Daddyshame

STFU Parents: Sanctidaddies And Dad-Bros Are On The Rise

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Wayyy back in March, I wrote a column about daddyjacking to disprove the myth (that STFU, Parents inadvertently perpetuates) that only mothers overshare on social media. That column kicked off a series about “bridging the overshare gender gap” in an effort to emphasize that dads, too, are capable of posting pictures of dirty diapers and hijacking their friends’ status updates to talk about their baby’s birthday party. There may not be as many representations of dads doing wrong on STFU, Parents as there are moms, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. In fact, anyone who’s friends with a bunch of new parents on Facebook could probably name a few dads whose parenting updates drive them crazy, either because they can’t stop bragging about the little geniuses they created, or they’re aggressive in a “papa bear” way, or they’ve squarely turned into The Dad Police. Dads today are more sensitive and concerned about being “awesome” than ever before, and those qualities can inform a dad’s proclivity to overshare (or be nauseatingly sentimental) online.

Sure, there are some dads who document their family lives in a way that’s really fun to watch play out in real time. It’s especially gratifying to see former classmates turn into amazing fathers who have great attitudes about parenting. But, there are some other dads whose parenting updates are best described as cringe-worthy. Over the course of several months, these dads transition from “cool dudes” to “slightly obsessive dads,” until one day, BOOM, they’re full-blown sanctidaddies.

Much like the sanctimommy, the sanctidaddy complains about the most ridiculous stuff, takes everything a little (or a lot) more seriously than he should, and generally thinks he knows best — or at least, better — than anyone else when it comes to his kid’s (and possibly other kids’) health, safety, education, and so on. And yet, unlike the sanctimommy — a stereotype that gets written about, mocked, and scorned pretty commonly — sanctidaddies aren’t typically profiled or discussed. When articles mention “helicopter parents” or “snow plow parents,” the prototype that comes to mind is usually the “pushy mother.” When I post an anonymous Facebook screenshot of a parent saying, “You think you’re tired? Wait til you have kids!“, or “You don’t know real love until you have children,” the vast majority of STFU, Parents readers assume it was written by a woman. But there are a lot of sanctidaddies out there who post the same style of updates with the same annoying messages as sanctimommies. They’re just as uptight about nap time, and they’re just as condescending about parenthood, aka enlightenment. I’m not saying that behind every sanctimommy is a sanctidaddy, but it is becoming “cool,” somehow, for dads to be as obnoxious and persnickety about parenting as mothers have traditionally been. It’s quite amusing, and this genre of dad should be mocked much more than he is. So for the second installment of the “bridging the overshare gender gap” series, I’ll be doing just that.

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272 Comments

  1. Lilly

    October 8, 2014 at 10:23 am

    The atrocious spelling in #2 offends me to no end. Also before I had kids I probably would have done all that, plus hit the gym and run some errands.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 8, 2014 at 10:37 am

      I always hear that kids are a time suck, so…I would agree, wouldn’t we be getting MORE done before 12?

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:08 am

      I’m not even up before 12 on weekends.

    • Lilly

      October 8, 2014 at 11:51 am

      I was always a bit of a morning person, and so would get most of my shit done before noon, then spend the afternoon lazing about. Having a kid kind of sucked that out of me, now I get significantly less done in the am so it all bleeds into the afternoon and I get zero lazing time 🙁

    • Kitsune

      October 8, 2014 at 12:41 pm

      I get more done now but that’s because I go to bed earlier/wake up earlier and I can’t live like a hobo with a baby. Not everyone is as lazy though so I don’t assume I’m doing more. Also pretty sure doing chores are part of being an adult so I don’t get what he’s bragging about.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:40 pm

      How would you get that much dirty clothes, though?

  2. jane

    October 8, 2014 at 10:25 am

    I don’t know if David from the last post is available, but I call dibs right now. That response is everything I am.

  3. Ursi

    October 8, 2014 at 10:27 am

    Did anyone else read #2 like he saved the turtle FOR the kids lunch. Like they grabbed a turtle and made soup because that’s how I read it at a rush and it was hilarious.

    And screw you, Ron. My wallet is empty, my house is mess, my heart is full of cats. WTF do you think we childless people do, scrub the place and then roll around on a pile of dollars?

    • Samwisegamgeeeisthebesthobbit

      October 8, 2014 at 10:31 am

      Hahaha! That’s not what you do with your childless free time? I did before I had kids. Me and my cold hard cash snuggled on my gleaming spotless floors.

    • rockmonster

      October 8, 2014 at 10:41 am

      Dollar coins hurt.

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 8, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      But that can work for you if you decide to whack a jerkwad with a sock full of dollar coins. 😉
      (and two dollar coins! Yay Canadian Loonies and Toonies!)

    • Caitlin Burrows

      October 16, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      Or British pound coins.

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 17, 2014 at 9:36 am

      Those would work equally as well, I’d imagine!

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

      That was an organic, locally-sourced turtle, Ursi. HE LOVES HIS KIDS.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

      HAHA! the local-est

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 8, 2014 at 10:53 am

      Since it was (I assume) roaming around, I guess that counts as free-range….

    • leahdawn

      October 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

      Scrooge McDuck style!

    • BeckyBoo

      October 8, 2014 at 11:22 am

      I’m childfree, my house is messy and my wallet is empty. Suck it, Ron.

    • Big C

      October 8, 2014 at 11:30 am

      All of my free time goes to materialism and orgies….. Does that change when you have kids?

    • jane

      October 8, 2014 at 11:38 am

      Not for me!

    • Lt, Ft

      October 8, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      I never have cash so I can’t roll around on dollars. I don’t get the same feeling with debit cards.

    • Mehra Sarethi's new acct.

      October 8, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      As a childless cat-lady, I second this. My heart is brimming with cats!

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:16 pm

      Wow, I hope he isn’t married. Is he saying that his wife gives him no emotional fulfillment?

      I don’t have cats, so I have to make do with a heart full of a husband I love (and the occasional foster bulldog).

    • Serena M

      November 13, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      When I see those stupid comments about “you don’t know what love is until you have a child,” all I want to say is “sooooo…what you and your husband/wife felt for each other before you had a kid is meaningless? I’m sure they’d be glad to hear that!”
      (Yeah I’m a little late to the party, but going through old STFUP archives is fun when I’m supposed to be working!)

  4. Ames

    October 8, 2014 at 10:30 am

    That Marcus guy? He is the worst. WORST. I know I’m in the minority here, but there is no reason ever to go into the opposite sex’s bathroom. If that were my kid, I would have let him crap his pants to teach him to speak up sooner. That would be less awkward, in my opinion, than a man being in the woman’s bathroom. Just no.

    Edited to add: he could have made himself less of a tool by sheepishly apologizing to the lady as soon as he saw her, instead of acting like he owned the place. JUST NO.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 10:32 am

      I think his problem is his ridiculous overreaction. I’ve used the men’s before. It’s not the end of the world. I wouldn’t let a kid poop himself as an alternative. People should be a little understanding, it’s a child.

      I’ve also let men who have politely asked me use the women’s room while I”m in there because they couldn’t wait. It’s just a bathroom.

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 10:37 am

      I would rather my kid poop himself than intrude on a place I’m clearly not meant to be. It sounds like the kid is old enough to know when to say he has to use the lav, so he should be made to do that. I’m definitely not down for constant pants-soiling but if the choice is to act like an entitled douche or let the kid poop his pants, pants are getting pooped.

      As I said, I’m probably in the minority though. And I agree that the whole problem could have been avoided if Marcus hadn’t over-reacted.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 10:47 am

      There is not one line on that post that gives away the kid’s age, the kid could be 2 or could be 7 there’s no way of knowing.

    • Jennie Blair

      October 8, 2014 at 10:56 am

      I was wondering that, if he isn’t in training pants anymore shouldn’t he know long before it shitty pants territory

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:04 am

      He should. But let’s speculate on the myriad reasons he might not have been. Maybe he’d been out and about and ignored the feeling (been there, and I’m an adult). Or maybe he mentioned it a while ago and they were in the car or elsewhere they couldn’t stop (“can you wait till we get to the restaurant?”… “I think so, daddy!”). Or maybe it was diarrhea and it came on suddenly (again, been there). Or maybe he’s a kid and not perfect? I’m really not sure what y’all expect to gain by stamping your foot and insisting that he MUST be able to know when he has to poop BY NOW, by golly.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:27 am

      And honestly, I know some adults who are like that. When they have to go, they have to go NOW. I don’t understand how it’s possible that they can’t hold it in for more than a few minutes but I don’t live in their body.

    • Sri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:41 am

      I’m going to be honest and drop some serious tmi on you, so sorry. I have Tourettes, and if I have a bad tic when I kind of have to go, it gets a little dangerous. Like, 99% of the time, I’m fine. That 1% is enough to scare me into going as soon as I get any indication, though. I CAN hold it, but I’m usually white knuckling hoping nothing happens until I get to the bathroom, devoting every single bit of focus to not having a tic.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:47 am

      I suspect a lot of those people feel it earlier, but ignore it. So when it comes back, it’s real insistent and you really do have to go now. I don’t speak from experience. Maybe.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:50 am

      Especially little kids. They get distracted and they forget to go until it’s too late. Or sometimes it’s even intentional. I used to get UTIs as a kid because I’d be so busy playing that I’d go hours without peeing. My mom would even ask me if I had to go and I’d lie and say “no” because I did not want to leave whatever game or toy I was playing with, even for just a minute.

    • TAL

      October 8, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Not necessarily. I look after a four year-old who totally soiled herself a few weeks ago. The parents responded by making a doctor’s appointment to ensure that she isn’t experiencing severe constipation or an infection, but either of those things or just post toilet-training control issues could be a problem for an otherwise fully-trained child. I’ve worked in a preschool/kindergarten before and its’s pretty standard practice to ask that any child under age 6 or 7 have a change of clothes at school because accidents DO happen.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 10:59 am

      “I would rather my kid poop himself” In a restaurant? No matter how fast he gets out of there, people would be smelling that. If it was a big, leaky load, he’d track poop around or have to wash him up in the sink. Not to mention humiliating a kid who hasn’t quite reached the “knowing when I need to poop with advance notice” milestone. How is that better than just having him use an available toilet? The ladies’ room is not sacrosanct. Just what are you doing in the ladies room, that’s not in the privacy of the stall, that you’d prefer someone crap their pants?

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 11:37 am

      There is another option. When Marcus saw that the men’s room was occupied, he could have gathered up his food and left with the kid to get him to a toilet at home.

      I realize you think differently about the subject because you want unisex bathrooms and you don’t mind peeing next to a guy. But as I’ve said through-out this thread, it is just one of those things that skeeves me out. I will never be okay with using men’s bathrooms and I would rather wait to use the bathroom if a guy is in the women’s. So for me, the choice would be, either the kid waits until the men’s room is free, or we leave.

      I would not want to humiliate anyone. But I do think if he’s old enough to be humiliated he’s probably old enough to convey in a timely manner that he’s gotta get to the bathroom PRONTO.

      In any case, Marcus was an ass. That was why I responded – because he was an entitled, aggressive douche.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:44 am

      “he could have gathered up his food and left with the kid to get him to a toilet at home.” – With a trail of poop behind him? Which the kid has to sit in during the drive home? Then all the washing and scrubbing after. So you don’t have to feel mildly uncomfortable. Good grief. I can’t believe the things you’d make a kid (and parent) go through just so they don’t offend you with their presence in the ladies’ room.

      “I realize you think differently about the subject because you want unisex bathrooms and you don’t mind peeing next to a guy.” – Unisex bathrooms are incidental, here. I think differently because I’m not a giant as-hole who values meaningless principle above the actual, physical and emotional comfort of my fellow humans.

      “it is just one of those things that skeeves me out.” – You know what skeeves me out? Subjecting a kid (and parent) to pants full of poop because something randomly skeeves you out for no actual reason. So who gets to win? I’m going to say the young child who is going to poop his pants wins over the lady who can’t handle an icky little boy wee-wee in her vicinity.

      “But I do think if he’s old enough to be humiliated he’s probably old enough to convey in a timely manner that he’s gotta get to the bathroom PRONTO.” – Well, you keep stamping your foot and saying that. I’m sure the world, and all its fallible human inhabitants who don’t all hit milestones at the same pace, will kowtow to your expectations eventually.

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 11:56 am

      If he left, nobody would have been exposed to poop. He didn’t say the kid was shitting himself all over the floor. He said he had to go. That to me says there’s time to run out the freaking door and get the kid in some place where he’s not smelling up the place.

      I have no idea where your hostility is coming from. Chill. Not liking unisex bathrooms doesn’t make me an asshole. Why you’re so hostile toward someone you’ve never even interacted with, I have no idea.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      I have a low tolerance for people who would rather put people through REAL discomfort, humiliation and pain, rather than subject themselves to minor, groundless discomfort that even they recognize is silly. And I have little patience for those who demand that every single human (kids included) operate on some level of perfection (i.e., up to THEIR standards), and anything less than that is justification for letting them suffer. I’m actually not being hostile, though. I just don’t think you’re a particularly good person.

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      Oh no! Whatever shall I do? Someone on the internet doesn’t agree with me? How can that possibly be?

      Seriously, get over yourself.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      You seem to think this is about me/you. It’s not. I just think your demands are selfish, cruel and unreasonable. You don’t have to agree, and you don’t have to change for me, but you asked why I was being hostile, and I told you. If you didn’t want to know, why did you ask? If you didn’t want to discuss your hard, unusual stance on the issue, why did you even bother to comment in the first place?

    • TAL

      October 8, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Wonder if karma will ever find it’s way to Ames and she’ll taste her own medicine in the form of IBS or stress incontinence. It would almost serve her right for having so little compassion for her fellow human beings. The worst sort of unreasonable people are always those who think they’re being reasonable….

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      She reminds me of the type of person who, as an employee, will point at the “restroom is for employees only” sign while someone is literally cramped over in front of them, completely out of options. Sometimes you’re presented with the choice between being a principled asshole, or just being a nice person.

    • Sri

      October 8, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      I’m assuming that it’s because you would rather have a young boy shit his pants to teach him a lesson about speaking up sooner, even though we don’t know how old he is, if he has any sorts of disabilities, or if he’s ill, rather than have a man with his child (so not just some creeper trying to peep) go into the ladies room in an emergency situation.

      Listen, the dad in that post is a douche. He could have handled it better, for sure. Forcing a child to soil themselves isn’t going to solve that, though.

    • ohladyjayne

      October 8, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      I don’t know about asshole, but stating that you think a kid should have to poop themselves rather than use a perfectly good toilet doesn’t make you sound like a very nice person.

      I agree that Marcus sounds like a dick, but if he’d been polite about it then I don’t see the problem at all.

    • Megan

      October 9, 2014 at 5:05 am

      If he couldn’t wait for the Men’s restroom to open up, he probably wasn’t going to make it to another building with a restroom.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Here’s another idea: she’s the adult and he’s the child. If it bothered her so much to use the bathroom while a man was in there, SHE could have held it in and waited for him to be done.

      I definitely agree that Marcus was an ass in the way he responded to the complaint. He would have simply explained the situation and apologized for inconveniencing the woman. But to suggest that it would have been preferable to let his kid shit his pants in public is just ridiculous.

    • Moliss

      October 8, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      I don’t see a problem with the Dad taking his kid into the women’s bathroom to poop, BUT he should have asked if anyone was in there before he entered, and when the women likely would have said, “yes,” explain his situation and ask if she minded if he came in. I’d like to believe she would have said, “come on in,” but if not, he could have waited a couple minutes for her to come out and then gone in when no one was in there. I think it’s fair for him to want to use the women’s bathroom for his kid, but it’s not really cool to just barge in there with no explanation or any regard for anyone who is using it.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      Maybe when he walked in, the woman was in there just washing or drying her hands rather than using the stalls. Or maybe no one was in there when he went in but the lady walked in afterwards and didn’t like that he was there. I don’t think we really have enough information to know what the exact situation was. Besides, if the child really couldn’t wait for the guy in the men’s stall to finish, then he certainly couldn’t have waited for the woman in the women’s bathroom to finish either.

      I also don’t know what kind of exchange he had with this woman but it seems like he was relatively calm about it at first (maybe he wasn’t?) but the woman chose to be passive aggressive about it and complain to the establishment even after she was explained the situation. It seems like a pretty bitchy thing to do and it would probably get under my skin too. I might not have told her to “fuck off” but I might have been very tempted to.

    • joanne

      October 8, 2014 at 10:42 am

      I have no problem with men in the women’s bathroom. I have my very own little stall. Yes, I suppose he could crawl underneath it to peep or peer over the top or look through those little slits on the side, but seriously, I’m not too worried about that. I’d much rather dads with their children be able to take care of them in the way that works best for them than fuss about the guy who might get a glimpse of my bare midsection. I’m more uncomfortable with the thought of a dad and his daughter having to go into the men’s room where there is only the one stall and a row of urinals because there’s no family bathroom.

      I was once at the zoo on a super rainy day. There was almost nobody there. I went into the ladies room and there was a guy, his wife and their 4 daughters. The daughters were in various levels of wet clothing and they were trying to get everyone cleaned up and dry. He was very embarrassed and apologized profusely and offered to leave. I told him to stay. They clearly had a lot going on and it didn’t hurt me one bit to have him in there.

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 10:45 am

      That is totally enlightened and I wish I could be so chill about it. But I can’t. I just feels so weird and wrong to me. That said, I’d be much more amenable to it if the guy was apologetic, like the guy at the zoo.

      Oh, and your comment reminded me of the STFU, Parents post in which a woman was in a store changing room and she noticed some precious angel was lying on the floor staring up at her while she was changing. Yikes.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Spend enough time in gay clubs with a single women’s bathroom with a line out the door vs a spacious men’s room with multiple stalls and you’ll get over those inhibitions pretty fast. I’ll pee with anyone. Chewbacca could walk into the ladies bathroom and I wouldn’t be phased.

    • joanne

      October 8, 2014 at 10:59 am

      True enough. That’s where I learned it. Although I had the opposite. We had stalls in the women’s room and the drag queens would come in. It was a bit unnerving the first time the 6’something queen in 6″ heels came in and stood in the next stall. He could totally see over. After that I was much more free about the bathroom. We all go.

    • Ames

      October 8, 2014 at 11:22 am

      That’s brilliant. I’m just not down with it. And the thought of unisex bathrooms is basically a night terror for me. But as I said, I know this is my own personal reaction to it and lots of people feel fine about it. But for whatever reason, it really skeeves me out. However, I would probably be okay with Chewbacca coming in because how often do you get to pee next to Chewy?

    • thebadlydrawnfox

      October 8, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      I was in a gay club bathroom once and a guy came in saying it didn’t count because he was gay. Everyone was drunk and merry and everything, but I found I couldn’t actually wee until I heard him leave. I mean physically. I had no idea I had this hang up, but I do and you’re not alone!

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Eh, I don’t mind him being in the ladies’ room. Personally, I think it’s time for unisex bathrooms. I’d rather that than his kid crap his pants and inflict that stench on anyone they walk by. He just should have been more reasonable about it. Knock on the door first (“Sorry, I have to come in, my son really has to go!”) then apologize to the lady (“I’m so sorry, it was either this or, well, you know!”) and also to the waitress (“I’m sorry, I felt this was the lesser of the two evils! I’ll be out as quick as I can, please apologize to the lady.”)

    • joanne

      October 8, 2014 at 11:00 am

      I definitely agree. There are better ways to go about it and being polite and apologizing as opposed to being entitled about it make a HUGE difference.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Oops! I meant that to be in response to Ames. Ah well!

    • TAL

      October 8, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Not to mention the fact that there are actually more than two sexes on earth. Unisex bathrooms are long overdue in the States. I hope the people who are offended never plan on visiting Europe….

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Not to be pedantic, but there are only two sexes. There are, however, lots of genders one can identify with!

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      Three if you really want to be pedantic, there are also people who have physical characteristics of both.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      Meanwhile, at a Thai restaurant in Manhattan . . .

      https://twitter.com/robertsietsema/status/388456356069785600/photo/1

    • TAL

      October 8, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      There are intersex individuals and people in the process of transitioning who wouldn’t fit within that “only two sexes” claim. Some trans people may only have top surgery or only bottom surgery or space the two apart due to finances. Not everyone is born with genitals, and some people are born with both sets. I stand by my statement.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      There are also plenty of people born with various intersex characteristics. I guess some people haven’t been reading their Jeffrey Eugenides.

      There are more than two sexes just as there are more than two genders. It’s more like a spectrum than it is a binary selection. Our current culture mostly forces people, no matter their sex, to choose a single gender identity. That doesn’t mean it’s the only, or best, way to run a society.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:19 am

      I have a post somewhere, but basically, binary “sex” qualifications is a transphobic social construct. Uteri and ovaries are not inherantly female. Peni and testicles are not inheriantly male.

      Also: explain cuttlefish then.

    • EozS

      November 7, 2014 at 10:26 am

      Ugh. Okay, anyone is everything and no one is anything and you can be a female even if you have testicles or a male if you have ovaries because biology just doesn’t exist.

      Google cuttlefish if you’d like to learn more about them, I’m not explaining an entire species to you.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:29 am

      Yes, they can be anything! Some people aren’t anything! You can be female if you have testicles!

      Glad you caught up! *pats* Good for you.

    • EozS

      November 7, 2014 at 10:30 am

      I’m picturing those people all smooth like a ken doll.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Why are you picturing people’s genitals? That’s just weird.

    • EozS

      November 7, 2014 at 10:44 am

      What genitals? If you have no biological sex, you don’t have genitals…

      That said, I do picture genitals all the time. Given the amount of porn that exists, I’d say I’m in the majority. Genitals are cool and weird and awesome.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:46 am

      Okay. Why are you picturing what’s between the legs of strangers who are non-consenting? That’s weird, invasive, and rude.

    • EozS

      November 7, 2014 at 10:47 am

      What they don’t know won’t hurt them!

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:49 am

      “Why are you doing something without a person’s consent?”

      “What they don’t know won’t hurt them!”

      Yeah. That’s not rapey at all. I’m done. That’s disgusting, I can’t.

    • EozS

      November 7, 2014 at 10:53 am

      “Briefly mentally picturing the disembodied genitals of non-specific people is rape!”

      Yeah. That’s not crazy at all. I’m done. That’s ridiculous, I can’t.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:53 pm

      Here in NYC, places are starting to have unisex bathrooms. Not Wendys, I’d imagine, but normal restaurants have them. I find them very normal to use. Of course, the stalls have real doors, that helps, and you know you don’t have real gender privacy at the mirror and sinks, so you wouldn’t change your clothes there or anything.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Yeah, I think it’s harder for guys who have to take their girls into the men’s room. My dad took my daughter out one day when she was around 3 he and had to use the restroom. He told her to close her eyes and took her past the urinals into a stall then had her stand facing that stall door while he peed. I felt bad for the poor guy because he said she kept trying to peer around him to see how he was going standing up (my husband was very shy about letting our daughters see him, so she was totally on the dark.) Family restrooms or single-user restrooms are best for everyone.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 8, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      I was a caregiver for 12 developmentally disabled men. When we were out, and needed a bathroom, I usually brought them into the women’s room, but sometimes the men’s was better equipped. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:15 am

      Kids don’t always know when they’re going to poop until they are. When you’re toilet training especially, they aren’t going to be taught a “lesson’, they’re going to be taught you want them to fail and end up neurotic.

      Let’s not even get into the fact that there’s more than one gender, yeesh.

  5. rockmonster

    October 8, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Oh yeah,#2? I just lifted 300 times my own weight, saved the world, and made an exact copy of KFC’s meals for fifty people all before dawn!!!!!! What did YOU do today!!!!!?!!??¿????????

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 10:41 am

      http://i.imgur.com/WZq8ijq.gif

      *not entirely true

    • rockmonster

      October 8, 2014 at 10:48 am

      Welp. What are you gonna do about it?

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Is this productive?

      http://i.imgur.com/2wwA8sg.gif

    • jane

      October 8, 2014 at 10:56 am

      I demand that you remove this image of me from the internet right this moment. And how the hell did you get into my office this morning?

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Your coworkers are all wearing clothes…

    • jane

      October 8, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Additionally, I just sent this gif to everyone I know. It’s my new favorite.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 11:02 am

      http://i.imgur.com/qH77WZ9.gif

      (this is my favorite)

    • jane

      October 8, 2014 at 11:41 am

      Update: I have been watching this on pretty much an endless loop for 10 minutes. I must adopt this dog. Of course, I’d never leave the house and would just sit around watching it in an increasingly disgusting pair of yoga pants. But it’s probably worth it.

    • Lt, Ft

      October 8, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      That brown dog gives 0 fucks about the dancing white dog.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      It’s because he knows how fabulous he looks in his flower sweater. Nothing will top that.
      Or he’s like, “Louie is dancing naked again, must be Wednesday.”

    • Lt, Ft

      October 8, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I am ashamed to admit I did not notice the sweater and thought the dog was some kind of merle. Should probably clean my eyes.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      October 8, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Nah, it’s ok. I thought that the first time I saw it too. His sweater matches his coloring very well.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 8, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      I cracked up at this. Legitimate LOL achieved.

    • AE Vorro

      October 8, 2014 at 11:01 am

      This GIF is amazing.

    • cabecb

      October 8, 2014 at 8:52 pm

      Throw a dead mouse out of my bedroom that my cat gifted me before it was even time to wake up.

    • rockmonster

      October 8, 2014 at 9:09 pm

      Yay cats.

    • cabecb

      October 8, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      I love my cat and it is the girl who keeps finding the mice. The boys are terrible at it.

  6. Elyne

    October 8, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Could it be that 2’s native language isn’t English? Mine isn’t and I make similar mistakes especially when I’m tired. That’s a bit low to make fun of that.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 10:35 am

      I think it’s always low to make fun of how people write, not to mention classist and ableist

    • guest

      October 8, 2014 at 10:56 am

      If English isn’t someone’s first language I’m willing to give a pass on spelling/grammar. Sadly though, the majority of people I know that write like that are those that just couldn’t pick up a book or pay attention in school because they figured they can txt stf so y shud dey care? Those people I will not feel bad for making fun of because they will probably be the downfall of our society.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 11:00 am

      The key being here “the majority of people I know”. Not everyone had the privilege you apparently had in regards to access to education or books, does that mean that they should refrain from writing?

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:06 am

      No, but if you’re posting online, you have the blessed privilege of using autocorrect. That squiggly line that appears underneath a word you have misspelled. If you’re unconcerned with making an easy fix, then fine – that’s on you. If this was something that was handwritten, then yeah, that’s a completely different thing. But with technology – which this person obviously had as he posted to Facebook – you’d have to have either turned off autocorrect (which does anyone know how to do, btw?) or blatantly ignore it. Both of which aren’t exclusive to those who have English as a second language.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 11:15 am

      I wouldn’t know about that since I’ve never seen a cellphone with autocorrect for facebook, my cellphone only had it on whatsapp, but you know, I can’t just assume that my experience around phones is the same everyone has.

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:17 am

      Nope, but seeing as he didn’t use a cellphone (Facebook helpfully tells your stalkers that you’ve posted from an iPhone or other mobile device, or in one case, a microwave), that argument is invalid.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 11:25 am

      Mmmh, all the browsers come with automatic autocorrect? Never seen that either, although, as I said, I could not be such a dick as to assume my experience around technology is the same as everyone’s so I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:36 am

      A quick Google search shows that all four of the main browsers – Safari, Internet Explorer, Chrome and Firefox – have spell check (which I for some inexplicable reason keep calling autocorrect – apologies on the incorrect terminology since we’re talking about spelling) automatically installed and enabled. So, unless you’re using an out of date or archaic browser, yes, all browsers that computers come pre-loaded with have automatic spell check.

      As for actual autocorrect, all four browsers have add-ons available, but considering predictive technology is iffy at best, autocorrect would make the issue worse considering it just replaces words at random.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:26 am

      I got this thing as a homework assignment for IP earlier:

      Eye halve a spelling chequer
      It came with my pea sea
      It plainly marques four my revue
      Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

      Eye strike a key and type a word
      And weight four it two say
      Weather eye am wrong oar write
      It shows me strait a weigh.

      As soon as a mist ache is maid
      It nose bee fore two long
      And eye can put the error rite
      Its rare lea ever wrong.

      Eye have run this poem threw it
      I am shore your pleased two no
      Its letter perfect awl the weigh
      My chequer tolled me sew.

      Gotta love that autocorrect!

    • Sherri

      November 7, 2014 at 10:33 am

      Yup, but that’s not tlkin lik dis, which isn’t going to pass auto-correct, which is what we were talking about. If someone typed like that poem, I’d assume second language because English is a really screwed up language.

      Although chequer doesn’t pass US auto-correct, so technically that poem isn’t perfect awl the weight. 😉

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:41 am

      The point is that autocorrect is not perfect, and it will often not correct homonyms, which people who don’t speak English and with disabilities don’t always remember/get.

      http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chequer?s=t

      I’m not in the US. Neither is large parts of the world.

    • Sherri

      November 7, 2014 at 10:53 am

      And my point was that we were discussing typng lik dis or (after looking at the original post a month after the original comments were made – I didn’t realize people bothered to make comments on posts that far back) leaving words misspelled (homonym or not) and not use of homonyms, so you’re making a different argument than the one being discussed. Auto-correct is not grammar-correct. If the post in question that was being criticized was that he was using the wrong word (such as “for got,” which is spelled correctly, but the wrong word), that would be one thing, but since he wasn’t using a phone to post (the book of face helpfully tells your stalkers when you post from a phone), he purposefully ignored the squiggly red lines that told him “wagon” and “turtle” were misspelled.

      And I’m quite aware that most of the world is not in the US, considering there are over 180 countries.

    • guest

      October 8, 2014 at 11:40 am

      That is quite a leap. I never said they should refrain from
      writing because, like me, they can do whatever the hell they want. The thing with the internet though is no matter what you post, why you posted it, the way you posted it…someone will probably give you flak for it. That’s just how the internet works. Besides, he is probably too busy taking the trash out to give a shit what I think of his Facebook statuses.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      statusi*

    • Kelly S

      October 8, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      I promise we learned to read and spell in public school, in yon 80s.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      Some people honestly have to be TRYING to write terribly.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      Have you SEEN how people spelled back in old timey days? It was awful. Atrocious, even.

    • Sri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:10 am

      I always feel bad because I think of the people I know with dyslexia who are kind, caring people who just can’t spell well. I mix up my d,b,p,and q frequently while writing, and I have a goddamn master’s degree. It’s such an easy target to make someone the butt of a joke.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 11:17 am

      And most of the time just shows a lack of arguments.

    • Sri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:25 am

      There are arguments enough against that guy- the bragging, the implication that everyone else is lesser, but mostly the little ps he wrote, imo, that going after the guy for writing phonetically is just a low blow to get people to laugh at the stupid guy.

      That said, I feel like his offense was pretty mild for stfu.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:33 am

      Yeah, sometimes I feel like for the last year or so, they’ve been grasping at straws. Maybe they need better submissions?

    • Kelly S

      October 8, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      However, I can’t imagine how that would lead to someone typing “wat.”

    • Spiderpigmom

      October 8, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      I sometimes tend to write English words phonetically when I’m tired or distracted. I don’t normally do it in my first language. He could be a non-native speaker.

    • Kelly S

      October 8, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      I have seen too many ‘Muricans, who only know (sort of) one language typing like this to give them that much benefit of the doubt. >_<

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      Eh, I do it sometimes. Or “cuz” (instead of “because”, vs. “cousin”). I’m not sure why, I think it’s to mimic how I’d say it, or a differently inflection from how I’d normally say the word.

    • Sara

      October 9, 2014 at 12:36 am

      Some types of dyslexia cause the sufferer to sometimes spell words phonetically. Which is the type I have and why I sometimes spell imagine as “emagine” or invention as “envention” to give a few examples.

    • blh

      October 8, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      How is it classist?? Everyone goes to school, rich or poor. I did not grow up rich by any means, but I know how to spell turtle.
      As for ableist, not being able to spell and having poor grammar, doesn’t mean you have a disability.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Even if everybody did go to school (which is not true for the US) certainly not everyone goes to the same schools and quality in education differs depending of social class. And that’s a fact btw, not just my opinion.

      Leventhal, T. & Brooks-Gunn, J. (2000). The neighborhoods they live in: The effects of neighborhood residence on child and adolescent outcomes. Psychological Bulletin®, 126, 309-337.

      OECD (2002). Education at a Glance 2012: OECD Indicators. Paris: OECD Publishing.

      Sampson, R.J., Morenoff, J.D., & Gannon-Rowley, T. (2002). Assessing “neighborhood effects”: Social processes and new directions in research. Annual Review of Sociology, 28, 443-478.

      UNICEF (2005). Child poverty in rich countries, 2005. Innocenti Report Card 6. Florence: UNICEF Innocenti Research Centre.

      UNICEF (2013). Child poverty in perspective: An overview of child well-being in rich countries. Innocenti Report Card 11. Florence: UNICEF Innocenti Research Centre.

    • blh

      October 9, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      Different quality schools? Absolutely. But all school’s in America will give you the BASICS on how to read.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:29 am

      Nope, they really don’t.

      And the internet is not ONLY AMERICAN so this person could be from anywhere.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      In regards to the ableist part you do not know if that person has a learning disability or other cognitive factors coming at
      hand.
      This article makes very good points on that issue
      http://themft.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/eat-shoot-snobs-and-leave-critiquing-spelling-and-grammar-is-neither-big-nor-clever/

    • Sara

      October 9, 2014 at 12:39 am

      My parents have a friend who was homeschooled by his mother who quit school after the 8th grade. He spelled like the guy in the article.
      It’s classist because not all schools are funded the same or have the same resources to make sure all students actually learn how to read.

    • blh

      October 9, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      I guess by that logic, since I didn’t go to a fancy, elite school and I don’t have a PhD, I shouldn’t be able to read at all.
      Your friend’s mom was a fucking idiot. It’s entirely her fault. It isn’t because he was poor or had a learning disability. Bu as an adult he could’ve helped himself and got an education.

    • Sara

      October 9, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      No i was trying to point out that other people have other circumstances than you. And the reason she homeschooled her kids was because there were no schools in their area and they couldn’t move or send them away to school because there was no fucking money for it.
      And the reason he hasn’t “got an education” as an adult because he had had to go to work at twelve to help provide food for his brothers and sisters so they wouldn’t starve to death. He has worked his ASS off to learn to be better for his family and little girl, but they still don’t have the money for him to go to adult classes. Do you know how proud all of his friends and family were when he started reading chapter books? He can read, but he has problems spelling things in part because of his educational background and because of the regional mishmash of broken French and English.
      Also, I never said anything about having to go a fucking fancy elite school to learn to read. I was trying to point that some schools are so fucking poor that kids are starving to death, and that there are some areas that don’t have schools, but the parents need to stay because that’s where the jobs are.
      I realize though that your head is so firmly lodged up your privileged ass, it’s a wonder you can even fucking breath.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:28 am

      I dropped out in 10th grade, actally, because I was depressed and couldn’t handle being school. And I’m in Canada, that’s not even talking about other places where everyone does NOT go to school.

      Plus, not every school is equal. Some are very bad indeed.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:23 am

      Yup. Classist, ableist, and often racist.

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

      Since it’s become habit for ppl 2 wrte lik dis 4 who knws wat reazon? It’s hard for me to assume that every person with English as a second language writes like that, tired or not. Especially considering that as I’m typing in this helpful little box, if I misspell something it shows me a wiggly little line? It’s not that hard to right click and get the correct spelling. Facebook does the same thing. If this was handwritten, or all of his mistakes were like “for got” (which spell check wouldn’t catch), I would absolutely agree.

    • But...

      October 8, 2014 at 10:58 am

      But autocorrect. It’s available on your phone and on most browsers.

    • Elyne

      October 8, 2014 at 11:15 am

      True but even autocorrect isn’t always correct. Also not everyone living in America speaks/writes perfect English. I agree about the netspeak that it’s incredibly annoying but I just hate that people make fun of people just because their English isn’t perfect. I never learned English in school so basically teach myself now by trying to write English as much as possible, but it’s damn difficult to learn. What I try to say is not everyone online speaks/ write (perfect) English.

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:26 am

      If one wanted to nitpick at his post, then they could focus on his grammar, which is kind of annoying unless it’s abysmal to the point that the original meaning is lost or obscured. And autocorrect isn’t perfect, but it would have caught turtle and what. It becomes unreliable when you’re using words that are not in the common vernacular, or the originally typed word is incorrect in such a manner that it’s difficult to figure out what the typist meant. For commonly misspelled words, it’s pretty accurate.

      As for people speaking/writing perfect English… I noticed that the rise of grammar nazis came about after text speak became the norm.

    • anon

      October 9, 2014 at 9:59 pm

      “I noticed that the rise of grammar nazis came about after text speak became the norm.”
      Oh that’s just not true. Grammar nazis have been around sooooo much longer than that

    • Sherri

      October 10, 2014 at 10:44 am

      I guess I didn’t really start noticing them until people started typing in text speak and trying to pass it off as actual writing. I’m sure they existed before that, I just never noticed them in such force.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:06 am

      I agree with you. He’s not writing in lazy “netspeak” (do the kids still say that?); he’s writing phonetically, which indicates to me that he’s not a native English speaker, OR he has a learning disability that affects the way he spells.

    • Sherri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:11 am

      I think it’s called text speak now? I don’t even remember, but then, I’ve also never typed like that.

    • Lilly

      October 8, 2014 at 11:41 am

      you might be right, but so many native English speakers make these types of mistakes that my assumption (and that of others) tends to be that the writer is more like the people in the picture. Also, most of my non-English first language friends write in their language on facebook if they are writing a general comment like the one posted.

      http://www.11points.com/images/protestspelling/speakenglish.jpg

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      I have no problem making fun of these fuck-wits.

    • Assasymphony

      October 8, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Hahaha! Hilarious idiots. 🙂

    • Kelly S

      October 8, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Your English right now is FAR better than his. And the sad fact is, there are a whole lot of people whose only language is English who cannot functionally use it. I don’t really get it, but it’s become really apparent thanks to the internet. They are also usually the morons bitching that people from other countries should LERN ENGLISH THIS IS AMURRIKA while having atrocious spelling.

    • itpainsme2say

      October 8, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Well i know my reason is because i went to a backwater high school which are common in the south and mid america in other words the places with the most obnoxious opinions of immigrants.

  7. Boozy Shark Lee

    October 8, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I spent my Saturday night feeling a baby kick while my ass sat on the couch after I put the toddler to bed. I am insanely jealous of anybody who was out having a life.

    • ActionComics25

      October 8, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Yeah, I’d petty much be jealous of anyone who could have a bit of beer without the side-eye. Oh, I guess dads don’t have to deal with that bit.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 11:03 am

      No, though you could probably find a dad who will side eye your beer and offer a “Hey, little lady, I’m a parent myself and you should know better.”

      I’ll pop and out roundhouse kick him, never fear.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:38 pm

      By which you mean Europeans? 🙂

  8. Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

    October 8, 2014 at 10:39 am

    In regards to #3, I don’t think it’s bad that the kid used the women’s bathroom, some kids have difficulties learning to control their sphincter (?) and have issues with anticipating when they are going to poop. It would have been far worse if the kid had pooped in the middle of a restaurant IMO. What I find weird is the over-reaction and going all papa -bear on the person that has the right to communicate the situation to the restaurant, I mean, you could just apologize and explain the situation.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Seriously, one can just ask nicely if there is a woman in there if your child can go in and use the restroom. Or better yet, ask the staff. A little please and thank you can work wonders.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 8, 2014 at 10:54 am

      “I’m really sorry, and I know it must have been uncomfortable for female patrons. My son had a bathroom emergency. Otherwise I would never have come in here. I’m really sorry about that.” Fin.

    • Jennie Blair

      October 8, 2014 at 10:54 am

      Indeed. I don’t care that you have a kid, if you are venturing into the wrong bathroom knock first and ask if it’s ok, don’t be some psycho daddy my son has to poop

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Yeah but it sounds like the DAD went into the ladies’ room with the kid. I can understand the woman being a little concerned.

    • Rosario Añañuca de Fuego

      October 8, 2014 at 11:21 am

      Should he have let the kid go in alone? We don’t know his age, he could very well be 2 or 3 years old.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 11:26 am

      Oh, no, I just meant he should not be surprised that a woman might be upset by his presence. He acts like she no right to find it odd that he was in there. I wish all places would go to the single-user unisex bathrooms. It would make it much easier for parents who are out with opposite-sex kids.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 8, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      Or caregivers of opposite-gender adults. I usually brought men into the women’s room so that I wouldn’t startle anyone at a urinal, but it shocked the other women in the restroom, every time.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Oh, yeah, I never really thought about that. Good point.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:10 am

      Plus less bathroom-policing is generally good for trans/nonbinary people.

      Or people who just don’t “look” like their gender.

    • Spiderpigmom

      October 8, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      “Papa bear” is a rude asshole, but for the rest I emphatically disagree with you all. When a preschooler tells you he has to go, you typically have a window of about 45 seconds to sit them on a potty or face the consequences. The lady who complained was a perfect idiot, to put it mildly, and one should get a pass to accompany a young, freshly potty-trained kid to any bathroom whatever gender it’s designed for.

  9. JJ

    October 8, 2014 at 10:44 am

    I thought obnoxious mama bears were the worst. Nope papa bears are even more obnoxious. Believe it or not Ron some people will happily take a clean home and a full wallet buddy. Even some parents during really stressful, tiring times.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:05 am

      I know right! I wonder why the men are so much more irritating than women? I guess it’s because when it’s a mom, I can kind of think “well, it’s hormonal / maternal instincts” but when it’s a man, I assume he’s like that about everything, all the time.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 8, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      My home’s rarely clean and my wallet’s rarely full. But the nice thing about having an empty heart is that it’s easy to fill with things like cats, skiing, hiking, and completing personal writing projects, so I’ll happily stick with what I’ve got, thanks.

  10. aheb

    October 8, 2014 at 10:48 am

    I read number 2 and I just want to know what washer and dryer he has. I don’t think it is mathematically possible for me to complete 5 loads of laundry by 11:45.

    • rockmonster

      October 8, 2014 at 10:50 am

      So he *is* BSing.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:00 am

      My guess is that there were a couple of loads leftover the night before to be folded or dried or put away, and he rounded up a bit.

    • Miriam

      October 8, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Maybe he was trying to be modest.

    • Sri

      October 8, 2014 at 11:05 am

      If I woke up at 5 am, switched clothes exactly when the timer chimed, didn’t have a kid unfolding faster than I can fold, and settled for “mostly dry” (ewwww) I think I could do it. Maybe. Fuck that, though, because I’d rather be lazy and not hate myself.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:07 am

      That sounds like my worst nightmare. I’m going to wear dirty clothes tonight, I think.

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Sure it’s possible. If you live in an apartment building with several washers and dryers on the ground floors, you can easily do 5 loads at the same time and be done in only an hour and a half (or, if you go to a laundromat)

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:10 am

      But is it possible to do 5 loads of laundry and *almost* all the dishes? Only if you’re super dad!

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Why not? When I put my laundry in, I don’t sit there watching it (I guess I live in a good building?). I go back to my apartment, do other chores, and then go back down to take my clothes out when the timer runs out. Or if my clothes are in the dryer for 40-60min, I can even go around the corner, pick up a few things at the store, do some banking, etc… It’s really not that complicated.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 11:48 am

      I was… I was joking…

    • Jessifer

      October 8, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Sorry, it’s sometimes hard to read into all the sarcasm! I’m still taken aback by how many people are mentally trying to calculate how to do 5 loads of laundry in one morning, to show that this guy is some kind of liar. It’s kind of silly. This guy doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed but hey, at least he gets the laundry and *almost* the dishes done before lunchtime. haha

    • Miriam

      October 8, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      Wow! You are quite the multi-tasker! How DO you do it?

    • biggerthanthesound

      October 8, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      I don’t understand the whole “almost” all the dishes. I mean, why not just finish them? What is the point of stopping when there are, like, a couple of plates left or whatever. I mean, the “waggen” ride can wait a couple minutes, right?

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      Maybe a pot left on to soak? A REAL super dad would have gotten out the SOS pads, though, frankly.

    • biggerthanthesound

      October 8, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      My go to-is a spatula.

    • keelhaulrose

      October 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      I did “almost” all the dishes this morning… I couldn’t fit that last coffee mug and plate into the dishwasher, so they’re going in when this load is done.
      I want my cross now.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 8, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      You should ask for cookies instead. Cookies and praise, including pats on the head. Or is that the dog that gets that attention? Hmmmm…

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      I leave chopsticks in the sink a lot because I can’t put them in the dishwasher and they’re boring to wash. I know….

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:07 am

      Back started to hurt, my wrists are giving out and living stuff is hurting, ran out of hot water, had to go do homework, couldn’t run out of hot water because somebody has to shower, dropped a bowl and cut myself and had to go sit down and then it was time for other stuff, cut myself on a knife and had to go sit down and also evaluate whether or not I needed stitches and then didn’t want to bleed all over the rest of the dishes…

      Oh, and leaving stuff to soak because somebody left it sitting out all night AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO RINSE THINGS so it’s nasty and I’m not spending 2 hours scrubbing it off.

      I hate dishes though *shrugs* And do them by hand.

    • noelle 02

      October 8, 2014 at 11:22 am

      I start two loads the night before and can then have five done by eleven. Maybe he did it that way? That was my thought.

    • Lilly

      October 8, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I guess it depends on the loads too — I have a super delicate cycle on my machine that only runs for 30 mins and a quick/light wash cycle that runs for 25. — so theoretically I could do 5 loads in 2.5 hrs (with the delicate things hanging to dry).

    • Assasymphony

      October 8, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      The washing machine back home does 30min loads, but we have no dryer. So half an hour washing, put in bag, put new load, then take previous washed load down to garden, hang it all, go back up, wait for wash to finish.. etc.. It could be be done though maybe not the drying part. Wouldn’t all be dry that soon unless hot windy day.

    • ChickenKira

      October 8, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Mine has a ‘quick wash’ option that goes fro 20 minutes or so. It’s useless for things with stains on them or towels or anything that is actually dirty… but I use it to wash things that are in that “This doesn’t look dirty but I know I should wash it” stage.

      Maybe he’s done 5 loads of quick wash and his children just never get food/paint/mud on themselves? Probably because they’re too busy carrying ‘turtals’ around.

    • ENorth

      October 8, 2014 at 9:08 pm

      Lmao. I use it because I’m too lazy to sort out the colors from the whites. Though I still have to sort them for the dryer. It’s a flawed technique, but it works for me, because by then the laundry is clean… My boyfriend does most of the laundry anyway, and he does it properly…

    • Guest

      October 9, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Laundromat?

    • Liberty

      October 9, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      Maybe they have 1 of those little apartment washer/dryers? Or maybe he’s counting doing the washing and drying as separate loads?

  11. Jennie Blair

    October 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Man these people are nuttier than trail mix. Has my husband been happy to feel the fetus move, yea but he didn’t take to facebook to spread the baby movement gospel, just went back to watching tv.

  12. cece1212

    October 8, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I like how people mention doing laundry like it’s a difficult task that doesn’t afford you the luxury of doing something else while the MACHINE does all the washing for you. Now if he was in his van down by the river with a washboard and doing laundry by hand I would be more impressed.

    • gesundheit

      October 8, 2014 at 11:23 am

      But you have to PRESS BUTTONS! And put soap in!

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Right? If I’ve washed 5 loads of laundry I probably also watched a couple of episodes of CSI or some other show I can’t watch when my kids are home. It’s not exactly hard labor.

    • biggerthanthesound

      October 8, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      or doing “almost” all the dishes.

    • Danielle

      October 8, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      That was my favourite part of his post.

    • RCIAG

      October 8, 2014 at 11:25 pm

      Yeah WTF does that even mean?

      Wait. He said he did “almost” all the dishes. Does this mean he doesn’t have a dishwasher? Is he living in the 18th century or what?

      Unless he means he put half the dishes in the dishwasher then that’s not really doing dishes is it? Why didn’t Superdude do ALL the dishes?

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      It means he has a dishwasher, and they didn’t all fit. So that is two whines about “chores” where machines are doing all of the work. SantiParents of both genders share an ability to make chores that all of us have to do sound like ten times the work they actually are.

    • Susan

      October 15, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      We don’t all have dishwashers. I live in an apartment building that does not allow them — not uncommon in older buildings. I also don’t have a washer or dryer, for the same reason.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:02 am

      We don’t have a dishwasher. Dishes are the bane of my existence. Especially on days when my back/wrists hurt.

      Also like more often than I like, our hot water decides “Nope I’m done” halfway through me washing them and I can’t make myself do them in lukewarm water so I’m all “yeah, okay, we’re good now”.

    • Raquel

      October 8, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      I love my Sunday night folding parties…husband puts the kid to bed and I drink wine, watch all the crappy A Haunting/Paranormal Witness/etc. type shows that I PVR, and fold clothes/iron.

    • Moliss

      October 8, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      Ugh, but the FOLDING. The bane of my existence.

    • Michael Weldon

      October 8, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      What is this folding you speak of?

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      I don’t recall the last time I folded anything. If you can’t hang it up or wad it into a ball and stuff it in your dresser I don’t want it.

    • Michael Weldon

      October 8, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      Exactly. The only thing I ever fold is a few towels. And I don’t do that until I am at the linen closet. Even for towels if there is room in one of the bathroom I will just hang them up there if I can…

    • ChelseaBFH

      October 8, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      My husband will do like, 8 loads of laundry over the weekend, but he leaves it all unfolded on top of the machine, so then I’m stuck folding it. What makes it even worse is that he refuses to use the high heat setting on the dryer (it “shrinks everything”) so everything that sits for more than 30 seconds is a wrinkly mess. Still, he’s better than me, considering that only about 50% of my loads make it to the dryer at all before they start to smell musty.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Also, people who work outside the home also have to do laundry. They just have less available time for it, so it makes you sound like an asshole when you act like it’s so hard to do when you’re home all day. Some poor parent in an office just remembered he/she has a pile of clothes to wash when they get home.(I am a SAHM BTW)

    • Elizabeth

      October 8, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Thank you. I’m a college student who has a part time job and I spend any extra time working my ass off to land a “real job” when I graduate. Laundry is probably the easiest part of my weekly work load — but it’s still a part of my workload. So is grocery shopping_ trying to find time to go grocery shopping_ and maybe sneak in a run. These things aren’t exclusive to sahm (though kids can make them harder).

      I appreciate everything my mom used to do for me (and still does!) But she’s so much more than “just my mom”. I am not her only identity.

    • Mehra Sarethi's new acct.

      October 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Girl I feel you! I can never understand why people think college students are lazing, especially the ones who take a full load of classes AND work part time. It’s like the complete opposite of lazy.

    • Elizabeth

      October 8, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      I really love the people who tell me “wait ’til you get to the real world!” Where do you think I am? Magic Kingdom?

      I know some people party their way through college, and that when you get older you have other responsibilities, but I know an awful lot of adults who work 40 hours a week and are then basically done. I effectively work double that (60 hours school/20 hours retail).

    • Mehra Sarethi's new acct.

      October 8, 2014 at 6:31 pm

      Every time someone said that to me I wanted to be like, “oh yes, taking 16 hours of classes per week and working part time is so not the real world! I guess I’ll understand better when I just have a job to worry about…”.

      You’re taking on a lot of hours at school and work! What year are you in school?

    • Renee J

      October 9, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      When I graduated from college and started working full time, I was amazed at all the free time I had.

    • Liberty

      October 9, 2014 at 6:05 pm

      Unfortunately a lot of people do party their way through college and lack any sense of responsibility. You are in the minority, unfortunately.

    • LTKinney86

      October 8, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      This is hilarious because that is exactly how my husband acts. Well actually, what he does is throw a load in the washer, LEAVE IT for several days (I would of course have put it in the dryer if I had known he had done a load but the majority of the time I have no clue) and then he will put it in the dryer BUT never fold or put away the clothes because he says “I just cleaned so much! You have to help too” to which I usually reply “No, the machines did the washing and now they have to be redone because now they smell like mildew” Everyone knows the worst part about laundry is putting it away.

    • M.

      October 8, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      My husband is the king of this, he always leaves the damn clothes in the washer so they have to be rewashed and he NEVER puts the damn clothes away. I just did a massive bunch of laundry over the weekend and my stuff is put away, my son’s stuff is put away…my husband’s clothes are sitting folded (by me) in a laundry basket in our bedroom, waiting to be put away next to a second laundry basket filled with folded clothes waiting since last week to be put away. Ugh. He cooks dinner every night, though, so I can’t really complain.

    • Litterboxjen

      October 8, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      I swear I wrote these… but I don’t fold my husband’s laundry.

    • Larkin

      October 8, 2014 at 7:48 pm

      Back when my husband was out of work for a while, I once came home to find that he had done all the laundry, then only folded/put away HIS clothes, and left all of mine in a wadded up pile on the bed.

      Fortunately, he’s never made that mistake again… hahaha.

    • Guest

      October 9, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      We use a service that picks them up and delivers them washed, dried, and folded. It still takes my husband three days to put them away. 🙂 But he does all the cooking, cleaning, etc, and works so many hours that he is down to 4 hours sleep each night, so . . . I’m in no position to complain. (I’m recovering from surgery).

      By the time you’re done feeding our apartment building’s laundry room’s machines with cash, it costs almost as much as wash & fold.

    • ChickenKira

      October 8, 2014 at 6:20 pm

      SHH. I’m doing laundry right now. Don’t disturb me. Can’t you see how BUSY I am right now, doing my laundry. I don’t have time for anything else, especially not internet things.
      Even harder, it’s my kid’s laundry. IT’S MY KID’S SHEETS MAN. It’s so difficult and takes so much of my time.

    • Raquel

      October 8, 2014 at 10:05 pm

      this made me wheeze-laugh

  13. Sri

    October 8, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Am I the only one creeped out by the first guy? I picture him just sitting there all night with his hands (or face) on his wife’s belly while she’s annoyed that she can’t get up and do stuff because he’s fascinated by the chestburster squirming around in there. Like, it’s fine to be happy and feel kicks sometimes, but his wording seems obsessive to me, like he’s literally spending his entire night doing it.

    Maybe it’s just the fact that I find the kicks creepy instead of cute, so I don’t get why anyone would brag about spending their night doing it.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      I’m a little weirded out myself. I’m sure when the baby kicks at first it’s awesome and magical and then after a while it’s like, stop already, I get it, you want out. If my husband were doing that I’d be like FFS, stop already, I’ve got shit to do.

      And I will always upvote references to babies as xenomorphs

    • Spiderpigmom

      October 8, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      … after a while it’s STOP TRAMPLING ON MY CERVIX GODDAMMIT! (my tenant was breech until the 37 weeks mark)

    • Hibbie

      October 8, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      I don’t like anyone hovering around my uterus, partners included. I didn’t have to worry about it, though, as my daughter kicked her dad right in the face the very first time. He stayed away after that!

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      This made me laugh.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      My cousin’s daughter kicked their pitbull. Apparently, the pitbull looked very surprised, and stared at my cousin’s belly, but then seemed to understand what was going on. They attribute that moment to why she was unsurprised that they brought a baby home a month later. Apparently, after her daughter was born, the pitbull appointed herself bodyguard and sat watch at the crib day and night.

      But this is the kind of dog that rests her head on people’s bellies, so. . . .

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 8, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      I am deeply, deeply concerned for when someone close enough to me that they’d invite me to feel the baby kicking gets pregnant, because I know my reaction is likely to be me screaming and demanding to know if they’ve already called the priest to schedule an exorcism.

      I know there are some women who are completely enthralled with having the ability to house new life, but I’ve got some sort of deep, primal fear convincing me that there is no practical difference between getting pregnant and the events detailed in Alien.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:12 am

      If I ever got pregnant and the kicks were noticeable from outside (I’m fat and I carry my weight in my tummy), I’d probably do it just to freak people out. “This feels so weird, touch it” you know?

      I also do this with slimy things though XD

  14. alexesq33

    October 8, 2014 at 11:59 am

    So wait, it’s ok for a man to go into the women’s room with a WOMAN IN THERE? I just….is this ok now?

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Sure, why not? I mean it’s not ideal, but in an emergency, what’s the problem?

    • alexesq33

      October 8, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      Because I’ve worked in the service industry where the bathroom was our changing room and the stalls were too small to change. I would have assumed that women only would be coming in. If a man knocked and had an emergency that’s one thing. This guy sounds like he just barged in. If it had been me there changing shirt or pants down is prob be a little bitchy too.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Oh, sure, the guy is a huge douche. But I doubt anyone was changing in the restroom at Wendy’s.

    • alexesq33

      October 8, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Agree but u never know if someone took off a shirt to wash a spot or whatever … I just think hey – knock and announce that you are coming in for an emergency. But yes – huge douche.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Why are you okay with women seeing you naked but not men? Why not put a tank top under your uniform or something? Or go to work IN your uniform? That’s what my mom does.

  15. Moliss

    October 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    Bahaha WAT.

  16. Erin W

    October 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    I actually have a story related to number 3. I was in a McDonalds one day, seated generally near the restrooms when a guy and a toddler girl walked by. I know she needed her diaper changed because she was emphatically telling him so. He brought her into the men’s room and they reappeared after two seconds. Then they hovered outside the women’s room door unsure of what to do. After a minute, he approached me. Apparently, there was no changing table in the men’s room. He wanted to take her into the women’s room to get the business done, but he didn’t want to intrude. Would I mind seeing if the bathroom was empty? I did not mind; on the contrary, I respected his respect for boundaries.

    • Lt, Ft

      October 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      I haven’t read all the comments but there is a big push in my area to get changing tables in men’s restrooms. A lot of smaller restaurants and businesses have changed their bathrooms to unisex to address this issue.

    • LoveInfinitely

      October 8, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      It makes perfect sense to me. Why not make it easier for Daddy-Kid time? Booyah.

    • ChelseaBFH

      October 8, 2014 at 7:24 pm

      Whenever we are out and a kid needs a diaper change I make my husband check the men’s room for a changing table, and if there is one, the diaper is his job – the logic being that since I often end up doing it because he can’t, it should be his job when he can. So I’m all for more changing tables in mens’ rooms!

    • ted3553

      October 9, 2014 at 10:47 am

      I would bet that if the guy had knocked on the door and peeked in and explained to the lady in there why his son needed the women’ts washroom, there would have been no issue. Most people are reasonable but not if you’re a total dick about things.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:20 pm

      Or at the very least, acted apologetic instead of entitled. If he had taken three seconds to see the situation from her perspective (strange guy in the men’s room) he would have realized the world doesn’t actually revolve around him.

    • LawGeekNYC

      October 9, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      Oh, this annoys me. My niece’s father is constantly coming back from changing table – free men’s rooms in Cleveland and New Jersey. I applaud his constant efforts to find one, though.

  17. Elevatorshoe

    October 8, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    I’ve got an obnoxious sanctidaddy/over sharer who always posts jokes about shooting boyfriends and whatnot, but the worst was this: “daughter was on the toilet straining and squeezing wife’s hand, and as she was squeezing out her monkey tail, wife turned to me with tears in her eyes picturing the time when she’ll be pushing out a baby.” This status was so gross on so many levels….

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Good god…just….ugh

    • alexesq33

      October 8, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      I hate to admit my husband does the “I’m going to lock up our daughter until she’s 30 macho shtick”. *sigh* He’ll be outnumbered soon (me, my mom and my daughter 🙂 )
      ETA – and wow that status update is so fucking gross and wrong.

    • EozS

      October 8, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Tell your husband that those of us who are sane find that mentality creepy and pervish, borderline incestuous. At least she has the ladies of the family to back her up!

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Hey, I’m mentally ill and I find that creepy and perverted. Don’t be blaming us for that stuff!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 8, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      Now, in an effort to ward off dudes in bars and coffee shops, I have previously used, “My mom won’t let me date until I’m 50.” But that was entirely my own invention based on my own desire to not date.

    • Ursi

      October 8, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      did his wife just compare their future grandchild to poo?

    • 2Well

      October 8, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      What if she’s infertile or doesn’t want kids or is trans?

    • canaduck

      October 9, 2014 at 9:53 am

      Well, that is absolutely the most brain-numbingly nauseating thing I’ve heard in a long time.

    • whiteroses

      October 9, 2014 at 10:50 am

      Here’s hoping the daughter isn’t saying, “I’d really like it to just be me and my partner, thanks.” Her parents will collapse from the shame.

      When did parents decide that their children don’t deserve privacy?

    • Liberty

      October 9, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      OMG that’s the worst thing I’ve ever read.

    • BarlowGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Why did there need to be 2 adults with her in the bathroom? Can she get NO privacy?

  18. blh

    October 8, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    I think number one is cute. Too many dad’s continue to party and live their life exactly the same after they have a child, while the mom makes all the sacrifices. Staying in with your pregnant wife/girlfriend because she can’t go drinking or might not feel like going out and being happy to do so is admirable.

    • SunnyD847

      October 8, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      We went out all the time when I was pregnant. My husband loved not having to argue over who’s turn it was to be the designated driver 🙂

    • blh

      October 8, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      My pregnant ass was NOT trying to go sit around and be bored watching other people get drunk and have fun. Plus, I was generally too tired all the time. But I’m not even talking about just during pregnancy. Dads are more likely to go do what they want and leave the mom with the kids.

  19. Lt, Ft

    October 8, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    I spent my Saturday watching a movie, having a drink, and eating bar food with my friends so take that #2!

  20. Jill Loutas

    October 8, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    That guy did not do five loads of laundry before noon.

    • Layla

      October 8, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      But did he fold them and put them away? 😉

  21. Marna McAlexander

    October 8, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Marcus is fortunate the lady in the rest room didn’t have mace.

  22. ENorth

    October 8, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    The “turtal” was probably like, “Damnit, I was so close to crossing the street. Now I have to start all over. Thanks for saving me asshole!” And Ron, my mom’s house was always clean, you and your kids are just slobs.

  23. Kathryn Mackenzie

    October 8, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    My childless heart isn’t empty…it’s full of love for all the things I buy with my spare money.

  24. OptimusPrime*

    October 8, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    A is A! Explains everything!

    *Please tell me someone else got that. 😉

  25. brebay

    October 8, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    If there’s one thing that pisses me off faster than no one doing the dishes, it’s someone doing ALMOST all the dishes? What the fuck? I bet he left her the egg pan…

  26. brebay

    October 8, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    Dude, do NOT give away ANY of your mind pieces. Please. You can’t spare them and no one wants them.

  27. ted3553

    October 9, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Sorry # 2 but that sounds like the morning of every mom with a young child that I know of. I wouldn’t even bat an eye if someone had told me that-it literally wouldn’t even register because it sounds like most of my weekends.

  28. randyfitzimmons

    October 9, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Seriously, EFF that prick who felt it was OK to use the women’s washroom. Your kid has to poop and the men’s room is busy? WAIT. That is not your space.

  29. Horrid Baby Names

    October 9, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Sanctidaddy #2 needs to spend less time bragging. More time learning proper grammar. Or by his spelling, that’d be gramer.

  30. Horrid Baby Names

    October 9, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Kole? Are you serious? Good god people. Spell it right or don’t use it.

  31. LG

    October 10, 2014 at 5:15 am

    See,the last pic and ones like it, they really anger me. What of those of us not ‘hashtagBLESSED!!!!!!’ With the ability to conceive? Does that mean that our entire lives are dead, cold and meaningless? Urgh. Parents who come up with this drivel or share it, please get over yourselves. You had sex. Well done. Just please stop being condescending and downright cruel to those of us who are not, and are unlikely to become, parents.

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