Childrearing

If You Prank Someone About Their Kid’s Health You Have No Soul

By  | 

stupid phone pranksThere are a lot of basic rules of etiquette to know and keep track of; always send thank you notes, say “excuse me” if you need to move past someone, and remember your magic words. Here’s another: the appropriate time to joke about or prank someone about the health and safety of a little kid is approximately never. I don’t go in for all of that vitriolic “mama bear” stuff, because I don’t think that there’s a whole lot of originality behind the “mess with my kids I’ll mess you up” train of thought given even the meekest parent is unlikely to sit with their thumb up their ass when their child is in danger.

That said, if someone thought it was hilarious to prank me about the health and well being of my child, I’d probably be angry enough to say something extremely cutting and yeah, I might make a few threats. Above all, I’d probably be pretty terrified. That’s what happened to a dad on Reddit who was relying on the mother of his daughter’s camp mates pick her up from summer camp. Apparently she gave him a wrong number and when he texted in to check up on her, he got some rando shitwhisker instead, who decided it might be fun to fuck with him:

dbag_text_1

Text Prank 2/7

dbag_text_2

Ugh. There’s a lot that happens after this, and you can see all of the dad’s images over at his post, including a sort of part two addendum. In that, the prankster plays the whole, “why so serious?” card and insists that he had no idea whether Bella was a child or a dog.

So, just because no one said it over there, I will:  I love my daughter more than my dog (obviously, he’s a major butthole) but I’d still be pretty pissed off if someone joked about him being sick, too, for no other reason than to thoroughly freak me out.

I was actually ready to give Mr. Hilarious the benefit of the doubt until it came out that he’s actually 29 years old. That’s one year older than me and 24 years older than I was when I first realized that certain things aren’t “pranks” they’re just you “being an enormous douchecanoe”.

On the other hand, the father in this scenario gets less than warm fuzzy feelings from me. First of all, I hate the word “cunt” in the same visceral way that I hate “moist” or “yeast”, but whatevs. Second of all, he probably should have called instead of texted. At least once. Thirdly, he broke the biggest rule of all; don’t feed a troll.

Seriously. His lecture on human decency was unlikely to have any effect on this little turd whatsoever, and he just gave him what he wanted; attention and a platform for his unclever shit. I mean, I would be mad too, but after figuring out that I was being played I like to think I wouldn’t waste any additional expensive data on this asshole.

Eventually the prankster apologized, but honestly? If you’ve gone this far in life without understanding why it’s messed up to scare people about their kid’s well being, I seriously doubt there’s a ton of sincerity there.

(Image: Martin Haas/Shutterstock)

59 Comments

  1. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    June 18, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    I don’t get this whole “being an asshole to people that have the wrong number”. I don’t think it’s particularly funny, to be honest, regardless of how you do it. There’s no need to be an asshole–you can just say, “Hey, you’ve got the wrong number.”

    Now, if they refuse to believe you, like this woman that got ahold of my brother in law last week and was deriding him about not taking care of his babies and how she couldn’t buy diapers and calling him all kinds of derogatory things (for the record, he’s married and his only kid is 6–NOT in diapers), then feel free to have a little fun. Although even then his fun wasn’t deriding her–he was very polite in his response–but rather, posting it on Facebook with the caption “Will someone please help this woman find her baby’s daddy”.

    • Kendra

      June 18, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      Someone texted my husband a picture of their dick once. I’m not going to lie in that we found it hilarious, passed the phone around the room even…but we did tell the dude he had the wrong number. Lesson of the day? Confirm correct number prior to sending nudie pics.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      I would have a good laugh too. And that’s like, rule one for sending nudes…anyone that violates it deserves a good laugh, lol.

    • Angela

      June 18, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      I don’t blame you for having a laugh or passing it around. Anyone who is dumb enough not to triple check before sending that kind of thing deserves it. I would draw the line at forwarding it pic to anyone else though or posting it online, especially if the person’s face was visible. After I had a good laugh I definitely think the decent thing to do would be to delete it.

    • Kendra

      June 18, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      I agree! I would’ve never posted it online or anything like that. And no, it wasn’t a face shot. Just full on dick pic. And yes, we did delete it!

    • Spongeworthy

      June 18, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      Oh man that guy must have been mortified. I bet he triple-checks the number on his dick pics now.

    • Kendra

      June 18, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      The worst part was, he had texted my husband previously, and we had told him at that point that the number was wrong. It wasn’t until a few days AFTER that first message that we got the spontaneous dick pic.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 18, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      LOL, I think your husband was texting with Anthony Weiner. Too bad, you could’ve made some money!

    • Kendra

      June 18, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Damn, you’re probably right!! I should’ve capitalized on this one!

    • Patricia Steven

      June 18, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      befօre­&nbspі­&nbsplօօked­&nbspаt­&nbsptհe­&nbspсհeсk­&nbsptհаt­&nbspsаіd­&nbsp$8318,­&nbspі­&nbsp dіdոt­&nbspbelіeve­&nbsptհаt­&nbspmy­&nbspfаtհer­&nbspіո­&nbsplаw­&nbspwօz­&nbsplіke­&nbsptհey ­&nbspsаy­&nbspасtսаley­&nbspbrіոgіոg­&nbspіո­&nbspmօոey­&nbspраrt­&nbsptіme­&nbspօո-lіոe..­&nbsptհere­&nbspаսոts­&nbspոeіgհbօսr­&nbspstаrted­&nbspdօіոg­&nbsptհіs­&nbsp4­&nbspօոly­&nbsp аbօսt­&nbsp18­&nbspmօոtհs­&nbspаոd­&nbspreсeոtly­&nbspраіd­&nbsptհe­&nbspdeрt­&nbspօո­&nbsptհeіr ­&nbspараrtmeոt­&nbspаոd­&nbspbօսgհt­&nbspа­&nbspgreаt­&nbspոew­&nbspMсLаreո­&nbspF1.­&nbspgօ ­&nbsptօ,…&nbsphttp://Googleprojectjob&#x32&#48&#x31&#52freshrwj9t3H

      〓〓〓� 〓〓〓 〓〓〓 〓〓〓� 〓〓〓

    • Theresa Edwards

      June 18, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      ugh its so douchey. why go through the effort to be a dick when its much easier to just tell them.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      Because then, hopefully, you can post it on the internet and it will go viral and everyone will applaud you as a comedic genius.

      I guess?

    • Theresa Edwards

      June 18, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      the first place my mind goes is laziness

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Some people want to be famous.

    • Surly Canuck

      June 18, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      The person who had our number before us had some serious money issues. We were confronted with collection call after collection call, and I swear I have spoken to Jack Reid’s entire family at this point. Three years later, I still get calls from them as they refuse to believe he is no longer at this number. I still wouldn’t jerk them around like this. It’s just douchie.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 18, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      James and Roberta Kaumeyer had some money issues too. I assume they changed their number to escape the calls. I still occasionally get calls from their old friends, which makes me really sad, because according to Google, Roberta has died, and James has moved in with his daughter on the other end of the state.

    • Surly Canuck

      June 18, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Yeah, the older friends/family members who call to let Jack know someone has passed away break my heart. Returning those calls (the only ones we do) is always awkward.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 18, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I’ve internet stalked the Kaumeyers a little bit so I can pass on their contact info to people who sound legit. Most of the non-telemarketers who call for them anymore sound really elderly and really frail.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      It really is. My husband gets irate calls from the same woman regularly. She yells at him frantically in Spanish. We have no idea what she is saying, but he’s actually learned to say, “You have the wrong number” in Spanish, specifically so that she can hopefully understand him.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 18, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      I just say “no ha-blas ess-pan-ee-oil,” they completely believe me when I say it like that.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      He did that, but…she’s so desperate when she calls, it’s heartbreaking. So we wanted to get the message across that she needed to check the number…

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 19, 2014 at 10:26 am

      In my party girl 20s (at the apartment I lived in at the time), I would get calls from some, I assume, elderly Russian lady. She would call continuously and try to talk to me in Russian. I always felt like telling her, “Dude, I’m hungover right now. I can barely speak English at the moment much less any other language.”

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 19, 2014 at 10:36 am

      I’m going to need you to say that in Russian for me.

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 19, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Pack a lunch Wicked Prophet cuz you’ll be waiting awhile for that one. 🙂

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 19, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      My husband refuses to refer to me as Wicked Prophet. I’m displeased with him. Off-topic, I know.

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 19, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Tis okay. My husband refuses to call me “Toast Don’t Care.”

    • Katherine Handcock

      June 18, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      My husband has been getting calls for a “Tracy” on his cell phone, both collections and business calls. She must have had a business that went under/she ran away from. The business calls (people who had her old business card etc.) are always very apologetic, but he’s getting seriously annoyed with the collections one, even if we do understand that they can’t take “wrong number” at first blush in that instance.

    • itpainsme2say

      June 18, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      Ive gotten Tracy calls as well but they are from her grandmother and i also get called for a used car dealer, I even had to change my message greeting to make it more clear but i still get messages.

    • Blueathena623

      June 18, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      The person who had my cell number before me was, I’m guessing, a meth dealer. The people who send me semi-legit texts, I inform them that I have this number now. The ones who seem to be scamming or looking to buy, I mess with them a bit and tell them that they need to call me on my new phone, and the number I give them is to the local sherif.

    • Emil

      June 18, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      That’s pretty funny. You might also try giving them the number to a local substance abuse treatment center. Unless they sound like jerks then definitely police.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      That makes sense. I might have a go in those circumstances too. Apparently, whoever lived in our house before us was dealing also, because we occasionally still (we’ve lived here for four years) have random people show up and expect to just come inside and hang out, even though we are obviously different people. And they always seem to know that someone here should have the “stuff”…

    • Larkin

      June 18, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      My husband’s cell phone number used to belong to some girl named Shaniqua. He’s had random dudes try to booty call him at 3 a.m., friends leaving voice mails, and–the funniest–was getting all of her Facebook notifications via text. We thought they were spam texts for months before we realized what was going on and figured out how to turn them off.

    • Audrey

      June 18, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      Have you ever heard the song Shaniqua Don’t Live Here No More? It’s basically the same story. That’s hilarious.

    • Nichole

      June 18, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      The area code for my cell phone is one number off from the area code for where we live now so it confuses a lot of people. I’m lucky because after hearing that people were calling the wrong area code when trying to call me I called the number to apologize. The lady with that number is super nice and even asked for the correct area code so she can give it to people if/when they call her by accident. I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know but if I get a text (or repeat calls) I will tell them they have the wrong number. No reason to be a jerk about it!

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      That was really nice of both of you. It’s always great to see human decency is still alive and well.

    • AugustW

      June 18, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Before cell phones were popular, I remember calling my dad’s house, except I kept calling a number that was one number off, and getting this little old lady. I did it so often (I was young) that we kind of became friends about it, lol. She was sweet.

    • KarenMS

      June 18, 2014 at 11:35 pm

      My mom became pen pals of a sort with a woman who had an email address one letter off from mine when I was in high school. She would email her by accident so often (and our email address was based in a similar interest) that they became friendly. (This was many years before social media where “Internet friends” were more common.)

    • pixie

      June 18, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      In our town we used to have three versions of the first three digits that were very close (not the area codes – we’ve just only got a second for landlines in the past couple years – but the numbers after that): 875, 876, and 878. I’ve accidentally tried to call friends and mix up the third number, and when my boyfriend and I first started dating, he used to always call the 878 number with the same four last digits as my parents’ landline.

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 18, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      For awhile I was getting calls from some guy looking for “Lashonda.” It wasn’t just every few days; I mean, it was every couple of hours for a month. I tried telling him he had the wrong number, but he kept calling. I did fuck with him for a bit. When I saw his number pop up, I”d answer “Milwaukee Gonorrhea Clinic, can I help you?” or something similar. I also tried to explain to him that “Lashonda” wasn’t the girl for him if she didn’t even give him correct digits. “She’s playing you my friend,” I told him.

      Nothing worked. Finally I just flat out told him I had his number and was going to call the police if he made one more call to my number. He stopped calling then.

    • Larkin

      June 18, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      My mom got a bunch of calls like this from a guy who was fighting with his girlfriend. No matter how many times she told him he had the wrong number, he was convinced it was someone covering for his girlfriend. “I KNOW SHE’S THERE! Just put her on the phone!!!!” Finally, my dad had to answer and yell at the guy.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      That’s a case where you tried to do it right and dude was a dumbass. I totally understand those. I actually would have understood if my BIL wanted to be a little more flippant in his responses, because that lady was being bitchy every time he said she had the wrong number.

    • Jessifer

      June 18, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      In university, I used to get multiple phone calls a month for a “Mr. Peach”, most of them collection agencies. It was so annoying. It didn’t matter whether I told them that the number belonged to a new person, they continued to call anyways… like the idea of someone cancelling their phone number and then someone new acquiring said phone number was simply too outrageous to believe!

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 18, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      All of your stories reminded me that after graduating college I got an apartment where the phone number was literally one digit off of a public phone dating line. One digit off. Imagine the calls my roommate and I got.

      Weirdo random caller (at 3 a.m.): “I was trying to reach People Talk, but you sound cute too!”

      Trust me my friends. I’m not “cute” at 3 a.m. Ask my husband.

    • pixie

      June 18, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      My parents’ landline, where they’ve had the same number for over two decades, is almost identical to this law office’s fax number with only the last two digits swapped. There was a while where we’d get faxes calling ALL.THE.TIME. And they wouldn’t stop, even though fax machines are supposed to only try maybe three times. The printer my dad has also has a fax function so we hooked it up and the next time a fax came in, it came through. We’d call whoever sent the fax and tell them they reached a home phone number and told them to change the number in their system to the correct one. We even went to the law office to tell them to stop giving out the incorrect number.
      One of the people trying to send a fax (this particular lawyer’s office sent things to us way more frequently than anyone else, so they were kind of jerks to begin with, or at least had poor communication skills) told my dad that we should change our number and got into an argument with my dad. I think my dad finally won when he said he would collect all the things that they sent to us and then leave that highly confidential information on their doorstep. The information in the faxes was not something you’d want to send to the wrong person, and we had no choice but to turn on our printer or else the fax would keep calling. If that hadn’t work, my dad probably would have threatened to charge them with harassment (because the fax not stopping phoning us was borderline harassment).

    • Rowan

      June 19, 2014 at 6:06 am

      One place I lived, the phone no was a digit away from the health centre. So I’d regularly get old ladies ringing and asking for an appointment with Doctor Whoever. Pretty often, I’d tell them they had the wrong number and THEN THEY’D JUST PRESS REDIAL because obviously that works. My favourite was when I said sorry, this is a private house and not the health centre, I got “Are you sure?” Oh, hang on a sec… well fuck me sideways! The living room is full of sick people. I guess this IS the health centre after all!

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 19, 2014 at 10:22 am

      I used to work for a company whose number was similar to a local health clinic. We got some, uh, interesting calls too.

    • Katherine Handcock

      June 18, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      Totally agree. I don’t understand what people think is so funny. Just say “Wrong number” and then, if they persist, you can either ignore it or get creative.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      Amen.

    • Jessifer

      June 18, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      What pisses me off is when people dial the wrong number, you politely tell them it’s the wrong number, and they immediately hang up on you. Rude! Maybe I’m too “Canadian” but would it kill people to at least have the courtesy to say “Oh, sorry about that! Have a nice day!”?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 18, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      It wouldn’t kill them, and I don’t think that’s too Canadian–courtesy is not a bad thing, you know?

    • ToastDon'tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      June 19, 2014 at 10:28 am

      I’m American, and I too think it’s rude when people do that. Saying, “Oh, sorry about that” takes about 5 seconds. It’s not that hard.

  2. Spongeworthy

    June 18, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    People who pull “pranks” like this are usually the ones who say really offensive, unfunny shit, and when no one laughs they complain that no one “gets” their humor. Dude, you aren’t some misunderstood comic genius. You’re just an asshole.

  3. wispy

    June 18, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    I mean after the guy said vomiting a red color I would have immediately called and been like WHAAAT??? The guy just keeps texting. I find that odd. I honestly think this prank was tame. And I love “leaving and taking Bella with me” I truly found that hilarious BECAUSE it was so ridiculous.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 18, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Red puke is almost always popcicles, jello, or gatorade. Once you’ve survived beet diapers, you can take color with a grain of salt.

    • wispy

      June 18, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      lol omg I’ve never fed my kids beets. Getting on that and making my husband change the diaper.

    • AugustW

      June 18, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      This is true.

  4. 21foothouse

    June 18, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    I had a wrong number go to my business voice mail once which clearly states my name and my business name but the fellow left a message anyway. It was right before Christmas and he was a very old sounding fellow. He said “Hi Bruce I was just calling to wish you a happy Christmas (pause) but you’re probably in jail again. Have a good one.” and that was it. I did laugh but I also felt bad that he had a blocked number so I couldn’t let him know this wasn’t Bruce’s number. It was a fair mix of humour because it was so out of the blue and out of the norm and sympathy for both Bruce and his confused friend.

  5. Melissa

    June 19, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Lol at douchecanoe…

  6. Pingback: Sam Pepper's Butt Grab Assault Video Is Anything But Funny

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *