1. Starbucks gift cards.
Or an entire Starbucks. Whatever fits. Don't even try to act like those afternoon caffeine fixes aren't the salve for your soul right now. What's that? You'll be up all night? What a coincidence! So will your kid.
2. Noise-cancelling headphones.
You never know when they're going to see a toy they want or hear a song they like or just otherwise make noise with their curiously loud child voices. You need the ones airport employees wear. Your eardrums matter, Mom.
3. A bottomless wipes package.
You know, for spills. And boogers. So many boogers.
4. A gallon jug of hand sanitizer.
Again, because boogers. Oh, also any other thing that can possibly come out of your body. And for all the gross things they try to put back into their body. Sweet biscuits, kids are disgusting.
5. A pantry.
They're going to need another snack after that snack they're having before their snack before lunch.
6. Your phone.
For ignoring your children. Duh. Or so they can use it while you're waiting in line somewhere and accidentally delete all your photos, make $60 worth of in-app purchases, call 9-1-1, and leave it inexplicably sticky.
7. A stiff drink.
For escaping reality on the go. Let's see what those other moms on the playground think about that! No, I'm kidding. They will totally call the cops.
(Photo: Iakov Filimonov / Shutterstock)