Childrearing

5 Things That Are More Annoying Than A Whining Child

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It came sometime after crying was discarded as the most effective means of ordering us around. Somewhere amid the adorable experimental babble, which elicited happy reactions, for sure, but didn’t make us act with enough urgency. No, for that, a new method must be employed: whining. And then it was so effective, he put it into use all day, even when he wanted nothing at all. I shouldn’t be at all surprised that my son is a supreme whiner, I myself carried the nickname Sabrina Whiner (after the SNL characters) into my tween years. I bet my mother would have loved to see it coming back to me now morning, noon and night.

Not that I want to waste this post whining about the whining. Instead, I’d like to provide a little perspective. Let’s all pull out this list every time we’re tempted to think this is the most annoying thing in the universe. Because, really, it has to compete with:

1. The sound of cats mating

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I love cats, I swear. The sound of cats getting it on in the backyard, however, is nature’s way of telling us to control their population by any means necessary. That is thankfully not how I feel about my own offspring, even if he wakes me up at 5 am saying, “Milk? Milk? Milk?”

2. Having a bad musician neighbor

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Ever lived near someone whose devotion to their music far exceeds their talent? And yet they insist on practicing daily? Kids are just as dedicated to perfecting the art of what the British call whinging, and even though we can’t move away, we survive.

3. Choosing new health insurance

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The kid is complaining at a pitch previously unknown to man because he wants yogurt, the very thing sitting in front of him. Still, I do not wish to throw him out the window, as I do my laptop during every open enrollment period.

4. Listening to someone complain about political demonstrations causing traffic

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The sound of whining can accompany an entire trip to the grocery store and back, and I will feel very sorry about it. I do not feel sorry that someone’s commute was inconvenienced by citizens protesting police brutality.

5. The breakdown of trust between law enforcement and the community

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Let’s just say the events of this fall have made all of my complaints about everyday life completely null. Whine away, kid. Whine away.

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