5 T-Shirts That Pro-Lifers Will Want To Abort, Inspired By ‘I Survived Roe v Wade’ Shirts

Right now, somewhere in the world there is an asshole walking around with an “I Survived Roe v Wade” t-shirt on. Even worse, someone may have slapped one of these onesies on their infant. I can’t stand it when people use that stupid anti-abortion argument, “I’m so glad I didn’t have an abortion because then my beautiful child wouldn’t exist!” What if you’re beautiful child ended up being a crazy murderous, cannibal? I guess then, in the back of your mind you’d be saying, Coulda, woulda, shoulda!

Remember that stupid 2010 Superbowl commercial with Tim Tebow‘s mom? She was looking at him all lovingly and saying something like, ”thank God I didn’t abort Tim like my doctor’s advised me to because this Superbowl would not even be happening right now!” I shouldn’t be using quotes here, because she didn’t actually say that, but that was the gist of the message. Justin Bieber‘s mom did the same thing. Can you imagine a universe without Bieber-fever? I can. The music is better.

I digress. Back to this graphic. The only way I could process these ridiculous onesies was to create something better. I’m an artist. It’s how I deal with things. Here are some t-shirts that should exist.

He ruined the lives of tens of millions of people – in six years. Pretty sure the world would have been way better off without Hitler.

Jeffrey Dahmer? He killed 17 men and boys and all his crimes involved dismemberment, necrophilia and cannibalism. Too bad he survived Roe V Wade.

Charles Manson brainwashed followers into killing seven people – including a pregnant woman – in a grizzly attempt to start a race war. He’s basically the poster boy for insanity and violence. Too bad he was before Roe V Wade’s time.

Osama Bin Laden claimed responsibility for the September 11 attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people. Too bad he existed.

No, it’s not the Penguin – it’s Rush Limbaugh, silly! If I were going to pick a fictional character I would have gone with Caillou, the character that drives parents everywhere to insanity. Duh.

Rush Limbaugh spreads ignorance and hate to a lot of people via his ridiculous talk show. He constantly distorts the truth and is an enemy to decency. Some highlights of his douchebaggery are accusing Michael J. Fox of exaggerating the effects of his Parkinson’s to further stem cell research and calling American veterans opposed to the war in Iraq “phony soldiers.” I’m confident that the world would be a better place had this mass of cells not been allow to fully mature into a human.

See? Abortion saves lives and makes the world a better place. Some of your precious little embryo’s turn into these atrocities.