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17 Things I Would Rather Do Than Go Out On A Date

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Re-entering the dating pool after marriage is a special kind of fresh hell. I didn’t like dating before I got married. And it’s safe to say that I hate it with the fire of a thousand burning suns now. It’s not just that I’m older, wiser, and have two kids now. It’s that the entire game has changed, and the game sucks. It sucks! I’ve waded into the pool a few times since the end of my marriage almost 2 years ago, and honestly at this point, a lifetime of being single is looking pretty goddamn good. But that’s not to say my life is boring or devoid of meaning! LOL, just kidding, it’s absolutely boring. So to pass the time, here are 17 things I would rather do than go on a date. It’s always a party around here!

It wasn’t even hard to come up with 17 things I would rather do than go on a date. It was hard, however, to keep the list at 17. I had to think of you, dear readers, and no one needs a 14 page post on how crappy dating can be. Isn’t this supposed to be fun?! The whole idea of meeting new people, having some exciting and meaningless sex, and then gossiping about it all to your married girlfriends? On paper, it certainly sounds fun. But then there is ghosting. And weird, intrusive questions on the first date. There are unsolicited dick pics and harassing messages. It goes from sort of fun to absolute hell on a dime. Why do we even try?

I know it’s cliche, but I would rather wash my hair than go on a date.

Image: Beauty Brands

By the time the weekend rolls around, there is so much dry shampoo in my hair, it could hide treasures. I have very light blonde hair, so washing requires 3 steps: regular shampoo, purple shampoo, and a 10-minute Olaplex leave-in. That’s, like, 13 minutes right there. And then I’m tired, so there goes my night! But clean hair > drinks over awkward conversation, every damn day. Plus, who has time to actually wash, dry, and style their hair for some stupid date? It’s way too much work, and my hair doesn’t need anymore heat damage. I’ll take no split ends over awkward conversation, thanks.

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