Holidays

10 Slutty Patriotic Outfits Just In Time For Memorial Day

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You are un-American if you don’t dress in a slutty costume for Memorial Day. I know right now you are feeling bad about yourself because you forgot all about ‘Murica and were just selfishly daydreaming about your three-day weekend. Fortunately, I’ve given you enough time to pull out all the stops and get your sexy sexy costume before your barbecue on Monday.

All of your friends will be impressed with you, and they’ll also realize your commitment to our country. It’s a win-win. Plus, if you think about it, you’re really serving our country in your patriotic costume by making (slutty) Uncle Sam relevant again. You deserve a pat on the back, no doubt.

I have to warn you, these costumes range in intensity from run-of-the-mill white trash glory to a little hanky-panky with John Hancock in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. But you are smart enough to figure it out for yourself. You’re an American, after all. Just make sure to gauge your slut-o-meter by the type of barbecue you will be attending.

If you’re going to a class party, you may want to throw a sweater on over your red, white, and blue hotpants:

1. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.

cookiesandsangria.com

cookiesandsangria.com

2. I’m too sweet to be slutty and too slutty to be sweet.

marieclaire.com

marieclaire.com

3. Hotpants + glittery gold go-go boots = PATRIOTISM.

pinksith.com

pinksith.com

4. No one can argue with an all-American cheerleader with the boots with the fur.

amiclubwear.com

amiclubwear.com

5. No, God bless you!

spousebuzz.com

spousebuzz.com

6. This is probably the nerdiest outfit of them all, but at least she’s showing some leg.

geekyhostess.com

geekyhostess.com

7. An American flag tutu has always been on my bucket list.

ifashionwarehouse.com

ifashionwarehouse.com

8. I’m super aggressive, and I’m also a slutty Uncle Sam. You figure it out.

caufields.com

caufields.com

9. Bar wench meets patriot meets Johnny Depp in Alice in Wonderland. Sure, why not?

yandy.com

yandy.com

10. Expect fireworks when you wear this after dark. WINK!

officialmancard.com

officialmancard.com

(Image:  Umberto Shtanzman/Shutterstock)

17 Comments

  1. keelhaulrose

    May 23, 2014 at 10:09 am

    I may have forgotten the flag code, but I think putting it on a thong is somehow listed as disrespectful.

    • JenH1986

      May 23, 2014 at 10:22 am

      Lol, it’s actually not supposed to be used as decoration on ANYTHING. But I think a thong is probably really pushing the code.

  2. keetakat

    May 23, 2014 at 10:19 am

    You know, I’ve been looking everywhere for my fan-dusters. #4 is wearing them.

  3. Kheldarson

    May 23, 2014 at 10:20 am

    What’s this three day weekend of which you speak?

    #retailworker#whatsaholiday?

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 23, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Lol not really for me either. 🙁

  4. keetakat

    May 23, 2014 at 10:21 am

    I keep expecting #1 to somehow lean forward, give me her best Sid Vicious and flip me the bird.

  5. Kendra

    May 23, 2014 at 10:22 am

    I fucking love the Napoleon Dynamite reference.

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 23, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Yayyyyyyyyyyyy 100 points for you!

    • Spongeworthy

      May 23, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Yessssss! “Try to kick me. No, not on that leg. With your other leg.”

  6. Kay_Sue

    May 23, 2014 at 10:29 am

    I…I really and honestly don’t know how I feel about this piece. I get that for most people, Memorial Day is a three day weekend. Barbeques and all that jazz.

    In our family, it isn’t. We’ve got so many service members that it truly is a day of remembrance for all of those that we have lost, especially since the GWOT started. It will be a day to remember the 23 year old kid my dad tried desperately to save after an IED incident. It will be a day to remember my husband’s friend, who reminded him so much of his little brother, who is no longer with us because he couldn’t be airlifted to help in time. And to be honest, it will be a day that they both heavily feel the guilt that they carry (unreasonably) for not being able to save them.

    I know, I’m being that person. And I really am sorry. But…I wish this were a 4th of July piece or something. It feels irreverent in a world where there are so many families who are remembering someone.

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 23, 2014 at 10:52 am

      I totally get you and have huge respect for those who have served. I really do. I also have a problem where I basically make fun/light of everything, at least a little bit. 🙁

    • Kay_Sue

      May 23, 2014 at 10:57 am

      It’s cool. I totally hate being that person. I know people are probably like, “Well, if you really hate it, don’t be it”, but there’s almost a feeling of duty to remind people…it’s hard to explain. If it wasn’t such a hard day on two of my main guys, I think it would be different. I’m sorry! You know I’m one of your biggest fans.

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 23, 2014 at 11:03 am

      Hey, I’m your biggest fan too, and I really appreciate when you share your opinion, good or bad, really. You always give me more to think about. <3

    • Spongeworthy

      May 23, 2014 at 11:32 am

      I think it’s a good point to make. I have ZERO family in the military, so it’s good sometimes to be reminded that it’s not just a Monday off work. I hope you and your family have a good day on Monday.

  7. Zettai

    May 23, 2014 at 11:59 am

    I am in love with the first sailor one. I have a thing for sailor collars. Goddamn their cuteness.

  8. Valerie

    May 23, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    I bought a sparkly red white and blue diaper. And this whole thing made me lol. 🙂

  9. Kelly

    May 23, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I have number five. It’s adorable.

    I don’t feel bad about it either. I served my country. I lost friends. I’ll wear whatever the fuck I want. I sacrificed for that right.

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