Stuff

Rich Chicagoans Complain Their New Gelato Stand Isn’t Fancy Enough, Proving Spoiled Brats Don’t Always Outgrow It

By  | 

 

If you are ever going through a difficult time in your life and feel like you need to get some perspective, take a deep breath and focus on the plight of some people who have real problems, like the people living in Chicago’s Gold Coast, who are really upset because they were promised a fancy new gelato stand in their neighborhood, and now they’re pissed because the gelato stand they got wasn’t fancy enough.

Every year at Christmas we are treated to the spectacle of clueless, spoiled teenagers complaining on Twitter about their awful, horrible, unfair parents who ruined the holidays by getting them the wrong color iPhone. (That’s not hyperbole, that’s really what they’re upset about and it happens every year.) And those kids are spoiled brats, but we kind of assume that they’ll outgrow it when they get older and get a bit more perspective. Unfortunately, that does not appear to be the case, because now grown-ass adults are complaining because of a gelato stand.

If you see signs of spoiled-bratness rising in your child, you must nip it in the bud as soon as possible, lest you wind up parenting a grown-ass human being who says things like, “We don’t deserve what is being offered right now as dessert,” which one woman said to DNA Info about the gelato being sold at a park in the Gold Coast

According to DNA Info, in the middle of Chicago’s most expensive neighborhood there is a little place called Mariano Park. It’s a cute little plaza. It’s not very big, but it’s a very convenient place to take the kids for ice cream once you’re done playing at the fancy little playground a couple blocks away. It has an attractive brick kiosk–designed by one of Frank Lloyd Wright’s students–that sells high-end Bow Truss coffee. From Mariano Park you could probably throw a cup of coffee and hit the nearby Starbucks or the Barnes and Noble Cafe, but that’s OK, a city can never have too many places to buy coffee, and Bow Truss is a high-end product. 

When the coffee shop opened, it promised it would also sell gelato, and in July it brought on ice cream from Chicago’s Black Dog Gelato, which makes small-batch gelato in flavors like Sesame Fig Chocolate Chip and Goat Cheese Cashew Caramel. It’s pretty fancy stuff and widely regarded as some of the best ice cream in Chicago, but it’s apparently not fancy enough for Gold Coast residents, because now some Gold Coast residents are actually complaining that it’s ruining the neighborhood. They’re taking petitions and holding meetings. It’s ridiculous.

“We want to make the Park great again that is all. It is our backyard we want it great,” said local resident Judi Steinreich.

What Steinreich and her cohort of self-described “foodies” and complainers want is for Bow Truss Coffee to boot Black Dog Gelato and start stocking ice cream from Amorino instead. Amorino is a big European gelato chain. They make a nice product that is scooped out in the shape of a rose, which looks nice on Instagram.

There’s currently an Amorino store just a couple blocks from Mariano Park. You could buy an ice cream at Amorino and be at Mariano Park before it melted.

The owner of that Amorino location says this is all really awkward, and she’s even getting people showing up at her store to complain about Amorino not being available in the park, and who expect a discount for the annoyance.

“They thought they could come to my store and wait in line, and by the time they got to the register, they wanted some sort of resident discount. And I was like, ’No such discount exists,’ ” she said to DNA Info. “There were times I just gave it because people were so rude and I just couldn’t stand it.”

The owners of Bow Truss Coffee and Amorino seem to think all the residents are behaving really badly, but the person suffering the most from all this seems to be Black Dog Gelato owner and pastry chef Jessica Omoroso, whose product and livelihood are getting insulted, and who is even having to dumb down the flavors she puts on offer at the Mariano Park location because all these Gold Coast “foodies” don’t like the weird stuff.

“I don’t even put some of our more creative flavors out there,” she said. “We’re putting flavors that are a little more classic. We’re listening to people.”

All these purported foodies and fancy people are acting like spoiled children, and they’re basically the Ghost of Christmas Future for parents. If your kid kicks up a fit about the color of their iPhone, jump on that fast, before you wind up parenting a grown adult who throws tantrums about gelato.

2 Comments

  1. Pingback: Gold Coast Gelato Gestapo – Refreshing the Tree

  2. Pingback: Rich People Complain About Area Codes

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *