teenager

Spanking A Teenager Who Breaks Curfew Is Borderline Child Abuse

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shutterstock_84057781I’ve already drawn my line in the sand—I am not an advocate of spanking for any reason. I believe that there are dozens of other ways to teach a young child how to behave and deal with conflict, beyond providing the example that it is okay to use physical force as an adult.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should never, ever touch your child; a swat on the hand to keep your toddler from reaching for a hot pot on the stove just makes sense.

I was spanked as a child, which may be one reason why I can’t get behind regularly spanking young kids. According to a recent survey, I may be in the minority:

Some parents may start off with the notion that “I will never spank my child!” – but does that hold up? Not really, as eight in ten Americans (81%) say that parents spanking their children is sometimes appropriate, while 19% believe it is never appropriate. Among those with a child in the household, almost eight in ten (78%) believe that spanking is sometimes appropriate. Interestingly, in 1995 (the last time The Harris Poll asked this question) 87% of Americans believed that spanking was sometimes appropriate – so this has gone down slightly.

There is still dissension on the topic of spanking a young child, based on these survey results. But I’m sure we can all agree that spanking a teenager is ludicrous:

My daughters are 16 and 18. The 16 year old has curfew times and the 18 year old does not. My husband and myself expected to be staying in a hotel overnight but we came back early as I was feeling a bit unwell. Our daughters went out together and came back in 90 minutes after the younger ones curfew time.

The next morning I decided that my younger daughter was going to get a bare bottom spanking and she did take her skirt off and put herself over my knee and took her punishment. I took her knickers down. It consisted of 32 smacks ( double her age ). To my surprise my older daughter then removed her skirt and placed herself over my knee and I gave her 36 smacks after taking her knickers down. I did think my older daughter needed punishment as she was the one who organised the night and I was pleased she took it without being forced.

Wow. Spanking older teenagers for regular teen antics is borderline abusive. This may lead many parents to question the proper age to stop spanking a child; you already know where I stand—I would not spank the child to begin with.

I don’t know the appropriate age to stop spanking, but I do know that these parents are way out of line. Many of the commenters on the thread above agreed, calling the OP “abusive” and her actions “assault.” Other commenters on the thread urged her grown daughters to press charges, as spanking teenagers is “wrong.”

I don’t support spanking a young child, but many parents still do it. I also don’t know the magical age where parents should stop using physical force as discipline. But I do know this—spanking a teenager is unquestionably wrong. The parents in this example are at fault.

(Image: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)

76 Comments

  1. noodlestein's danger tits

    July 15, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Especially the emphasis on “bare bottom spanking.” I find that…worrisome. I mean, I agree that spanking a teenager is wrong in any case, but that part took it to a whole new level of nope.

    • Ashie

      July 15, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Ya the entire post just totally gave me the creeps.

    • Spongeworthy

      July 15, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      The whole description all put together is just completely disgusting. If you’re still spanking your kid at 16 you are a complete failure as a parent. If you’re making them take their pants off and lay over your knee to do it, you are also a complete and total creep.

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    • pixie Ninja Tits

      July 15, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      yeah, something about the girls…actually, I mean young women, because that’s what they are…taking their skirts off, and especially the older one doing it without being asked or told she was going to be punished really raises my alarms. I just…I can’t….*shudder*

    • Becky Romero

      October 18, 2014 at 10:54 am

      It’s called GUILT and accepting RESPONSBILITY by not wanting to see someone you love and care about be disciplined while you get off scot free.

    • Andrea

      July 15, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      That part didn’t sit well with me…it seemed….”off”.

    • 2Well

      July 15, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      This is what fetish films are made of.

    • falcongirl

      July 15, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      Yeah, I was thinking while reading that, Are we sure that this isn’t a little creative writing by some pervo?

    • 2Well

      July 15, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      Exactly. I have…unusual interests, and this sounded like something from one of those blogs.

    • rennieboy

      October 11, 2014 at 1:12 am

      Yeah, I knew you were talking from personal experience. Just replying to you here has me creeped out.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      July 16, 2014 at 12:08 am

      I was thinking the exact same thing.

    • rennieboy

      October 11, 2014 at 1:09 am

      Hmm, and this we know how?

    • Jennie Blair

      July 15, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      The use of the word knickers makes me think it’s some weirdo porno because spanking last I checked was illegal in the uk, or had so many rules that it was basically illegal

    • sudden_valley

      July 16, 2014 at 12:32 am

      This whole story reminded me of “Christian Domestic Discipline.” Look it up some time when you have the free time to journey down the rabbit hole. It’s weird as hell, and involves husbands regularly spanking their wives (not for funsies).

    • Elizabeth Licata

      July 16, 2014 at 8:07 am

      Yeah, I am super creeped out by the whole thing. Spanking an 18-year-old? I mean, I’m not personally down for spanking kids in general, but an 18-year-old? And making her pull down her skirt and underwear? The whole thing just sounds really weird. And I remember being 18. I can’t even imagine that. At 18, isn’t it more normal to be like, “If someone hits me, I hit them back.”

    • Becky Romero

      October 18, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      “And making her pull down her skirt and underwear?”

      If the skirt and panties are taken off and not just displaced, that likely means the girls did corner time after their spanking.

      Since the article said the spankings took place in the morning, there’d be no other reason for that than for them to suffer the embarrassment of being on display in the living room for several hours no matter who might have happened to stop by.

      Trust me, it’s quite humbling to have to explain why you were disciplined to a smirking neighbor or family friend why you are standing there exposed before them and rubbing your sore bare bottom.

      I don’t think parents should spank, but it is what is: EMBARRASSING.

    • rennieboy

      October 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      Yeah, “bare bottom spanking”……….EWWWWWWWWWW! Took me to a whole new level of being creeped out.

  2. Mercedes

    July 15, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Surely at 16 and 18 there are more effective ways to handle a missed curfew. My understanding about the justification for spanking young children was because sometimes there was no other way for them to immediately understand that their actions have consequences. (I don’t agree with this, but there ya go.) By the time you’re a teenager, you can be grounded — phone taken away, internet taken away, other privileges taken away. You can also by then have a conversation with them about why breaking curfew was inappropriate and maybe get some insight into what happened that they were late. This action? Was over the top.

  3. candyvines

    July 15, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    That’s dicked up.

  4. keelhaulrose

    July 15, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    The bare bottom thing is a bit creepy. And by a bit I mean really.
    However, I don’t think spanking teens in and of itself is anywhere near abuse. I hate the trend of labeling questionable parenting choices as abuse or near abuse. It detracts from kids who are actually abused.

    • Grace

      July 31, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Maybe not abuse, but I see this as sexual abuse, definitely. One of them is a legal adult and the other 16, and they were still forced to take off their skirts AND underwear and be spanked over 30 times each. Last time I checked, sexual assault or abuse is something done to a person, or something they are forced to do sexually that they do not give consent to and are not comfortable with. If you try to tell me that being forced to take off your skirt, underwear, and bend over someone’s knee (doesn’t matter if they’re your parent) and be spanked bare assed isn’t sexual abuse, then I question your views.
      If my parents would’ve tried to do this to me at that age, you better believe I would’ve hit them back, made some calls, or packed up and took off.
      I think there is an age where a parent no longer has any business looking at or touching their child’s body in certain places unless necessary for health reasons, but this has crossed that line. I’m disgusted.

    • Becky Romero

      October 18, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      “If you try to tell me that being forced to take off your skirt, underwear, and bend over someone’s knee (doesn’t matter if they’re your parent) and be spanked bare assed isn’t sexual abuse, then I question your views”

      It’s not what you and I might think it is and want it to be considered as. What matters is what the LAW thinks it is.

      Many states allow the paddling of teenage girls, forcing them to bend over in short skirt (whether they are wearing a thong under them or not) while a male principal and often male witnesses stand behind the girl and watch, striking them repeatedly with a piece of lumber that if you did that to a dog would send you to jail.

      That to me is FAR WORSE than a parent or guardian spanking their child’s bare bottom in the living room with or without extended family present.

  5. blh

    July 15, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Spanking your teenaged daughter bare assed? Sounds like a huuuuge pervert. Honestly, this just really grossed me out. My son is 4 and if repeatedly wont listen to me he’ll get a swat on the butt or hand….but this….just…ew.

  6. ILoveJellybeans

    July 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww no no no
    There is just something so creepy, wrong and sexual about a parent spanking 16 and 18 year old girls on the bare butt. It just seems so perverted. I think theres something disgusting about any child being spanked on the bare bottom, but past puberty, no, that is even worse.
    I disagree with spanking in any form, there are way better ways to teach children how to behave, but on the bare butt? Ew.

    • Andrea

      July 15, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      I could tell from the post if it was mom doing (which ew…but…) or dad (which would be SO VERY VERY VERY WRONG). My dad has not seen me naked since I was 9 years old. It doesn’t seem right.

    • rennieboy

      October 11, 2014 at 1:16 am

      Personally, I would’ve added one more “VERY.”

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  8. Boozy Shark Lee

    July 15, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Get whacked on the ass and be on my merry way or sit in my room moping for a week or two? I would have rather taken a spanking than a real punishment as a teen. How is a spanking going to teach a teen anything about their actions.

  9. AE Vorro

    July 15, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Yeah… my grandfather was a class A asshole (that’s my generous read on him). So glad that fucker is dead. He spanked his teen-aged daughters (my mother and aunt) for curfew violations and was proud of it. He also beat his wife, and tried to run a firetruck that was responding to an emergency off the road, among his other acts of assholery.

    I sort of wish I could make a PSA about him. Here’s a list of how Howard the asshole behaved. Let’s all agree to do the opposite.

    • rennieboy

      October 11, 2014 at 1:18 am

      No thanks. I couldn’t care less about suggestions from someone with a mouth like yours.

  10. Rachel Sea

    July 15, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    That’s fucking creepy.

  11. guest

    July 15, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    I’m sorry but any kid who went and talked to say a school counselor (or anyone) and told them that their parents forced them to take their skirts off, and underwear, to get spanked over the knee? I’d be calling the cops so fast their head would spin. That is perverted and disgusting. Yeah, don’t let anyone touch you inappropriately..except for your parents.. for them you take it all off and bend over. Hell to the no.

    • Jennie Blair

      July 15, 2014 at 10:59 pm

      Yea and more over, why take skirts off at all? You could just as easily flip the end up.

      Not saying I don’t find the whole thing disgusting just don’t see the point of the added humiliation

  12. RayneofCastamere

    July 15, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Yeeeeeesh. There’s my daily dose of nightmare fuel.

    Seriously? There is no excuse. None. She wasn’t teaching her daughters any lesson. She even knew it was the older one’s idea and still beat the younger one. This wasn’t about discipline. This was about her asserting power and that is sick. She’s proud the older one took it too with no complaint?

    Ten bucks says they’re just dealing with it until they’re old enough to move out together and change their numbers. At least I hope.

  13. Jennie Blair

    July 15, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    I’m pretty sure that’s the plot to a bad porno.

  14. Jen

    July 15, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Creepy. As. Hell.

  15. Blueathena623

    July 15, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    I actually know some people (like friend of a friend) where the husbands feel morally obligated (religious) to spank their wives when the wives need discipline for some mistake or error, so I’m not surprised that some people spank teens too. Totally creepy on all fronts.
    I’m in the anti-spank, anti-swat, anti-whatever group, so this all makes me sick.

    • Guest

      July 15, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Just curious…what is spanking worthy behavior from a wife? I can’t believe people like that exist.

    • 2Well

      July 15, 2014 at 10:59 pm

      Believe it or not, it’s at least part of the time consensual. I’m sure many are cases of spousal abuse, but not always.

      Without going into too much detail, some of the stories I’ve heard have wives that have trouble with overspending, or driving safely, or something like that. Often a kind of contract is involved. Of course, there are the “YOU WILL RESPECT ME” kind of men, but many times women, and often men, consent to this kind of relationship to break bad habits and become more self-disciplined. Sometimes it is people who have trouble letting go of guilt.

      Sometimes it’s simply for stress relief. Sometimes it’s sexual.

      Having this desire be a part of you, for sexual or non-sexual reasons, isn’t easy.

    • Psych Student

      July 16, 2014 at 10:59 pm

      I do get the point of trying to help change behavior. My wife wanted to get more writing done on her books, so I agreed that she would get sex as a reward and I would withhold sex as “punishment’. It worked really well and we both enjoyed it. But this all comes more from being into BDSM than religion.

    • 2Well

      July 16, 2014 at 11:31 pm

      Safe, sane, and consensual, and adults can do whatever they please, so long as there isn’t a cheated or otherwise hurt third party.

      I think the Christian version simply takes wives submitting to their husbands to the extreme.

    • rennieboy

      October 10, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      Hmm, how do you know so much? Sounds like you’ve had personal experience. Ewwwwwwwwww, I’m just totally creeped out. Couldn’t be any more creeped out if I tried.

    • AW

      July 16, 2014 at 11:03 am

      Google “Christian Domestic Discipline”. Essentially the husband (as head of the household) is responsible for making sure that everyone stands in line and are disciplined for when they disobey or misbehave outside of father’s rules.

      It will make you want to shake your head and be scared that there are families like this out there…

    • Psych Student

      July 16, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Well, sometimes, when my wife is *really* naughty, she deserves a spanking and I . . . . wait, sorry, wrong website! ;}

    • rennieboy

      October 10, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      Tsk tsk tsk. Shame on you for knowing about such things. I didn’t think I could be more creeped out…I was wrong.

  16. NoMissCleo...JustMe

    July 15, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    I read the whole thread on Circle of Moms and I SWEAR this woman has just been watching too much Downton Abbey or something. She CANNOT be serious with this crap.

  17. KarenMS

    July 15, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Um this sounds like some weird fetishy incest story. It doesn’t ring true at all, even from the writing style.

    • A. M. C. B. W.

      July 15, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      Agree. Esp about the older one volunteering to strip down.

    • KarenMS

      July 16, 2014 at 11:42 am

      The fact that they were both wearing skirts in the morning.I mean, I wear skirts sometimes but there’s something more suggestive about a skirt than a teenagers usual comfy pant uniform. And the “I was pleased…” comment…

    • KarenMS

      July 16, 2014 at 11:43 am

      Oh geez, I just outed myself as being familiar with these types of stories lol

    • 2Well

      July 16, 2014 at 11:37 pm

      There are parents who force their kids to wear uniforms as punishment, or maybe they aren’t allowed pants.

      It’s far from the most disturbing thing I’ve read, and I don’t care to admit it here in my anonymity. There are people out there who advocate the judicial system scrapping fines and prison and simply using rape as punishment (or for men, watching their wife or daughter get raped) and they weren’t using the typical fetishy tones. It scares me that people might actually think that’s a good idea.

      These are the people that think sexual abuse is simply discipline.

  18. Courtney Lynn

    July 15, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    I need a shower after reading that.

  19. gammachris

    July 15, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    Hitting people to get what you want is wrong. If you hit an adult, you would be arrested. Why, then, is it ok to hit somebody smaller than you? I was occasionally spanked as a child, and of course I wasn’t irreparably harmed. However, I don’t think that makes it right. I managed to raise 3 kids to adulthood without spanking, and they all turned into decent, hardworking adults.

  20. Youthier

    July 15, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Bare bottom is so creepy. But I have to say… as a teen, I would have preferred (clothed) spanking to grounding or losing privileges. 1 minute of private humiliation and mild pain compared to missing out on friend time? Sign me up!

    (Which is also why I think it’s a stupid teen punishment.)

  21. jendra_berri

    July 16, 2014 at 12:22 am

    if anyone had tried to do that to me as a teen, parent, family, anyone, I’d have made some phone calls. That’s the creepiest shit I’ve read in awhile.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      July 16, 2014 at 12:43 am

      I’d pretty much have punched back the person who decided to spank or smack me or whatever.

  22. KaeTay

    July 16, 2014 at 1:00 am

    See I was spanked as a kid, but I was given soap in the mouth more than I was spanked and I was never spanked as a teen.. again soap in the mouth and taking away what I loved most tend to do the trick.. no computer.. well they put the locks on their computers and took my power cable and if they really wondered well.. they disconnected things inside. I didn’t know what went where so it worked. I didn’t have a cell phone until I was 18 so that wasn’t an issue.

  23. koolchicken

    July 16, 2014 at 2:19 am

    This doesn’t seem real to me. I’ll bet it’s just some perv who likes writing fetish stories. The whole thing just feels off.

    As for spanking children in general, I’m on the fence. I do use spankings on my son, sort of. He’s 20 months so obviously it’s not going to be super effective for most things. But when it comes to safety I don’t compromise. He used to have an outlet fixation, and well, he’s short. Like outlets just shy of eye level short. I can’t count the number of times I’d caught him trying to stick a finger in one in the time it took me to blink. Seriously, why are there outlets EVERYWHERE! My kid typically listens to everything I tell him to do and he doesn’t misbehave. But seeing an outlet seems to turn his ears off, so I started smacking his hand. Not super hard, but hard enough to make an impact. Then I’d point to the outlet and shout “NO! We no touch! Dangerous!”. I did it three times and now when he sees one he points and shouts my name, and he shakes his finger at it cause they’re “bad”. To me, it was worth it and I’d totally use this method again when I was seriously concerned for his safety and he wasn’t responding to reasoning.

    Once he hits a certain age though we will not be using smacks/spankings. Not just cause the thought of bare bottom spanking my 18 year old son makes me feel like vomiting. But because at some point when I say “don’t stick your hand in an outlet” I expect him to listen.

  24. BexleyS

    July 16, 2014 at 3:11 am

    There’s a huge difference between smacking a young child out of fear or frustration (if they go to grab something hot for example) and pre-meditated smacking. I have a 16 month old even though I’ve not yet had cause to smack her, it’s possible that she may get a tap in the hand etc for doing something dangerous, I am positive that I would never plan to smack her as a punishment! It sends a dangerous lesson to children that hitting and using violence it’s a method of control is ok. I can’t even fathom why someone would smack a teenager’s bare arse. I guess it shows how much control they have over their kids because at that age (despite the fact that I have the utmost respect for my parents) I would have walked away,

  25. WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

    July 16, 2014 at 7:51 am

    This reads like sexual abuse and I feel physically sick for having read the details. I can’t help but wonder if this parent would have insisted that her 13 year old son expose his naked, developing body and bend over her lap to be slapped? WTF?

  26. Lindsey Sweet

    July 16, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Spanking a 16 & 18 year olds BARE bottom??? Really?? I mean, bad enough that she actually thought spanking them was a punishment at that age, but bare bottom? And twice the amount of their age? Weirdo!

    • Psych Student

      July 16, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      Yeah, I feel like there’s a point in time where parents don’t need to see their children’s bare butts anymore.

  27. Katherine Handcock

    July 16, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Wait, not only was it spanking, but it had to be BARE BOTTOMED spanking? That’s definitely over the line as far as I’m concerned.

    • rennieboy

      October 10, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      Yeah well, stay away from Google Images. I can’t even begin to tell you how creeped out you’d be…like TOTALLY.

  28. K2

    July 19, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Creepy and wrong.

  29. ------

    August 12, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    We chose not to use curfews. The primary reason was that, for teenage daughters at least, curfews usually fall after dark. Statistically, this is the most dangerous time ot be on the road. Given the number of teenage traffic accidents, we felt parental worry was better than parental grief!

    That said, if one of our girls made a habit of coming home in the wee hours of the morning, without a very good verifiable reason, we would have probably had an over her father’s lap family conference!

    Only relatively recently has spanking teenage daughters become controversial. Not so many generations ago, it wasn’t a big deal.

    The primary reason for the controversy stems from the fact that spanking remains an effective disciplinary strategy with girls long after it ceases producing the desired results with boys. Of course, this shatters any notions of equality between the sexes. Thus, it is deemed to be politically incorrect.

    Even in the early 21st century, a surprising number of college coeds report having been spanked at least once by their mothers since their collegiate matriculation. While by no means universal, it does suggest that parents continue to do what they’ve done for generations.

    Thus, despite objections, spanking teenage daughters probably isn’t going away anytime soon.

    • Becky Romero

      October 18, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      “The primary reason for the controversy stems from the fact that spanking remains an effective disciplinary strategy with girls long after it ceases producing the desired results with boys.”

      Damn. My butt suddenly got sore just reading that!

      I wish I could try to counter your assertion somehow, but I’d just embarrass myself in trying.

  30. Jennifer

    September 29, 2014 at 1:14 am

    Spanking is for little kids, not teens. I used to get spanked naked because my dad said if I was going to act like a little kid then I would get spanked naked like a little kid. But it was so humiliating to have to take all my clothes off in front of him. By this age your child should have enough respect for you that they do what you say. And if they don’t, take away privileges and ground them.

  31. Suzanne Proulx Wilson

    September 29, 2014 at 6:20 am

    I was 20 when my mother last “spanked” me. I had allowed the screen door to slam behind me. She was in a bad mood already. She used those wooden sticks they use to stir paint. She lay into my butt so hard I almost fainted from the pain and I had bruises. If my daughter did something like slam a door, I ignore it. It is just designed to piss me off. I will give consequences for blatant disrespect, lying, not doing homework…even being more than 15 minutes late for curfew. I do not, however, spank her. I grew up with anger issues because of stuffing down my frustrations and anger with my mother. It is up to me to control myself and not take it out on the child.

  32. rennieboy

    October 11, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Lemme see if I’ve got this straight; we’ve got two teenage girl who’ve had their panties taken down for a good old-fashioned, over-the-knee, bare bottom spanking from their mother. Right, okay. And your problem with that is what?

  33. Becky Romero

    October 18, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I completely understand the dilemma of the 18-year old girl watching her younger sister receive a bare bottom spanking after she helped her younger sister break curfew and then not arguing about having her panties also come down for a spanking, too.

    I understand it because I was basically in her position a few years ago, too, after I helped my 14-year old cousin break her curfew, then lying to my aunt (her mom) by making up an excuse only to have us get caught in the lie about it along with her 18-year old sister.

    So imagine the guilt I felt knowing if I didn’t accept responsibility that Megan and Mallory were to not only be punished for what they did, but for what I did, too. So that made it really no choice at all.

    If they were to be punished, I certainly shouldn’t be exempted, (especially since I at the time was living at my aunt’s house for convenience while working away from home).

    How could I watch my younger cousins suffer the embarrassment of being spanked in the living room when I was the one who failed in my responsibility when they were out with me?

    I don’t agree with spanking as a disciplinary method. But, at the same time, I have to acknowledge that there’s nothing illegal or abusive about receiving a firm spanking from someone’s bare hand onto your bottom (whether bared or not) for disciplinary reasons when you’re a minor under that person’s care (or even in my case, a young adult who was living under my aunt’s roof and had agreed to be subject to her house rules).

    So despite being a college grad in my twenties, I correctly suffered the same fate (and without any doubt it was entirely justified that I did so) as Megan and Mallory, all three of us later standing facing the wall next to each other, tears streaming down our face, with our freshly and soundly spanked bare bottoms on display much to the delight of their younger brothers and step-brothers who watched everything (yes, shame was part of our punishment).

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