I think it's no secret that I love memes. I am unabashed in my love of all things Internet-y, and memes are number one on that list. My favorite type of meme is the sanctimonious meme. These come in all forms, but today I am going to focus on the sanctimommy meme, because sanctimonious mommies are everywhere and they suck.
1. I'm a mom now, I don't need friends
Who needs friends when you have babies? Funny, I manage to stay friends with people and I have three kids. I must be the worst mom in existence!
2. Bless your heart
Bless your child-hating, formula brainwashed little heart!
3. Dead beat moms just LOVE boob jobs!
Silly dead beats, spending all your cash on fake titties! It's not like this is entirely made up or anything. In all seriousness, if you know someone is flaking on their child support, reporting them will do a lot more good than making a stupid meme.
4. Lazy breastfeeders
Because supplementing with formula is totally the same thing as cheating on your spouse.
5. Hypocritical slut single moms
That's what she gets for not staying with that Nice Guy™ she broke up with because she wasn't attracted to him. Doesn't she realize that her vagina is a vending machine where kindness goes in and sex goes out? You can't just give it away for free!
6, Dead beat moms...again
The only thing that dead beat moms love more than boob jobs are designer purses.
7. But where are the pictures?
Don't you know that your worth as a mom directly correlates with how many photos of your kids you post on Facebook? You owe it to us to document everything! But not too many, or we will bitch you out for that, too.
8. Snookie is the queen of bad moms
Snooki probably sleeps on a bed made of $1000 bills. What the eff does she care what you think?
9. Racket hoes be like
Wut? Is this even English?
10. Tan mom loves...shoes?
Wait, wasn't her thing, um...tanning?
11. You're a mom, not a person!
Okay, so she can afford a babysitter every weekend, so I'm going to assume she works hard. And since it's only the weekend, she also spends tons of time at home. But she can't go have a good time? Oh yeah, moms aren't people, I almost forgot.
12. Again with the single moms
Newsflash teen moms! You don't get to have opinions or say things, you're all dirty irresponsible sluts! Stop forcing me to read your slutty thoughts! STAAAAHHHHHP!
13. Whatever the fuck this is
DAFUQ did I just read? There is so much wrong with this that I don't even know where to begin. First of all, the second you say "retarded" any point you are trying to make is moot. Secondly, I refuse to take parenting advice from anyone who refers to me as "bitch" (unless it's in the bedroom, obv)
14. Be a mother in meat space
Don't post enough on Facebook? Bad mom! Post too much? Bad mom!
15. Did you not hear me? I said bad mom!
I thought drinking excessively was what being a mom was all about!
16. Pat yourself on the back...
...because you're an asshole!
17. SAHMs are obviously pampered layabouts
Oprah Network? Check! Bon bons? Check! Pinterest up? Check! Okay, I'm all ready to be one of the magical lazy SAHMs I keep hearing about!
18. The welfare queen struggle
Okay, real talk for a minute. How the fuck do you know that her purse isn't fake or from the Goodwill or a gift? How do you know that she didn't do her nails herself? And how the hell do you know what brand of lip gloss she's wearing? Are you fucking stalking her? And I'm not even going to get into the fact that women of color are often judged negatively when they choose to wear their hair natural or without a weave. I'm talking "doesn't-get-the-job" judged, not "catty-gossip" judged. Seriously, fuck this meme and whoever made it. You can fuck right off into the sea.