Thanksgiving is a challenging enough holiday as it is, what with the elaborate cooking that has to please a variety of palates and the family visitors, and maybe even a random non-family guest who makes you even more nervous about the whole deal. So why have we now thrown in the extra pressure of creating an elaborate "tablescape?" Shelter mags and sites, Pinterest and Instagram have begun treating Thanksgiving centerpieces and place settings like they're a for a freaking wedding. And you can't just buy the blasted things, you're supposed to make them by hand, possibly with the help of small woodland creatures or weirdly dexterous children. Then you're faced with the dilemma of whether to clear your beautiful creations when it's time to eat, or serve everything somewhere else and hoping no one spills on your work of art halfway through the meal, which is around when everyone's going start getting up and meandering toward the couch anyway.
Here we present to you some examples of ill-advised Thanksgiving table decorations, so thoughtfully provided by the Internet.
1. Unsanitary Napkin Rings
What a cute DIY project, made from things found next to your very own toilet! And then decorated with little fake pinecones that bear a disturbing resemblance to turds!
2. Harvest 9-1-1
(Image via settingforfour.com)
At first glance, this is a lovely centerpiece. And its simplicity is alluring. But anyone else hope the fire extinguisher is within arm's reach of the table? The pilgrims probably could have told you that hay and candles are a terrible idea.
3. Narcissism Begins at Home
(Image via thetomkatstudio.com)
Another one that's gorgeous until you think about it. Maybe it's my New York apartment sensibility, but the idea of customized dishes that you use only on Thanksgiving seems ridiculous to me. Add to that the fact that you're turning the act of giving thanks into a vanity, ahem, plate, and this is subverting the very idea of the holiday.
4. Free the Pumpkins!
(Image via kristenscreationsonline.blogspot.com)
This is flat-out injustice here. Some of those pumpkins get to roam free, while those two little ones remain unfairly imprisoned.
5. The Sanitary Turkey
(Image via tamponcrafts.com)
Your guests will definitely look forward to the meal you've made them when they learn you constructed this centerpiece yourself out of tampons.
Here's a better idea for all you ambitious, overworked hosts out there, put out some bread, a few pumpkins, and some trivets where your delicious food is about to be placed. Or make your guests bring flowers. Let them show you just how thankful they are.