being a mom

13 Reasons You Should Clean On ‘No Housework’ Day

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Reasons To Love Housework

I’ve already written about how housework is all that and the proverbial bag of chips, but I thought I’d take another minute to write about all of the reasons that you should clean on No Housework Day, because I’m edgy or something.

 

1. You’re a BAMF

 

The internet and Gregoian calendar isn’t the boss of you, and therefore, it can’t tell you what to do. You do what you want, because you are a rebel. A rebel with a swiffer mop and a mimosa, telling arbitrary made-up holidays to eat it.

 

2. You’re a BAMFSAHM

Sorry, but staying at home is super boring. Yes, it’s rewarding and magical and (insert platitude here) but it’s also very boring. Less so when your children are in preschool, and then infinitely more sucktastic when they get to regular people school. There are only so many times you can rewatch every season of Law and Order: SVU before you start contemplating dark, horrible things. You might as well dust something.

 

3. People Will Leave You Alone

 

When I want people to step off, I grab a toilet brush because everyone gives me a wide berth. If they do approach me, I immediately ask them to please empty the dishwasher, and then suddenly they have stuff to do, leaving me free to blast Bollywood Dance Hits over my headphones and go to my happy place.

 

4. Cleaning Gadgets and Doohickeys

 

I am like a magpie in that small, shiny things instantly grab my attention and then I need them. It is for this reason that I am no longer allowed to wander down the “Kitchen Gadgets” aisle in Target or visit Williams-Sonoma in five different cities. The cleaning aisle is almost as good, because it is there that you can get that big fluffy thing that cleans fans and that small fluffy thing that cleans blinds. Also, if you don’t love cleaning, this is a great way to skirt it altogether. Why? Because it gives you the appearance of looking like you’re maybe going to clean, and then after you get it all home, you feel accomplished enough to not have to.

 

5. Mmmm, fumes

Delicious, delicious fumes. Do you know why the back of the bottle always has instructions that tell you to clean in well-ventilated areas? Because no one wants you to have any fun, that’s why.

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50 Comments

  1. Natasha B

    April 7, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Angry cleaning is my fav. I usually do it on Saturday mornings when the hubs sleeps in, and by the banging and swearing he usually knows enough to just get up and go get starbucks.

    • Jessica

      April 7, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      I love tricking my husband into Starbucks runs 🙂

    • Eve Vawter

      April 7, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      OMG I love the angry clean

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 8:41 pm

      I totally angry clean while my husband and I fight. He theorizes that I need to occupy my hands so I don’t physically assault him. He’s not too far off. But really, I just like to utilize excess energy when I have it.

    • Natasha B

      April 7, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      Haha oh yes. He’s all ‘oh, you’re vacuuming the ceiling….what are we fighting about?’ That anger rush is a great boost.

  2. CMJ

    April 7, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Seriously…what is happening in that gif in #4?

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      It looks like the cat stretch deep breathe-y thing I do sometimes in Pilates.

    • Theresa Edwards

      April 7, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      Cleagels.

    • Robotic Socks

      April 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      Whatever it is, I am pro-whatever it is

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      Yeah #2 is American Horror Story. My husband was a big fan of that season.

    • Missy

      April 7, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      I. Wonder. Why.

      ETA: Totally not judging, because she was a pleasant thing to look at for me, too…

    • Eve Vawter

      April 7, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      For all of us

    • Robotic Socks

      April 7, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      That is one hot ginger.

  3. Valerie

    April 7, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    KABOOM is super trippy. And I have fully spent time with it in an encloser shower area before and came out feeling like Superman was spinning my house around.

  4. Maria Guido

    April 7, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    That cat gif is amazing and angry cleaning is my specialty. Also – what the hell is a BAMF? Should I know this?

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      BAMF= bad ass mo fo

    • Eve Vawter

      April 7, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      A BAMF is me

    • Alicia Kiner

      April 8, 2014 at 8:36 am

      I was wondering the same thing!

  5. Obladi Oblada

    April 7, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Kaboom is awesome but The Dude has to use it. As much as I like huffing cleaning products, I have ‘the asthma’ as my grandmother calls it and I can’t be around that stuff.
    @faintlyxmacabre:disqus, I think we could be BFFs. His Royal Assholiness (my husband) makes such fun of me because I need things to be in certain places and cleaned certain ways and he will mess things up on purpose because he knows it drives me bonkers. The fact that he’s still living is a testament to my love for him.

    • Rachel Sea

      April 7, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      Vodka, soda, and orange zest is both a refreshing beverage, and a pleasantly scented cleaning product.

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 7, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      If I had vodka, soda and orange zest it wouldn’t make it past the ‘refreshing beverage’ stage but thanks for the tip. 🙂

    • Alicia Kiner

      April 8, 2014 at 8:38 am

      I mix a little Borax, some Dawn dish soap, white vinegar, and water together to clean most of my house. My daughter has skin allergies and is really sensitive to chemicals. That combo works well, doesn’t smell awful, and the vinegar sanitizes. The only thing it doesn’t clean is glass. The Dawn streaks like mad.

  6. Tea

    April 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Productive procrastination and anxiety-cleaning is why my house usually looks like a pinterest shoot. It’s also why my ABC book isn’t getting drawn, because I decided to polish the chrome and silver and make a new batch of hard cider rather than sit down and work.

    • Megan Zander

      April 7, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      You write kids books? That’s awesome!

    • Tea

      April 7, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      I do YA and picture books, illustration and writing.

    • Megan Zander

      April 7, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      That is so cool! I just grabbed a picture book from the library for my kids that was from a local author, but it was by a Dawn someone, sadly not you

  7. Missy

    April 7, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    I am in super nesting mode but on bed rest. If I could clean today, I would be. Therapy is right, I feel so much better after cleaning and my anxiety of being in a messy home also goes away. 😐

    • Ptownsteveschick

      April 7, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      I moved all the furniture, mopped the floors on my hands and knees, then mopped the walls, then dried everything with a towel, then vacuumed all the furniture and put it back at 9 months pregnant. My body was not happy. It is probably for the best that you aren’t able to do crazy nesting right now.

    • Missy

      April 7, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      I’m 8 months. Shit, walking around a little yesterday had me aching, but I’ve been on bed rest for 11 weeks and my body is not what it was then, lol.

      GO YOU, THOUGH. Now rest, mama, and enjoy that clean ass home. 😀

    • Ptownsteveschick

      April 7, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      Oh this was almost 3 years ago. I just use it as my cautionary tale to all pregnant moms lol. My husband was not happy. We are planning baby 2 now, so I’m trying to prep myself NOT to do that again haha.

    • Missy

      April 7, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      HAHAHAH. It’s like you can’t stop it, though. I have to physically stop myself from doing too much, lol.

  8. Kris Morseman

    April 7, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    What is life without rewards *hiccup

  9. Angrycleaningfuckyeah

    April 7, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    This whole list and the comments makes me feel like I just went to a therapy session. So glad I’m not alone.

    • Theresa Edwards

      April 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      This is a safe place.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 7, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      Keep this user name 4 ever

  10. Ptownsteveschick

    April 7, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    I usually am not the cleaner, because my husband is a housekeeper and it has made him a pickypants, so I make him do it. But I cleaned today so I could be like Bam! Look I do clean when he got home from school. Then I made him cook his own lunch because I cleaned. I’m not very nice.

    • Theresa Edwards

      April 7, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      I don’t make lunch, period. Something about being asked to make a sandwich makes me bristle. Once I did when he was running late, so I included a poem that said:
      Roses are Red
      Violets are blue
      If you ask me to make you a sandwich again I will punch you in the nuts.

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      Omg me too. No idea why but it makes me kind if ragey.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      April 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      I guess I should clarify that since he works swing, lunch is actually dinner. But yeah, he likes to ask me what’s for lunch, as soon as I wake up, before I’ve had coffee. Its like his version of Russian Roulette.

    • Theresa Edwards

      April 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      lollllll

    • Eve Vawter

      April 7, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      Everyone knows you only eat lunchables

    • Valerie

      April 7, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      Yesss perfect tiny “bologna” circles.

  11. Kay_Sue

    April 7, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Theresa, please marry me. We will seriously have the cleanest home in the history of houses. For realz. No joke.

    • Kay_Sue

      April 7, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      If you won’t accept my proposal, please at least promise to keep articles like these coming. 😉

    • Theresa Edwards

      April 7, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      cross my heart.

  12. pontificatrix

    April 8, 2014 at 8:47 am

    Shit, I clicked on this all expecting a mashup between Jolie Kerr and the whackadoo vegan lady who posted earlier. I’m so happy it was this instead. Yes!

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