positive and negative sides. I thought that most people knew that? You can’t have the good things whithout the bad things as most things in life. If it was that easy then everyone would be a super parent and just plain good in everything, now that would be boring.

  35. rockmonster

    October 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Dear OP,
    I get what you were trying to do, but it just didn’t click for me. I hope you stick around, though, it’s not your fault, everyone writes a dud once in a while.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      October 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Dude, you nailed this one in two sentences. 🙂

    • Sandy

      October 30, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      P.S.
      And you did write one that created a LOT of conversation. So there’s that… 🙂

  36. Heather

    October 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    It’s funny! Don’t be so sensitive. Every parent dreams of the days they used to be kid free. That’s all she’s trying to do here. She is pretty witty!

    • Harriet Meadow

      October 30, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      “Every parent dreams of the days they used to be kid free.” This is not necessarily true, and that is perhaps one of the reasons why it rubbed some people the wrong way. At the same time, it makes light of all the hard work and hardships that the childfree go through, not the least of which is not being taken seriously by people who are parents. I appreciate that you’re trying to lighten the mood, and you are certainly free to take this article in the lighthearted manner in which it was intended (and I wouldn’t fault you for it), but suggesting that people not really caring for this particular brand of “humor” shouldn’t be so “sensitive” is sort of minimizing other people’s (totally legitimate) reactions.

    • Kelly

      October 30, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      I think it’s important to note that it also paints parents in a pretty terrible way.

      I have managed to shower, get dressed in real clothes, and feed myself something every single day since my daughter has been born. I juggle her needs with those of my dog, my husband, myself, my job, and my friends (not necessarily in that order). I am frazzled sometimes, yes, but I am not a zombie. I am not covered in pee/poop/vomit/boogers/dried milk at every minute of the day. My house is messy, but it always was. Now it’s just messy with different kinds of stuff. I don’t have sex as often as I’d like, but we’re getting there.

      I promise you, parents are fully functional human beings too. We have interests and obligations and lives outside of our children, and I’m so sick of being portrayed as a messy, crabby, frazzled, dirty, sexless asshole who does nothing but wipe noses and sing the ABC’s all day.

      tl;dr: Not all parents are @Truth.

    • Harriet Meadow

      October 30, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      Yes to all of this! That’s what I was trying to get at by refuting the “Every parent dreams of the days they were childfree” bit, but I didn’t explain it as well as you did!

  37. Blueathena623

    October 30, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    I find this just weird. It’s like the child-free are being mocked, but the parents have horrible, shitty lives. So if I had to choose, I’d go with the non-parents.

  38. ChickenKira

    October 30, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    The worst part about this piece is that it just isn’t funny, no matter what way you stretch it, it’s just plain nasty.

  39. Elyne

    October 30, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Maybe some folks should read what Bart Simpson is writing here;

    http://www.killyourdarlingsjournal.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/5881861191_90de8b5bc9.jpg

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      It be broke. 🙁

  40. Nicole Jankowski

    October 30, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Holy guacamole, this is super funny. I have no clue how anything here can be confused as an attempt to slight anyone—it’s all sarcasm and actually—as a mom of 6—really really true. Perspective changes as you move through life’s travels. I bet the author was even laughing at her own pre-baby self. 🙂 I really enjoyed this.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      I think it’s only as true as you want it to be. And more so than that? I’d bet any amount of money that the people who are talking about how true this is are the same people who don’t understand why all their Childfree friends “suddenly deserted” them. I have a pretty good idea why that may be, and it has nothing to do with the kids.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      Donald glover, I heart you 🙂

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      Trying to get it to show right and failing, but the spirit of Donald Glover can not be withheld.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Damn straight!

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      Right click on the image/GIF/ you want and select “Copy Image URL”
      and then paste it into the comment box.

    • Aldonza

      October 30, 2014 at 5:10 pm

  41. Stephanie

    October 30, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Good grief people! Get over yourself. It was the author’s opinion. It’s so judgey up in here it hurts. There are two types of mothers…the one who, on occasion, thinks about the days when she wasn’t responsible for the life of another human being at all times and there are liars. Non-parents complaining about parents are starting to get more annoying to me than parents. If you aren’t a parent, why are you reading a site named “Mommyish” anyway?

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      Truth, is that you?

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Jinx! You owe me a coke!

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 30, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      I’m glad the gifs are back 🙂

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      You must be new here, yes? We talk about more things than parenting.

      The ironic thing is, I’m a mom. And I do occasionally think about the days before I was a parent, but I don’t use it as a license to whine to my Childfree friends. Which is why I still have them.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      I don’t whine to my friends either. I write about it, which is what I believe the author also did? I’m not new. I just don’t get bashing an authors opinion, especially when it’s on a forum like Mommyish.

    • CMJ

      October 30, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      It’s called a disagreement. They happen. It’s life. No one is bashing her…in fact, you are the one “bashing” the childless people on here….

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      We’re not bashing her. We just don’t agree. That’s true of life and doubly so of the Internet.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      300+ comments of “this missed the mark” and “left a bad taste in my mouth” seems a bit excessive. Especially for this blog. But whatever, not my blog. Just sayin’…you should take a look again at the comments. It’s a bit judgey.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      Eh, no less judged than random commenters telling people they need to get sleeping pills and therapy.

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 7:36 pm

      I carry these in my pocket or backpack to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.

    • Sherri

      October 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      But no, seriously. Some of the non-parents here read because they plan on becoming parents in the future. Or because they have friends who are parents. Or because it’s a fucking website that doesn’t require a special “I’m a mommy!” card to get in. And parents complaining about non-parents are just as annoying.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      Because we love to irritate you.

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      I thought it was because our lives are unfulfilled and we are so at a loss to understand love that we confuse it with interneting and end up here, harassing parents…

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 5:45 pm

      what is even love?

    • AE Vorro

      October 30, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      I have no idea.

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      woooo!

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 6:01 pm

      Van Halen is awesome (and this is coming from a 19-year-old)!

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 30, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      I have not expelled love from my uterus and therefore know nothing of it.

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      I THINK I know what love is, but I have been helpfully told by the initiated that I shall never know it truly until I hold a babe of mine own.

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      I don’t know either! Maybe the decade I was born in can teach me?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raNGeq3_DtM

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 30, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      No, no. It isn’t the lack of fulfilling love, it’s all the free time.

    • KatDuck

      October 30, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      And the copious amounts of booze we down. That helps.

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 7:30 pm

      I believe in dadholes. They always tell the truth.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxom-JNrbs8

  42. Anotheropinionatednative

    October 30, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    I don’t know, I… thought this was kind of funny. In fact, I laughed out loud a couple of times. Come on, these are caricatures. No parent is one-dimensional enough to think that life without kids is always a lark, except for moments of weakness at three in the morning, when we kind of do.

  43. Elyne

    October 30, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    I just really really dislike it when newly parents start to be so smug and think they just know everything, like just because they became parents they suddenly are the smartest persons in the world. Apparently they just KNOW everything and they know it better than YOU the childless person. So if becoming a parent grands you all the wisdom in the world than I better start trying to get kids asap.

    edit: finished sentence.

    • rockmonster

      October 30, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 8:47 pm

      “Can’t wait to hear someone say/don’t care if it’s brain dead don’t care if it’s limbless if it has a penis…”

  44. Jessie Read Bouclier

    October 30, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Hilarious! Love you!

  45. TakeActionWAHM

    October 30, 2014 at 6:21 pm

    After reading the comments, I’m confused as to why there are so many childless people here on a site called “Mommyish”. This is comedy that’s MEANT to be skewed towards the parenting point of view because it’s aimed at mommies – so I don’t get why you’d expect to find anything different, and then complain when you didn’t. It’s like reading Penthouse then complaining that the Forum letters are all skewed to heterosexual men.

    • Elyne

      October 30, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Just because some of us are childless doesn’t mean we are interested in children. Some of us maybe even want them ourselves and are here to learn from the (almost) all awesome moms here.

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 30, 2014 at 6:29 pm

      Then perhaps childless couples should look at this article as a learning experience instead of getting hurt and saying how it “trivialized” their experience. It’s speaking in huge swaths of over-generalization, because that’s what funny does. It’s not pointing at any particular person’s experience, and frankly, if someone gets their feelings hurt about it, it’s probably because it hit a little too close to home.

    • Elyne

      October 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      So basically you are saying that just because we are child free we can’t have an opinion on about children or on how to raise them – this isn’t just about the article but about some of the commenters who have kids and are just plain douchebags and are thinking they know all just because they are parents. And before you think parents do not know everything, and us childfree people can be pretty smart too. Also want to mention that most of the moms/dads here are pretty cool people, I really like this community and it’s one of the reasons I keep coming back.

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 31, 2014 at 3:08 am

      I said no such thing. What I have said is that I do not understand WHY they would have that opinion. Like I mentioned in another comment here, I was childless for 40 years, so I know what that feels like too, after watching most of my friends have kids – some grandkids! – before I ever had my first.

    • Ursi

      October 30, 2014 at 6:56 pm

      I’m childless and I wasn’t offended by it but what am I supposed to learn from it?

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 30, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      The comical difference between what things can mean to people, depending on whether or not they have children. It seems that people are taking it as an insult to childless people, but I didn’t see that at all – just a different point of view for each.

      When I was younger, and just starting out on my own, my mom was complaining about being broke one day, and I started laughing. She asked me why I was laughing, and I said “Because when you say you’re broke, you’ve still got money in the bank, food in the fridge and lights on. When I say I’m broke, I’m looking for pennies in the sofa, the fridge has nothing but ice cubes, and I’m sitting in the dark!” We both laughed about – it wasn’t that either point of view was less valid, it’s just that they meant different things to us.

      That’s the way I took this article, so I was baffled by the amount of hurt feelings it has caused.

    • KatDuck

      October 31, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      First, I’ll say that I personally wasn’t hurt. I just thought the article missed its mark which is a shame because it could have been really excellent with a second draft. I like the author’s style. But look at it this way – when you were young and truly broke you won’t have appreciated jokes where the primary point was about how broke you could just get another job, you lazy person, and then it would all be easy and kids these days don’t understand real work but, oh, the older generation is SO RIGHT about how hard it is for them. It “punches down,” reinforces stereotypes (on both sides – a number of mothers here weren’t thrilled with how they were painted) and furthers the divide. Which is a shame since the article has some real potential as a “they say/you here” for both sides.

      Instead it’s point was “single/non-childed people are still living the trust-fund dream while parents have it SO HARD OMG EVERY SECOND IS A HUGE BALL OF NEED.”

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      The first rule of comedy is “punch upward”. If this article was making fun of Donald Trump, we’d all find it hilarious. But it isn’t. It does hit close to home because I have Childfree friends who have all been told this more than once. And I have Childfree friends who are actually able to give me amazing advice on parenting- because a lot of them are teachers.

      Discounting someone because they haven’t had a kid is never a smart thing to do.

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 30, 2014 at 9:25 pm

      I was child free for 40 years, so I certainly don’t discount someone’s childfree experiences. But I still don’t get why a childless person would read an article on a site about being a mommy and then complain that it was skewed towards a “mommy-centric” point of view. I would think that if you come here, you would EXPECT to see things from that point of view, and maybe not get your feelings hurt when it was.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      Nobody’s complaining it’s skewed toward parents. They are complaining that authors who know the site, who know the commenters, and who know the site culture still consider it ok to write a divisive article.

      You don’t have to support mothers at the expense of the Childfree.

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 30, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      I guess I just didn’t see the article as divisive.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:36 pm

      Which is an opinion you’re entitled to. But when a bunch of people don’t find something funny, chances are good it probably isn’t. I mean, when was the last time anyone heard from Dane Cook?

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 30, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Last week or the week before when he released a new special…

      I’m mortified, too.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      It’s all good- you’re still awesome 🙂

    • Ezzy666

      October 30, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      Some of us are next of kin and would become guardians if something happened. I started coming here when I was a teacher and liked it. I think the first time I came here was when i had all these kids calling me mom,

    • FishQueen

      October 30, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      This exactly. I want to adopt and the process, the money, and the bureaucracy are kicking my ass, so for the foreseeable future, I am childfree. But if/when everything comes together, I want to take my inspiration from the awesome parents here.

    • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

      October 30, 2014 at 8:02 pm

      I recently got Essure, thus sealing my childfreedom, but I come here because I recognize just how much in the minority my complete and utter anti-desire for children is and want to understand what makes the majority tick. The ladies (and few gents) here are quite level-headed in explaining their feelings on parenthood and don’t get all butthurt when a childfree person like me has to shrug and say, “I definitely don’t get the desire to be a parent, but you obviously do and are clearly cut out for the role!”

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 31, 2014 at 3:11 am

      I can dig that.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      October 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      Because this is not Babycenter or The Stir. Childfree by choice people are welcome here, too.

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 31, 2014 at 3:11 am

      Never implied they shouldn’t be welcome. I was curious as to why someone who is “childfree by choice” would find this site interesting. I notice that the phrase used here is “childfree” which means “free of children”, as if they’re free of some terrible burden; then you even mention it’s by choice. Perhaps they come here to see all the issues parents have to deal with, it helps strengthen their desire to not have kids.

    • KatDuck

      October 31, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      Reasons I’m here:
      1. Because the women (and men!) here are awesome. That’s actually most of it. I peeked over when STFU started a column and found a group of people that are genuinely interesting, funny, and sweet. I love listening to what they have to say.
      2. Most of my friends and family have kids and so while I’m not in the trenches, I do like knowing more about their world so I can be there for them and connect with them.
      3. Ok, little bit of validation as well. I do get some slight relief in knowing I will never be solely responsible for potty training a child.
      4. For me “free” is better than “less” both because it distinguishes the not-yets from the nevers and because /for me/ a kid wouldn’t be the greatest of things. For others it would be. I’m genuinely thrilled for them. But if I were to call myself “childless” then it would imply there’s some huge hole and mix me up with those struggling with infertility which is a whole different ordeal. Yes, I’m child *free* but someone who only has 2 kids is also 3rd-child-free and I assume a choice was made in there that a third would be non-ideal for whatever reason. Doesn’t mean that 3rd children are always horrible or a burden, just that, for that one family, it’s not the right number. I’m fortunate that my right number is where I’m at right now and I enjoy how that frees me up to be the most awesome aunt possible for the kids in my life.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      November 1, 2014 at 9:51 am

      The thing is, for some of us, children ARE a terrible burden and the end to our lives, aspirations and dreams. Also, “childless” implies that we’re lacking something in our lives, namely children, while “childfree” indeed implies that we’re free of them of our own accord. We come here because this website is funny, sassy and witty, and because it’s not only about parents and parenting. It’s about news and feminism and funny stories too.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 30, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      There’s plenty of people with kids who didn’t care for it either.
      And the regular commenters here who are CF are pretty great.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      I’m a mom. Didn’t find it funny at all.

      Are you new here?

    • TakeActionWAHM

      October 30, 2014 at 9:27 pm

      Why would that matter? New people can’t have an opinion?

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      They can. And trust me, they do. But you might want to examine the culture of a site before you comment.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 9:36 pm

      Funny the same two people commented the same to me. Nobody is new here. The few goobers who do comment don’t represent everyone else who comes to this site to get some comic relief to parenthood. I’m not suggesting you need some sort of parent badge to come to this site…but honestly, why else would you? Are you seriously telling me you’re looking for insite on parenthood HERE? The article was funny because it’s true to a lot of people. You’re a liar if you try to say you didn’t think these things at some point of your childess friends. Did you voice it? Of course not. Most of us don’t…which is why many found this funny. I agree, some parents are obnoxious…I got here because of my love for STFU Parents. But some of you honestly sound worse than the “sanctimony” any day. Judge all day and get all indignant…at the end of the day? Becoming a parent puts things in perspective…period. My friends will never hear that from me though.

      Tl;DR: STFU Childless People. It’s not a competition.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      From you, being called a “goober” is a true compliment. Thanks!

      And if you don’t know us, don’t assume you know what we’re thinking. I had plenty of perspective before I ever got here. And if you hate it here so much, feel free to leave. Nobody’s keeping you.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Don’t get it confused. Don’t hate this site. Tired of seeing online people jumping all over someone with a different opinion. We’re allowed to comment too. Don’t think putting gifs of a snotty “you must be new here” is any different to a direct name calling of goober.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:50 pm

      The gif wasn’t me. I take it as a compliment though, since CMJ is not only kickass but has also gotten a lot of undeserved shit in this article. If we were all in the same room, I would have put my drink down at this point and actively avoided you for the rest of the party. It’s beyond me why people expect us all to stand on a hillside and buy the world a coke on the Internet.

      Nobody said you weren’t allowed to comment. But don’t get your shorts in a knot if people don’t agree with you. I don’t particularly care if you don’t agree with me, but I do care that you apparently feel free to tell the Childfree people who comment here to shut the fuck up. Not cool. This is a site with a parenting slant. It’s also a site with a female slant, a feminist slant, and a site where everyone (irrespective of if they have kids or not) is allowed to comment.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      The irony is obviously lost on you.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:55 pm

      Please explain how this is ironic. While you’re at it, define irony.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      Really? The commenters here are the worst sort of woman. Show me ONE instance, in the comments, where one woman supported the other…with a difference of opinion. The commenters here prove every sexist mans opinion for them with the catty, bullyish commenting. You’d put your drink down and actively avoid me? That’s ridiculous. Go outside sometime lady. We’ll never be at a party together and we would never have this conversation, because this is an outlet for a writer to write their opinion. How can you voice yours and I can’t voice mine? It’s completely absurd.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      I would, actually. Because while I have had disagreements with people in the past, I wouldn’t put up with someone calling me names. And your perspective- which is apparently one that says we deserve what we get when a sexist man calls us vicious cunts or heinous bitches- isn’t something I’d stand around and listen to. I can’t think of anyone who would. The party analogy was hyperbole, but it’s interesting to me that people expect kindness and gentleness when they’re not being kind and gentle.

      Nobody’s stopping you from expressing your opinion. But if you put yours out there, others will give their opinion on what you just said. If you never want a response, don’t comment on the Internet.

      Also, again, how is any of this ironic?

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      Alright. What you’re telling me is that while you didnt post the actual GIF, you’ve twice mentioned the “you must be new here”…snotty ass comment, in response to my comment that I think people need to get over themselves, I thought the article was funny. Not to mention the snotty comments added to every other woman who disagreed with you. Yet, you’re telling me I’m obnoxious and off-putting, because I disagree. It’s situational, love, because you don’t understand that you’re doing the same as me.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 30, 2014 at 11:10 pm

      Rather like the major issue with the post itself, it’s a matter of tone. In one of your other comments, you called people liars and mused as to why anyone would try to glean insight on parenting from (wait for it) a parenting website. FTR, there were others who did find this piece to be funny, but they weren’t “attacked,” as I suspect you’d see it, because they posted their opinions in a respectful manner (that is to say, one that didn’t trash those who held a differing viewpoint).

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 11:29 pm

      Really? Look, a good majority of us ended up at a site “Mommyish”, because we’re tired of the competing, PTA, judgey crap. We just want a place to vent/and/or get comic relief. If you look over the recent posts of late…I see a bunch of sanctimonious moms who can do no wrong. The opinions change from article to article from the same people. What never changes is the sanctimony. Im tired of reading it. You know, do I agree with a woman changing a diaper at a table at a restaurant? No. Am I judging, no. I’m just going to leave the place, because, ew. If you want to stop being a hippocrite for real, stop judging, really. Just.Stop. We deserve, as women, to make mistakes, make great strides, be awesome, hide in a hole and suck. Parents or not. I’ll say it again, get over yourself, your opinion doesn’t matter. Every woman is different and has different decisions to make. Support her, help guide her. Quit judging. And yeah…if you can’t get on board with that…you’re a liar. Period.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 11:36 pm

      Huh. I didn’t think of myself as a snotty ass. The more you know, I guess.

      I’ve seen the light!

      Seriously, though, this isn’t irony. I don’t think you’re obnoxious or off putting because you disagree with me. I think you’re obnoxious and off putting because you’re spending a lot of time complaining that other people aren’t nice- and yet, you’re not being nice either.

      That’s ironic, love.

    • Stephanie

      October 30, 2014 at 11:56 pm

      But seriously, love. I’m trying to tell you that you, as well, are off putting and obnoxious with your judging. That is ironic. Stop. Just. Stop.
      While I appreciate your attempt at being witty, and while it may seem cute. You’re adding to the problem that your children will face.
      Am I complaining, yeah…I’ll agree to that. But it’s sickning. And I’ve got nothing else to do because I’m watching Netflix cause everyone is asleep. Will I complain in the morning that it’s my family that wears me out? Probably. And that’s what real friends are about. We all talk the same crap in the morning and support each other regardless of our opinion. Or at least that’s what real friends do. You won’t offend me by “putting your drink down and actively avoiding me”. But if I made you rethink asking someone if they’re new here because they have a difference of opinion…that would be a start

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 12:43 am

      My son is doing just fine. Thanks for the concern though. The thing is- do I complain to my real friends? Absolutely. Do I bitch on the internet? Not a lot. Mainly because the Internet is permanent.

      Again- nobody is forcing you to stay. And I’m not asking if someone is new if they have a difference of opinion, I’m asking if someone is new when they clearly don’t understand site culture. If you’re new, you’re going to complain about Childfree people being here because you clearly don’t get that it’s pretty inclusive. You bitch about the site, and do nothing to change it. You bitch about the commenters and admit you think we’re crap. So seriously, why are you here? Why waste your time?

    • Stephanie

      October 31, 2014 at 4:30 am

      Because, I can say that I find the regular commenters annoying. I’ll keep saying it whenever I want and I’ll keep defending it.. you have the choice to not respond. Again, you aren’t the only person on this site. Not everyone is going to like you whiteroses, and that’s ok.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 8:34 am

      And I can keep asking you why you’re here if you dislike the site and commenters so damn bad! So we both agree that we’re allowed to do what we want. Yay us!

      I don’t care if you don’t like me. Just trying to understand your thought process. Generally, if I don’t like something I don’t stick around- but I guess you’re here just to bitch. That’s ok- everyone needs an outlet.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Many women supported me when I was told to get pills and therapy. I feel supported all the time here by the commenters. I also support them – even when we disagree.

      Stop acting like you weren’t saying mean things. You did. You were condescending and rude. Disagreements do not equal meanness.

      You can have your voice…but don’t act like you can’t be called out when you aren’t very nice.

    • coffeeandshoes

      October 31, 2014 at 12:58 am

      If it is, as you say, not a competition, then why do parents (as written in this article) constantly try to one-up people without children? You think you’re tired? Well, YOU ARE NOT AS TIRED AS I AM BECAUSE I HAVE CHILDREN AND YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE NO MATTER WHAT YOUR LIFE IS LIKE BECAUSE THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN.

  46. STB

    October 30, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    I hate this constant ‘parenting is sooooo much harder than your life’ nonsense. Firstly, that’s not always the case. Secondly, stop trying to always one-up everyone with this sort of woe-is-me attitude. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE KIDS. It was YOUR decision to make. It does not make you some sort of martyr that makes the issues non-childed people trivial or meaningless.

    People know that having kids can be hard. So can taking care of ill parents, having a stressful job, going through divorce, or dealing with major illness. Obstacle in life are hard for everyone. Trying to tell someone theirs are paltry compared to your own is rude, assumptive, and just plain being a jerk.

  47. Simone

    October 30, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Doesn’t offend me at all. I don’t perceive the non-parent bits as being presented in a way that is mocking. I feel those who are offended by this piece are bringing a whole host of existing biases to their perceptions. If you read it non-judgementally, it’s not aiming to trivialise anyone’s experiences, just observing that the same phrases have different experiences behind them.

  48. Thanks for cracking me up!

    October 30, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    This is hilarious!

  49. chica

    October 30, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    This was funny!!!

  50. Mike Brown

    October 31, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Lighten up, it was hilarious. It’s satirizing the perception that people with kids have towards their “other universe” self.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      When the majority of people don’t realize it’s “satire,” it’s not really a good example of satire.

    • Mike Brown

      October 31, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      So the first paragraph contains 3 links to very direct satire on the same subject and each point is accompanied by an animated GIF and you “don’t realize it’s satire”… seriously? Probably best to put the interwebs down for a bit and take a break.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Well. I’ve been around mommyish for quite some times and some time and the links that are satire aren’t always linked in posts that are satire. They’ve actually linked to satire in very serious posts (and vice versa!).

      So yeah. Once again, if the majority of readers don’t understand what is and is not satire, then maybe the author didn’t do that great of a job.

      I’m not saying this is horrible or I hate the author or anything like that…just that this didn’t work for me. That’s okay!

      Eta: the third link is NOT satire.

  51. Laura

    October 31, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Perhaps if you got the kid into its own bed, you’d see your husband naked more often. And perhaps if you stopped writing unfunny blogs on the Internet, you might have time to throw away what has to be moldy coffee by now, and make a new batch.

    I used to have sympathy for what must be a very busy time for new parents, but after hearing all the “woe is me” from not just peers but Internet denizens, I’m starting to lose my patience. I did not force your choices upon you; you made them, so quit yer bitchin’. No one wants to hear me whine on about my student loans and my long hours and my job stress, which is understandable because no one forced me into my chosen career. Suck it up, buttercup.

    • mamaduck_75

      November 1, 2014 at 3:54 am

      Everyone has their own busy, out of control issues where they temporarily get wrapped up in themselves. I listen to my friends who are deep into their education and careers and at times it’s all they can talk about (their stress, their worry, student loans, testing), and they listen to me when motherhood or the stress that comes with marriage is all I can talk about. In a friendship, as in any relationship, there are times your needs have to be put on the back burner, and you have to stop and listen to what your friend is going through, and vice versa. And sometimes, you have to step in and grab your friend, pull them out of the muck, and remind them that you need them, too. That’s life, that’s reality…that’s friendship.

  52. Grace

    November 4, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Not a fan of this one. Seems sort of.. entitled? ‘Oh look at me, I’m a parent, I’m so much busier than you. You think you have problems? Wait till you have kids like ME, you don’t know what stress is’. I don’t like the idea of telling people their problems are insignificant. Childfree people can have lives that are just as busy as yours, they’re just busy with different things. This seems like its dumbing down the stress of childfree people and making it seem like if you don’t have children, your problems are insignificant. I agree with everyone else, seems martyrish.

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