Don't Worry If You Just Had A Baby, Shove Your Post-Baby Body Into One Of These Corset Costumes

Hey postpartum moms – you too can dress sexy for Halloween! You just have to ram your flabby midsection into this ~~costume-slash-torture-device~~ Body Shaperâ„¢ costume. Phew! I thought I was going to have to wait until next year to dress like a sexy cop. Or sexy army brat. Or sexy maid. Or sexy pirate.

Enhance your bustline with molded cups and underwire.

Reduce and define your waistline…with extra strong zipper for support.

Flattering design comfortably shapes and accentuates your back side.

I’m actually one of those people who doesn’t have a problem with sexy costumes. Whatever. If an adult wants to wear thigh-high tights one night of the year – so be it. But is Party City really fat-shaming us now? Just in case your figure isn’t perfect enough to fit into our regular, cheap, crap-tastic bullshit – here’s a costume that’s twice as expensive! You, know, so you can look better. You’re too pear-shaped for our poly-blend crap-suits.

Not surprisingly, there’s no Body Shapersâ„¢ for men. Probably because their costumes come standard with three times the fabric.

I have absolutely no problem with women deciding to sexy it up on Halloween. I think it’s a fun escape for some people, and I totally support it. I was all set to write a piece today about how everyone needs to chill out about women in sexy costumes. I mean, no one is forcing you to dress in a skimpy get-up. Just get yourself whatever you’re comfortable in and leave everyone else alone.

Then I went on one of those costume sites and tried to find one that wasn’t sexy. Um…

Yeah. All costumes for women are sexy. Non-sexy ones don’t really exist. Unless you want to be a nun, Where’s Waldo, a Smurf, or Princess Leia. But they have a “sexy” style of most of these, too.

So what’s a woman who doesn’t want to wear thigh-high tights or a corset to do? Well, one solution is to try and shop in the Men’s section. Here are a sample of the Men’s and Women’s costumes for the same category: animals.

Women’s

Men’s

Great, so the choices are a) be a naughty nun or b) sweat profusely in a mascot costume all night. I think I’m starting to understand why so many people just give in and buy the sexy costume – and why there’s now a market for corsets, too.

Ugh.

(photos: Party City)