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10 Vintage Strollers That Will Scare The Sh*t Out Of You

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When I was a child, I had a recurring nightmare of a troupe of clowns pirouetting slowly up a hill towards me. Of course, I was frozen in place as the creepy clowns made their way closer and closer. It turns out, my whole life I’ve been horrified by the wrong thing. Sorry clowns; I’d rather gaze up at your maniacal smile any day than see one of the following strollers – that were certainly crafted by Satan herself – in motion. Put a baby in one and I’m crying myself to sleep, forever. Please tell me I’m not the only one.

1. Hold Me.

vintage-strollerI don’t know if it’s the padded leather or what, but if the skin collector from Silence Of The Lambs had a baby, this would be its stroller.

2. No.

vintage-stroller

I’m terrified of everything about this picture. Don’t ask.

3. Why?

vintage-stroller

The devil himself is in there. You know he is. Run.

4. I can’t.

vintage-stroller

This stroller has never seen the light of day before this shot. It feeds on the night.

5. Terrified.

vintage-stroller

How does this even work?

6. You know that feeling you get when a hangnail snags on a blanket? That.

vintage-stroller

I’m not looking inside that thing.

7. Frozen in horror.

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I just feel like if I put my baby in one of these, her soul would be sucked out of her body and replaced with something wicked.

8. I’d rather watch that girl from The Excorcist scurry down the stairs on her hands than look at this thing for another second.

vintage-stroller It’s chilling me to my very core.

9. What in the actual f&*k?

vintage-stroller

Double the horror.

10. I’m running like a maniac from any baby that pops up out of this thing.

vintage-stroller

Is it just me?

(photos: Ebay)

 

52 Comments

  1. Kendra

    June 23, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    I feel like #2 resembles more of a vacuum cleaner than a stroller…I just can’t figure out how it works. And also, thanks for including the exorcist gif…because after your description about her scurrying down the stairs on her hands, I was thinking “I’m going to have to look that up…”, but then I didn’t have to. Excellent.

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      June 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      Think of a kids ride on foot powered toy and take away the kids ability to make it move and add a handle.

    • Kendra

      June 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      Ooohhh…I see it now! Thank you!!!

  2. Katie

    June 23, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Is it bad that I actually really like #3, 6, and 7? Especially 7. But my dream stroller is an English black pram. The ones that kind of look like a hearse. 🙂

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      3 and 7 are definitely cool.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      June 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      I like those too. And I think #4 could look really nice if it was cleaned up.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      #3 is really cool but the way the photo is staged is kind of The Omen-ish/Rosemary’s Baby-ish.

    • SunnyD847

      June 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      I love those old prams, but they seem like the useful life would be really short. Once your kid can start pulling up you’d have to stop using it (despite what you see on “Call the Midwife” where children are left sitting outside in their prams in danger of crashing down on the cobblestones at any moment.)

    • aliceblue

      June 23, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Oh no. You kept a kid in there as long as possible. Remember, no strollers so it was carry kid or make it walk if there was no pram. These are intended for times when people walked to the stores (10-14 blocks), often multiple times a week. When kids were little you stuffed the packages in with them. When they got older they had to sit up on the way home to accommodate packages. As they started to age out (age 2+) they would ride to the store and often have to walk back, particularly if it was a “big shop.”

    • jendra_berri

      June 23, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      I’ve read the Call the Midwife memoirs and indeed those women used the hell outta those thing, rattled them up and down stairs even.

    • aliceblue

      June 23, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      I think that I was pushed about in a navy version of #7. Not sure how close since my observation and memory skills were not top notch them but I believe it was considered pretty plush for its day.

  3. wispy

    June 23, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    I’m so confused by #2. It looks like something that would be in a Dr. Seuss book.

    • SunnyD847

      June 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Is that even a stroller? It looks like a vintage senior mobility scooter. Like the original Lark. Why is there a bag on the back?

    • Rachel Sea

      June 23, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      It was so a young child (like, preschool aged) could scoot, and an older baby or doll could ride. My sister and I had something similar, but in red. The bag part could be removed so that when a kid could hold on without support, they could still ride tandem. We are close enough in age we never used the bag except for toys.

    • wispy

      June 23, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      It reminds of those housekeeping carts they throw the dirty towels in at hotels.

  4. Momma425

    June 23, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    There have been so many terrible horror movies with vintage strollers that they all super creep me out now. Cood thing I’m not a mom back when everyone had them.

    • wispy

      June 23, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      Yes like Ghostbusters 2 with the stroller. So scary.

  5. Elisa

    June 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    #1 I LOVE it. When I was a kid my mom had a similar stroller for my siblings, only navy blue fabric instead of leather.

    #2 Did someone call for housekeeping? LOL

    #3 Pretty. Makes me think of Peter Pan for some reason.

    #4 In a buggy, the baby should be facing the person pushing it! I love the intricate detailing though.

    #5 Looks like a pillbug.

    #6 Backwards again! LOL

    #7 Kinda classy, for a big fat avocado!

    #8 Should be pulled by a team of tiny horses

    #9 Sunfaded blue velvet and you can lift the inside out of it? Weirdness.

    #10 It’s Rosemary’s Buggy!

    • itpainsme2say

      June 24, 2014 at 4:30 am

      In peter pan he collected lost boys by taking babies that fell out of their prams like the one in #3 also the color scheme might be why it reminds you of it

  6. Shelly Lloyd

    June 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    I like some of the old fashion/vintage English Pram, but I think the reason that it freaks out some people is that some of them have an almost coffin like appearance. Like #9.

  7. Alex Lee

    June 23, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    I kinda like them…

    Ray Caesar’s “Pollux”

    http://inkbutter.com/files/2011/07/ray-caesar-4.jpg

    • Maria Guido

      June 23, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Nooooooo.

  8. Shelly Lloyd

    June 23, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Don’t know if this will work. But here is the vintage pram I would have loved to push my kids around int: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-itv4CfWyT5Q/TWa4eOe4W9I/AAAAAAAADik/Liel309UM6k/s1600/vintage-prams-8-769609.bmp.jpg

    • Spongeworthy

      June 23, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      That is awesome! It’s like a little Airstream trailer.

  9. Spongeworthy

    June 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I don’t mind #1. And I kinda like #8. It’s like an old-time jalopy! I feel like my kid would just need a scarf and a jaunty hat to wear while he rode in it.

  10. LadyClodia the Modest Rat

    June 23, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Eh, I’m OK with these except for #2 and #5, which are just ugly.

  11. KaeTay

    June 23, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Only one is actually scary. The rest are beautiful

  12. Victoria

    June 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Has anyone seen the rebooted Upstairs Downstairs with the pram that was meant to withstand gassing? That thing was terrifying.

  13. Jessifer

    June 23, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Aw, that’s what my mom used when we were kids. My brother and sister were only 15 months apart and there was no such thing as double strollers. This was the only stroller big enough for her to put both of them in there so she could leave the house and do her chores.

  14. Boozy Shark Lee

    June 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    • Maria Guido

      June 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      That video was hilarious. Totally wrong, but hilarious.

  15. Ieishah

    June 23, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    Where I live the winters can be extreme, so I just don’t know how practical these are, aside from being horror show props…. I’m with Maria, I can’t with these. A family in the building next door has a bright yellow one like number 7. It’s only saving grace is that the big burly tattooed dad pushes it also, and that’s kind of awesome.

  16. Fallopian Twerker Phillips

    June 23, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I would totally put a kitty cat in #5, it’s not that bad. Other than that, NOPE.

  17. momjones

    June 23, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    I survived #2!!!

    • momjones

      June 23, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      Or variation, thereof…

    • Maria Guido

      June 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Sooo cute!

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 23, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Adorable! This looks really similar to a stroller/tricycle combination I want.

    • JenH1986

      June 23, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      That is way less creepy than the one pictured.

    • momjones

      June 23, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      Top of the line in 1952 😉

  18. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    June 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Okay, number eight definitely reminds me of an Amish buggy…

  19. Rachel Sea

    June 23, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    I like them. #9 is very close to the pram my parents used when I was a baby and toddler. It was one of the first convertible strollers.

  20. allisonjayne

    June 23, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Heh. My dad likes to talk about how my “car seat” when I was a baby was really just a booster so that I could see out the windows and that it had a fake dashboard attached to it, with a bunch of metal knobs and a big metal steering wheel (like what Maggie has in The Simpsons intro, I guess). He’s all like, man if we ever got into an accident, you would have been so impaled! [cue weird dad laughter].

    • SunnyD847

      June 23, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      We had that, too. Ours wasn’t a booster, though. It had metal hooks on the back and you hung it on the back of the seat. Of course, when we were too small for THAT wonder of safety, we were held or lain on the floorboards to roll around like pill bugs.

  21. Abby

    June 23, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Call me crazy, but I adore #4. It’s got a fantastic aesthetic, and if the roads around here were a little less like off-roads, I could totally see myself pushing it around (while wearing all those goth clothes I secretly didn’t throw away after high school ended).

  22. Sara610

    June 23, 2014 at 7:39 pm

    My parents were in the stroller-using years in the late 70s and early 80s, and when they saw our jogging stroller my dad was like, “Parents these days are so effing spoiled.”

    Of course, he also laughed at me when I told him that we were planning to sleep train–I made the mistake of using the actual term “Ferberizing” and he was like, “Yeah. When you were babies, we just called that ‘putting the baby to sleep’. We didn’t have a name for it and we definitely didn’t need a book to tell us how to do it.” And then he laughed at me some more.

  23. Serina

    June 24, 2014 at 6:40 am

    Thi GIF in nr 8. What Movie is that? Im intrigued…

    • Sara610

      June 24, 2014 at 7:28 am

      That piece of fresh, unholy hell would be The Exorcist. I saw that movie for the first time in college. IN COLLEGE, and it still gave me nightmares. That crab-walking-backward-down-the-stairs scene…… *shudder*

  24. Alexandra

    June 25, 2014 at 9:28 am

    You’d def hate the Perego brown velour/velvet (not sure) pram that my mom has my babies in. My husband fought it but you can’t keep my mom from using her old stuff from the 70s. Also our cradle is from like 1800s and all wood.
    You’d prob just pretty much freak out in my house altogether LOLOL

  25. littlepanda

    July 8, 2014 at 12:55 am

    The only truly scary-looking one is the first one. It looks like a mini-hearse made by the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs. *shivers*

    I was born in ’85 so it was unfortunately past the prams’ heyday, but I have fond memories of an umbrella stroller. It was pretty much a tiny lawn chair with wheels, and the seat was (i kid you not) a mesh woven in a rainbow pattern. The umbrella stroller I have for my own kids may be more functional and comfortable, but it’s got nothing on the rainbow mesh.

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