The world of stock photography is a strange and magical one. In Stock Photography-Land, babies can play unharmed with matches and electrical outlets, Santa is always weirdly sexy, and breastfeeding is a breezy, soft-focus activity that is most likely to take place in a field full of wildflowers. But what does pregnancy look like through the lens of stock photography?
(pojoslaw / iStock / Getty)
Are you pregnant? Cook dinner usiny the world's tiniest stock pot. Make sure the pot is hot enough to warrant oven mitts, but not so hot that you can't cradle it awkwardly against the side of your bare belly.
(indigolotos / iStock / Getty)
"Yeah, hold up the bobble AND one of the braids! Perfect! You look really natural in this one."
(Sergey Matveev / iStock / Getty)
Those silly absent-minded pregnant ladies are always forgetting to wear a shell or blouse under their blazer when they go to work. Tee-hee!
(CREATISTA / iStock / Getty)
The only thing I can think of when I look at this is, how did her mascara get smeared THAT far all over her face?
(alexxx1981 / iStock / Getty)
Nasal spray makes pregnant women very pensive. Also, using nasal spray, as with all activities, requires a pregnant woman to life up her shirt hem and hold her bare belly.
(ajkkafe / iStock / Getty)
Pregnant women also make convenient clotheslines. Clip baby socks to your underwear and smirk at those less ecologically-enlightened than you!
(Blue Magic Photography / iStock / Getty)
Being pregnant is no reason to give up your live-action role-playing game, where your character is an elven sorceress who can shapeshift into an oriole when threatened by Orcs.
(Andrei Zametelov / iStock / Getty)
Pregnant women need gentle exercise. And what better way to do that than to play a game of orange-and-frying-pan tennis in the kitchen? (Psst: be sure to roll your shirt hem up over your pregnant belly to help keep cool!)
(Micro Works / iStock / Getty)
Uh-oh. It looks like Mommy was doing a lot more than just kissing Santa Claus.(LoulouVonGlup / iStock / Getty)
On the list of things you were hoping to see today, this probably ranks somewhere below "coworker's infected ingrown toenail". Thanks a lot, stock photography.