Letters From Douchebag Dudebrosâ„¢ - I'm Sorry You Hate How Much I Hate Misogynistic T-Shirts

Yesterday I received a lovely letter from a reader and I thought I would share it with you guys, because I know you enjoy this type of thing. This E-mail was in response to an article I wrote entitled The Top 10 T-Shirts For The Misogynistic Douchebag Dudebro In Your Life, and in this article I made this suggestion in closing:

I’m sure there are plenty of douchebag dudebros who purchase and happily wear shirts like this. You have my full permission to throat punch any of them if you see them wearing one.

The reader’s Email is in bold, and my reply follows:

so let me get this straight, you think the best approach to dealing with men who supposedly embody everything that’s wrong with my gender [by wearing ‘offensive’ t shirts] is to throat punch them? Ignorance should be dealt with through violence and not discourse?

Dear Reader Dude:

Thank you for reading. When I write something like “punch them in the throat” I am writing it in a humourous way, as a coping mechanism for the uncomfortable feeling I get knowing that there are plenty of men in the world who find T-shirts like this funny.

I don’t technically think anyone should “throat punch” anyone, and I suppose we could argue all day over how writers should write what they mean and mean what they write. I probably should have originally written :

I’m sure there are plenty of douchebag dudebros who purchase and happily wear shirts like this. You have my full permission to cross the street and move as far away from them as possible, protect your drink from them if you are in a place that serves beverages, or if you are feeling very brave, engage with them in discourse about why you feel wearing T-shirts like these are disrespectful towards women. I would caution against doing so, because I believe any man who wears a shirt like this and finds this sort of thing “funny” is not capable of having a discussion about why wearing T-shirts emblazoned with misogynistic , rape-celebrating, women-hating messages is problematic.

You’re going to topple the patriarchy by adopting one of the worst traits of men the world over, the readiness to use brutality to get your way? How fucking enlightened. People like you have no right to use the word ‘progressive’ in describing themselves.

I’m not going to “topple the patriarchy” by voicing my displeasure over these types of T-shirts. Writing about things like this, and rape, and violence against women usually only gets me comments from people who agree with me, or Emails like the one you sent me from other dudes. I never called myself “progressive.”

And by the way, sweetie. If one of you howling cunts ever tried to throat punch me i would leave them in a pool of their own blood. Good luck with your war of grievance, you fucking hole.

Hey, thank you and thanks for reading! I’m sorry if I offended your douchebag dudebroâ„¢ sensibilities by saying that men who wear shirts like these are assholes and should be punched in the throat, but I’m not the only person who feels this way. I find it pretty funny that you would take time out of your day to Email an angry screed against a mom bitching about woman-hatey T-shirts on a website for parents, instead of like, I don’t know, reading a book or hanging out with your mates, but I guess everyone needs a hobby. No one is really going to throat punch you dude, chillax, have a beer, and rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how loud I howl, shit like this will still get made and dudes like you will still rant if a woman ever suggests you may wanna choose a different T-shirt. The only good part is, when a guy like you wears a shirt like this, it tells the rest of the world you are not someone we want to associate with.