Pop Culture

10 Signs Of A Bad Relationship, Courtesy Of Facebook

By  | 

There is a rule of Facebook that is hard to deny. I love my husband, and sometimes I’ll say nice things about him on Facebook, if I’m feeling particularly generous. But I have noticed that the couples who spend the most time talking about or tagging or Instagramming their relationship have the most relationship problems.

Basically, the harder you sell it, the less we’re going to believe you.

It’s not my business what goes on in anyone else’s relationship, but when someone constantly boasts about the amazingness of their husband or boyfriend, I naturally begin to wonder if trouble is a-brewing. In general, I wish the best for all my friends and family. But in social media, as a bored work-at-home mom, I can’t help but to be curious—because I really have nothing else going on.

In most cases, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would never legitimately spread rumors about the state of a couple’s relationship based on Facebook alone, but I will totally watch them crash and burn if they want to put on a public show for me.

You may want to keep an eye out if your friends exhibit any of these classic signs of a bad relationship on social media:

1. Tag your significant other when you are in the same house.

memecenter.com

memecenter.com

2. Communicate with your spouse exclusively through Facebook wall posts.

memebucket.com

memebucket.com

3. Post pictures of your dinner with the caption, “Look what hubs made me!”

quickmeme.com

quickmeme.com

4. Write a post that includes the words, “So in love right now.”

frabz.com

frabz.com

5. Liberally use hashtags that include #perfectman, #doesntgetanybetter, #fridaynight, and #datenight. Bonus points for #manofgod.

knowyourmeme.com

knowyourmeme.com

6. Hint to your significant other about wanting a new house, vacation, ring, or Mother’s Day gift on the Facebook newsfeed.

memeblender.com

memeblender.com

7. Repost a wedding picture every #tbt (Throwback Thursday).

funny-pictures.picphotos.net

funny-pictures.picphotos.net

8. Vaguebook the details of your last fight, with the Facebook emoticon “frustrated.”

quicklol.com

quicklol.com

9. Change your relationship status from “single” to “married” and back again, within the hour.

knowyourmeme.com

knowyourmeme.com

10. Check in at the courthouse and tag your significant other.

pinterest.com

pinterest.com

187 Comments

  1. Kelly

    May 20, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Eh, I tag my husband in photos just like I tag other people. I don’t see how it’s a bad thing.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:07 am

      I tag my husband in all the pictures I post of our daughter, so that they’ll be on both our pages. I think she’s referring to people who post about their SO or post pictures of their SO when they’re sitting next to each other on the couch, and communicate about these via facebook instead of, like, talking to each other.

    • Kelly

      May 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

      I… don’t even understand what you just said. LOL You mean, people will post something like “hanging out on the couch” and tag their spouse? I don’t… I’ve never seen that. I wasn’t aware that people actually did things like that. LMAO

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:12 am

      YES. YES. YES. Dude, if I could link this girl’s facebook page to you, you would totally understand. Seriously. She posts EVERYTHING they do, and then they discuss it on facebook, even though they’re physically together. The only good thing about it is my husband and I laugh our asses off at them all the time.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      May 20, 2014 at 9:21 am

      At least they’re good for a laugh, i find it so weird when people do that. Why do people need to know what you’re doing?

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 20, 2014 at 9:12 am

      THEY DO!

    • Hope

      May 20, 2014 at 9:25 am

      Yes my best friend even does this with her husband, and it just kind of makes me mad! I know that’s dumb. But she’s so normal in real life then pulls this mess online.

  2. Kendra

    May 20, 2014 at 9:04 am

    OMG! YESSSSS! I am so happy, I could cry. I have a couple on my fb that is sooooooo fucking obnoxious. It’s daily. Last week, she sent him a snap chat selfie that said “who is your woman crush Wednesday”, and so he then screenshoted this snapchat and posted that picture to facebook with some blubbering nonsense about how awesome she is. My theory is, and will remain, if you brag consistently on facebook, I’m going to start turning all your brags into negatives. “I love my husband” — means she hates her husband. “My job is THE BEST” — her job sucks. And so on, and so forth. Truly happy people don’t brag and boast.

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 20, 2014 at 9:08 am

      There is totally a tipping point when it is too too much. Like, normal love is wonderful… But there are the select few people who are really hard-selling it. LOL.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:09 am

      Yes. Absolutely. If you post something every once in awhile because of something special that happened, I’m cool with that. If you’re doing it multiple times in one week, I think you’re trying to convince yourself more than you’re trying to convince me.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:40 am

      Once a year on my anniversary, I post a mushy status about my husband. All other times? He’s on his own. Sorry honey.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      May 20, 2014 at 10:08 am

      Or in the case of my friend, multi times a day. UGH.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      Oh yeah, I’ve got one of those too! And I don’t even like her!!!!!!!!

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

      Yeah, whenever someone is super gushy, especially about a new relationship, I figure “this won’t last long.” Use of the word “soulmate” is a huge red flag.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:15 am

      My husband’s brother was so guilty of this. He used to post something like about his girlfriend like “I have the best girl ever, she’s so hot and she’s great! I love you!!” and then two days later it would be “Stupid bitch is a piece of shit!” and then another day “I love my gf so much!” I was like huuuuuuuhhhhh???

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 9:16 am

      Bi-polar romance. Just keep it to yourself!

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 20, 2014 at 9:17 am

      I am bad, but I LOVE the select few people who do this – free entertainment. 😉

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 9:23 am

      I love it to a point, but eventually, they wind up hidden. I can only take the drama for so long.

      Although I may occasionally be guilty of re-visiting their page and looking it over for the kicks when the mood strikes…

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Meh, I’ve finally come to accept that I’m not going to be able to say “I hate drama!” with a straight face, because I actually LOVE it. It’s just I like it when it’s happening to other people. I keep people like that visible on my news feed so I can live vicariously through others.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 10:06 am

      I hate drama in MY life, but I love watching it play out elsewhere.

    • pixie

      May 20, 2014 at 10:34 am

      I feel the same way. I avoid drama in my own life, but I find it amusing to watch other peoples’ online or hear about it in person. It’s like a train wreck that you can’t look away from, sometimes. And way more interesting than my own life.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 10:07 am

      I have a bullshit cut-off. If it gets past that, I tire of it, even if I’m not involved. I can’t say that I hate it though. That would be a bold-faced lie. 😉

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      Yep, I hide people when they cross the line. Then, I will just look them up when I’m feeling a need for some entertainment.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      #Twinsies

      I do the same dang thing.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 9:25 am

      TOTALLY! the main offenders on my feed are the people we associate with most in real life so we get the calls when they are fighting, or actually been the babysitter when they came home wanting to kill each other more than once. so sad!

    • Kelly

      May 20, 2014 at 9:20 am

      I really hate the “stupid bitch” type posts. It makes me think less of the person posting, even if they have good reason to be angry.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 9:35 am

      Yeah, you would hope people would have some self respect to not continue dating someone who just blasted you as a stupid bitch to all the people on fb…
      but they usually don’t 🙁

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:58 am

      Yeah, I can’t get behind anyone blasting their SO on facebook. I just don’t think it’s appropriate at all. His brother was a ladies man, always juggling women, there weren’t very many of them he actually had respect for.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:28 am

      Most of my friends don’t post anything about their husbands. I don’t either. Part of that is because we’re relatively private people, but for the most part? It’s truly nobody’s business.
      Facebook isn’t real life, and the sooner people realized this the happier they’ll be.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 9:40 am

      BIL and SIL were posting constantly about lovey dovey crap but more than anything she would share those stupid photos about love of your life or whatever with the sappy quote. They’re now in the middle of an ugly ugly divorce. (Literally she was posting sappy stuff in the middle of their initial separation to try to win him back and now she posts soulmate crap with comments like “the next man in my life will be like this”)

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:42 am

      I take it that she’s still got her ex’s family as friends on Facebook, all of whom are able to see that? Charming.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Of course 🙂
      I had already taken her off but I think the ones that are still friends are just in it for the show.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Can’t argue with free, live entertaintment sometimes.

  3. Kay_Sue

    May 20, 2014 at 9:09 am

    BRB. Have to put this link passively-aggressively on Facebook. 😉

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 9:10 am

      Although I am trey guilty of posting pics and tagging them #datenight since I started staying home. It’s almost the only time I get dressed in real clothes anymore…

    • LadyClodia

      May 20, 2014 at 9:34 am

      I can totally relate. I was getting into a deep funk since I never had anywhere important to be. This past year I decided that I needed to make more of an effort for myself. I don’t care if I look more dressed up than the other moms at preschool drop off/pick-up because I’m wearing a casual dress with leggings (just as comfortable as pajamas!) And I try to put on a necklace and some make-up before I go anywhere because it makes me feel better. I still like to get dressed up for date nights, but they come around so infrequently that I was hardly ever using my jewelry or make-up.

    • Kelly

      May 20, 2014 at 9:41 am

      I had the same issue because I work from home most of the time. I started getting dressed every morning as if I were going in to work. It made me feel better and increased my productivity.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:45 am

      I get most of my work done in coffee shops–don’t know why, but somehow, the notion that somebody could be watching and judging me for my lack of productivity even though I know most of the other patrons are watching just as many cat videos on YouTube as I am at home makes me buckle down and focus. Which forces me to put on pants. So there is a relationship between putting on real clothes and getting work done for me, too, it’s just a correlative rather than causative one. 😛

    • Kelly

      May 20, 2014 at 9:47 am

      I used to work at coffee shops or even just the McDonald’s on the corner a lot and it does help. I don’t know why I stopped. I should start doing that again.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:49 am

      It totally does! I know the consistently available caffeine without any of the distractions that would arise from me going into the kitchen to make more coffee (for some reason, an upcoming deadline makes me suddenly decide that I need to organize the kitchen table that hasn’t been touched in two years, and the coffee maker is located just beyond the table…) really helps me.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 9:51 am

      Procrastiorganization is a real thing, even if spellcheck is currently telling me that it is not. It’s the sudden urge to clean and organize everything in sight, because you have a deadline coming up.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:53 am

      It is a real thing and a real word. I have used my English major to make it so!

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 9:43 am

      We’re lucky. Ours is about once a week, because my mother (who lives three minutes away) has demanded it (kindly). I felt myself slipping into a funk too, so I usually take my boys over to my mom’s about four Saturday afternoon, come home, and primp. It’s meant some interesting trips out to just get ice cream or hit Wal Mart real quick, but…I don’t mind.

      When I was working, I was rocking things like my pin-striped blazers and trousers. It is actually one of the things I miss about it.

    • LadyClodia

      May 20, 2014 at 9:51 am

      That’s great that you get to go out about once a week! Ours has worked out to about once a month so far this year, which is actually a big step up for us.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 9:52 am

      Most of the time right now it’s free stuff. Nothing fancy. But we’re lucky to live in a college town that has a good deal of free but fun entertainment. #Blessed 😛

    • LadyClodia

      May 20, 2014 at 9:58 am

      That’s cool! It’s just nice to be able to spend time together away from the kids I think. I know my husband likes the chance to get out of the house too since he works from home.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      That’s for realz. I love those boogers, but I do like those evenings away from them.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:10 am

      For a second, I thought you meant literal boogers, and that made me think you need to get out more!

    • Kay_Sue

      May 20, 2014 at 10:12 am

      My boogers, I love all of them. My preccccciiooooooouuuuussssesss. 😛

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:14 am

      Bringing literal meaning to the phrase “digging for gold”?

    • Rose

      May 20, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Totally OT, but as a (mostly) SAHM, I feel exponentially better about myself when I wear my hair down, either drying it curly, or blow-drying it the night before. You gotta find what works for you to boost yourself up.

  4. Jennifer Freeman

    May 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Someone I know constantly posts pictures/statuses about how hot his wife is, and how she is the hottest woman EVAR. I get that he wants to let the world know he thinks his wife is hot, but why? Is he trying to convince us? ANNOYING.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 9:14 am

      This reminds me of a post I saw on fb one day, where she took a screen shot of a text conversation they had. He called her “smoking hot arm candy” and she replied with “lol, I’m not THAT hot”. I barfed. And I told my husband if he ever called me arm candy, I would punch him square in his balls.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 9:23 am

      Arm candy? lol Wow.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 9:36 am

      My FIL used to flatter my MIL by telling her that she was his arm candy and trophy wife. Classy.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:37 am

      With a capital K.

  5. Elisabeth TheQueen Smith

    May 20, 2014 at 9:18 am

    my favorite red flag ‘out with the love of my life’
    oh boy…

  6. LadyClodia

    May 20, 2014 at 9:19 am

    A few of my cousins are like that, but I really don’t have much of this in my newsfeed, thank goodness. And my husband doesn’t use social media, so it would be extra weird if I did something like this knowing I would never get a response.

  7. EmmaFromÉire

    May 20, 2014 at 9:20 am

    I don’t think i’ve ever talked about what me and my boyfriend do on facebook, we don’t really tag into places or anything like that. I mean, it’s nobody else’s business, we’re not a reality show or something.

    • wispy

      May 20, 2014 at 9:28 am

      Me too. They probably wonder where my kids came from since I like never mention my husband at all and his fb has been dormant for years.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:41 am

      My ex was the same way–he never logged on, and since I spent the entirety of our Facebook relationship essentially pretending I wasn’t in a Facebook or real life relationship, I’m sure 90% of my FB friends glanced at my blog about being newly single when I first started it and posted links and thought, “Wait, when did that weirdo ever find a date?!?”

    • Surly Canuck

      May 20, 2014 at 9:29 am

      My life would be the lamest reality show ever.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      May 20, 2014 at 9:48 am

      I don’t know, mine is pretty lame too. The highlights of my week: I rode a commuter train for the first time in my life. I decorated a really nice looking cake at work. (I work in a bakery) and I’m going to the foot doctor on my day off. Oh and I spotted a Yellow-throated Warbler in our tree the other day.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:52 am

      I rarely post stuff, but when I do, it’s pictures from skiing/hiking/biking trips, sunsets over the Pacific, or brief updates about a movie I’m shooting or novel I’m working on. But I only post once every few weeks or so at most, which means that the majority of my life is boring as hell–I’m just incredibly selective with my updates so that it seems like I’m always awesome!

      Also, I don’t know anything about birds, but I always get excited over cool animal-spotting stories, so I’d Facebook-like that one for sure.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      May 20, 2014 at 10:07 am

      I didn’t facebook the bird because all my facebook friends, heck all my friends, are non-birders and they are bored to tears hearing about birds.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      Awwwww. 🙁 Truth be told, I know most of my friends don’t care about skiing or climbing fourteeners either, but it does make me feel like I’m doing exciting things with my life, and isn’t that what Facebook is really all about? :p

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      YAY fourteeners! (I’ve only done Gray’s Peak and I nearly barfed at the top but I AM PROUD.) Are you Colorado based?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      I am! Denver native, raised in the part of Aurora that became Centennial. Longs is the last one in the Front Range I have yet to bag, but I can assure you, the desire to puke at the top never goes away! :S

      Are you a fellow resident?

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      See brief updates about artistic endeavors are good. Frequent/long…not so much. A guy I went to college with decided to write his first ever novel and updated us on page count and percentage every single day. It took him less than a month and he hasn’t even edited. Now he posts every day about being published within the year. People have stopped “liking” and commenting on his posts because they are so so pathetic.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 11:15 pm

      See, now, I’m a sick enough person that I could probably bask in the sheer Schadenfreude of it all. I’d be checking my Facebook eagerly at the end of the year, waiting for the (nonexistent) status update about the publisher’s contract he signed, possibly even innocently asking him about it, because I know allllll about that game and what it actually entails.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      The reality show of my life would be 70% me singing showtunes to myself around the house alone. People wanna see that, right?

    • Surly Canuck

      May 26, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      I would! We could call it “The Real Housewives of Glee!”

  8. Valerie

    May 20, 2014 at 9:21 am

    Yeah, its like the opposite of “me thinks thou doth protest too much”. The more a couple is all “I LOVE MY BA-BAYYY! #sohappy #inlove #havingsexthisveryminute” the more I would suspect trouble in paradise. It’s like, who are they trying to convince?
    Not to mention, the puke-tastic middle-school nature of making sure everyone knows that YOUR relationship is so much better and more special and closer than theirs. Gag me with a spoon.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:34 am

      Exactly. If you have to tell people how rich/happy/classy/successful/amazing you are, chances are pretty good that none of that’s actually true.

      There are several things I don’t post about: my marriage, most of my parenting, political and religious viewpoints… which basically means I write a lot about knitting and cooking. Facebook isn’t a personal diary, people.

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 9:40 am

      Posts like this make me think two things: 1) you are insecure about your relationship and 2) you are really immature (unless you really ARE still in middle school.) Neither of these bodes well for your #LOVE

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 9:53 am

      BTW, I think that is the definition of “protesting too much” rather than the opposite.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 20, 2014 at 10:34 am

      I have a fb friend like this…every post is either “so in love! My hubby/kids/life is the best!!” Or it’s some passive aggressive vague booking about how others try to keep her down but she’s too strong. I love it. Endless entertainment.
      Also, props for using “gag me with a spoon”.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 10:51 am

      I have FB friends that are prone to the ‘strong woman’ posts. In addition to proclaiming how strong they are, they are all also prone to the GD Marilyn Monroe image with the “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” quote. Drives me crazy. Maybe, just maybe, you are an ass and noone wants to deal with you at your worst! lol

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Hahahahaha. I love it. You are an ass!

    • Spongeworthy

      May 20, 2014 at 11:16 am

      Ugh with that quote…I see it a lot on Pinterest and it makes me cringe. Seriously, have you ever wondered if they don’t want to deal with you because you are insufferable? I see a lot of crossover with those who say really shitty things and then follow up with “I’m just being honest!” Yes, you are honestly an asshole.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 11:48 am

      Right? And honestly, who wants life advice from Marilyn Monroe? I mean, she was a celebrity, but her life sort of ended tragically.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      My husband has a standing belief that any woman who quotes Marilyn Monroe is bat shit crazy.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      Wise man!

    • Kelly

      May 20, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      I agree with your husband.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      I got “gag me with a spoon” from my awesome mom years ago. She is the best at bitching and has given me many great lines. Hahaha.

    • Jenny

      May 20, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      Ummmmm, How old are you, Valerie? Just asking because “Gag me with a spoon” is from the 80s, when I was a kid…..

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 8:01 pm

      32 🙂 She’s been saying it as long as I can remember. She was 23 when she had me, though. Still young enough to be hip. Lol

  9. Hope

    May 20, 2014 at 9:24 am

    This is so true. A girl I know has CONVINCED the world via facebook that she and her husband have the greatest love affair of all time. I mean it’s sickening, it’s at least 2 gaggy posts a day. Then she spilled to our MOPS group that she hates for him to touch her and it’s ruining their marriage. So… yeah.

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 10:07 am

      I doubt they are actually convinced

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Amazing.

  10. Lee

    May 20, 2014 at 9:28 am

    My brother and sister in law do this all the time. It makes me want to gag a little every time I see it.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:30 am

      Exactly. I mean, who wants to know how your third grade best friend feels about her husband? If you’re still married, I’m going to assume you love each other. Anything past that is really none of my business.

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 20, 2014 at 9:31 am

      NOOOOOOOOO.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      May 20, 2014 at 9:43 am

      I have a friend who is like that. She has been dating this guy for about a year now and they are so sickening sweet that I swear I’m going to get diabetes just from reading her post. Everyday she will post like 3 to 5 romantic memes/songs about her relationship.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 20, 2014 at 10:30 am

      I kind of love seeing those now since I’m an old married lady…mostly because it makes me laugh. First year or so it’s all sunshine and puppies and everything my SO does is so amazing!! Then you’re together for so long that when your spouse gives you a dunkin donuts gift card as a present it is the best thing ever.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      My husband put on no such pre-tense. He gave me a bottle of fucking dry gas for my car in my stocking THE FIRST YEAR WE DATED. Nothing says brand-new romance like keeping your gas lines thawed in the chill of winter.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      I got noise cancelling headphones. Why? No clue. I don’t travel for work or anything. I think he thought they were cool and wanted them for himself.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      That’s how we ended up with an Xbox in 2004.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      My husband isn’t quite this bad, but the noise cancelling headphones totally remind me of the time Homer gave Marge a bowling ball inscribed wiht his name. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7mjd3_the-simpsons-singing-sirloin-birthd_shortfilms

    • Spongeworthy

      May 20, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      I love it. My husband and I are not gift people when it comes to each other. Most occasions go “don’t get me anything for my birthday/mothers/fathers day”. It’s nice in that we both mean it, and not that we say it and then get mad when we don’t get anything. I’d rather put the money towards something we need. My husband gets slippers every year for Xmas and he loves it. He got me the Indiana Jones DVD box set our first Xmas together. Keeper!

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Yeah, we do a lot of gifts for “us”. We do things for the house or go to a concert or go shopping together and buy ourselves new clothes. But during the dating years I was a petulant 21 year old and wanted him to shower me with gifts. Barf-o!

    • Spongeworthy

      May 20, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      Haha! I’ve always been told I’m hard to shop for because I’m always like “meh, I don’t need anything”. My husband is the same way, so it works. The one time we really did nice gifts was our wedding. I got him a fancy watch and he got me a pearl necklace (actual jewelry, get your mind out of the gutter!)

    • Gangle

      May 21, 2014 at 6:01 am

      Classic. My husband doesn’t do moosh either. So valentines day does not really get celebrated. The first year we dated he gave me some sunflowers he found in a farmers field. They weren’t sprayed and they dropped bugs and grubs all over my kitchen. Another time he gave me a half-eaten cherry ripe. This year he must have been feeling romantic because I am in the family way and he bought me some m&ms. The delivery was terrible. he sat across the room and threw the candy at me one at a time, aiming for my cleavage and head.

    • Myra A Cottrill

      May 20, 2014 at 9:58 am

      God, really? Sometimes, I look at my husband at the end of the day and think to myself, “I’d really wish you’d just go home.” Then I realize he is home. And this is about someone I like 98% of the time.

    • jane

      May 20, 2014 at 10:11 am

      The number of times I have wished for my own room likely exceeds the number of elementary particles in the universe.

    • val97

      May 20, 2014 at 10:37 am

      We have our own rooms. Most people think it’s weird, but it seems like the people who get it are people who have been married for a while.

    • jane

      May 20, 2014 at 10:44 am

      I’m so jealous I could punch you.

    • lpag

      May 20, 2014 at 10:49 am

      DH and I don’t share a bed. We’ve always had two beds because for religious reasons there are certain times we can’t share a bed, and we used to move them apart or together depending on the situation. We quickly figured out that we sleep better when we sleep apart, so now we’re just always in our respective beds. But we like sharing a room- we can gossip like tween girls at a sleepover for ages, lol. Works for us!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Orthodox Jewish? Not really any of my business, but the comment about not being to share a bed at certain made that spring to my mind automatically.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      For some reason a lot of hotels in the UK are like that. See scenes from Fawlty Towers where Basil and Sybil have two beds.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:53 am

      I remember reading an article where the author interviewed married couples who had separate bedrooms and credited that as the reason for their strong marriages. Granted, it seemed pretty lacking in science or statistics, so I don’t know if there’s a broader truth to it, but as someone who was once in a long-term relationship, the premise made total sense to me. (Of course, mine was the kind of relationship where separate bedrooms alone weren’t going to cut it after a while. Separate houses either, probably. I’m much happier with us residing in separate states.)

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 10:59 am

      My parents and my in-laws both do!

    • Psych Student

      May 22, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      My wife and I each have our own rooms as well. It’s really just for sleeping purposes, but it’s also nice to know that there’s a place to hide if need be. :}

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:13 am

      That’s what I thought about my ex. Then it got so ingrained that I started disliking him about 98% of the time. But there were extenuating circumstances, like him being a depressive alcoholic who didn’t do anything except play computer games all day, so he kind of had to find a home that wasn’t mine.

    • Rachel Sea

      May 20, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      I dated that exact same guy.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 11:11 pm

      I applaud the use of the past tense, though I’m hoping it didn’t take you as long to cut your losses as it did me.

    • Rachel Sea

      May 21, 2014 at 11:44 am

      We were together about two years, though he still lived in my attic for a year afterwards, because my roommate thought it was a great way to reduce our rent shares – and she turned out to be right, because without him, I’d not have gotten together with my wife.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 10:16 am

      Thank God I’m not the only one. I love my husband and my son, but I’d be lying if I said I need some space sometimes.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      Yeah. Sometimes I need to be this:

    • Lee

      May 20, 2014 at 11:21 am

      My husband works nights and weekends and I work normal business hours. While it sucks to be without him most of the time whenever he takes vacation by day 3 I am thinking “For the love of god, go back to work already!”

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 11:54 am

      After an extended absence from home (15 months, for work), my husband finally returned and took 30 days off. It was making me crazy after the first week! I love him, but man, sometimes I just want to sit on the couch, listening to nothing but the sounds of crappy movies.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      That right there summarizes my entire reasoning for why, every time I think, “Mayyyyyybe I should try again…” when one of my married friends posts about a shared dinner or a walk in the park, I immediately catch myself and go, “Yeah, nope,” as soon as I remember my embarrassing and delightfully trashy Netflix history.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 10:59 am

      This honestly gave me a case of The Pukes.

    • Lee

      May 20, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      And this is just the latest comment. There are dozens if not hundreds of posts like that one.

  11. Guest

    May 20, 2014 at 9:32 am

    1.) I try to tag my husband whenever we go or do anything just so everyone knows to be jealous of our lives.
    3.) Every night is a little ridic (look my husband made us hot dogs! again). However, my husband can cook like a mofo so if he makes something amazing I’ll post it. Because #1 I want him to keep making me delicious things and #2 how else are people going to know they should be jealous of me?
    5.) My husband and I both do the #datenight thing but also #myhusbandisbetterthanyours and #arentyoujealousofourmarriage
    6.) I love to watch other people do this. My cousin’s baby mama keeps posting about a ring. Which is funny considering he knocked someone up, dated her, found out he knocked that girl up and had a kid, broke up with her, dated a different girl while she got pregnant by a different guy, got back together and had a kid, broke up while he got engaged to someone else and now she wants a ring?
    7.) I wish my husband and I had more pictures to throw back to…but wedding is pretty much it. One day I’ll get my ish together and get a photographer to do artsy fartsy photos of us again.
    8.) & 9.) I also love to see on my feed. My cousin who is getting married in June and his fiance changed their statuses from engaged, she posted a sob story about loving someone but it being like trying to fit a square peg into a circle, then she deleted everything and went back to normal a day later.

    • whiteroses

      May 20, 2014 at 9:33 am

      I’d keep your cousin’s baby mama on my newsfeed just for sheer entertainment value.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 10:09 am

      Oh I do…I’m waiting for more babies and another broken engagement (fingers crossed)

  12. JenH1986

    May 20, 2014 at 9:35 am

    I went on a date once and a man said to me “Just so you know, I’m like, an alpha male” My response was “Um honey, if you have to tell me you’re an alpha…you aren’t an alpha.” I apply this to FB posts “I’m SOOO happy” You aren’t that happy if you’ve gotta scream it from the rooftops EVERY DAY. I give the once a year mushy posts or when something big happens a pass because they aren’t frequent. Other than that. I’m hiding the posts because then I just get irritated that adults are acting like high schoolers.

    • wispy

      May 20, 2014 at 10:00 am

      How did he even get the phrase “I’m like, an alpha male” out of his mouth without laughing his head off?

    • JenH1986

      May 20, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      I’m not sure because I know I lost it when he said that (I’m not good at dating for this reason. IDGAF if you say something dumb, I’m laughing).

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      I’m the same. I once had a boyfriend try to “introduce me to good music.” Everyone in my family is a professional musician. Like, I spent huge chunks of my life visiting my dad on tour. I lost it at that although I tried really hard to pretend that I had never heard Abbey Road before.

    • JenH1986

      May 20, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      There are people who haven’t heard Abbey Road before? Or he thought there were? What??

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 7:36 pm

      He was just…the most condescending jerkwad. I am so lucky that I didn’t date him longer than I did. Dunno why he thought I was music illiterate but he loved to be The Smart One. eyeroll.

  13. val97

    May 20, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Recently I realized that from my facebook posts, I look like I’m single with a boring office job and obsessed with my pets. Sorry kids and husband.

    • Andrea

      May 20, 2014 at 7:41 pm

      Not me…only because half my posts on Fb are bitching and 99% of the bitching posts are about the kids and/or husband. #blessed

  14. mikewatson021

    May 20, 2014 at 9:49 am

    whenever somebody can be very gushy, specially in regards to brand-new partnership, My spouse and i figure “this won’t final lengthy. inches Usage of the word “soulmate” is often a huge reddish colored banner.
    http://bit.ly/1lZ065B

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 9:56 am

      WTF?

    • Bethany Ramos

      May 20, 2014 at 9:57 am

      This spambot reminds me of Joey with the thesaurus on Friends. He scrambled the article: Huge red flag = huge reddish colored banner. LOL

    • SunnyD847

      May 20, 2014 at 10:00 am

      It’s like those poorly translated product instructions.

    • LiteBrite

      May 20, 2014 at 10:00 am

      Instead of “huge red flag” I’m going to say “huge reddish colored banner” from now on.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 10:02 am

      I’m absolutely dying. Spambot joey!

    • SA

      May 20, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      This has me laughing so hard!

    • wispy

      May 20, 2014 at 10:43 am

      lol! I love “specially”

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Oh Mike, you have such a way with words.

  15. Melissa

    May 20, 2014 at 9:52 am

    I have a friend from high school who I keep up with on facebook, and Every Single Day she posts something like this:

    Woke up to the smell of bacon, pancakes and coffee brewing… Now on my way to yoga (have to work off the yummy breakfast my hubby made). It’s going to be a great weekend!!
    (Bonus–this one is a humblebrag about working out AND what an awesome hubby she has!!!!)

    Or this one posted with a sunset on the beach photo:

    TBT… December ________- In Hawaii, the day ______ proposed, and I said yes. One of the HAPPIEST days of my life!!

    (Again–two brags for the price of one–look at my awesome Hawaiian vacay and oh yeah, by the way, my relationship is aMAZing!!!)

    She’s a sweet girl and actually not obnoxious in real life, but if I ever feel nauseous and feel the need to vomit for relief, I know whose fb page to look at.

    • Guest

      May 20, 2014 at 9:56 am

      I am copying and

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 9:57 am

      You know, every time someone says something about “the happiest day of my/our life/lives,” I think of The Wall, and that’s probably like the polar opposite of what I’m supposed to think about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZiUuXdk8LU

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 9:57 am

      Best humblebrag of all time is enclosed for your pleasure: “Surgery is done. Was the second hardest chest wall they have ever had to go through. Because I am in such good physical shape from all the years of gymnastics. Was very painful. I didn’t swear one time but there was yelling.”

    • Melissa

      May 20, 2014 at 9:59 am

      That just made my morning, so thank you! I am currently 9 months pregnant and I also just might have peed a little from laughing so hard, but it was worth it.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 10:05 am

      Haha! Glad someone else is enjoying it. Maybe it was post op meds or something. It just seems like the oddest thing to humble brag.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      OMG, dying laughing. My dopey husband once drunkenly told our friends at a concert that he could hold his pee for hours because he used to run marathons and “trained” himself to do that. So now we all call him Marathon Bladder.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      May 20, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Too funny! He is #sobrave.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      I hope you call him that all the time.

  16. Kendra

    May 20, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Here’s a recent tidbit from my classic FB offender:

    I like how when someone’s excited because they have something new or exciting news I’m suppose to be
    their for them but when I’m excited for something in my life those people are to busy and could care less!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:07 am

      It’s got everything–passive-aggression and grammar that makes my inner English teacher scream!

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 10:08 am

      Yep! Grammar, spelling, passive aggressive nonsense when you’ve realized that no one ACTUALLY cares about your life….since you post at least 5 times every day….it’s a real classic.

  17. TngldBlue

    May 20, 2014 at 10:12 am

    And now these same FB offenders are using that dumb Timehop app so we get to see all those barfy statuses for a second time. Yay.

  18. G.E. Phillips

    May 20, 2014 at 10:22 am

    I have an acquaintance who was posting every single detail of her fights with her husband, like on a daily basis, and it not only annoyed me in a general way, but it was also awkward because her husband worked for me at the time. I finally just got so over it that I posted a long Vaguebookish post–very similar in style to her posts–about howtasteless it is when people air their dirty laundry on Facebook and that if shit is that bad, get therapy or leave your husband. Yeah, it was kind of a punk move on my part, but amazingly, she must have read it, because that was the end of those posts from her. She’s now pregnant with their 4th baby. I’m hoping she names it after me.

    • Valerie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      You are the Dr. Phil of Facebook.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      I must be a monster. I enjoy reading these posts. In a schadenfreude sort of way. They make up for the girls who were bitches in high school who turned out to have good lives anyway.

  19. pixie

    May 20, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Bah, I have people that do this on Facebook.
    A friend of my boyfriend moved out west to Alberta last August, with his girlfriend of 2 months. Even before this, the girlfriend would post vomit-worthy status updates and pictures and tag him in them. It got worse when they moved away, though it has died down a little bit in the past while. This friend’s ex was guilty of doing the same. A lot of things like “look at this amazing, expensive present [name] got me! Best boyfriend ever!!!!” Or “so happy that I’m with the love of my life right now – with [name] – at [location]”

    Though I do get amused when the couple high school-aged people I have on Facebook (girls who I ride with), or people who still act like they’re in high school, start posting train-wreck drama statuses. The best was a guy I knew from my childhood who went to jail (no idea why) and when he got out, would alternate from sappy, vomit-inducing statuses to rage-filled “I’m done with women! They’re all heartbreakers!” (I can’t bring myself to do the horrid grammar and spelling right now, though). And usually, all the statuses were about the same woman.

    Did I mention he also got her name tattooed on him?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:47 am

      Sounds like he checked off all the boxes on the “Aw hellz no!” list.

    • pixie

      May 20, 2014 at 10:53 am

      I sort of wish I hadn’t us friended him because it was really amusing to watch the drama unfold. But in case I get a professional job any time in the future (once I’m done school), I figured I should probably get the known criminals and just generally shady people off my friends list. 😉

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 10:55 am

      True story! Though my profile isn’t listed publicly and isn’t searchable on web browsers, and if any prospective employer/reference does ask, I just lie and say I don’t have one. Who knows what might be held against you in the court of public opinion?

    • LiteBrite

      May 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

      Getting the actual name of your SO tattooed is usually a bad idea. Although my husband has my name in Japanese characters tattooed on him. But I figure that if I dump his ass he can lie and say the characters mean “loyalty” or some other bullshit.

      I always liked Johnny Depp’s answer to having “Winona Forever” tattooed on his arm. After they broke up he got the “na” removed so it said “Wino Forever.” Smart man.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 20, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      My ex’s grandparents, who were such awesome people that I regretted having to lose them in the breakup, had been married for so long that his grandfather figured he’d probably be okay if at 78 he went out and got his wife’s name tattooed on his arm. I did agree with him that it’s probably something you should wait fifty-plus years to do, however.

    • pixie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      Yeah, it didn’t really surprise me that he did it, but it is generally not the best idea to get someone’s name tattooed on you, especially if you’ve only been with said person for a short time, and doubly so when that relationship seems pretty rocky.

      And Johnny depp is just all around awesome.

    • Snarktopus

      May 20, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      My husband has toyed around with getting my name tattooed on him in binary or hex. It works well, since it would make a perfect square, according to him. I am bad at the numbers and computer languages.

    • joanne

      May 20, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      My 18 year old niece and her boyfriend are on FB and there are regular status updates about how “People don’t expect them to last but they’ll work it through” and “It’s a fight but they can do it” and something about how everyone’s out to get them and their love and then end every post with “two hearts one love.” It is so gag inducing and I can’t help but thank Al Gore for not inventing the internet when I was still in high school.

    • pixie

      May 20, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      That sounds just…ick.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      I mean, there’s a reason people don’t expect them to last….I know some people are happy with their high school sweethearts but most people break up after for a reason…

  20. pixie

    May 20, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Also, that horse picture made me laugh really hard.

  21. Zuri

    May 20, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Lollllllll this is hilarious

  22. Ashley Austrew

    May 20, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Hahaha! Yes. So much yes. I know someone who rants about every fight she has with her husband, and will literally write stuff like, “I’m married to the world’s biggest asshole,” and tag her husband in it. She is FB friends with his whole family and hers, and it’s so embarrassing to see. She also, whenever she’s mad at him, will post like extremely sexual memes and pictures and flirt with other dudes in the comments. Then, after it clears up, she’ll post photos of some flowers and be all like #worldsgreatesthusband #soinlove.

  23. Rachel Sea

    May 20, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I feel embarrassed when I see those posts, like I’ve accidentally walked in on people either fighting or fucking. Maybe it’s just me, but I would never air my and my wife’s laundry so publicly. Aside from the rare link or picture that I know would make her laugh, I don’t post anything about my marriage online, either good or bad.

  24. Fireinthefudgehole

    May 20, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Oh goddd. A girl I’m Facebook friends with tags her boyfriend in passive aggressive memes and posts all the time. They’re typically about him playing too many video games or not cleaning up after himself but more recently, it’s been about her suspecting that he’s cheating. EVERY FIGHT THEY HAVE IS PLAYED OUT IN FRONT OF ALMOST 500 PEOPLE.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      May 20, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      I’ll bring the popcorn, you keep us updated 😛

  25. AP

    May 20, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    I actually put a ban on commenting on my husband’s posts and asked him not to comment on mine. It kills the posting-vibe. If you write, “There’s a spider on my wall that looks like Aragog,” and your husband writes the first comment, no one else will comment. If he holds off for six hours, you get a ton of comments from other people.

    It’s strange, but I see him every day. I haven’t seen some of the friends I keep in touch with via Facebook for years. I’d rather hear from them.

    • Kendra

      May 20, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      True. My husband and I had this conversation once. He said “no one has liked my picture” and I said “aww…I’m sorry. Do you want me to like it so you’ll have one?” and he goes “No….that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    • SA

      May 20, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      Hahaha! If I see someone hasn’t liked my husband’s post I always give a courtesy ‘like’. I think it gets on his nerves. 🙂

  26. SA

    May 20, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    I’m at an age and Facebook has been around long enough that I have seen several couples get married, get divorced, and get remarried again. It is always funny to remember posts about “X is the best husband ever, I’m finally getting the treatment I deserve. So blessed” and then now, 2 years later, “X2 is the best husband ever, I’m finally getting treated as a woman should #blessed” Its like, dude, didn’t you just say that about the other guy?

  27. afinecupoftea

    May 20, 2014 at 9:08 pm

    It seems to me like like another good indication of a potentially bad relationship, is when someone tags their SO and is like “We may fight a lot and no, he’s not perfect, but NOBODY is! No one thinks we will make it, but we’re gonna prove them wrong!” #happyonemonthbabe #truelove

  28. Gangle

    May 21, 2014 at 1:42 am

    Ugh. I never post anything about my husband. Unless he says or does something completely hilarious that must be shared. I figure the people who count will realise he is a good chap and we still get along based on the fact that I still live with him and don’t make him sleep on the front lawn.

  29. Pingback: Steve Harvey Started A Dating Site For Women Who Like Stereotypes

  30. Pingback: Google

  31. best web hosting sites

    August 10, 2020 at 12:30 pm

    Excellent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you
    amend your web site, how could i subscribe
    for a blog site? The account helped me a acceptable
    deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

  32. adreamoftrains best web hosting

    August 11, 2020 at 10:03 pm

    I need to to thank you for this fantastic read!!
    I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it. I’ve got you book marked to look at new things you post… adreamoftrains web hosting
    company

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *