10 Slutty Patriotic Outfits Just In Time For Memorial Day
You are un-American if you don’t dress in a slutty costume for Memorial Day. I know right now you are feeling bad about yourself because you forgot all about ‘Murica and were just selfishly daydreaming about your three-day weekend. Fortunately, I’ve given you enough time to pull out all the stops and get your sexy sexy costume before your barbecue on Monday.
All of your friends will be impressed with you, and they’ll also realize your commitment to our country. It’s a win-win. Plus, if you think about it, you’re really serving our country in your patriotic costume by making (slutty) Uncle Sam relevant again. You deserve a pat on the back, no doubt.
I have to warn you, these costumes range in intensity from run-of-the-mill white trash glory to a little hanky-panky with John Hancock in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. But you are smart enough to figure it out for yourself. You’re an American, after all. Just make sure to gauge your slut-o-meter by the type of barbecue you will be attending.
If you’re going to a class party, you may want to throw a sweater on over your red, white, and blue hotpants:
1. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.
2. I’m too sweet to be slutty and too slutty to be sweet.
3. Hotpants + glittery gold go-go boots = PATRIOTISM.
4. No one can argue with an all-American cheerleader with the boots with the fur.
5. No, God bless you!
6. This is probably the nerdiest outfit of them all, but at least she’s showing some leg.
7. An American flag tutu has always been on my bucket list.
8. I’m super aggressive, and I’m also a slutty Uncle Sam. You figure it out.
9. Bar wench meets patriot meets Johnny Depp in Alice in Wonderland. Sure, why not?
10. Expect fireworks when you wear this after dark. WINK!
(Image: Umberto Shtanzman/Shutterstock)