mom fun

10 Cool Places To Store Babies, According To Stock Photos

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One thing that definitely only parents will understand is that it’s just so hard for the busy mom or dad-on-the-go to secure their child for maximum portability. They tend to flail and coo and wave their chubby little fists around. Ugh. Babies, amirite?

Well don’t worry because the stock photo industry totally has you covered when it comes to great places to shove or store your baby when you need them out of the way for awhile. For instance, when you’re vacuuming, putting stuff in crockpots, or sleeping while they sleep.

I want to go ahead and say “you’re welcome” in advance for all of these cool places to store babies, according to stock photos that I compiled for you. Really, don’t even mention it.

1. Your ugly purse. 

baby in pink purse

(Image: Roxana Bashyrova/ Shutterstock)

Don’t put babies in expensive purses, okay? Just get a Louis Buitton or a Fendo or something. Go to Charming Charlie’s and get yourself a baby toter right now.

2. Peeping creepily out of a box

baby peeking out of box

(Image: Biehler Michael /Shutterstock)

This is the face of a baby who has had about enough of your bullshit, okay?

3. In a stock pot.

baby in stock pot

Image: blessings /Shutterstock)

While it’s true that babies are delicious, did you know that babies are more delicious when you add some plastic carrots to the mix?

4. In an inexplicably mint-green tire.

baby in tire

(Image: blessings/Shutterstock)

I’m assuming it’s green because babies love pastels. It’s science.

5. Nestled in a violin case.

baby in violin case

(Image: Peter Jilek/Shutterstock)

I have a whole back story for the person who puts a baby in a violin case. They are smuggling this baby, the way one smuggles pure uncut Nicaraguan weasel dust. They don’t realize babies fly free on most airlines.

6. Wrap them in a pillowcase and hang them from a tree branch.

tree branch baby

(Image: Svitlana S/Shutterstock)

Baby, what are you doing? You are not a pillow. You are not a fruit. Get out of that tree, baby.

7. Suspended by the neck in a weird plastic bucket

baby in plastic bucket

(Image: Philip Lange/Shutterstock)

Just like nature intended.

8. Alone in a bed of scratchy ass hay.

shutterstock_165100175

(Image: Iryina Tiumentsva/Shutterstock)

If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for your kid.

9. In a crib that is way too tiny for their little bodies.

shutterstock_149588753

(Image: FamVeld /Shutterstock)

You can tell by this baby’s face that babies love it when you cram them into plastic doll cribs. Try it once. They’ll be hooked.

10. Just throw them away.

baby in trashcan

(Image: Syda Productions/Shutterstock)

I wish I had a joke but my soul feels dirty after image searching “baby in trash can”.

(Image: Biehler Michael /Shutterstock)

49 Comments

  1. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    June 23, 2014 at 9:27 am

    I…these are just all so weird, I don’t even know what to say. I’m actually trying to think of headlines for them. What kind of stories would these go with? I just have no idea.

    • momjones

      June 23, 2014 at 9:54 am

      I realize that taking these types of pictures is a someone’s business, and the photographer is just following the trend, but I really think some of them are weird also. My father, an amateur photographer took thousands of slides of my immediate family as well as our extended family, and his advice was always, “Get close.” Every time I take a picture, I hear his voice. He would have loved the current technology, but he probably would have said you don’t need gimmicks to take a good picture. His great granddaughter on her 2nd birthday –

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 23, 2014 at 9:54 am

      Awwww. Best baby picture on the page. 😉

  2. Ursi

    June 23, 2014 at 9:30 am

    I see a lot of “baby in a pot” picture in Italian restaurants, usually covered by or sitting on spaghetti. I’m not sure what the message is there. After all, if you put a dog or cat in a pot the assumption would be that this is what the restaurant may be serving you. If you put an adult in a giant stock pot people would be understandably freaked out. Why is it acceptable that a baby can sit in a big pot with a chef’s hat and it’s somehow cute? What am saying is, is Hannibal Lecter taking these photos?

  3. EX

    June 23, 2014 at 9:33 am

    Um. WTF with #7? Is there WATER in that bucket? Is it a tutorial on how to drown a baby? Seriously. W. T. F.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      June 23, 2014 at 9:36 am

      Adding this to my list of potential stories these could go along with:

      “How to Drown Your Baby in Three Shocking Steps!”

    • Kat

      June 23, 2014 at 9:44 am

      That baby’s WTF facial expression really says it all.

  4. Alex Lee

    June 23, 2014 at 9:41 am

    When autumn rolls around, it’s ALL the babies in ALL the pumpkins, ALL THE TIME.

    Curse you, Anne Geddes.

    (I kinda regret not taking a pic of my kid in my floor tom.)

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 10:01 am

      Oh, the pumpkin photos. What baby wouldn’t enjoy being shoved naked into a cold, slimy, hard-edged pumpkin?

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:20 am

      It seems like a great way to permanently turn the kid off to pumpkins. I can barely stand touching the insides of the damn things, and I know there is nothing harmful about them. I can only imagine what the poor, dumb babies are thinking when their entire bodies are surrounded by the slimy innards of a pumpkin.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 10:50 am

      Yea, I don’t even want to put my hand in a pumpkin, let alone all of my limbs.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:51 am

      The thought of cold, slimy pumpkin on the skin of my back is now giving me the creeps.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 11:03 am

      Yuuuuuuuuck

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:51 am

      The thought of cold, slimy pumpkin on the skin of my back is now giving me the creeps.

    • Emily A.

      June 23, 2014 at 11:14 am

      It is even when better when said pumpkin rolls on its side.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      It is pretty amusing when that happens 🙂

    • Tinyfaeri

      June 23, 2014 at 10:21 am

      Eh. Around me, we all just take any child under 10 to a local farm and stick them on top of pumpkin piles. The older ones that can really climb are funny, but there are no less than 5 sets of parents taking pictures of their kids in pumpkin bins at any given time of day. It would be really yucky feeling to be in a pumpkin, wouldn’t it?

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:23 am

      Babies on top of pumpkins is awesome, because it combines my two favorite things. Babies in pumpkins is like something out of a horror movie.

    • Tinyfaeri

      June 23, 2014 at 10:25 am

      It’s especially funny when it’s an older kid, and his face is painted green, and he’s laughing at his parents from the top of the pile because they can’t get him without a face full of pumpkin. That kid was great.

    • AP

      June 23, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      This is why I soap-wash my pumpkin before carving. Manure fertilizer AND kid slime? Ick.

  5. Valerie

    June 23, 2014 at 9:42 am

    The baby in #2 is def fresh out of fucks to give. And I will never understand an artfully painted tire as a photo prop.

    • Kat

      June 23, 2014 at 9:46 am

      I don’t regularly consider myself a germaphobe, and am of the “kids should eat some dirt” school of thought, but when I see babies in tires all I can think is OMG DIRTY GROSS THINGS.

    • Valerie

      June 23, 2014 at 9:49 am

      Right?? Like, what if that tire ran over road kill? Babies lick things. Ewwww forever.

    • SunnyD847

      June 23, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      The eyebrows on #2!

  6. Sara

    June 23, 2014 at 9:44 am

    It’s a “bath bucket”. A friend got one at a shower. Apparently it’s better for the baby than regular bathtub. I’m not sure the difference between a “bath bucket” and a regular bucket, except about $20.

    • EX

      June 23, 2014 at 10:14 am

      So I just googled it and I am still at a total loss. How the hell are you supposed to actually clean a baby in one of those? I find it hard enough to get in to all those wrinkles and crevices in a regular tub. SMH at what people spend their money on these days…

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:22 am

      Right? The bucket looks like it would make it way more difficult, especially for washing a blob baby. I mean, you would have to constantly try not to let the baby drown. Sure, that is what you should be doing, but it’s certainly much easier when the baby is suspended, on its back, above the water.

    • Joye77

      June 23, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      My thoughts exactly. I’ll stick with the regular baby tub, thankyouverymuch.

    • falcongirl

      June 23, 2014 at 11:18 am

      I have one and it’s awesome if you have a kid who freaks out about being reclined in the regular infant tubs. It keeps the kid more upright, so there was less screaming and flailing. You just keep one hand on the kid’s abdomen (I don’t know why anyone would hold the baby the way that person in the picture is) and use the other hand to scrub.

  7. Spongeworthy

    June 23, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Baby #9 has had just about enough of your bullshit.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:25 am

      Baby #9 is giving some major stinkeye, and rightfully so. Baby #9 is way too big for the crib, which I admit is probably part of the idea, but it seems like #9’s parents procrastinated a bit and when they finally got around to it #9 was even bigger than she was supposed to be.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 10:50 am

      Yea, I mean did they expect to get a pic of the baby smiling of enjoying himself when the poor thing is just crammed in there?

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 10:57 am

      The baby looks somewhat like a zombie trying to escape a grave.

    • SunnyD847

      June 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      My daughter would always get into the doll crib for her baby and look terribly squashed and uncomfortable but she’d insist on staying there until she realized she couldn’t get out at which point she’d throw a fit.

    • Elisa

      June 23, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      Kid’s like, “Someday, folks…someday I’m picking your nursing home.”

      and then later one she will totally get into the doll crib when no one is around to get her back out.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      “Oh, your bed in the nursing home is uncomfortable? Well remember that time you crammed me into a doll crib for a ‘cute’ photo?”

    • Elisa

      June 23, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Gotta say, the beds at the nursing home where I work? SO comfortable! Same beds they had at the hospital I had my surgery in. Built in little air chambers to massage your back and legs and keep pressure from building up, it was like having little fairies walking along your back all day. LOL

      Seriously though, what is with putting babies in stuff for pictures? Are they not freakin’ adorable on their own?

  8. darras

    June 23, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Amusingly enough while the baby might fly free, the airline staff is going to make a fuss and insist that the violin case needs to go into the hold.. #musicianproblems

  9. Jennifer Freeman

    June 23, 2014 at 10:24 am

    #8 looks kind of half-assed. Like, they had a big, elaborate idea and then when it got time to execute, they realized they were in over their heads, so they just laid the baby on the hay and hoped for the best. This is how all my Pinterest projects turn out.

    • SA

      June 23, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      This comment just made me laugh out loud.

  10. Guest

    June 23, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I put mine in soup cans.

  11. Sean

    June 23, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    I think the coolest place is a soup can.

  12. Guest

    June 23, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I put my son in a soup can.

    • Joye77

      June 23, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      Either those are tiny babies or extra large soup cans…

  13. Babes In Style

    June 23, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    There are some really gorgeous photos out there of babies hammocks, baskets etc – just need to add some drapes and blankets etc.

  14. Joye77

    June 23, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Why am I laughing so hard. It feels so wrong! I know the bath bucket is a real thing for the trendiest hipster hippie moms. It’s supposed to be better for the baby somehow but I surer as hell don’t know how. How can you wash the kid if you have to keep holding his head up so he doesn’t drown?

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