I’ll Stop Posting Pictures Of My Kid When You Stop Posting Pictures Of Your Lunch
So, you’re sick of logging into Facebook and seeing pictures of my kid? Lucky you — now there’s a solution for the endless stream of chuckling babies and proud parents that’s clogging your newsfeed. It’s a browser plug-in called Unbaby.me. This is how the creators of the plug-in describe its functionality:
A browser plug-in that deletes babies from your newsfeed permanently––by replacing them with awesome stuff.
It seems easy to use. All you have to do is visit Unbaby.me, configure the extension and refresh Facebook. According to its creators, any baby pics will now be cats or pugs or whatever you want. Now you don’t have to look at all your friends’ annoying kids. Unbaby.me picks up key words in captions, like “cute” or “nap,” and swaps out those pictures for pictures of cats. Which is great, because “there are just not enough pictures of cats on the Internet” is a complaint that I am constantly hearing.
Pictures of chubby baby legs, and eyes full of wonder are annoying? Fair enough. But the brains behind this plug-in are missing a huge market. I have a few suggestions for some plug-ins for those of us that aren’t annoyed by babies, rainbows, sunshine, or the laughter of small children.
Unbikini.me You work out — a lot. You still fit into the bikini you wore in high school. Why not post pictures of yourself in it, in every possible scenario and location where a bikini is appropriate – and even a few where it’s not? I’m sure all of your friends will appreciate how you’ve maintained your physique — especially the ones that have just endured an emergency C-section and are wondering if that weird flap of skin on their belly is ever going to disappear. Oh look, there you are laying out at Coney Island eating a churro. There you are climbing the pyramids at Machu Picchu. Where will your bikini be worn next? Un-bikini.me will spare us from finding out.
UnBali.me If I see one more picture of my single, childless friends traveling the globe without a care in the world – I am going to lose it. Unbali.me will replace pictures of my single friends frolicking around the globe, with scenes from the Duggar‘s family life, or some similarly over-bred, exasperated family scene. Oh look, you’re trying to make the guard at Buckingham Palace smile. That’s original. I’d rather see someone cleaning up baby puke. It makes me feel better about my life choices.
Unlunch.me Is that a poorly lit burger and fries? Thank God you posted that. I’ve been on Pinterest all day, and those images are just so perfect and well-lit. I really needed some amateur photos of food to restore the balance in the universe. What’s for dinner? Please don’t forget to bring your camera. Use Instagram — you’ll be able to share it on Facebook and Twitter, immediately. Don’t leave the masses wondering what you had for lunch. But for those of us that don’t care, there’s Unlunch.me. It seamlessly replaces your amateur food pictures with pictures of babies dressed up like Elvis. Burger or baby Elvis? The choice is obvious.
Thanks to social media, we are a generation of over sharers. Everyone overshares about whatever happens to be consuming them. I am consumed by my child. You are consumed by the taco truck food you had for lunch. Neither of us is right for sharing these things constantly. You will take to Instagram to photograph every bite of food you take from now until the end of eternity. Or until you have a child. Then you won’t have time to eat anymore, so you will resort to photographing your child. I will be photographing my child endlessly, until I can afford a babysitter. Then I will gladly photograph the taco truck.
Oversharing. We are all guilty of it. Let’s stop pretending that parents are the only ones that do it.