getting pregnant

Stop Treating Your Pee Stick Like A Damn Family Heirloom

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pregnancy test keepsakeIt’s true that the time you have with your children flies by way too fast. Sometimes, it doesn’t seem to go by fast enough. But even I, jaded mofo that I am, will sometimes look at pictures of my daughter when she was a baby and then feel the unmistakable twinge of my ovaries crying as I get a serious case of the sads.

Fortunately, now that every electronic device comes equipped with a camera and a ton of products dedicated to memorializing your child’s youth in every horrifying conceivable way, you never have to let go. I don’t judge you for hanging on to boxes of baby clothes or wallpapering your house with pictures. I don’t think it’s weird to have handprints or footprints in paint or clay or plaster of Paris hanging about. But one thing grosses me out beyond belief, and that is the used pregnancy test keepsake.

I have little to remind me of my pregnancy. Just as I was getting adorable I went in for a haircut and came out with a Carol Brady mullet, so there are really no pictures of me from then. My husband held on to our sonogram, but its whereabouts are unknown. I’m okay with that, because the alternative looks something like this:

Nice shadowbox. ‘Dorbz sonogram. Here’s the problem: you pissed on that. You peed on it. There is urine on that stick that you framed. Wee-wee.

Listen. I am of the belief that once it comes off or out of your body, it needs to go away, whether it’s used for a purpose (like breast milk) or it’s your gross, months-old urine.

No breastmilk jewelry, no teeth necklaces, no dolls stuffed with your baby’s hair, and for the love of all things sweet and holy and good in the world, no peed-on pregnancy tests. I have been in people’s homes where they have their pee test on display. Because I am a visual person, and because I’ve taken more than my fair share of these tests, I can’t help but summon up an image of that person: sitting on a toilet, hand jammed between their thighs and trying not to pee all over themselves before ultimately failing.

Now, I know how exciting it can be to get a positive pregnancy test after months or even years of negatives, but let’s all try to restrain ourselves. After all, every time I get a negative pregnancy test I’m super duper excited, but you don’t see me shadowboxing those with a tasteful diamond-cut double mat board.

The fact is, I’m not even going to judge you if you do decide to keep your positive pregnancy test, only if you frame it for posterity and hang it in your breakfast nook. If you must keep it, why not jam it into a drawer somewhere to take out and look at later. Does it have to be hanging over the love seat?

(Image: Alliance/Shutterstock)

54 Comments

  1. CMJ

    June 13, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    THIS TIME PINTEREST HAS GONE TOO FAR!

  2. Momma425

    June 13, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Simple solution for those who want to remember that first positive pregnancy test excitement, and also don’t want to frame piss in your home:
    1) Take a picture of the positive pregnancy test
    2) Frame said picture
    3) Discard pee stick

    • Tk

      June 13, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Hahaha I was just uploading all of phone photos online to get some printed, and came across my preggo test… I wasn’t sure if it would be weird to get a photo printed? (I did not keep the test, an I only took a photo of it to send to my partner. I wasn’t carting round a peed on stick to show him)

  3. shadow

    June 13, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    But you only need to pee on one…?

    • Greta Young

      June 13, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      Not if it’s twins! Duh!!!!!

  4. Katherine Handcock

    June 13, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    I never had this reaction to a pregnancy test, but I will shamefully admit that I had a moment of insanity when my son lost his umbilical cord stump. There I was, staring at it, thinking, “How can I throw it away? IT WAS A PART OF HIM.”

    Then, thank whatever higher power you believe in, I snapped out of it and tossed that sucker.

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    • wispy

      June 13, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      I’m sorry to say I kept the cord stumps lol. I remember my husband finding one of them in my nightstand and being like “OMG that is biological waste you cannot keep that!!” I know I didn’t throw them away, but I have no clue where they are now since I had to hide my shameful secret!

  5. Ursi

    June 13, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    I’m trying to imagine the look on a visitors face if I charmingly framed a negative pregnancy test and put it on display in my home.

    “Oh this? Yeah I saw it on Pinterest! Cool, huh??”

    And act like I have NO idea that the point is to show that you were pregnant. I just want to be on the hip “I peed on this” bandwagon.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      June 13, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Can we make this a thing? Like, I have no reason to buy a pregnancy test, but I could see about keeping and framing every urinalysis indicator showing I tested positive for THC! I mean, that’s what we’re really getting all excited about, right? The positives? :p

    • Aldonza

      June 14, 2014 at 1:47 am

      Can I make cards of negative pregnancy tests to hand out to my Grandmother every time she asks when my husband and I are gonna have kids? I feel like that would make things easier and would limit the number of sarcastic and inappropriate things I say to her.

    • Caitlin Burrows

      June 14, 2014 at 2:30 am

      I had to have a steel plate put on my wrist in February, and part of the pre-op procedure is to test me for pregnancy, and they usually do that through the blood test, but they forgot. So on the day of, they gave me a pregnancy test and directed me – not protesting, but very reluctant to do so – to the washroom. I know I’m not pregnant. I’m not in a situation where there’s a chance I could get pregnant, and even if I were, it is highly unlikely I would. (I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure when I was eighteen.) I still waited for the results before I brought the test back out. After the exam, on my way to recovery, they did another x-ray and in my post-anesthetic haze, they asked me if there was a chance of my being pregnant. I remember saying, “God, no.”

      Cut to last week when I had to have a bone spur removed from my thumb – same hand as the steel plate, I made it a point of mentioning my medical condition (I guess I didn’t, because it was too complicated to explain) at the pre-op appointment. They also remembered to test for pregnancy from my blood test, so I didn’t have to do another pregnancy test the day of.

    • Ursi

      June 14, 2014 at 9:32 am

      That is brilliant.

  6. Nire

    June 13, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    I threw my positive pregnancy test away. When our baby was about 6 months old, I discovered a positive pregnancy test while looking through my husband’s drawer for quarters. I asked him what it was and he said it was the baby’s positive pregnancy test. Apparently he fished it out of the garbage and kept it. I thought it was cute, but weird. I haven’t checked for it, but I assume it’s still there.

    • Williwaw

      June 13, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      Yeah, my husband saved ours also, unbeknownst to me – I went to his desk to get a pen one time, and found it sitting in a can full of pens and pencils. So very very wrong.

    • brebay

      June 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      Ah, this is sexist, but that’s adorable.

    • brebay

      June 13, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      To clarify, only because I would not have the same feeling if it were a woman. Shame on me, but I think it’s cute.

    • Alexandra

      June 25, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      I think it’s the surreptitious way he did it that’s so cute – like he wanted the memory for himself…he didn’t need to “display” it for all to see. SUPER CUTE!

    • Aussiemum

      June 15, 2014 at 4:09 am

      I didn’t know my hubs had saved my pee stick either!. I was cleaning out his bedside draw a few moths ago and found it. Along with bubs’ hospital band and his umbilical clip. I wasn’t sure if it was so sweet or gross, considering bubs is now nearly 8!

  7. Amber Leigh Wood

    June 13, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    I threw mine out, like straight away…. Other then the fact that they’re gross and creepy cause yeah pee, but the ones I used also disappeared. So if I kept them I would just have a blank pregnancy test which isn’t much of a memory anyway

  8. Jennie Blair

    June 13, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    I took a picture for proof and then threw it out. I use the digital ones and the batteries die after 24 hours anyway. Its something I peed on, I dont frame my used toilet paper why would a pee stick be any different?

  9. K.

    June 13, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    If someone I knew saved their pee-stick–or hell, took a fucking picture of it all tied up with ribbons and shit and like, posted it to my FB, no, we’re not friends anymore.

    Unfriend!

  10. brebay

    June 13, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    Yeah, its not something I’d ever display. I kept it because I’d taken DOZENS and been so disappointed for so long. It’s at the bottom of a box of baby clothes no one but me will ever go through. I sift through them every once in awhile, remember when my babies were small, and I like to see the stick and remember how I felt that day. It’s just for me. Although it was also handy as a fun way to gross out my boys when they were a little younger but…yeah…mostly just for me.

    • Gangle

      June 13, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      I also kept mine. Not to display – I did wee on it, after all. But it is the first and only time one of those suckers has shown the double line. I walked out of the loo and said to my husband ‘holy crap I’m pregnant’. We were flat out stunned in the most amazing way possible. I keep that pee-stick for me, and it remains in the cardboard box with all of my IVF injection schedules, hospital id bands etc.

  11. brebay

    June 13, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    I can relate to your no pregnancy pics. I had melasma in the shape of a moustache. It freaking sucked, I looked like a French cat my entire first pregnancy. I finally decided I should have at least one picture, but I tried so hard to cover it with makeup, that I looked like a clown. Then I was really impressed I could still fit into a pre-pregnancy sundress at 9 months, so I wore that, not realizing that it now barely covered my lady parts, so yeah, a slutty, pregnant clown. In a Winnie-the-Pooh room. It’s pretty awesome.

    • Larkin

      June 13, 2014 at 9:15 pm

      This sounds like the best photo ever.

  12. CMP414

    June 13, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    My pregnancy test from my daughter is in a really cute baby memory box on the top shelf of the closet that I cant even reach. My test from current pregnancy is in my jewelry armoire and my 2 yr old keeps finding it and pretending it’s a lip gloss :shudder: I really need to quit being so cheap and buy another memory box.

  13. Harriet Meadow

    June 13, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    I threw my first pregnancy test away almost immediately. This one I kept for a week out of sheer laziness. After a week, my husband was like, “Is there a reason you’re still keeping this?” Nope. In the trash.

  14. cmichelle

    June 13, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    Mine went out with the trash. It didn’t even occur to me that I should keep them, let alone frame them and hang them in the nursery or living room. I can’t imagine having anyone see something that I peed on just sitting in a shadow box. It seems like I’d be inviting them to imagine me using them. Not an image I want to conjure.

  15. koolchicken

    June 13, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    I know it sounds weird/crazy superstitious but I felt like I couldn’t throw mine away. My husband asked me why I still had it when he found it in it’s open foil sleeve inside a plastic bag (cause you know, it had pee on it). I told him I was worried that if I tossed it I was worried I’d miscarry. I know that’s dumb but I was convinced it would happen. Now I still have it cause it’s been so long and it did “work” so I feel like I can’t toss it. But it is wrapped up tightly and stored my my dresser. It’s not on display cause I don’t want people to see my pee.

    This comment just keeps getting weirder and weirder so I’m going to stop.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      June 13, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      Nah, that actually makes sense. Despite my staunch atheism, I have some truly bizarro rituals that are really just superstitions that I try to present as making some sort of logical sense. It doesn’t work, even in my mind, but it makes me feel better, and obviously, keeping your pregnancy test does the same for you, so who cares what anyone else thinks?

    • wispy

      June 13, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      There is a huge difference between keeping it for yourself and displaying it for the guests! I don’t think you’re weird at all.

    • Spongeworthy

      June 13, 2014 at 9:13 pm

      That’s how I feel about it. To my mind, “keeping it” isn’t the same as “turning it into a keepsake”.

    • Alexandra

      June 25, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      so I should rethink the positive test Christmas ornament idea, is what you’re saying? 😉

    • Mary Garrett

      June 14, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      I have mine wrapped in bubble wrap and packed in a box with about six layers of tape all the way around. I want to throw it out but I feel like my now nine-year-old will have an accident if I do! I figure I’ll just give it to her when she’s older and she can take her life into her own hands. I hope she didn’t inherit my crazy.

    • koolchicken

      June 15, 2014 at 3:26 am

      HA! I plan to do the exact same thing. I mean if I toss it now I may as well just kiss him goodbye. It’s “worked” for so long, why risk messing with things?

      Why can’t my good luck charm not be a pee covered stick, why?

  16. wispy

    June 13, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    I am the most sentimental, blubbering, weepy fool when it comes to basically anything, and this is even too much for me. I took a picture of it (or them, all lined up) and that was that, into the trash they went. I cannot imagine walking into someone’s house and it is framed on the wall. People thought me framing my ultrasounds was weird enough, but I’m sorry, no. This is a million times worse.

  17. Guest

    June 13, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    You know I don’t care if people take a pic of the pee stick no whatnot but don’t keep it. I had a friend who had gotten a couple positives although they ended up being false and she showed me by pulling five used ones out of her dresser. I get that it is exciting but no, throw that shit away. I’m grossed out by parents keeping teeth (even my own teeth) and don’t get me started on the umbilical cord stump or anything else. Literally gag me. That is the same as being that creeper who gets their gall bladder removed and keeps it in a jar on their desk. Ick Ick Ick.

  18. Larkin

    June 13, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    Hahaha… my husband judged me when it took me, like, three days to throw out my pregnancy tests. One day he realized the two tests were still in the bathroom, and he pretty much made me throw them out while shaking his head disapprovingly. I can’t even imagine what he would have done if I had suggested we keep them forever.

    I just took a couple photos of them for posterity, and that works for me. I can’t imagine FRAMING them.

    P.S. My crazy ex’s mom kept the bandage from when he was circumcised as a baby. Yup.

    • jo

      June 13, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      Who doesn’t want a weiner band-aid as a family heirloom?

  19. Abby

    June 13, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    I ended up keeping my pregnancy tests (I took, like, seven of them because I couldn’t believe any of them after fourteen months of trying without success) for about the first trimester because I’d miscarried before and… I don’t know, it sounds weird, but I wanted to have them there so I could tell myself that I wasn’t crazy and I hadn’t imagined things if the pregnancy had ended soon. Around about week fourteen, though, my husband came out of the bathroom after making peace with his ass and said, “Honey? You’re um. You’re not getting any less pregnant. Can we throw those away, because they’re kind of… brown?”

    And then I realized that he was entirely correct and threw them away.

  20. Ingrid

    June 13, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Don’t the lines disappear? I accidentally stuck a digital one I took (negative) back in the box and came upon it months later (ok, yes, EEW but I think I was in a situation where I didn’t want anyone to find it in the trash? whatever pee is sterile) and it went blank.

  21. Sailor Fruitpunch

    June 13, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    I kept mine for two days in the bathroom just because I couldn’t believe it. We wanted children and all that, but it was still kinda hard to swallow that it was *actually* happening. But after those two days, my results disappeared so in to the trash the sticks went. Which was a little unfortunate considering those sticks weren’t very cheap.

  22. jendra_berri

    June 13, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    I always wonder what these people think will happen to this shit when they die. How many weirdo momentos wind up in landfills?
    Though, people have always been effed up. Look at the Victorians. Art made out of human hair, photos taken of the dead…

    • brebay

      June 14, 2014 at 2:07 am

      I think about that. I hope my boys will have a good laugh and remember their wacky, sentimental mom, how they both ran away screaming when I told them what it was when I was unpacking boxes when they were 5 and 7 and then fell into a ball laughing about the “pee stick,” and how I kept the gross thing hidden among their baby things all those years because finding out I was finally going to be a mom was something I never ever wanted to let go of. Maybe that’s not realistic, and they’ll just toss it, but what do I care, I’ll be dead ;P

  23. Bob

    June 14, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Just think of what Love would be in the world if they the same women would place as much value and intensity to getting to know and follow their creator Jesus.

    Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the law of יהוה, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments.

  24. M.

    June 14, 2014 at 7:42 am

    I will shamefully admit that I still have mine, but out of laziness not sentimentality. It took us quite awhile to get pregnant with our first, so when it finally happened I couldn’t believe it. I stuck the test (digital) in a bathroom drawer so I could keep looking at it until it ran out of batteries or whatever. I’m 5 months in with our 2nd, which was a surprise pregnancy, and I had the same thing going on with that test…I just stared at it and stared at it because I couldn’t believe I was randomly preggo after having to try so hard with our first. I stuck it in the same drawer, and that’s where they both sit. I should toss them, I hadn’t really thought of them until I saw this…I most certainly WILL NOT be putting them in a shadow box on the wall, ew.

  25. Valerie

    June 14, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Whenever I took pee tests I would always sing the R Kelly Chappelle song. I want to pissss on it! Going to see Charlie Murphy’s act later this month. Cannot wait.

  26. Iwill Findu

    June 14, 2014 at 11:04 am

    I took a photo of my preg test, and then promptly tossed it out in the trash were it belongs. And the photo ended up in the scrap book that I made for my pregnancy so not on hanging on the wall for all my friends to see.

  27. Iwill Findu

    June 14, 2014 at 11:04 am

    I took a photo of my preg test, and then promptly tossed it out in the trash were it belongs. And the photo ended up in the scrap book that I made for my pregnancy so not on hanging on the wall for all my friends to see.

  28. the_ether

    June 14, 2014 at 6:27 pm

    I was so excited to finally see a positive one that I peed on about eight of the dang things. And kept them. I’m still finding them now, at 28 weeks, but have started throwing them out.

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