STFU Parents: Parents Who Are Doing It Wrong On Social Media This Christmas
Every holiday season, thousands of parents post Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus-themed updates on social media, and most of them merrily ride the line of acceptability. Some updates are kind of boring (another picture of a Christmas tree, Elf on the Motherfucking Shelf, plate of homemade cookies, etc.), and some are rooted in consumer-driven greed, but the majority are actually pleasant updates that celebrate the joy of the season with a healthy emphasis on family. Toddlers in Christmas pajamas, babies swaddled by the fire, and kids singing carols are what harmlessly dominate the average adult’s Facebook feed.
And yet, some parents are still doing it wrong. It seems cruel to say this with such ease, like I’m a Facebook Grinch who can’t just let things slide this one time, but let’s get real for a moment here: For every five adorable pictures of kids sitting on Santa’s lap at the mall, there’s a parental holiday update that probably shouldn’t have made the cut. Do I think these parents deserve to have coal in their stockings? No, not necessarily. We should all be granted a pass during the holidays, no matter the Facebook offense. But it might not hurt to rethink some of those updates next year. Since the holidays are annual celebrations, I try to put together a list of faux pas to avoid each holiday season (including mommyjacking, of course), so that 365 days from now, we’ll all (hopefully) be a little bit wiser, and perhaps a little less reliant on Facebook to express our every thought. Sometimes saying nothing at all is the greatest gift that a person can give.
1. Christmas Poo
I know, I know — Christmas poo is a Forever Thing. I’ve seen jokes about it since I started STFU, Parents almost six years ago, and I know it’s never going away. If a baby isn’t making a “lump of coal” in his diaper or depositing a Holiday Log in the bathtub, she’s apparently shitting out a combination of feces and metallic tinsel. WE GET IT, PARENTS! Just please don’t tell us anymore. We want to have a Merry Christmas, not a Merry Crapmas.