Wayyy back in March, I wrote a column about daddyjacking to disprove the myth (that STFU, Parents inadvertently perpetuates) that only mothers overshare on social media. That column kicked off a series about "bridging the overshare gender gap" in an effort to emphasize that dads, too, are capable of posting pictures of dirty diapers and hijacking their friends' status updates to talk about their baby's birthday party. There may not be as many representations of dads doing wrong on STFU, Parents as there are moms, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. In fact, anyone who's friends with a bunch of new parents on Facebook could probably name a few dads whose parenting updates drive them crazy, either because they can't stop bragging about the little geniuses they created, or they're aggressive in a "papa bear" way, or they've squarely turned into The Dad Police. Dads today are more sensitive and concerned about being "awesome" than ever before, and those qualities can inform a dad's proclivity to overshare (or be nauseatingly sentimental) online.
Sure, there are some dads who document their family lives in a way that's really fun to watch play out in real time. It's especially gratifying to see former classmates turn into amazing fathers who have great attitudes about parenting. But, there are some other dads whose parenting updates are best described as cringe-worthy. Over the course of several months, these dads transition from "cool dudes" to "slightly obsessive dads," until one day, BOOM, they're full-blown sanctidaddies.
Much like the sanctimommy, the sanctidaddy complains about the most ridiculous stuff, takes everything a little (or a lot) more seriously than he should, and generally thinks he knows best -- or at least, better -- than anyone else when it comes to his kid's (and possibly other kids') health, safety, education, and so on. And yet, unlike the sanctimommy -- a stereotype that gets written about, mocked, and scorned pretty commonly -- sanctidaddies aren't typically profiled or discussed. When articles mention "helicopter parents" or "snow plow parents," the prototype that comes to mind is usually the "pushy mother." When I post an anonymous Facebook screenshot of a parent saying, "You think you're tired? Wait til you have kids!", or "You don't know real love until you have children," the vast majority of STFU, Parents readers assume it was written by a woman. But there are a lot of sanctidaddies out there who post the same style of updates with the same annoying messages as sanctimommies. They're just as uptight about nap time, and they're just as condescending about parenthood, aka enlightenment. I'm not saying that behind every sanctimommy is a sanctidaddy, but it is becoming "cool," somehow, for dads to be as obnoxious and persnickety about parenting as mothers have traditionally been. It's quite amusing, and this genre of dad should be mocked much more than he is. So for the second installment of the "bridging the overshare gender gap" series, I'll be doing just that.
Here are some examples of sanctidaddies on Facebook:
1. This Guy's Saturday Night > Your Saturday Night
Hey, how'd you spend your Saturday night? Did you go to a movie? Did you watch the big game at a bar? Maybe you went to a show with your pals. Whatever it was, I can assure you that it wasn't nearly as awe-inducing as Blue's Saturday night. Blue is the future #1 Dad, and he spent his Saturday chilling at home with his right hand on lady's belly, feeling his unborn baby move around and just taking it all in. You may not realize that his night was infinitely better than yours, and you may not care, but he's going to post about it anyway.
Also, in case you're wondering, Red is a dad-bro who's all "Hell yeah you're feeling your unborn son kick and move around, man! There's no better feeling in the world than that. Enjoy every moment, dude. You're gonna be an incredible father." Barf.
2. Someonne Is Very Proud Of Himself And Kan't Spell For Shitt
Come on, A! You saved a TURTAL??? No. And WAT have I done today? I'll tell you wat I've done. I've rolled my eyes at your assertion that "wagon" is spelled "waggen," and now I'm mocking you for acting like a superhero "all before noon." Yes, you've had a productive day, and you're absolutely allowed to give yourself a hearty pat on the back, but there's no need to brag about it on Facebook and imply everyone else's day has been inferior.
Wait -- wat's that you say? You did even more than the above? NO EFFING WAY
Is there anything that A. can't do before 11:45 a.m.?!? Hashtag #impressive.
3. The Nerve Of Some People
I understand Marcus's rant-y point that "A parent's got to doo what a parent's got to doo," but he also kind of sounds like a whiny dick. And he named his kid Kole. I appreciate that Kole was about to shit his pants, and that he really needed to get in a bathroom stall that instant, but Marcus could've handled the situation better by forgetting that it ever happened after leaving Wendy's. Let's be real: He intruded on a space designated for women, and the woman in the bathroom was probably just letting the cashier know in case another unsuspecting woman was weirded out by Marcus's presence. The woman is not the one who escalated things. Marcus did. He's the one who screamed that she should "GO FUCK HERSELF" in front of his kid, and he's the one who held onto his anger before unloading it all on Facebook.
Did Kole shit himself? No. Isn't that all that matters? Yes. Learn when to choose your battles, Marcus. The world doesn't revolve around your kid's bowels.
4. Dad's Gold Star
Before seeing this example, I wouldn't have thought it possible that a dad would share this sanctimommy-beloved photo mainstay. Not that every woman who shares this image is a sanctimommy, but the messaging loosely translates to: "I'm a person who loves my kids and would never replace them for a clean house and more money. PS: If you choose not to have kids, your heart is empty and your life is meaningless."
I'm not sure if parents just don't realize the latter part of the translation (?), or wat, but I thought David's comment was amusing. He's like, "Uhm, okay dude. So it's like that now." Increasingly, yes, it most certainly is. Ron is a proud dad and his HEART is FULL. If you can't hang with that realness, well, then...you must not be a dad.