STFU Parents: 6 Facebook Faux Pas To Avoid Posting This Holiday Season

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The holiday season is upon us, so it’s time to break out the ol’ holiday submissions, STFUP-style. After all, while children are nestled all snug in their beds with visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads, parents are often posting on Facebook. So curl up with a mug of Bailey’s or perhaps a roll of cookie dough, and check out my Christmas list of six faux pas to avoid posting this holiday season:

 1. The Mom With The Elf On The Shelf

1. naughty elf

Last year it was much more in vogue to be pro-EOTS* than anti-EOTS (*Elf On The Shelf, duh), but this year the consensus is decidedly the opposite. Trend pieces about how much people hate that rascally, ever-limber holiday mascot have been mischievously appearing everywhere, and many parents have thankfully refrained from posting (or, at least, over-posting) about their various Elf On The Shelf “adventures.” Or maybe they’ve all just flocked to Pinterest this year; I’m not sure. One thing I do know: It doesn’t get more 2012 than this picture of an Elf On The Shelf holding a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. *shudder* 

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  1. CrazyFor Kate

    December 21, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    “Thank you Jesus”?!

  2. kmeghan

    December 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    8 weeks is not a birthday.

    • Villy

      December 21, 2012 at 7:59 pm

      Huh. I didn’t even catch that. I read it as “8 weeks FROM today”

    • kmeghan

      December 22, 2012 at 10:15 am

      I thought that for a second too… but then it wouldn’t be the kids birthday right then, or even at Christmas. So I think it’s just a crazy who thinks every freaking week is a ‘birthday’.

  3. k_milt

    December 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    A general, year-round rule should probably be “please don’t post photos of something you’ve peed on”, regardless of one’s status re “haters”.

  4. Tinyfaeri

    December 21, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Suzanne’s kind of awesome just because of the HUGE story I can almost instantly make up in my head from such a short sentence/picture combo.

  5. wmdkitty

    December 21, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Number 5. Just… number 5. Totally wrong, in so many ways.

  6. KateB

    December 21, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I despise Amy in #4. She wins the prize for worst human in this collection.

    • lucygoosey74

      December 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

      I know, right? Her bitchy comments made me cringe.

  7. Jenny May

    December 21, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    When I have kids, my rule for whether or not I share a photo of them with friends online will be, “If it was a picture of me doing the same thing, would I be okay with other people seeing it?” if the answer is yes, I’ll go ahead and share. If the answer is no, I won’t. Rest assured, the internet will not be graced with any pictures of my future children sitting on the crapper!

    • Tinyfaeri

      December 22, 2012 at 10:15 am

      Your Faceook and/or Instagram friends thank you (as does the world). 🙂

  8. Justme

    December 21, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    I’d hate to see the rest of the photos in the 50 Shades of Elf photo album….whips and chains………..plugs.

    • LiteBrite

      December 22, 2012 at 8:06 am

      That was the one I liked the most. After 22 days of trying to move our elf in creative places, I’m running out of ideas and am ready to just lay him on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack. But that would be wrong….of course. 🙂

    • Katherine

      January 2, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      No, it would be so, so right…

  9. Gremlin

    December 22, 2012 at 5:49 am

    So. much. win. (I know, winning is so 2011).

  10. LiteBrite

    December 22, 2012 at 8:07 am

    If anyone is getting an iPad in this house, it’s ME.

    • kmeghan

      December 22, 2012 at 10:16 am

      I cannot understand people who would give CHILDREN an $800+ electronic. It’s one thing to have one as a family, and do things together, because there are a lot of really great apps out there for learning, but to just give them one??!! Hell, my whole holiday budget isn’t even 400 bucks.

    • bumbler

      December 27, 2012 at 5:48 am

      ok, but what if your budget WAS $10,000? Seems more reasonable? Of course the average person can’t (or at least shouldn’t) shell out nearly 1k for a toy, but there are plenty of people with plenty of money in the world. Surely you understand that. I’m not saying kids should have ipads, but you seem to lack perspective on it.

    • kmeghan

      December 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

      I understand many more people have larger budgets, and they like being able to do things for their kids…I work with well off children and they are almost all spoiled brats who expect and demand things. Children don’t have to save or work for anything anymore, it’s just handed to them. There’s no expectation of good behavior, or good grades…it’s just demanded. I know that’s not everyone, but I still don’t see the need to give a child such an expensive ‘toy’.

    • Helen Donovan

      December 28, 2012 at 3:29 am

      Nope. My Uncle was a very successful doctor with a batch of kids. However, as he made clear to his kids, it was his (and my aunt’s) money. He was very against his kids growing up expecting to start out living the lifestyle that it had taken him years of schooling and 25 years of practice to attain. He expected them to earn their own money. (He did pay for college and help with cars when needed but they bought their dress at Learner’s not at Saks or Nieman Marcus.) Smart man

    • Leigha7

      January 7, 2013 at 12:15 am

      Just because you can afford to spend $800 on a single present for your kid doesn’t mean you should. I could see maybe if they were a teenager, because laptops and even smartphones and tablets are useful and make pretty decent (if expensive) gifts, but I honestly can’t think of a single reason why a small child should ever be given something so expensive (well, ONE–children with communication problems could benefit from having a tablet as a tool, but that’s different).

      The most expensive gifts I would consider giving young-ish children would be something like a Kindle or an iPod (both under $200), and that’s only if they 1. have enough interest in reading/music to get my money’s worth out of it, and 2. have demonstrated that they are responsible enough to not lose or break them. I guess a digital camera would fall into the same category. At any rate, $200 is about the max I could justify, and it’d be a huge special present, not something they should expect for every present-giving occasion.

  11. Amber

    December 22, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I don’t get it.. Did people not want Suzanne to be pregnant? Did they say she could never be pregnant? Did she say she felt pregnant but nobody believed her? I want to know more of this story!!!!

    • Jessie

      December 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

      Actually… If I’m correct in guessing the brand of test she used, and I’m fairly sure I am because I have used that particular brand a few times before, that line actually means that she is NOT pregnant, which further piques my interest in her “haters” comment… o.O

    • Amber

      December 22, 2012 at 2:37 pm

      I see a faint line…. Either way it’s still confusing. I really want to know the story from the submitter.

    • katydid0605

      December 26, 2012 at 9:57 am

      there are two lines, so she is pregnant

    • Nana Leonti

      December 26, 2012 at 2:25 pm

      There’s a really faint line so it could be a very early positive.

  12. RCIAG

    December 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    #3, man those “early” people just chap my ass. I frickin’ HATE those people that are all “Oh you’re not DONE YET?!!? I finished shopping & wrapping before Thanksgiving!! I’d have the tree out & everything decorated if my husband didn’t stop me!!”

    Oh fuck you six ways to Sunday.

    Some of us have the life sucked out of us 8 hours a day while at work & when we get home the LAST thing we wanna do is 1)go back out shopping or 2)haul ALL the Christmas shit out to decorate. So we have to cram it all into the few weekends we have.

    Then sometimes some of us get as ill as we’ve been in years & end up doing nothing for a week but watch Ricki Lake & Cartoon Network & pray we can breathe again & maybe stop coughing long enough to sleep more than an hour at time.

    So once again #3, fuck you 7 ways to Sunday.

    • KatDuck

      December 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      Yes. And, amazingly enough, some of us don’t want 1/12th of our year spent in the Christmas hype. Around here Advent gets the weekends and Christmas gets the week leading up to it (well, two weeks this year because that’s when we had time to buy the tree.) And, surprise of all surprises, we lived.

    • kmeghan

      December 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm

      I get all my shopping down throughout the fall, but I don’t brag about it all over facebook. This year I was hit with a super virus and was sick for almost 3 weeks. Never did put up a tree! But, at least my shopping was done.

    • Helen Donovan

      December 28, 2012 at 3:22 am

      Plus, who want to put up a tree so early that it gets dusty before Christmas?

  13. Paul White

    December 24, 2012 at 1:24 am

    You know, I’d say I’m about 50/50 on liking the STFU parents blog.

    This entry? 100% agree with. Who the hell post photos of a kid pooping?! that’s just mean for everyone!

  14. KatDuck

    December 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Dearest Amy, we got our tree two weeks before Christmas. It was on sale. As were the ornaments. We win.

  15. Katie

    December 26, 2012 at 2:18 am

    I laughed so hard at the last one, I don’t even want to know the context, I am just happy with it being exactly how it is.

    Went to the supermarket today (26th of December) and saw shelves upon shelves of 50% off Christmas lights, baubles, cards, wrapping paper and so on, so no, I don’t think the stores were all sold out.

    • bumbler

      December 27, 2012 at 5:51 am

      where I live everything sells out in late November. It’s crazy, but it does happen. I have no idea why it’s like this, because back home on the west coast the shelves are full of lights etc all the way into January.

    • Leigha7

      January 7, 2013 at 12:20 am

      I’ve never quite understood how that would even happen. I know my family used the same string of Christmas lights for YEARS and only bought a new one when that one stopped working (so I think we went through two throughout my entire childhood). And most of our ornaments were old, some at least old enough to be from my grandparents’ childhoods, if not older. They bought me one each year as a family tradition (I’m an only child). Everyone else I know does the same thing (heck, my boyfriend’s family even has the same ornament tradition, except with more than one kid to buy for).

      Is that not normal? Do people usually buy all new lights and ornaments every year? How else would stores run out, especially so early?

    • kmeghan

      December 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      I was really surprised that there wasn’t a lot of Christmas stuff left around my town. but, if you really needed something, I’m sure they could have found it.

  16. Helen Donovan

    December 28, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Apparently being named Amy causes mental problems. Amy 1 – I kept my lights and ornaments from last year so F–You and I’ll put up my tree whenever I choose bitch.
    Amy #2 (in more ways then one) why are you using your child as pervert bait???? Also, please read this and share with all your asshat friends. Pooping IS NOT a “blessing,” “a miracle” or in any way a religious or awe inspiring event! And it is certainly not something that needs to be commemorated with a picture.

  17. Katherine

    January 2, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Psst…Amy in #4: not everyone has the same Christmas traditions. My mother is Ukrainian, so we always have a Ukrainian Christmas dinner on Epiphany. The tree goes up around Dec. 19 (Eastern Orthodox St. Nicholas’ Day) and stays up until Jan. 6 or so.
    And heck, some people just don’t care to make Christmas a two-month-long marathon!

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  19. Lizzy

    March 2, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Sorry im posting on all your old posts but im just getting started lol
    Am I the only one who thinks kids don’t need nor should they be given an iPad for Christmas? I don’t like the iPad, personally. But if I did and decided to get one it would be for the whole family to share not for one kid.

    Uh Laura’s mommyjacking was freaking stupid. 8 weeks? Who celebrates a kid turning 8 weeks?

    I hate Amy. Is her post considered Mommyjacking or just being a bitch? Or both? “I already got all my decorations up and I have 2 kids”

    #5 Amy thanking Jesus for a kid shitting? REALLY? This is a natural bodily function. People have bowel movements, whether in the toilet or on themselves I’m not thanking Jesus.

    And #6 “Merry Christmas to all the haters” Is that the new way to say “I’m pregnant”???

    • wmdkitty

      March 2, 2013 at 7:32 pm


      Maybe, oh, someone with a baby that wasn’t expected to live past a few weeks?

    • Lizzy

      March 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      But not on someone else’s status?

    • wmdkitty

      March 2, 2013 at 7:40 pm

      Fair enough.

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