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I’ll Stop Posting Pictures Of My Kid When You Stop Posting Pictures Of Your Lunch

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posting picturesSo, you’re sick of logging into Facebook and seeing pictures of my kid?  Lucky you — now there’s a solution for the endless stream of chuckling babies and proud parents that’s clogging your newsfeed. It’s a browser plug-in called Unbaby.me. This is how the creators of the plug-in describe its functionality:

A browser plug-in that deletes babies from your newsfeed permanently––by replacing them with awesome stuff.

It seems easy to use. All you have to do is visit Unbaby.me, configure the extension and refresh Facebook. According to its creators, any baby pics will now be cats or pugs or whatever you want. Now you don’t have to look at all your friends’ annoying kids. Unbaby.me picks up key words in captions, like “cute” or “nap,” and swaps out those pictures for pictures of cats. Which is great, because “there are just not enough pictures of cats on the Internet” is a complaint that I am constantly hearing.

Pictures of chubby baby legs, and eyes full of wonder are annoying? Fair enough.  But the brains behind this plug-in are missing a huge market. I have a few suggestions for some plug-ins  for those of us that aren’t annoyed by babies, rainbows, sunshine, or the laughter of small children.

Unbikini.me  You work out — a lot. You still fit into the bikini you wore in high school. Why not post pictures of yourself in it, in every possible scenario and location where a bikini is appropriate – and even a few where it’s not?  I’m sure all of your friends will appreciate how you’ve maintained your physique — especially the ones that have just endured an emergency C-section and are wondering if that weird flap of skin on their belly is ever going to disappear. Oh look, there you are laying out at Coney Island eating a churro. There you are climbing the pyramids at Machu Picchu. Where will your bikini be worn next?  Un-bikini.me will spare us from finding out.

UnBali.me  If I see one more picture of my single, childless friends traveling the globe without a care in the world – I am going to lose it.  Unbali.me will replace pictures of my single friends frolicking around the globe, with scenes from the Duggar‘s family life, or some similarly over-bred, exasperated family scene. Oh look, you’re trying to make the guard at Buckingham Palace smile.  That’s original.  I’d rather see someone cleaning up baby puke.  It makes me feel better about my life choices.

Unlunch.me  Is that a poorly lit burger and fries? Thank God you posted that. I’ve been on Pinterest all day, and those images are just so perfect and well-lit. I really needed some amateur photos of food to restore the balance in the universe. What’s for dinner? Please don’t forget to bring your camera. Use Instagram — you’ll be able to share it on Facebook and Twitter, immediately. Don’t leave the masses wondering what you had for lunch.  But for those of us that don’t care, there’s Unlunch.me. It seamlessly replaces your amateur food pictures with pictures of babies dressed up like Elvis. Burger or baby Elvis? The choice is obvious.

Thanks to social media, we are a generation of over sharers. Everyone overshares about whatever happens to be consuming them. I am consumed by my child. You are consumed by the taco truck food you had for lunch. Neither of us is right for sharing these things constantly. You will take to Instagram to photograph every bite of food you take from now until the end of eternity. Or until you have a child. Then you won’t have time to eat anymore, so you will resort to photographing your child. I will be photographing my child endlessly, until I can afford a babysitter. Then I will gladly photograph the taco truck.

Oversharing. We are all guilty of it. Let’s stop pretending that parents are the only ones that do it.

(photo: Irina Pestova/ Shutterstock)

33 Comments

  1. Eve Vawter

    August 29, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Is that a poorly lit burger and fries? Thank God you posted that. I’ve been on Pinterest all day, and those images are just so perfect and well-lit. I really needed some amateur photos of food to restore the balance in the universe. What’s for dinner? Please don’t forget to bring your camera.

    HAHAHAHAHA. so.epic. love.

    • Guerrilla Mom

      August 29, 2012 at 11:30 am

      I made Eve Vawter laugh. Day made!

  2. Amanda Low

    August 29, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Haha! This is great! I never understood others’ weird tendencies to post pictures of their food. I only do that when I’ve cooked something unusual or if I’m some place exotic, eating something exotic.

    • aileen_t

      August 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

      They’re proud of their lunch and wany to spread it’s joy across the interwebs. I’d be more impressed if said pictures were scratch n’ sniff.

  3. Lawcat

    August 29, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Welcome to 2 weeks ago.

  4. LiteBrite

    August 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I agree parents are not the ones guilty of over-share. How about an app called Unpoliticalrantme.com? Or Unreligionme.com? Or Undrunkphotosofyoupukingoutsideat2amme.com?

    Or maybe we can just accept that people use Facebook for whatever they want and hide those posts/pictures etc that we just don’t want to see on our newsfeed?

    • Guerrilla Mom

      August 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

      Someone needs to invent the unpoliticalrantme for my twitter feed. I can’t help myself! Have you been watching the news? I’m just as annoying as everyone else.

    • LiteBrite

      August 29, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      If I had an app for everything on FB (or social media in general) that irritated me, my computer would crash.

      Although I’m sure someone, somewhere, has an app called “UnLiteBriteTalkingAboutSushiLunches.com.”

  5. Cee

    August 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    As a childFREE person, I do enjoy seeing pics of my friends kids every now and then. This app, at least for me are for a certain type of parent. Don’t act like all parents are like you and give all up passions to be consumed by a child. My friends with children fortunately did not give up everything they enjoyed, including good food or trips (albeit shorter ones) just because they had a kid and it reflects on their facebook. While I do see a baby pic or read a story about what their child did, they do not bombard me with poop pics or tell me that I will not know anything “until you have a child” or anything STFUP-y.

    • Cee

      August 29, 2012 at 2:13 pm

      Oh and many mommy blogs beat you to this weeks ago.

    • Eve Vawter

      August 29, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      Maybe, but this is a gazillion times more amusing.

  6. Eileen

    August 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Yeah, we’re all annoying, and we’re all annoyed by different things. People annoyed by pictures of babies just happen to be the ones who’ve actually done something instead of only complaining. I’ve heard people complaining about food pics on Facebook for years – but has anyone invented an app that hides them? Nope! The anti-baby-pics crowd is the only group that seems to have found something beyond complaining. And for what it’s worth, I happen to love baby pictures as long as the baby isn’t drooling, excreting, or showing any inappropriate bits.

    • Eve Vawter

      August 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm

      please go invent me an app that hides my young relatives cleavage shots 🙁

    • SidNey

      August 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm

      Unbaby me lets you pic what you don’t want to see. Besides, maybe not be friends with them or just block their photos? Why does “BUT MAH BABY ISN’T AS BAD AS ICKY ICKY BOOBS!” always show up somewhere?

    • Eve Vawter

      August 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm

      I’m totally pro-boob, i just have zero interest in seeing my 16 year old nieces

    • ClintEastwoodsChair

      August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

      But breasts are for feeding baaaabies therefore OK to be on display. Don’t tell me to cover up! I’m trying to promote breastfeeding! //sarcasm.

  7. Rebecca McGrath

    August 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    I just hide all of it or in special “obsessive” cases I unsubscribe. I do the exact same this with FB friends who are obsessed with thier pets.

  8. Brie

    August 29, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Wow, this writer sounds incredibly bitter and jealous about the lives of her childfree friends. Full disclosure: I am a parent who finds the baby oversharing to be particularly nauseating. And dull.

  9. bumbler

    August 30, 2012 at 12:49 am

    The only thing more pathetic than annoying things over posted on FB are people whining about annoying things posted on FB. FB has done a pretty good job of providing filters to customize your newsfeed. Choosing to complain rather than utilize the tools at hand makes you sound like a pathetic, bored, lazy, derp. It’s no better than whining about a commercial on the TV when they remote is right there in your hand!

  10. Lacy

    August 30, 2012 at 1:33 am

    I don’t mind a baby photo here, a burger shot there, a bikini pic here, or a political rant there. Everyone has their stuff and I’m fine with that. It’s when it gets excessive that I start blocking people from my feed. I have a girlfriend who, since becoming a wife and mother, feels the need to update her status every 20 minutes with gems like “watching the kids sleep”, “going to the park”, “going shopping for groceries”, “put kids down for nap”, “kids up from nap”. And to top it off she must upload at least 20 pictures a day of her kids. I wish I were exaggerating.

  11. bee

    August 30, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Sheesh! Bitter much? Just cos you regret your decision to reproduce…

  12. meteor_echo

    August 30, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Oh, how neat.
    Okay, sure, but, every time you post the photos of THE CHYLDREN, I’ll post photos of snakes, lizards, angler fish and other awesome critters. I’d rather see cute animals than drooling, snotty, screaming baby photos.

    • Amy

      August 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      My sister-in-law texts me photos of her baby often (disclaimer: I actually love getting them because it’s my niece) but I always respond by sending her pictures of my tortoises doing cute things.

  13. cantankerous

    August 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I think it’s just more proof that people can be really myopic in general, but especially on social media. I personally don’t want to see a gazillion pictures of your baby OR your pet, and I am really confused about why pet-posters and baby-posters seem to think their own obsessions are somehow different. More often than not, when I see people complaining about excessive baby picture posting, those same people are also talking about how they post tons of pictures about their pets or cute animals, because OMG animals are so cute!!!
    Go to the comments section on STFU Parents sometimes (a site I love, by the way), and see how often people referring to babies as “crotch-fruit” will delve into detailed conversations about their own wittle kitty cats. That doesn’t make you superior to people who prattle on about their babies, it makes you THE SAME AS THEM.

    • Meow

      August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

      Well, kittens are way cuter than babies.

    • Courtney Lynn

      August 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

      Personally, I post pictures of my son AND dogs. Not excessively, but hell, they’re both damn cute!

  14. Courtney Lynn

    August 30, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Am I the only one who believes in a post-and-let-post mentality? It’s SOCIAL MEDIA, meaning you have your own little corner. Do whatever you want in that corner. If I don’t like it, there’s an “ignore” option.

  15. aliceblue

    August 31, 2012 at 1:46 am

    Actually NO, not everyone overshares. The first part of you article is amusing and I agree with some of your choices (even w/out a sprog my belly is NOT intended for a bikini and what is it with people’s meals?) but not everyone is guilty. We expect parents to post kid pics, runners to post their recent races, and maybe a person trying a new recipe posts the meal. However, it seems that a certain type of parents are the only ones to post 72 F-ing baby pics at one time. And it is these parents (& teenage boys) who post the poop and vomit pics. Also, I don’t recall anyone sharing hemorrhoid surgery or corn removal but birth pics – yep, blood and crotch shots for everyone.

    • Guerrilla Mom

      August 31, 2012 at 10:42 am

      Ha! I must just choose my friends wisely, because I’ve never seen blood or crotch shots. That would push me over the edge.

  16. March

    August 31, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Hey, this article makes ONE very decent point and the rest of it doesn’t matter: oversharing is that bad little thing that we all do. No matter what we overshare, yeah? So let’s just not mind.

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