Mommyshame

People Need To Stop Saying These Stupid Things To Moms

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I feel like lately, the whole world has lost their damn minds and decided that it’s ok to school perfect strangers on all things motherhood. I’ve read so much that appalls me  in the comments on here recently and have heard some crazy shit “in real life” as well. It would seem everyone is an expert and we moms get a lot of unsolicited comments and “advice”. I have no idea what is causing this epidemic of verbal diarrhea but I really am over it. Maybe I was raised to be more polite than most but I simply cannot fathom being as presumptive, prying and downright rude as so many of our fellow humans seem to feel the need to be. When it comes down to it, it’s probably a potent mixture of insecurity and ignorance that causes people to spew forth with their nonsense, but regardless of the reasons, it’s extremely irritating to have your parenting questioned, your decisions insulted or your privacy invaded. Below are the worst examples I’ve heard of rude things no one should say to moms. Please feel free to add your own in the comments- what is the rudest parenting-related thing someone has said to you?

 

1. Are you pregnant?/How far along are you?

This one might seem innocent….but what if the person is not at all pregnant? I know women this has happened to and it’s pretty much the worst to be thought pregnant when you are not.

 

2. Are you going to have more kids?/Why aren’t you having more kids?

Yes, stranger. Please let’s discuss the planning of my family. Because it all hinges on what you think. I mean, really. WTF.

 

3. Are you nursing?/Why aren’t you nursing?/Why did you stop nursing?

Can we come up with a single other instance where it’s socially acceptable to ask another adult human about their bodily fluids? No? Thats what I thought. So much WTF up in here!

 

4. Why are you staying at home?/Why are you going back to work?

This is basically asking about someone’s finances- really?! If a person had not shot a baby out of their body would it even occur to anyone to ask questions about their finances?!

 

5. Did you have a c-section?/Did you have a natural birth?

Hey, random lady at Target! Want to discuss your recent colonoscopy? No? Didn’t think so. STFU, kindly.

 

6. Oh, don’t you want a boy/girl?/Will you try again for a boy/girl?

Yes, lets ask this potentially upsetting and incredibly prying question to someone we barely know!

 

7. Have you lost all the baby weight?

Have you lost all of your winter full of Crockpot chili and beer weight? SHUT UP!

 

8. Oh, you let him cry-it-out?/Watch TV?/Eat processed foods?/Play with your iPhone?

OMG, the rage is just at the surface as I type this.

 

9. Was the pregnancy planned?

What, is this baby less awesome if it’s not? Or are you just looking for a way to shame me and feel superior?

 

10. Are you getting your tubes tied?/Is your husband having a vasectomy?

I’m done.

(Image: PathDoc/Shutterstock)

266 Comments

  1. Karen Milton

    June 5, 2014 at 11:34 am

    As a young mother I was asked not once but twice, “Oh, that’s your baby? Did the father stick around?”. Because sure, that’s appropriate.

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Such WTF.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      There aren’t enough WTFs for this.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Totally appropriate. WTAF…

    • jane

      June 5, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      AHHH!

    • Alene

      June 5, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      OH MY GOD me too!!! I was literally asked if my husband was my baby’s father. That was the most direct. Several times people asked how far along I was, then immediately asked how long my husband and I had been married. You know, math.

    • itpainsme2say

      June 5, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      I bet they thought they were slick

    • Igottagetoutmore

      June 5, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      I took my baby to husband’s office and his co-worker proceeded to count weeks in front of all the staff. My guy was conceived 5 weeks after our wedding so close but not quite. I was mortified.

      On this topic of questions, I was taught to be polite and not cause a scene..this in some ways was honestly a disservice. It was a long hard lesson to learn that just because someone asks you a question, doesn’t mean they deserve an answer or that I’m the rude one if I don’t respond when the person who asked it was actually rude by asking.

    • Karen Milton

      June 5, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      The first time I was so embarrassed by even being asked such a thing that I cried, but the second time I just maintained level eye contact and blandly said “no”. Never has anyone been more uncomfortable than that guy was. It was glorious.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 7:56 pm

      Me too. Imagine people’s reaction when they looked at eight and a half months pregnant me, asked that question, then I said: “Two weeks.”

      Made the asshole’s heads explode. 🙂

    • Bunny Lou

      June 6, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      Wait, two weeks along or married for two weeks?

      Because if you said two weeks along I think I would die laughing

    • whiteroses

      June 6, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Married for two weeks. If you look at my wedding photos I am obviously very pregnant. 🙂

    • Ms. Anne

      June 5, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      I wasn’t married to my baby’s father but we were together and people just COULD. NOT. wrap their heads around that information. I got sooooo many inappropriate questions about it.

  2. Kat

    June 5, 2014 at 11:53 am

    My favorite* during pregnancy was “Are you excited?” Asked by LITERALLY everyone I encountered. If I had any control over my facial expressions I might have snapped at one “No, I’m not, it was a mistake and it’s ruining my life!!”** I think people don’t know what to say, so they just say dumb stuff. Also, what if you’re not excited? I can’t imagine having to fake it 394820 times a day for random strangers.

    *And by favorite, I mean LEAST FAVORITE OF ALL.

    **I was really, really exited. And by the end, I was really, really excited to get him out and be able to tie my shoes again.

    • Zorbs

      June 5, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I wasn’t excited and I was not shy to tell people that.

  3. Jennifer Freeman

    June 5, 2014 at 11:53 am

    I’ve had someone ask if I was pregnant when I wasn’t. It sucked because it happened at work, in front of the people I work with. I wasn’t pregnant, I was just wearing a tight-fitting shirt and had apparently eaten too many tacos at lunch.

    • wispy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      I was asked this by my boss, in front of customers, when I was at work during a year long break from college! I had just gotten fat during my break from school. I PROMPTLY went on a diet bc I was so mortified, so I guess her little comment worked!

    • Emily A.

      June 5, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      I have to say, this is pretty funny if you picture it coming from your avatar.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      I have a kangaroo pouch. So some outfits I look pregnant some I just look fat. I get this a lot. I usually respond with “Do you see a baby coming out of my vagina?” “Um…no”. Then don’t assume I’m pregnant dipshit.

    • Guest

      June 5, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      My friend has said this exact thing. Then made a huge show of it. Asked her husband if there was a baby coming out of her vag… and he literally hunkered down like he was looking and said “nope!” That poor lady at costco never saw it coming.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Ha ha ha omg. I love that couple!

    • Rachel Sea

      June 5, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      The hostess at one of my regular lunch places asked when I was due and then rubbed my belly. It was winter, I was wearing a thick wool peacoat, and I had my hands in the pockets, which made a bulge. If it weren’t awkward enough, I had just discovered that yet another insemination had failed, which meant I was feeling perhaps a bit sensitive about the whole thing. I didn’t go back to that restaurant for over a year.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 10:32 pm

      That sucks, sorry

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      June 5, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      I get the occasionally. I tell people “I’m just inconveniently fat.” One time the lady looked mortified that she had done it and tried to dig herself out of the hole. I can’t remember what she said but she made it 1000x worse, and since it wasn’t my first rodeo, I just let her keep going and snickered to myself.

      One time was with a new students’ mom, and she gave me a little side-eye when I said I wasn’t pregnant that clearly said, “Are you sure?” Only because I knew I’d be seeing her all year I managed not to slap her.

  4. Jennifer Freeman

    June 5, 2014 at 11:55 am

    Also, re: “Have you lost all the weight yet?” I have been asked this question or some variant of it. However, I’ve also noticed that when I first see people since I’ve had the baby, they will look directly at my torso/belly to see if I’ve lost the weight. I find it truly maddening. I would prefere they just be outright rude and ask/say something, because it’s not like I didn’t notice them looking.

    ETA: The most awkward comment by far was the lady who said “Oh, it looks like your belly has shrunk back down!”. Um, thanks? Maybe? I dunno. Supposed to be a compliment but it didn’t feel like one.

    • Kat

      June 5, 2014 at 11:57 am

      My response to this question is “Yup, baby weight’s gone! But sad for me, I was fat when I got pregnant, so now I need to get rid of all that pre-baby weight.”

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      the appropriate response would have been “but yours didn’t, odd.” Why is anyone commenting on a woman’s weight/shape etc. Unless you’re my dr or my hubby.. STFU.

    • Kendra

      June 5, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      After my C-section, I was in the recovery room, and I looked down. I was astonished by my delightfully small belly! I said “Wow!” and the nurse said “Oh, don’t worry sweetie, it will go down more”. Pride deflated.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Ouch! You would think that, as a woman and a nurse, she might have erred on the side of caution with that one.

  5. Kendra

    June 5, 2014 at 11:57 am

    I have grown to despise the “So..when are you having another?” question more than I care to discuss. Seriously, people starting asking me this when my child was like a week old. WHY!?

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:02 pm

      I got that question a lot. My response? “He’s two freaking weeks old. Even if I WANTED to shove another 10lb baby through my vagina at this point, which I most assuredly do not, it won’t be until he’s at least four, thanks.’

    • Dramatic Anti-Climax

      June 5, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      My husband got asked this by one of his coworkers, when I was 14/15 weeks pregnant.

  6. Megan Zander

    June 5, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    “You had twins? So, is your body just a wreck then?” Thanks checkout lady at Old Navy talking at top volume in front of a million people. Thanks ever so much.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      I think I would have responded “your FACE is a wreck!” Because I am mature.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      Why is it always random people who ask these things? Like, I could (almost) see if my sister or someone close like that who hadn’t been pregnant was truly curious about the state of affairs after childbirth, but it’s always just a random person who barely knows the person they are asking.

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Right?! My friends, obviously we talk like that, I’m not a pearl clutcher, but a stranger?!

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      It always amazes me how much self-awareness people lack.

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      Dafuq

  7. Spongeworthy

    June 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    I had a distant male relative, upon hearing I had a c-section, remark “took the easy way out, huh?” I’m surprised I had the restraint to not rip his heart out of his chest Temple of Doom style.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      Yup! Because having major surgery is totally the easy way out. A pox upon your dumb male relative!

    • wispy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      OMG!!

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      The recovery is a picnic, amirite?

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      The best ever! I mean, not being able to bend over or move around much when you have a baby to care for? To die for!

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      The catheter was just for funsies.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Oh, who doesn’t love a cather? I mean, I appreciate them waiting until the anesthesia kicked in before placing it, but GD IT did the removal hurt.

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      The best part is the catheter being removed. Is there a squickier feeling on earth than the catheter slithering out of your vag? EW.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 5, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      I had a catheter in my cervix for a scan, and I was so relieved when they took it out, that I cried a little in the bathroom afterwards. “This might cramp a little” my ass.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      I had an HSG at one point. Basically, they load the uterus/fallopian tubes with some dye or something so they can see if there are any blockages. So, the dude was like “You might feel a pinch and then some mild cramping”. First, it felt like he stabbed through my cervix and punctured it. Second, “mild cramping” was the most absurd description he could have given. Maybe it isn’t normally painful, but I really was in agony.

    • Rachel Sea

      June 5, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Mine was an HSG too. The dye was uncomfortable, it was cold, and it stung, but the catheter balloon was paralyzing agony.

    • jane

      June 5, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      OMG. I had one of those. I had forgotten all about it until I read this. Yes. “Take two Advil and you should be ok” meant “Take two Advil and think you’re going to die.”

    • Janet Lamothe

      June 5, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      Advil is very hard on the stomach lining!!If you have a sensitive stomach be sue to take it with food.

    • Guest

      June 5, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      I don’t think I’ll be cut out for child birth or any of this. When I got my IUD put in she told me there would be some “mild cramping” and I drove home with my pants undone in crampy agony.

    • Elisabeth TheQueen Smith

      June 5, 2014 at 8:52 pm

      i had that too.
      take two advil my fat ass!
      I should have been knocked out and given oxys

    • Meg13

      June 6, 2014 at 8:43 am

      OMG, the HSG was horrible! I knew it was going to be bad when they sent my husband out of the room and one of the nurses sat next to me and held my hand. I had read that it could be painful/uncomfortable, but nothing could prepare me for how painful it really was.

    • Ashlee

      June 6, 2014 at 11:56 am

      I had this done too, it was the worst pain. When they asked me to turn on my side I blanked for a minute and couldn’t figure out how to move, it hurt that bad.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      “This might cramp a little” or “just a little pinch” is definitely OB/GYN speak for “hold on, this is gonna hurt like a mofo”.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      What about “you might feel some discomfort”? Eff you.

    • G.E. Phillips

      June 5, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      True story: I decided to ask Face’s uncle to be the godfather when he came to visit us in the hospital, about an hour or two after Face was born. So I’m making this big speech about how much it would mean to us if he were to be the godfather, and he’s getting all teary eyed, and in the middle of it, the nurse comes over and grabs the bag at the end of my catheter and holds it up, and says, “Oh good, you peed!”

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      Bwahahahahaha. So meaningful!

    • G.E. Phillips

      June 5, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Nothing punctuates those special moments more than peeing into a catheter.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      Such a gross feeling!!

    • Kathleen Mcd

      June 5, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      This comment just made my day 🙂 thank you.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 10:08 pm

      I aim to please 🙂

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Oh hell yeah. I LOVED having a waistband brush by my abdomen and shrinking back from the pain!

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      Totally! Having to think about how to cough properly so you don’t rip anything was so much fun!

    • Momma425

      June 5, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      I has a friend accuse me of being “too posh to push.”
      Bitch, please. I had a nurse 4 inches from my business, squirting me with a thing helping clean my vag while I took a piss. Also, my little lister had to help me take a shower.
      If that’s what “posh” means, I was mistaken about that term.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 5, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      MEN ARE DISGUSTING

    • G.E. Phillips

      June 5, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      What are you talking about? C-Sections are easy! Just like every other kind of major abdominal surgery where, immediately afterward, you’re called upon to care for a tiny human 24/7 instead of, you know, resting and healing and stuff.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Super easy! I got a free toaster with mine!

    • Maggie J

      June 5, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      WTF? All I got was a shitty goodie bag full of all the clothes I wore to the hospital.

    • Sara

      June 5, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      Don’t they cut through muscles for c-sections? (I am too frightened to google, and am trusting y’all for help) And can’t there be like nerve damage to where you can’t feel your stomach? (May or May not have confused this with something else.)

    • Justme

      June 5, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      That’s how they have traditionally been done, but newer methods don’t cut through abdominal muscle and instead the incision is much smaller and lower resulting in an easier recovery. My appendectomy was a more difficult recovery than my c-section.

    • Sara

      June 5, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      C-sections just freak me out. I always feel the need to like hug the mom or like put ice on her stomach. (I have not done either of those things. That would be creepy.) I just know the one we did on a pig (who admittedly was dead) was horrific and bloody with me holding open layers of tissue while we removed babies.

    • Justme

      June 6, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Yeah…I didn’t say it was pretty to watch, hence the infamous blue sheet, but my incision was closed with a laser and I was up and moving around the next day.

    • itpainsme2say

      June 5, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      I would have been hard pressed not to lift my shirt and point at the scar saying does it look like i took the easy way out?

    • Frannie

      June 6, 2014 at 8:00 am

      My GMIL said this to me. Because the 40 weeks of nausea leading up to it, and subsequent recovery, were SUCH a breeze.

  8. wispy

    June 5, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    I kept getting asked “Is your husband excited???” I wanted to yell “NOOO!! HE IS IRATE!!”

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Hahahahaha.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      LOL. No, he is absolutely FURIOUS and I fear his wrath!

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      “No, he keeps pushing for an abortion”

    • allisonjayne

      June 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      I got that one (with wife instead of husband) and thought it was the strangest thing. I guess people say it as a way to acknowledge that it’s a two-person operation, wanting to include your husband, etc…but yeah, it’s really just such a weird question.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      I think that you are right that people use it as a way to include the partner. I guess the person asking doesn’t think much about what the potential response could be. I mean, what if the parents aren’t in a good place relationship-wise, or the other parent isn’t involved or whatever. Is the total stranger really going to listen to the person unload all their relationship problems?

    • Rachel Sea

      June 5, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Please tell me you told some of them that the pregnancy was a surprise?

    • allisonjayne

      June 6, 2014 at 9:18 am

      I really, really wish I had.

    • Sara

      June 5, 2014 at 10:00 pm

      Did they think you had went out and secretly got pregnant? Which admittedly happened in Satisfaction, but that’s an interesting show.

    • Kat

      June 5, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      “No, cuz it’s not his!!”

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      I was going to go for, “He would be if it were his.” Great minds…

    • CRod

      June 5, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      That would be the ultimate response! Totally keeping this in my back pocket.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      This is an odd question. Your friends/loved ones would know if he was and strangers shouldn’t care. I don’t get 80% of the things people say to pregnant women. I’m learning so much on this site.

    • wispy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      In my experience, friends and loved ones can be just as weird as strangers!

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      Ha yea an aunt grabbed my boob at Christmas to “see if I was pregnant”. Man people are weird.

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      Oh my god.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      That is like, fruitcake nutty right there.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Yea. She thought she could feel “my milkies come in”. Turns out I just ate a lot…

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      I call BS on her. For whatever reason she wanted an excuse to feel you up.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      I just spit water on my monitor. So thanks for that! 🙂

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      *wink

    • wispy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      omg gag

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      “Milkies” just made me throw up a little. The phrasing couldn’t be any creepier.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Yep. She doesn’t get invited to many events. My husband was all “WTF is a milky?” When I explained he was more horrified than me. This is the same aunt who asked me if I was a lesbian because at 23 I didn’t have a boyfriend. Who when my parents divorced asked my mom (who she is not related to) if it was because of the sex. I’m not sure if something is wrong with her or she is a real life troll.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      Oh ew “milkies”. HORK.
      I have a friend who’s mom loves to remark on all the Facebook pics of her son that “he just loves his mommy milk!” Lady no please stop no. You’re basically talking about your daughters boobs on a public forum. Stop.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Wow…..

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      Bet you didn’t know that people could tell you were pregnant by grabbing your tits huh? Learn something new every day!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      I had no idea. To think, I wasted money on pregnancy tests both times. I should have just had someone feel me up…

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      June 5, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      Here is where Socks woulda’ popped in with:
      DIBS!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 6, 2014 at 10:19 am

      I know. There’s such a gaping hole there. 🙁

    • wispy

      June 5, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      So weird. My father-in-law wanted to have an in depth discussion of my birth. I tried so hard to not be creeped out…

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Yuckity yuck yuck.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Nopity nope.

    • quinn

      June 10, 2014 at 12:53 am

      Ha! At the hospital mine asked about my episiotomy, right after asking me exactly how much weight I had gained. A few days later I was on my couch bf’ing under a cover and he said that the baby wasn’t hungry, I just liked having my ‘tits’ sucked…right in front of my 5yo daughter. Ahh in-laws…

    • wispy

      June 10, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      How effing creepy is that!!

    • ted3553

      June 5, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Please tell me you grabbed hers back and asked if she was pregnant

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      ha ha ha. No. 🙁 I probably should have, but my grandmother was already about to faint. My response was “don’t touch me. ever.” At which point she stated the aforementioned “I was only trying to see if your milkies were coming in!”

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      I like how she thought checking for milkies was a justification for groping you.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Right? At that point I’d have taken the exceptionally rude “You look pregnant” over “i’ll just grab your tit without consent”

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      June 5, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      Your milkies?!?!?!

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Yup my milkies. I was 30 at the time so…yea.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      June 5, 2014 at 9:50 pm

      Dear God.

    • Kitsune

      June 5, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      “he’s kind of mad I put holes in the condom but he’ll get over it”

    • G.E. Phillips

      June 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      “Shhh, it’s still a surprise! I’m gonna wait til my water breaks and then be like, GUESS WHAT? So don’t spoil it!”

    • CMP414

      June 5, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      i HATE when people ask me that. ummm even if he was not why would i tell my hair dresser, postman, random lady in the checkout line that my husband totally doesnt want our baby???

  9. candyvines

    June 5, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Where does catcalling a clearly very pregnant woman fall on this list? I was whistled at a few days ago and have been dying to tell you all. Wonder what that guy’s browser history looks like.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      It is the worst, isn’t it?

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      I was a smidge more amused than offended. I guess if that’s your thing there, guy.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      I think it annoyed me more because I was totally not into teh sex this last time, so it was kind of like “Dude, I don’t even want to get it on with the person I dig the most in the world. You sure as hell don’t have a shot!”.

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Same same.

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      I feel like this is a tough one, because totes insulting, buuuuut, if I’m being 100% honest a part of me would be internally fist pumping and pretending my waddle was a strut. It was not easy to be an attractive pregnant person.

  10. Zorbs

    June 5, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    I got asked #4 a lot, since I went back to work after 3 weeks and people (wrongly) assume that everyone in Canada gets 1 year mat leave. Then it was followed by, “oh *I* could never go back to work after 3 weeks!” accompanied by pitying looks. To which I replied, “I like to have money to buy groceries so my family can eat.”

  11. Mr. Clyde Mathers

    June 5, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Although it seems quite rude for people to be asking these kinds of questions, you really haven’t explained why you don’t like when people ask these questions. All you’ve done is listed the questions, put an annoying gif after every single one of them, and pretty much said “WTF” and “Shut up” as your “answer” for all of them. The beginning of the article was pretty good and then you just kind of ranted on till the end.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:41 pm

      Because it’s no one’s business?

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      If it’s “no one’s business” then you should just not have a kid at all, right? Some people are just stupid and don’t know to just shut up about certain things but others just really are happy for you and excited. It might be weird but hey. You can’t tell everybody to “shut up” or to somehow ignore you and your child/children. If you’re going to go that route, then you might as well just not have a children at all.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      There is nothing in that argument that makes any sense. And I absolutely can tell someone they are being rude and to shut up. If anyone asked you these questions would you feel the need to answer them? Are you getting a vasectomy? Did your s/o get her tubes tied? Did you plan your pregnancies? Are you financially in a position to allow one parent to stay at home or are you in a situation where both most work. How much do you weigh? have you lost weight recently? And my being pregnant does not make me the property of the masses and my kid isn’t the property of the masses either. No one is asking to be ignored, what is being asked is that people don[‘t ask questions that aren’t any of their business/they don’t really care about/don’t pertain to them.

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      Jen, come on, it’s much more reasonable to expect you to alter your life plans instead of rude people learning self-awareness.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Damn. I’ve seen the error of my ways. What would I do without Clyde and you to show me the path?

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      We’re just here spreading self-awareness 🙂

    • CMJ

      June 5, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      Have you noticed the weird influx of mansplainers in the comments, lately?

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      I thought maybe I was going bonkers for a minute. But no there is definitely an uptick lately. Ugh.

    • Ursi

      June 5, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      Why even go outside? Stay at home, safe from rude people.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      Just because I want to have a child doesn’t mean that my body becomes public property and random people can just ask me questions they would never dream of asking anyone else.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      People are curious. People also don’t think. And if you’re out in public, expect to be treated like you’re out in public. You’re not the only person out there that’s asked questions. Having a child is a choice. There are many positives and negatives to having children. You can’t expect people to know what things you want and don’t want them to ask you.

    • G.S.

      June 5, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Yo, Mathers! You’ve strolled into a public forum with people, right? Okay, so how’s your sex life? Thinking about having sex any time soon? Really, how come? Having any premature ejaculation problems? I’m pretty sure there are pills you can take for that. Oh, and do you have foreskin?!?! I’M JUST CURIOUS, DUDE!

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Yo, G.S! I’m sorry! I forgot that “Are you having any more kids?” and “What’s your penis look like?” literally fall in the exact same category! You’ve made so much sense and have changed my thought process completely! Also, thanks for unneeded punctuation so you could really emphasize your useless point! THANK YOU!

    • G.S.

      June 5, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Well, considering that “Are you having any more kids?” is just another way of saying, “What will your uterus be doing in the next couple of years?”/”Gonna be having unprotected sex anytime soon?” It’s pretty close, at least.

      Also, strangers will apparently ask you if you tore during labour, so that’s pretty much asking, “What does your vagina look like?”

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      “How are those hemorrhoids treating you? Is your prostate enlarged?”

    • Kendra

      June 5, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Ugh. Hemorrhoids, amirite?

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      No. Not really. “Do you want an orange?” and “Do you want to tear off the peeling on an orange?” are two different questions. Man, this is just getting repetitive.

    • G.S.

      June 6, 2014 at 1:25 am

      Yeah, but there’s a difference between asking someone if they would like an offering of food and asking them to validate their life, family, and state of body. I’m sure that if instead of strangers asking, “When are you having babbies?” “Hospital or Home Birth?” “Did you tear?” or trying to rub their hands all over your belly, they offered out oranges, the world would be a better place.

    • KS

      June 5, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Here, I will give you an explanation for the above question. Usually when the “So, are you going to have any more kids?” question is asked, it is while you are either still gesticulating the current one, or you having even healed yet from giving birth. Its an asinine question to ask really. I always try to be polite and say “well, I need to let this one finish baking” or “We are still trying to enjoy this little guy’s company first”.

    • CanLeigh

      June 5, 2014 at 10:52 pm

      Exactly. You never know when asking that question forces a person to think about all the trying that has resulted in miscarriage, or when a woman has to explain “yeah, I would love to have more kids, but since my husband decided ” a family isn’t for him” and left, I’ve been too busy working my ass off to take care of the child I have to go out and get knocked up.”

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 5, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      Asking if a woman tore/implying she is too small for her large baby is pretty much exactly like asking about what a man’s penis looks like. Asking about whether or not her pregnancy was planned/if she used IVF is exactly like asking a man if he has a flaccid penis or lame sperm. It’s fucking rude.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      Okay, don’t bring in women’s “implications” for everything. Because at that point, literally everything anybody says EVER can be “implied” to be “fucking rude.” Also, a lot men aren’t going to throw a huge fit over questions like that. They’ll either say nothing or just lie right to your face. So, no, they are not the same in any way. Sorry.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      Someone once asked me if I was planning on another one- and I said, “Did you seriously just ask me if I’m having unprotected sex with my husband?”

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      Wow. You are the first person I’m going to flat out call stupid. Do you know why? Because they asked something and you ended up twisting it on them and making it look like they asked you something evil. “Hey, are you going to eat that orange?” “Did you seriously just ask if I was going to grab this orange, rip off the peeling with my teeth and bare hands and then take a massive bite out of it?” No. That’s not what was asked so stop pretending like it was. This is just getting to the point where you’re just trying to make out people to be bad when they’re not. If I go up to a woman with her children, I’m going to tell her that she has nice, cute children. I’m not going to tell her that the sex that her and her husband have had, multiple times, has blossomed out of her vagina and produced these wonderful children. Get your shit together and stop making other people the bad guys.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 10:38 pm

      I don’t care if you call me stupid. That doesn’t make me any less right.

      An orange is a fruit, does not have feelings, and can therefore not object to any question you may have about its existence. A woman, on the other hand, does have feelings and can choose not to respond if she wants to. It’s a comparison that shouldn’t be made. If you wouldn’t ask about the state of a man’s penis, you shouldn’t be asking about the state of a woman’s vagina. And unless you’re raising her children, what she does with them is really none of your concern.

      I don’t need to “get my shit together”, because I didn’t lose it over someone disagreeing with me on the Internet.

    • Gangle

      June 5, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Asking if a woman had/is planning on a C-section or vaginal birth is asking all about her vagina. If you think it is ok to ask personal questions about a strangers vagina, then asking questions about dicks must be ok too.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:00 pm

      I’m sorry but I’ve never heard anybody ask anybody, ever, if they’ve had a “vaginal birth.” And asking if you’re having a c-section (which has nothing to do with the vagina. Abdomen and uterus? Yes. And surely you’re not going to tell me that the vagina and the uterus are the same thing so we’re good) is nothing near asking what’s going on with your vagina. People ask, “are you having a c-section?” not “are they pulling a fetus out of your abdomen, or are you just pushing the fucker out of your vagina.” When you need to use the bathroom, do you say, “God, I need to fucking shit” to everybody, or do you tell people that you need to use the restroom? Yeah, people might not care about what you’re doing but they’re going to be a lot more comfortable if you just politely tell them where you’re going. So, “Are you having a c-section?” or “Are you getting your abdomen opened…..?” Both talking about the same thing but said very differently. It’s socially acceptable to ask these kinds of questions. Once again, I’ve never heard anybody ask anybody else if they were having a vaginal birth.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      Just because you’ve never heard it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. I got that question a lot.
      I mean, I never actually saw a murder- and yet I know they occur.

    • Gangle

      June 6, 2014 at 4:55 am

      If you ask if someone is having a C-section you run the risk of having that poor woman having to answer ‘no. I am having a vaginal birth). Besides, it is always rude to ask questions about a persons medical history. Your own doctor isn’t allowed to share that information – what makes you think you have the right to ask? Also, it can be a potentially touchy subject. While some women do choose to have C sections by choice as a personal preference, many women have C sections for often very serious medical reasons, and may be very stressed and frightened about it. Perhaps they are afraid of losing their child, or the surgery itself, or something really bad happening. So being asked that question out of the blue by a stranger can be very invasive and stressful. Besides, all these medical/personal questions aren’t necessary to interact with someone. What is wrong with questions like ‘how old are your kids?’ or even just saying ‘your child is really adorable’?

    • CanLeigh

      June 5, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      “Are you having any more kids?”
      I don’t know, have you considered Viagra in your older years? Uncomfortable yet?

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      “Would like more kids?” and “Do you want your penis to get harder?” are two very different questions. God, you people are just getting annoying.

    • CanLeigh

      June 5, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      No, they are both very uncomfortable questions. You don’t know what is going on in that poor woman’s life any more than a random stranger knows what is going on with your penis, and neither of those topics are anyone’s business. I think you’ve proved the point of this article rather perfectly. Everyone thinks someone else’s reproduction is everyone’s business when in reality it isn’t.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      I don’t think it’s unrealistic to expect perfect strangers to refrain from asking me intimate questions about my body and my medical history. But ok, sure, I’m out in public and should expect to be treated as such. But people “being curious” and “not thinking” still doesn’t entitle them to an answer above and beyond “shut up and get the hell away from me.” And I think it’s hilarious that you would consider me rude for such a response but not consider a person asking a complete stranger private medical questions rude.

    • Ursi

      June 5, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      ” People are curious… You’re not the only person out there that’s asked questions”

      People are curious, you’re not the only person out there who’s had a personal choice put up for judgement.

      Having a child is a choice. You’re not the only one who’s had a pregnant belly touched by a stranger without consent. You made the choice. They don’t need your permission.

      You’re not the only one who’s ever been made uncomfortable. Suck it up, people are curious. It’s just something pregnant women have to put up with. Get over it. You’re overreacting. You don’t have a right to be angry. Think of other people. Don’t make them uncomfortable. It’s just your body. Quit making a scene.

      Am I getting your point?

      Are you getting ours?

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      I mean, he’s just ASKING a QUESTION. Jeez. No need to get so worked up. Can’t you just be nice? What’s wrong with being curious? There’s no excuse for a lady to be so RUDE.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:30 pm

      Ooh, yes. I see the point you’re making up and trying to twist into my words. At this point, been typing for forever, if you can’t deal with other people, or if you expect them to ignore you and walk on, saying or doing nothing but are fully prepared to smack them in the face with a rude comment about how they’re being rude and intrusive then you should just stay inside forever and never do anything ever again, ever. Right?

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      Now, this sounds a lot like how women are expected to take street harassment without complaint. “Hey, bitch, if you don’t want people whistling and commenting on your body, you should just stay home!”

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      My choice in having a child in no way entitles anyone to ask me anything about his birth, feeding, or medical history- unless I volunteer said information.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:16 pm

      Nobody’s going to wait for you to volunteer. Like, I said before, if they just have to ignore and suck it up, so do you.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      Wrong. So very wrong.

    • Gangle

      June 5, 2014 at 9:23 pm

      Being in public doesn’t entitle the public to ask rude questions that are none of their biz. You don’t get to ask a married couple if they waited til marriage to have sex. Or ask some stranger on the street about the story behind how they had their leg amputated. Or an older gent if he uses Viagra and why. Those are all unnecessary, rude questions, as are the questions in the article above.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:05 pm

      Mm.. Nope. Asking somebody how their limb got amputated, or removed, is a pretty okay question to ask. Unless you’re a fuckbag who makes a huge deal about it. Do you go up to somebody and with AWE and ASTOUNDING AMAZEMENT AND DISGUST ask them WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM!? IT’S MISSING! No? I didn’t think so. As for the marriage and viagra, pervs and idiots ask about those kinds of things. “Are you wanting another kid?” and “Hey, old guy, do you use drugs to make your dick hard?” are two very different questions. Sad that you would even try to categorize them as the same.

    • Gangle

      June 6, 2014 at 4:44 am

      Actually, I know a guy who lost his limb in an accident and he absolutely detests people who barely know him, or complete strangers asking about his arm. In fact, I don’t think I have met anybody who has some kind of disability that appreciates strangers asking about their physical differences. While some of them MAY answer you politely, they are inwardly pretty annoyed with your for imposing your intrusive and rude question on them. Asking someone if they are trying for another kid is asking if they are having unprotected sex. Don’t talk about unprotected sex with strangers. Simple.

    • CanLeigh

      June 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      That’s it. From now on, when I’m out in public, I’m going to ask as many random strangers as possible as many innapropriate questions as I can, because you know “expect to be treated like you’re out in public” and your personal business is now my business!

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 10:55 pm

      So, when I am out in public I should not expect people politeness and common courtesy from others?

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      Clearly. Because if you’ve given birth, then your privacy no longer exists.

      This reminds me of a woman who asked a blonde, blue eyed, dear friend of mine what her half-Hispanic children were “mixed” with. Who asks this crap? They aren’t dogs or cocktails, and more to the point, it’s nobody’s business.

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Wow, you are just special!

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      So if I expect people to be polite, I can’t have a kid? I think that it is a good reason to have a kid. So I can raise them not to ask intrusive questions of strangers or even family members.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Because it seems obvious why no one would like these questions asked of them. The questions are intrusive and rude.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      Can we add this one to the list?

      11. “Why are you so annoyed by all of these invasive and intrusive questions that are quite obviously none of my business?”

    • candyvines

      June 5, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      You sort of answered your own question.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 11:31 pm

      Yeah, how many people do you know who LIKE being asked rude questions?

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      Well, Kind Neighborhood Troll, I did not think I had to put big large explanations after each one because it’s pretty obvious to any polite and normal human why it is not ok to ask these questions. The WTF speaks for itself. But thank you for your thoughtful critique of my writing! I am still learning so any suggestions are welcome!

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      And PS, thank you for so beautifully illustrating my point that some people are honestly so stupid that they need it explained to them that these things are rude to say.
      Bless your heart.

    • JenH1986

      June 5, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      Or so stupid that they actually put “seems quite rude for people to be asking these kinds of questions”. So he knows they are rude but doesn’t know why you don’t like being asked the questions?

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      We are clearly working with a genius here.

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      #blessyourheart

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Neighborhood troll? First of all, I said that I enjoyed the first part of this article, which I did. Really. Please read everything next time. Second, if somebody says “Fuck you!” to you for no reason, you don’t need a reason to know why that was rude. It just is and has been for forever. If somebody asks something like “Why aren’t you staying home?” and you say “SHUT THE FUCK UP.” Well, in that case, you’re the one who’s being rude. You’re not backing yourself up or giving any real reason as to why that person is being rude or intrusive to you. Third, I’m not trolling. I didn’t start off my comment with “Okay psycho bitch, you need to calm down.” even though you’re kind of going over the top this whole time. I tried to just comment and everybody seems to think I’m completely against you.

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      No one actually says “fuck you”. Well, at least I don’t. But we want to. I appreciate that you liked part of my post. I’m sorry my gifs and lack of explanation annoyed you!

    • Kendra

      June 5, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      To humor you here, I don’t like being asked “why aren’t you staying home?” Because of two things. A. It isn’t anyone’s business whether my child does or doesn’t attend daycare, and B. The question itself is intrusive, judgmental, and unnecessary. I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I don’t stay home. As other commenters have pointed out, you may as well ask “what is your net income?” But no one would ask a stranger that question, would they?

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Well, like I’ve said, if you expect people to just ignore you, then you need to just ignore them. End of story.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 5, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      You are missing the point here guy, which is that no woman owes you any “real reason” for whatever answer she chooses to give your shitty, invasive questions. If a man (or woman, but especially a man) asked me whether or not I planned to stay home and why, I am not required to reply politely or “back myself up” because YOU are the dick in that scenario. Go out in public, say shitty things to women you don’t know, First Amendment, blah fucking blah, but don’t be surprised when some women don’t bow down for you. And wow, kudos for not starting your comment off with calling someone a psycho bitch…much obliged. You are a real gentleman!

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      If you act like like I’m a “dick” then expect that. I’m sure you should know that by now. You know “First Amendment, blah fucking blah..” And no, you don’t need to “bow” down to me (is this turning into some feminist issue? Because that makes you look real pathetic. Acting like “especially men” are asking things because they wan’t some kind of awful and evil control over you.) because you do have the right to say what you want about you and your choices. But, like I said, if you act like every question everybody asks you ever is “invasive” and somehow you feel the need to think that “SHUT THE FUCK UP” is a good response to their questions then no, you are the one who is bitching for no reason and in the wrong.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      You have the right to say what you want. We, in turn, have the right to respond however we choose to those questions. I owe precisely nobody an explanation for my life choices. The only people it directly affects are my son and my husband, thus they are the only ones who get to ask me about them.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      If everybody on the planet needs to just suck up your “life choices” then you just need to suck up the fact that people will always ask questions about things they don’t know about. End of this discussion? Great.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 10:32 pm

      Not quite. I didn’t say people need to “suck it up”. I said people need to stop asking me about them. There are some things that are nobody’s business. Despite my appearance on social media and on Disqus, I am a private person- and if I’ve never seen you before in my life and yet you’re asking me about whether or not I had a natural childbirth, you are rude. You are asking me questions about my medical history. Unless you would do the same with anyone else who isn’t carrying a newborn, you shouldn’t be doing it to me. Period, full stop.

      People aren’t required to give you answers about personal questions just because you think they should.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      Of course they will. That doesn’t mean we have to like it.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      This column is more about what women think or would like to say in answer to these questions than what we actually say. It’s a kind of venting and as you can see, many of us can relate to these experiences. Sometimes we get tired of being treated as public property or having our life choices questioned just because we have kids. Some of these questions may not offend me but that is because my life experience may not have made me sensitive to that issue. That’s why it is better to err on the side of caution and not ask intrusive questions. BTW, I am generally polite at the time, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t tell my husband or friends later about the rudeness I encounter.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      Exactly. I wouldn’t tell someone to go fuck themselves in public, or on the Internet- but if you think that I don’t THINK it, I have a lovely wall in China I’m selling for a few bucks.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      Not to mention, this is a site for moms. Well, for everybody, yes, but most of us are moms. I read this, nodded the entire time, and was like, Dear God, I get this. I get it so much.

      When your audience understands, do you really need to spell it out?

    • Gangle

      June 5, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      I didn’t feel like any of these needed explaining. Who on earth likes being asked rude, personal questions about intimate details of their life? I thought they were all self-explanatory. But if you are struggling, feel free to tell me which ones are baffling you the most and I will explain it to you.

    • Mr. Clyde Mathers

      June 5, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      No, no, sarcastic bitch, please explain them all. Please. PLEASE.

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 11:11 pm

      Just for the record? Calling someone a “bitch” is unacceptable.

    • Gangle

      June 6, 2014 at 4:32 am

      lol, I don’t know why you are throwing insults at me, I was only trying to help. But I will ignore your rudeness and answer anyway. So aside from all these questions being very nosey:
      Q1) You NEVER ask if a woman is pregnant, especially if you don’t know her. Some women can look pregnant when they are not. Some women still look pregnant after they give birth for some time. So by asking that question you risk making a non-pregnant woman feel fat and ugly. That isn’t nice.
      Q2) You are basically asking when someone plans on having unprotected sex. Also, if someone is having trouble conceiving, this question can really, really hurt.
      Q3) You are asking intimate questions about a womans breasts. And questioning her choices on how she feeds her baby. Women often feel enough pressure from midwives/doulas/doctors/spouses etc on how they should be breastfeeding. They don’t need your input too.
      Q4) You are asking about someones financial situation. Surely you get why that isn’t cool.
      Q5) You are asking questions about personal medical procedure carried out on a womans most intimate body part. It is never ok to inquire about a womans vagina.
      Q6) It makes it sound like unless you don’t have one of each then your family isn’t good enough. Also, you are asking about her plans for future unprotected sex.
      Q7) You never ask about a womans weight. Women feel uncomfortable and pressured when you inquire about their weight.
      Q8) Questioning someone you barely know (if at all) on their parenting techniques is judgemental and mean.
      Q9) It is none of your business if a woman planned a pregnancy or it was an accident. It also makes women feel like they have to defend their situation to you, or perhaps feel ashamed of it, which they do not.
      Q10) You ask either of these questions and you are asking a rather personal question about a very intimate, personal medical procedure to do with either a womans reproductive organs or her husband/partners genitalia. This makes women feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Don’t talk about other peoples genitalia.
      I really hope this helps you understand why women dislike these questions so much.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      I thought the article and the GIFs were amusing. You don’t have to share my opinion, but perhaps you are not the target audience?

  12. Kay_Sue

    June 5, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Here’s my set of answers. Feel free to borrow them, ladies (and gents).

    1. None of your fucking business.
    2. None of your fucking business.
    3. None of your fucking business.
    4. None of your fucking business.
    5. None of your fucking business.
    6. None of your fucking business.
    7. None of your fucking business.
    8. None of your fucking business.
    9. None of your fucking business.
    10. None of your fucking business.

    Feel free to improvise. Might be nice to accompany them with a nice jab from a spork, as it can both stab and scoop.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      My favorite with my younger son…well, I suppose it requires a little explanation first. But I am of a small frame and he was born a wonderfully plump 10lbs, 8.9 oz and 24 inches in length. Yes, he did try to walk out, but it didn’t work out in his favor.

      The first question would be: “Did you have c-section?” Not a bad one, so I answered with a standard, “No, my obstetrician is a wizard.”

      This was ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL quickly followed by, “Did you tear?” Like, wtf, do you realize you are asking about the state of my vagina/perineum area right now?

    • Megan Zander

      June 5, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Yes, awful, but still: Answer the question Kay Sue!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      I am an enigma…

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      “Did you tear?” OMFG. Are they truly interested in the state of your potentially devastated perineum? Are they sadists? I have been asked this question as well and I usually just give them all the details because hey, they brought that on themselves. But still, so rude and invasive.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      I know. But, we are women, right? Once we have a baby in there, our body ain’t just ours anymore…*sighs*

    • Ursi

      June 5, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      I know an incredibly tiny woman who gave birth to a 10 pounder and the the logistics of that were immediately filed away in my “I never want to know” bin.

      Why do people ask these things??

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      I have no idea. I can honestly say it had never crossed my mind to actually ask someone.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Right? THe question basically boils down to “How did you fit that massive thing through your tiny vagina?”. I don’t want people asking me about my vagina unless they’ve got a vested interest in it, like my husband. Or doctor.

    • SunnyD847

      June 5, 2014 at 10:30 pm

      You know, I have a very petite friend who is married to a really big guy and certain questions come to mind, but I don’t ASK THEM OUT LOUD!

    • Valerie

      June 5, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      Come on, you know you want to discuss your goochular area with a stranger!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      You know, that has always been on my bucket list now that you mention it.

    • KS

      June 5, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Niiiice…I used to work in a retail store with a lot of regulars and one of them asks me if I was spotting…total blank stare.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      Egads. Regular customers were among my frequent offenders also.

    • Sara

      June 5, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      Jesus, I just want to get you ice and pat your head. Your baby was 2feet in length and just aghhhhhh!!!!!! And also yay baby!!!!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 6, 2014 at 10:23 am

      He is nearly four and still huge, man. I don’t know how that happened. Neither my husband or I are big people…he just defies logic.

  13. Pepper

    June 5, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Why did you adopt?/can you not have kids of your own?/ what country did you get her/him from?

    My friend with twins gets- “were they fertility treatment babies?” And “why is your son wearing pink?” a lot.

    • Ursi

      June 5, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      “We’re trying to turn him gay” is the appropriate response to that last one. It’s what they’re thinking anyway.

    • Pepper

      June 5, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      I’m fairly certain that’s what she said. Or something to the effect. The woman looked horrified.

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      “Careful, wouldn’t want yours to catch it. You should probably stand WAAAAAAY OVER THERE.”

    • Pepper

      June 5, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      Everyone knows the gay is super contagious. Just being on the same playground makes it more likely for other kids to catch it. The world isn’t safe from four year old boys wearing their sister’s clothes!

    • Kay_Sue

      June 5, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Once they catch it, it implants in their brains so that they can receive their daily download of the Gay Agenda™.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 5, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      I was talking to some moms at the park the other day and one of them asked another one “how much the baby cost.” We were all strangers but wowowowowowowow I wouldn’t ask my own sister that and I DEFINITELY wouldn’t phrase it that way, ever, at all, just oh my fucking god.

    • Pepper

      June 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      I’ve had people seriously interested in adoption ask about adoption fees and what not, that’s perfectly reasonable. But if anyone phrased it that way I think I’d slap them. I got this gem from a former co-worker today: why didn’t you adopt a baby? And then, when I explained that there a lot of school aged children who need good homes as well I got asked why we didn’t adopt a special needs child/foster special needs kids. (The answer is quite simple – our house isn’t really wheelchair accessible and I honestly have no idea how to care for kids with neurological disabilities)

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      June 5, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Yeah, I guess I could understand if the question was gentle and obviously coming from someone interested in adoption but this woman was just being a nosy, insensitive bitch.

      And wow I’m sorry, that is so shitty. I don’t know what’s wrong with people, it’s like they think you have adopted a pet instead of your child…none of those questions are appropriate AT ALL.

    • jane

      June 5, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Adoption fees = reasonable question, if phrased tactfully.
      Cost of baby =

      (It’s not often that I get to use the same pic twice in the same post).

    • Spongeworthy

      June 5, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Holy. Shit. Do people not run a sentence through their head before speaking?

    • Linzon

      June 5, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      My pregnant-with-twins friend is also getting “Were you trying for twins?”

  14. Kitsune

    June 5, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Ugh with the nursing one. My husband and I asked for area daycare suggestions on facebook while I was pregnant and two people managed to turn it into a discussion about breastfeeding and how I should handle it.

  15. aCongaLine

    June 5, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    oh, #9. number 9 so much. oy vey.

  16. Alikay

    June 5, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    I have 6 kids and I constantly get rude comments but the one I absolutely cannot stand is when people with two kids tell me, “it’s probably a lot easier having so many because they all play together.” Are you fucking kidding me?! Why yes, being responsible for the physical, mental and emotional needs of 6 human beings is so much easier than 2.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I grew up in a household of 6. “THey play together” is appropriate if the person’s idea of playing together is “brutal fucking bloodbath interspersed with annoying tattling to Mom”.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      June 5, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      The big ones holding the little one’s head in the toilet as well. (I was the 6th).

    • Jennifer Freeman

      June 5, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      I was the oldest, but I promise not to hold your head in the toilet.

  17. ted3553

    June 5, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I had one of my 50 year old, field guys at work ask one day if I was having an epidural. It stopped me in my tracks and rendered me speechless which doesn’t often happen. What the hell does he care and why oh why is a middle aged, lumberjack type coworker asking me about whether or not I’m planning on pain meds

    • Guest

      June 5, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      I’m picturing an old guy that only knows one thing about women having babies and it is the epidural so he asks it of every pregnant woman he sees just so he has something to “girl-talk” about..

  18. guest

    June 5, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Oh, boy. I get “when are you having another?” at least 3 times a week. I understand that these people don’t mean anything by it, but it really feels like they are asking how my sex life is going. Answer: not great.

  19. Jennie Blair

    June 5, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I haven’t had strangers do this to me, just people I know. I’ve gotten pretty good and leaving the phone near by and grunting every so often a response. If one more person tells me I will change my mind about only having one child I may have to change my profile picture to the long list of reasons my husband and I decided on only having one child years before getting pregnant.

  20. G.S.

    June 5, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    They might as well just come out and say it.

    http://i.imgur.com/zMSruOM.gif

    • Ursi

      June 5, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      I did not hit her. I did naaaat.

  21. Sara610

    June 5, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    So basically, all this could be summed up in:

    “Don’t ask intrusive questions about things that are none of your business.” Most of these rank right up there with “How much do you weigh?” and “How much money do you make?”

    • Guest

      June 5, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      I have a Grandmother who has a history of lack-of-filter which usually results in hilarity but I worry about having kids around her. She has no qualms about asking about weight in general or asking people how much they gained when they got pregnant. She knows me better than those people so I feel like the questions I get could somehow be more personal D:

  22. jendra_berri

    June 5, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    A male cousin asked me if I was finding out about the sex. I said I wanted to and he told me I should let it be a surprise. I told him when he’s pregnant he can call the shots on that choice.
    I had an aquaintence ask if my pregnancy was planned. I believe it was a cousin’s friend I’d met a couple times before. I think I abuptly said, “What?” That really threw me. But I think sometimes it speaks to the person’s mindset, where they’re scared of having an unplanned pregnancy so they’re trying to gauge if it could happen to you, what are the odds it’ll happen to them?
    And I get asked if I’m having more and I say NO. Quit asking. If they push I tell them it’ll cost them $1,000 a month if it means so much to them because I’m not paying for daycare for a second child.

    • Guest

      June 5, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      I don’t know what it is about people and the waiting until the kid is born (to find out about gender) stuff but it drives me up the goddamn wall. I don’t care if people want to do that but don’t tell everyone else that they’re “spoiling the surprise!”. It is a surprise either way, jesus.

    • Clever name

      June 5, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      I had someone who I had just met try to convince me that I shouldn’t find out the sex in advance “because it gives you extra incentive to get the baby out when you’re in labor”. I was like, um I think just being in labor is all the incentive I need.

  23. Brandon Isaacs

    June 5, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    that was obnoxious.

  24. WriterLady

    June 5, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    My husband and I have a 4 year-old. We are both in our mid-30s, so you can count on “When is the next baby coming?” or “Is your son going to be an only child?” on a fairly regular basis from people who are mere acquaintances. What if I had trouble conceiving or miscarried a number of times (neither of which actually happened, but still…)”? Rude ass people.

  25. Jenny

    June 5, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    All the unsolicited sanctimoniousness about my decision not to BREASTFEED, BREASTFEED, BREASTFEED my baby has resulted in me feeling physically nauseated by the term itself. Like, I get a rage-induced need to vomit upon hearing or reading anything with the term BREAST. (Even more so when it’s phrased as “THE Breast”, as in, “If you give your baby a bottle, she might reject THE BREAST.” Ugh.)

    • Ms. Anne

      June 5, 2014 at 4:40 pm

      I HATED breastfeeding, but somehow THE BREAST suddenly makes it more amusing (there was NOTHING amusing about it at the time) (Freudian typo: I just wrote “about tit”). It sound like the mysterious, nefarious dictator in a bad movie. Or maybe a secret organization with unknown motives.

    • Jenny

      June 5, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      Oh yeah, I can imagine 1984-style propaganda posters with THE BREAST on them.

    • Ms. Anne

      June 5, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      I really wish I had some artistic talent right now. Because I soooo want one of those.

  26. CRod

    June 5, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    A guy I use to work with asked me upon hearing that I was pregnant, if my pregnancy was planned. I literally wanted to tear out his eyeballs and shove him down his throat. It didn’t help that I already did not like this guy and then the question he asked…ugh….I just walked away from him pitying his bird-like wife for the crap that she would undoubtedly have to deal with in her pregnancy.

  27. Clever name

    June 5, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    The rudest question I ever got was the time a friend of mine introduced me to someone at a party, informing us that we both had babies about the same age (6 months old). During the course of making polite conversation I referred to my boyfriend as such, which she took as a cue to ask if he was the father of my baby. Because, you know, us unmarried moms are always sleeping around. I smiled sweetly and said “yes, he is”, while inside I was screaming ” WTF lady, I just met you five minutes ago and you think that it’s okay to basically ask about my sex life?!?”

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:09 pm

      The best thing in the world was when someone asked my husband if our son was his.

      In order for you to understand this you need to know the following salient facts:
      My husband has hair so blonde it’s white.
      My hair is so brown it’s almost black.
      Our son has hair somewhere in the middle. Otherwise, he looks just like me.
      Our son was also conceived in a midsize town in Asia where the only man who looked like my husband was, well, my husband.
      He is our first child- both apart and separately.

      My husband responded by raising his eyebrow and saying, “Shit, I hope so.” Then he called over to me, really loudly, in a very crowded room: “HONEY, IS THE BABY MINE OR WERE YOU JUST FUCKING AROUND AGAIN?”

      Nobody has asked us that question since.

    • Gangle

      June 5, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      Classic! Ten points to Gryffindor!

    • whiteroses

      June 5, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      My husband is far less tactful than I am. Most of the time, it causes so.many.problems. Other times? It’s awesome.

      Also, imagine that in a very thick Australian accent that could easily pass for English. I don’t know why, but the F word is infinitely cooler when spoken in an English accent.

    • Gangle

      June 5, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      My husband is about the same… but for some reason he manages to get away with it pretty much every time.

  28. Elisabeth TheQueen Smith

    June 5, 2014 at 8:56 pm

    A friend of mine was asked ‘Do you know what you are having?’ and she would reply tartly ‘A unicorn’

  29. Frannie

    June 6, 2014 at 8:07 am

    When we had our first, everyone asked when we were having a second, then after we had our second, everyone wanted to know if we were having a third. Once I got pregnant with the third, everyone was like “Oh… wow….Is this your last one then?” Nobody is happy for your third. Nobody.

  30. Mr. Clyde Mathers

    June 6, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Okay. I typed yesterday for about two hours, replying to certain comments. Apparently, if you comment here and your comment is different in any way, certain women (or men. Seems like just women, though) are going to gang up, and bombard you was replies that just become, rude, repetitive and annoying. While some of you were making a decent point or two (not for very long though) the rest of you just babbled and got mad at nothing. And to those people, I say, you’re just as rude and mean as you claim the rest of the world to be. So, here we go.

    First of all, when I first commented on this article, I was being nice and I was even agreeing with some of the things OP said. They make sense and all of us (everybody) likes to talk about certain things and then, just the same, doesn’t like to talk about other things. That’s how it is, that’s who we are. And at first, I agreed with that.

    Second of all, I was told (quite rudely) that there’s no reason to explain anything at all for anybody if you don’t want to because “it’s rude and invasive” blah blah. Well, true as that may be in certain real life circumstances, this is a public domain. You are on the internet. I’m not sure if some of you know what the internet is but basically it’s a place where people from all over the world can go on at any time, look up anything they want and pretty much express themselves and their opinions. If you’re going to post something on the internet, especially something like this, expect people to ask questions. You aren’t walking to the supermarket with your child, you’re on the internet. So, if you’re going post your opinions and have absolutely nothing to back them up, expect people to wonder what your reasons are for expressing your opinions. Like I said already, you’re on the internet. With this article, all you’re doing is rambling on and getting mad at other people for wondering why in the hell they would want you to explain yourself. You people are just getting mad for mad’s sake.

    Third, I’ve typed for hours so this is the last thing I’m typing. I’m sure all you women will pretend like you’ve won the battle. I’m sure you’ll go home and tell your husbands, significant others, or friends, that you “told some douchbag on the internet off.” And I’m sure they’ll “agree” with you because A. Some of them have to. Or B. They might actually agree with you. I’ll make it simple for all of you. Good for you! Congratulations! You ARE winners! You did GREAT here! 😀

    Fourth, there’s no reason to explain myself further. If you want to know what I’ve said, you can read the 20+ comments I’ve sent to a group of hysterical, borderline insane women who have commented on this article along with me.

    So, that’s it. Have fun replying to me. I’ll delete all the notifications I get and I’ll never reply again. So, have at it! It’s your time to shine! To let your inner bitch REALLY come out. This has been enjoyable, in a sense, but I’m glad to be finally done with it. I hope you women will do alright in the outside world with those awful, intrusive, evil people out there. I’d also work on your hypocrisy. A lot of you here seem to have it.

    Bye bye. 🙂

    • whiteroses

      June 6, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      I can’t say I’ll miss you. Thanks for the mansplaining- and if you don’t like what people respond to you, I suggest you untwist your boxers and remember that this is, in fact, the Internet, which means we can say whatever we want- we don’t always agree with each other, but we are at least civil about it. If you can’t disagree civilly (and calling people a “bitch” or “stupid” is not a civil disagreement) we don’t really respond well. Next time, read the comments, get the culture of the site down, THEN respond.

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