Confused Homophobe Pastor Says If You Want To Avoid Ebola, Stay Away From Starbucks
Ebola is here and people are freaking out. Whether it’s warranted or not, it is reaching levels of hysteria in some circles with people convinced this is a plague set upon us and that the End of Days could be near. That said, I know you are all wondering the most sure-fire way to avoid catching Ebola and I am here to give you a solution. Are you ready? It’s kind of unorthodox, but trust in the Lord, and it should work:
DON’T GO TO STARBUCKS!
According to New York pastor James David Manning, Starbucks is “ground zero” for Ebola transmission because, gay people. That’s right. The Gay is in the air whenever you get your tall pumpkin spice latte with extra whipped cream and The Gay is what transmits Ebola. It’s science, don’t question it. A quote from Pastor Manning in Huffington Post:
Pastor James David Manning of the ATLAH Worldwide Missionary is now taking aim at Starbucks, claiming that the coffee giant is “ground zero for Ebola” because franchises, particularly in urban areas, are meeting places for “generally upscale sodomites” interested in “clandestine sexual activities,” Towleroad is reporting.
“I am now on the Ebola watch, warning people to stay away from Starbucks,” he says in a new “Manning Report” clip. Starbucks locations, he adds, attracts “a large number of sodomites and the [lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender] crowd that usually, and continue to, approach the idea of sex, intercourse and dating on a lower, less visible, less social scale because of the nature of what they want to do.”
Never mind the fact that my area Starbucks are smack dab in the middle of a strip mall and my local Target and not at all urban, this is where gay people gather and that is how Ebola will spread! Are you guys bowled over by his logic and wisdom? I know I am. Oh, those silly sodomites and their Ebola germs! I’m just trying to drink a coffee, I didn’t come here to catch the plague! It is pretty clear how it happens when you think about it- instead of an extra pump of Mocha flavoring, the barista is probably pumping in some Ebola-infected bodily fluids. Anything could happen.
Pastor Manning wasn’t finished there- he wants you to know that President Obama could also have a case of Gaybola:
Manning’s argument also takes shots at President Barack Obama, too: “Remember, I told you back in 2007 that Obama was a homo.”
THANKS OBAMA! Because obviously, he is leading the charge with both the gays AND the Ebola.
For Starbucks’ part, they have long been supporters of the LGBT community having raised a Pride flag at their Seattle headquarters earlier this year. They also ran an ad starring RuPaul’s Drag Race stars Adore Delano and Bianca Del Rio. Four for you, Starbucks. You go, Starbucks. And none for bigoted Pastor Manning.