1. Eat all of the things.
What's on the menu? Whatever you want. You don't have to take anyone else's preferences into account -- well, except your kids, but they don't eat anyway. Go to the grocery store, fill up a cart, change into your stretchiest pants, and get ready for a days-long love affair with your favorite meals.
2. Watch movies and shows they hate.
Yes, Netflix, I would like to continue watching Gilmore Girls. All. Night. Long. #TeamJess
3. Slack on grooming.
You weren't really concerned with impressing anyone in the first place, but now slacking even harder just seems like the right thing to do. Unless you're going to work, it's a pajama pants life for you.
4. Get absurdly freaked out at night.
The floor creaked and you're pretty sure it's the serial killer in your kitchen sharpening his axe. Also one of the dudes from Scream is behind literally every corner. Oh, and don't forget about that monster who lives under the bed who only comes out when your spouse is gone. He's hungry.
5. Own the bed like never before.
Cover their side of the bed in books, roll yourself into a ball using all the blankets, and sleep on every pillow just because you can. Your neck will probably cramp up, but you won't notice because you'll be too busy laughing maniacally and saying, "Mine! It's all mine!" Lock the door so your kids don't ruin this for you.
6. Be lazy. Extremely lazy.
Don't do chores. Chores are for the night before they get home. Every night until then should be spent doing the bare minimum and appreciating that there's no around to call out your annoying habits.
7. Try not to turn into the Gordon Ramsey of parenting.
You're used to having more help than this (I hope), so your patience probably ran out sometime during the morning of Day Two. You do what you have to do. If that means take-out and bedtime at 6:30, so be it. The ultimate goal is sanity and not letting your kids know that you're internally about to start setting shit on fire.
8. Enjoy the alone time.
Once everyone is in bed, it's all you. There are no interruptions. You can do anything you want. Sure, you only have like twenty minutes until you need to go to sleep because you have to be up in the morning, but it's your twenty minutes. Use it wisely.
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