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Childrearing

10 Things Only Parents Of Boys Say

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Maybe there’s not a huge difference between little girls and little boys. My daughter is only one, so she hasn’t developed all the weird and gross habits my son has. For all I know, the following things may totally apply to parenting girls, too – except the peeing stuff. But what I’ve learned in the almost four years that I’ve been mom to a little boy is – little boys are gross. Because of that, you are forced to give them some really weird directives.

Here are a few things that regularly come out of my mouth. They often leave me with a vacant, confused look on my face after I’ve said them.

1. Get your hands out of your butt.

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Butt cracks are fascinating. Hopefully the fascination will end before kindergarten.

2. No touching boobies.

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My kid thinks boobs are hilarious – which is fine with me. I just want to make sure that he’s not pointing to, laughing at, or trying to touch the boobs of strangers. That’s not to much to ask, is it?

3. You can’t leave the house without pants on.

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Me: You can’t leave the house without pants on. Him: WHY?

4. Poop isn’t a toy.

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He sometimes gets so elated when he sees it in the toilet, I fear he’s going to reach down and grab it.

5. You can’t pee sitting down forever.

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I guess he actually could – but it’s really one of the only reasons why I’ve ever been sorry I wasn’t a man, so I’m forcing him to take full advantage of the fact that he doesn’t need to sit down to pee.

6.  Come see how your father goes pee-pee! 

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I’m apparently obsessed with this whole peeing-standing-up thing.

7. You don’t try and touch your teacher’s boobies, do you?

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My three-year-old has this random habit of occasionally poking me in the boobs and screaming, BOOBIES! I’m praying I’m the only female he does this to.

8. You don’t have to make an announcement when you fart.

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I farted. I farted. I faaaarrrrteddd! Every. Single. Time.

9. No! Boogers are not ‘delicious.’

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Those words actually came out of my mouth.

10. Don’t sit on the couch naked.

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I don’t want bare butts on the couch. I don’t care how small and adorable they are.

(photo: Oleg Mikhaylov/ Shutterstock)

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