1. Reign Aston Disick
If your favorite baby is Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick's newest son, you love novelty shoes and reading books that are very literal allegories. (Tyra Banks' Modelland is the most fun you've had reading a book since Are You There God, It's Me, Chelsea, which you want to give to every friend who is about to take a long airplane ride.) Your favorite TV show is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and you have spent the past year and a half furious that you didn't think to name your baby North West like Kim Kardashian and Kanye did.
2. Titan Jewell Witherspoon
Kelly Rowland and Tim Witherspoon's baby is named after a moon, or a figure from Greek mythology, or a man-eating giant monster from Attack on Titan. Either way, it has gravitas and power behind it, and you like that. You consider yourself a happy person and you are a joy to be around, but sometimes in dark moments you remember the kid you played tennis with in grade school who was never quite as good at tennis as you, but that kid went pro and has been in the Olympics and you gave up tennis in college, and you question all your life choices. You have been watching a lot of reality TV home decor shows lately, and you would really like to be tall.
3. Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher
You aren't entirely sure if Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher's baby is real, or a plot line from That 70s Show that you forgot years ago because you've been smoking a ton of illegal substances. You love "Wyatt," but you've already decided that your next baby will be named "Vape."
4. Rose Dorothy Dauriac
Your dream job is to be a "water sommelier" who tells scrub customers at restaurants what type of bottled water to order, and your hobby is posting on Facebook about how Downton Abbey is just a soap opera. Your wedding was Art Deco themed and you love Scarlett Johansson's baby name, but you are secretly disappointed that she did not marry Prince Harry. You've recently discovered Selling New York on Hulu, and it is your favorite TV show of all time.
5. Summer Rain Rutler
You've been planning your baby names since you were in middle school, as has Christina Aguilera. Your favorite book was Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, which you didn't actually read but you really liked the picture on the cover. Your life is an endless struggle for elegance, and nobody but Princess Grace and Kate Middleton have ever lived up to your exacting standards. (And Princess Grace doesn't really count, because of the things she got up to before she was a royal, which you will not speak of because you are a lady.) You very nearly named your baby "Summer's Eve," but someone stopped you at the last minute.
6. Apollo Bowie Flynn Rossdale
You've been a style icon since high school, much like your personal style icon, Gwen Stefani. All the people at your high school reunion show up mostly because they want to see what you're going to wear. Your prom dress was the stuff of legend, and the dorky friend you went with still talks about how going to prom with you was the highlight of his or her young life.
7. Bodhi Ransom Green
You desperately want people to think you've been a style icon since high school, but really you're just been doing whatever In Style magazine tells you to. You are edgy and rebellious and also very deep and spiritual, and you're pretty sure nobody remembers that time you thought the Dalai Lama was an actual llama, or that time you were on Beverly Hills 90210.
8. Hazel Krasinski
You are not entirely sure if you are proper and posh and fancy, or a regular Joe everybody wants to have a beer with. Your mom thinks your taste in baby names is ugly and "old ladyish," but that's because your mom is basic. In the heat of a fight, you called your mom basic once. You meant it to be cutting, but she had no idea what you were talking about.
9. Delta Bell Shepard
You are a morning person, and you always send lovely thank-you notes when people invite you to your homes. You are delicate and sweet and elegant, and if someone crosses you, you will fucking cut them. There's about an 85% chance your next child will be named Paula or Lee.
10. Esmerelda Amada Gosling
You still hold out hope that if you wanted to, you could get a job as a princess at Disneyland, even though you're kind of old for the job, already have a career, and you know damn well they still have your name and photo on file from all those times you tried to sneak into the park dressed as Elsa.