Childrearing

I’m Pretty Sure My Kid’s Teacher Hates Me

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parents dealing with teachers I think one of my daughter’s teachers really, really doesn’t like me. I know! Shocking, right, that someone doesn’t like me? I’m at an age, I think, where I don’t care whether adults hate me. Except, when you have this gut feeling that a teacher hates you, then you do actually care, because what if said teacher takes it out on your daughter, instead of just hating on you?

I’d love to think that teachers like every student, but if teachers are humans, and the ones I have met, indeed, are humans, then doesn’t it make sense that sometimes a teacher doesn’t like a parent, and may possibly “consciously uncouple” from your child and treat her like an ex she has to see every day? If it can take place in an office then why not a school?

Let me be frank. Grade five was not an easy year for my daughter. She has a main teacher who I really liked. I had to explain to my daughter, in the beginning, that yes, her teacher was tough, but she also had a really dry sense of humor. (Try explaining “dry sense of humor” to a ten-year-old.)

There were so many social problems in Grade Five that I am literally counting down the days until school ends. So, did my daughter’s teacher get a lot of e-mails from me this year? Yes, she did. All very short, polite, just explaining the situation.

Trust me, I had a couple friend who screamed bloody murder at the principle last year, because they were only aware, after the teacher called him and his wife, that his daughter was having social problems. That was two weeks before school ended, which is why my couple friend was so irate.

So, yes, I sent a number of e-mails. But then my daughter was on the swim team at school, and that’s when things went south, at least for my daughter’s teacher and me, because her daughter’s teacher also happened to be the swim coach.

I was the only parent in the bleachers during practices, until I was told I wasn’t allowed. Weird, because I really was the one and only person who actually wanted to watch the practices and there hadn’t been an issue before. My argument to the teacher was, “Well, there are girls playing basketball and baseball and those parents are allowed to watch.”

I finally got the go-ahead, after talking to the Head of Gym, or something, that I was allowed to watch the final ten minutes of practice. Trust me, no one noticed I was there. Not even my daughter. The swim coach/teacher might have. But I just wanted to support my daughter.

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498 Comments

  1. CMJ

    April 22, 2014 at 11:13 am

    So, maybe the teacher thinks she’s behind on her reading and homework because she’s disorganized? The teacher may very well think she’s behind on all these things because your daughter may be too disorganized to actually show where she stands in all of her assignments. I mean, they can’t read minds.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:34 am

      This is exactly what I was thinking. Just because she scored a 95% on a math test, doesn’t mean she was able to show her teacher any homework, and she might be on book number 6 of 9, but if she can’t show her assignments, the teacher has to assume she’s behind.
      And even having homework completed doesn’t mean it can be found in the morning to show the teacher.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      If I had a penny for every kid who has a “completely finished” assignment done just sitting somewhere (home, locker, whatever) that they weren’t able to show me, I would already be so rich I could retire.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      I believe it.
      And you’d probably be even richer if you had a penny for every “computer/printer problem” 😉
      (Having had actual technological difficulties arise at the last minute before, I know it DOES happen unexpectedly at times, but I’d like to think you can usually tell when the student actually had a computer or printer problem or is just using an excuse, since I’d think the ones who actually had a problem tend to seem more panicked than those using an excuse)

    • Aimee Ogden

      April 22, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. When I taught, I had some kids who couldn’t get their homework in on time to save their lives, but they would do well on the tests – which is great, but I still need your research paper on my desk, with all the pages present, before the last day of the semester.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      The kid is behind because Eckler pulls her out of class all the time to go on vacation. Not historically significant trips, like Europe, but repeated trips to Miami and Arizona so that Eckler can sit by the pool and work on her tan.

      Also, if your kid missed the deadline, she missed the deadline. Her excuse was not exactly compelling.

      Maybe the other kid had a grandparent die and was therefore granted an extension. Maybe they had a legitimate reason for being late. That is up to the teacher. Stop complaining and teach your kid better time management skills.

      Guaranteed the teacher reads Mommyish.
      And yes, she does not like you.

    • Kaili

      April 23, 2014 at 3:08 am

      Didn’t she do an article on how disorganised her kids were? So it’s not like this is news to her.

  2. SunnyD847

    April 22, 2014 at 11:15 am

    If I don’t like a child, I’m more likely to not like the parents because I figure they’re the ones responsible for creating the little monster. I have had wonderful kids in my classroom and my GS troops whose parents I did not particularly care for. It didn’t change my attitude toward the kids. Usually, I get to know the kids pretty well before I have much contact with the parents, so my feelings are pretty set. I think it’s weird they wouldn’t let you watch practice. With all the coaching abuse scandals, you think they’d make an effort to be as open as possible to observers.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:37 am

      With the coaching thing, she’s in Canada, where we have less coaching abuse scandals that are highly publicized, so while it’s something that I’m sure is worried about, it’s not entirely at the forefront of everyone’s minds. It might have something to do with wanting to be fair to all the students, since some probably have parents who can never come out to watch practice and don’t want those students to feel left out or whatever.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:40 am

      I think it’s also a distraction sometimes. I know when my daughter went through baseball try-outs recently they would not let the parents watch at all. I was a little surprised but I can see why they do that.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:42 am

      Yes, that too. Having taught kids in martial arts for a number of years where parents sometimes watch, kids sometimes will spend more time looking over at their parents than what they’re being taught. Some kids are great, but most do a lot better when their parents just drop them off and leave for the hour.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:43 am

      Yup. I stopped watching Claire’s swim lessons after a little while- the YMCA has so many lifeguards, I was not worried. She was more concerned with waving and smiling at me than learning about rotary breathing. 🙂 It was best for me to not be there and I was not the only parent that ended up doing that.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:46 am

      My parents ditched me at swimming and martial arts when I was a kid for that same reason! 😛

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:48 am

      We got ditched at piano lessons, but my mom would stick around for gymnastics. Truthfully though, I would have done better if she weren’t there.

    • bl

      April 22, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Yes. I’m amazed by the level of observing parents like to do now. I noticed the difference between my childhood and my brothers, who was born many years after me. Parents stay everywhere they can now–birthday parties, play dates (weird for school age children IMO), extracurriculars, etc. It’s a wonder they don’t start attending school every day. I get that parents are worried or just into being present, but a little independence, exposure to authority figures who are not mom and dad, and earning recognition from people other than parents goes a long way to me.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      I absolutely agree. Unless it is specified that we stay, I usually attempt to leave my kids at birthday parties. Exceptions being the super busy bouncy houses in the middle of the mall where I am a tad afraid of my 4-year old running off and no one noticing. If its at someone’s house or somewhere contained? I’m out. Free babysitting. 🙂

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      There was this one week where my mom had to come in for recesses while my youngest brother was in kindergarten, because one of my cousins (who didn’t really have a handle on “tact” yet) told him that a tree was going to fall over and land on his head (we were having really strong windstorms and a couple of trees did fall over, but we’d play inside on those days), and he’d freak the ever-loving fuck right out whenever they’d kick him outside for recess, since he was legit convinced that he was going to die.

      And as to why the school didn’t just use the obvious answer of, “Why the hell don’t they just let him stay inside in the first place?” it’s because the school for some reason hated it when kids were inside the building during recess. They’d allow kids to leave the school and go around the block to pick up a stray ball, but the whole world would come to a sudden end if the kid spent all of a freezing cold recess in the bathrooms.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      I coached u14 girls in softball. I was 18 (played in college so it made sense at the time) and parents would scream and curse at me at games. I was so glad the city had a no parents at practice rule.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Oh jeez. I’m very glad I’ve never had a parent scream or curse at me. The parents at our martial arts place are generally really respectful to the instructors and helpers, but they can be really hard on their kids sometimes (especially at tournaments).

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      I am not a passive person but I was still a kid and so shocked I didn’t know what to do! My mom actually stepped in a few times to remind them it was totally inappropriate.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 11:43 am

      When I’ve done musicals with young children (NEVER AGAIN) the parents are not allowed at rehearsal. The kids are usually assigned a buddy but the reason parents aren’t allowed is they usually behave worst than the children.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:48 am

      I could definitely see that!!! I got a big part in a show one year and it was down to me and another girl who had transferred to our high school specifically to be in our music program. When she didn’t get the part her parents LOST THEIR MINDS and came in person to freak out on our theatre director for wasting their time with the transfer and their Speshul Snoflach not getting the part after all. It was crazy. They would not even speak to me after the performances when we would have cast parties- yes, blame a freaking 16 year old who nothing to do with the director’s decision. Classy.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:49 am

      How dare you!!!!!!!!!!! You talented whore!!!!

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:50 am

      LOL. I know, right? I know my parents would have been very sad for me had I not gotten it because I was in the school all along and had worked my way up to leading roles and for someone to come in and take it would have been a bummer but they NEVER would have come to the school to yell at the teacher. What does that accomplish other than making them look like lunatics?

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      That happened at my high school too! The girl who played Wendy in Peter Pan as a junior was an obvious pick for Anita in west side story as a senior, till a girl from the alternative high school waltzed in out of no where and got it. Wendy girl quit the play, which I thought was poor form.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      Agreed. Playing the part you have is better than playing no part at all!

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      Stage moms. You know what my mom said when I didn’t get a part? Well, there’s always someone more talented than you. You’re amazing but you’re just not right for it….

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      My friend growing up got the part of Brigitta (sp) in the sound of music. She made us all start calling her that by name. I won’t lie that I wished she’d never gotten it a few times….

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Theatre people are truly the worst. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t major in musical theatre (that and my mom told me she wasn’t paying $40,000 a year for me to have a musical theatre degree)

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      And wait on tables to pay back your loans.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      Totally could see MomJones being that sensible. 🙂 My parents had an amazing attitude about this kind of thing too and were always beyond supportive and proud of me but never meddled. Looking back, this may have even helped me get parts! My director in high school loved my mom and dad- probably because they were laidback but supportive.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Yeah, there are so many parents who yell and scream during the games at the refs or the coaches or even the kids! I can see why they wouldn’t want them to be at practice too.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Yes, I was amazed the past two seasons of t-ball how torqued up some parents would get during the games. I mean, the 1st baseman would be picking his nose and a few outfielders would be picking flowers…how could anyone get THAT worked up over the direction the game is going? 😉

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:47 am

      I don’t get those parents either. It is supposed to be FUN and the kids are supposed to learn about things like teamwork and good sportsmanship. Way to go parents, overriding those little lessons.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 11:54 am

      There was a coach on one of the other teams who full-on tormented his own son when he was up to bat. The kids would always bat off the tee for the first inning and then do coach pitch the rest of the game. His son had trouble getting a hit (keep in mind, the kid was 4 or 5 years old) and the coach/dad starts going “GREAT! The coach’s son and you’ll be the ONLY ONE who can’t hit off a pitch!” I was literally stunned. I have kept my eye out for that asshole ever since because if he is ever our coach I will be making a stink. He is a complete buttwipe.

    • SunnyD847

      April 22, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      I’m not saying it’s something to be worried about in this case, just that I’m surprised the school doesn’t want at least an appearance of openness. Saying parents aren’t allowed sets off warning bells even if the parents never intended to stay.

    • Véronique Houde

      April 22, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      When I coached a swim team, parents weren’t allowed inside. It was a more peaceful environment for us and the kids without the parents there to judge, criticize, try to coach themselves or scream out annoying encouragements…

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I sometimes wish parents had to keep their mouths closed at martial arts tournaments instead of shouting random things to their kids as the kids are fighting. Some of them actually are involved in the martial art, which is fine and I have no problem with them, but there’s others who just scream “choke him out!” or other similar things. I always just shake my head and think “your kid is five, why are you telling them to choke out another five year old?” And then there’s the parents who are overly hard on the kids and after the fight, win or lose, berate their kid for not listening to their coaching. When you’re in the ring, you can’t really hear any distinct words, just yelling from all around you.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      It probably has more to do with the fact that these girls are in their bathing suit. Most of us might not care so much about a mother who comes to every practice to watch….but what about a dad (or step-dad)? Are we really going to be okay with a guy who likes to watch ten year old girls in their bathing suit every day? What if it makes the girls uncomfortable?

      Easier for the school to just say “no spectators” than to say moms are allowed but not dads.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      I did, in all honesty, think that, but was trying to avoid bringing that up. I don’t think it’s really fair to jump to the conclusion that a male parent/guardian is automatically a creep because he’s watching his female child’s swim practice, but unfortunately that’s the way society is right now. (and not saying you’re saying he’s automatically a creep, either)

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      Agreed. It could just be a dad who is really into the sport of swimming. But guaranteed that a lot of parents would be uncomfortable and highly suspect if they found out one of the dads was at every single practice.

      Oh – and Rebecca – it doesn’t count as being “supportive” of your daughter if you sit in the bleachers and browse your phone the entire time.

    • AP

      April 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      I was going to say that. I’ve worked swim programs that had strict rules about who could be on deck, and usually, it was because there was a known issue with sex offenders at that particular facility, or it was stipulated in the terms of their program license. (I’ve been present for both, “lock up to keep the known pedos out” or “lock up because otherwise we’ll lose our license.”)

      Some programs also lock out parents because the average parent in that program is obnoxious, intrusive, and disruptive to class. (FWIW, I would not sign a kid up for a program that locked parents out without a very good reason. What are they hiding?)

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      I’m sure in this case, it has more to do with the fact that Rebecca is well-known for bashing teachers (and well, everyone) online. Obviously the coach would not want her present, scrutinizing her every decision.

      And I will bet you a Rainbow Loom that Eckler is just playing on her phone the entire practice anyway. This is a woman who admitted to walking out on a school Christmas concert as soon as her child was finished performing. Classy.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      You know I had never thought of that. but that’s a really good point. There would be a huge stink if they said that…And if there are boys on a swim team or boys swim team practice. That makes a lot of sense too. Not just crazy pushy parents.

    • Aimee Ogden

      April 22, 2014 at 11:39 am

      How the parents treated me didn’t affect how I felt about kids, but often there was a correlation between how a kid treated me in school and how parents would treat me on a phone call or at a conference. “So, Johnny called me a bitch today, and–” “Well, what did you DO to make him so angry?” “I … asked him for his homework.” “Did you do it with an ATTITUDE?” What.

      On the other hand, for students who didn’t act like tiny tyrants, an overbearing or rude parent was more likely to make me empathize with the kid than anything else. I had one poor guy whose mom would sometimes literally call within fifteen minutes of me updating the electronic gradebook (which she could check at home) and ask how he could make up any points he’d missed (even if he got, like, a 96% on a test) and would get angry if there wasn’t any extra credit to be done. If the phone rang during class (which happened periodically) that kid and I would just share a tired glance across the room and shrug. OH MOM. It’s not his fault she’s rude.

    • SunnyD847

      April 22, 2014 at 11:55 am

      OMG. That totally reminds me of a time I was telling a parent why his kid had been suspended -for calling me a bitch – and he said “well, I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve been called that.” Nice. Wonder where your kid gets it from.

    • Aimee Ogden

      April 22, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      Yeah, sometimes the rotten apples are least likely to fall far from the tree, unfortunately.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      Holy smokes!! Whatever teachers are paid- it’s not enough.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      My kindergarten teacher friend was punched and kicked in the stomach while pregnant. The staff insisted she go to the hospital just in case. The parent was called and the mom’s response was: She shouldn’t have been so close to his hands and feet when he was kicking. The principal couldn’t do more than suspend the boy (which mom appealed) when he really wanted him kicked out because he’s not always going to be a little kid.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Dear God. My cousin is a kindergarten teacher too and she’s told me some stories that truly shocked me. As a (relatively) normal parent, sometimes I cannot get over what other parents will subject a teacher to. I go out of my way to treat my kids teachers very well.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      They have your kids for hours a day! That makes sense. My friend loves teaching. But this really scared her. The school was really great. I think the kid did eventually end up being kicked out because he attacked another kid and hurt him pretty badly.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      Exactly. My husband would call being rude to our kid’s teaching shitting where we eat. Lol. It has not been an issue so far anyway- our kids have had all great teachers, we are really lucky.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      That is an excellent analogy! lol

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      “The parent was called and the mom’s response was: She shouldn’t have been so close to his hands and feet when he was kicking.”

      For fuck’s sake, is that woman for real?! Yeah, ’cause kids just get into indirected, random kicking and punching fits for no malicious reason whatsofuckingever! It’s just a thing that happens! They can’t control it! And when the boy grows up and punches his wife, well, she shouldn’t have stood too close to his fist!

      What a bitch.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 22, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Kindergarten parents are the worst. I think it’s because they haven’t been forced to confront their kids’ lack of brilliance yet, so their dreams haven’t died. No, I can’t teach your kid to read in a second language in two weeks, especially since she’s never set foot in a classroom before this.

    • Alicia Kiner

      April 23, 2014 at 10:00 am

      This happened the year my daughter was in kindergarten as well. The kid responsible ended up bullying her and threatening to kill her by choking her to death in first grade. The school wouldn’t suspend him. Her teacher separated them, and did what she could. She told me there was nothing else she could do about the situation because this violent little boy had a right to an education. All that could be done at that point was that I could request that my daughter be moved to another first grade classroom, but there was no guarantee they’d move her. Her teacher did make sure this boy was not in her class this year, and my daughter has had no contact with him other than at the end of the day waiting to be picked up. And I make sure she’s not waiting long.

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 10:41 am

      It’s crazy to me that the school can’t do anything until someone is injured. This kid finally got kicked out after he beat up another kid (after multiple events). Now some other school has him and the mother is just feeding into this nonsense. Unfortunately (or fortunately) that kid is going to end up locked up. Hopefully before he truly hurts someone.

    • Alicia Kiner

      April 23, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I totally understand that and agree with every child having the right to an education. That doesn’t mean that every child has the right to a public school education, regardless of their behavior. School should be a safe environment for ALL children AND teachers. If there is a child that is physically hurting anyone else, they should be suspended, period. If it continues, that child should be expelled. I don’t care how old they are, or what mental/behavioral disabilities they have. If there are disabilities involved, come up with a better option where EVERYONE is safe, because obviously, public school isn’t the right option.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Yeah, my mom’s crazy, so I’m the last person to not like a kid because of the parent. It’s probably because she’s ACTING like you that the teacher doesn’t like either of you.

    • Sri

      April 22, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      I usually feel the same way. When a kid is a terror and the parents let it happen, I tend to dislike them as a pair. Example: student A tells various teachers to “Go away. Just leave. I hope your kid gets sick so you’re out!” When contacted, parent A asks us what we did to set him off, because he’s never like that at home! (really? I doubt it.)

      However, when a parent (or group of parents or guardians) is a terror, I feel sympathy for the kid, rather than disliking them because I dislike their parent(s). Example: Student B is bright but EXTREMELY disorganized. They recognize this and attempt to improve- makes appointments to organize, asks for sheets to be posted online in case they lose them, asks if they can submit papers through email or dropbox because they tend to lose printed papers. Their parents, though, oh, boy. The mom constantly threatens teachers, reminds us that her child could get into any private school even without a letter of recommendation, that her child probably has a higher IQ than every teacher in the building, etc. I can’t frigging stand the mom, but the student is one of my favorites.

      It makes sense, though- parents have a huge impact on their children and the behavior of their children, but children don’t really have the power to fix their parents’ shitty attitudes. I can’t blame a kid for their shitty parent, but I can blame shitty parents for their shitty kids.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      If I had to deal with that mother, it would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do not to call her out on it. “Yeah? Your kid’s so smart? Then enroll her in private school, then! You’ve seem to got this whole thing figured out! I’m sure they’d love to have you! Now quit wasting my time! Go! Get started! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!”

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      I feel for that kid. Is it wrong to introduce a child to chemically induced relaxation?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 11:16 pm

      Yes, I always feel for the kids with the obnoxious parents; the nicer the kid is the more I feel bad for them.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 22, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Oddly enough, my hands-down most terrible student (in behavior – he’s actually pretty competent when he bothers to do the work) has the nicest parents ever. I can’t explain it. Then again, some of my nice students have been raised by monsters.

  3. Butt Trophy Recipient

    April 22, 2014 at 11:23 am

    I bet you the teacher reads Mommyish.com

  4. janey

    April 22, 2014 at 11:30 am

    Is this from The Onion? It’s not a real article, right?

  5. Mystik Spiral

    April 22, 2014 at 11:41 am

    You pull your kid out of school frequently to go on extravagant vacations, you hover over sports practices, and you trust your daughter is telling the whole truth in regard to assignment extensions, homework, etc, regardless of what the teacher might say. You can’t be surprised that the teacher doesn’t care for you. I’m sure she’s counting down the days until the end of the year at least as much as you are.

    • SunnyD847

      April 22, 2014 at 11:52 am

      It doesn’t say why she misses school. I wondered about that. If the kid is sick it’s one thing, but if you take her out all the time for your own convenience and then expect the teacher to re-teach everything she missed and make packets of missed work for her, that’s another story. That’s a lot of extra work for the teacher.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:52 am

      Yeah, I think more explanation was needed in that part.

    • Sara610

      April 22, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Eckler has written a couple of different columns about taking her daughter out of school for vacations. Not educational, once-in-a-lifetime trips that would have their own irreplaceable learning value, but simply vacations.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Why doesn’t someone take me on vacation? 🙁

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Eve, let’s go. But right now, we are renovating shit in our house so I can only afford like, a trip to see the world’s biggest ball of yarn.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      yeah my kitchen is done and now the bathroom ugh .. I hate home renovations so so so much, UGH

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      Totes. And my husband is super handy and does a lot of it himself but he gets soooo grumpy and douchey when he hits a snag. I swear I get the shakes when he’s about to start a new project.

    • Rebecca R

      April 22, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      Yes, my husband is the worst when it comes to projects. Everything turns out great in the end, but any unexpected issues and he loses. his. shit.

    • Véronique Houde

      April 22, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      I’m 7 months pregnant and renovating. Does that win me a medal of some sort? I just finished renovating my condo, rented it out (woohoo!!!) and now have to move into my house and finish the renovations there. I think I deserve a week on a beach in the Dominican Republic for that. Wanna come with?

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      Ooooo yeah!! Mommyish week in the DR.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      And yes, you get all the medals. My husband just did our floor in the kitchen and that meant living with all of our kitchen stuff in the living room for almost 2 weeks. It was like being a family of 4 in a freaking studio apartment. Had I been pregnant and stumbling on everything I probably would have murdered him.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      April 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      Let’s all go see some balls with Valerie!

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Yes, a nation-wide tour of our country’s most note-worthy balls!

    • Jessica

      April 22, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      My hometown is fairly close to the largest windchime… It’s somewhere on the way from my parents house to my sisters house. I know because my mom picked a route specifically so we could stop & see the wonder…

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Lets’ start a Mommyish-Readers+Staff vacation fund. We all need a group trip to the Bahamas. Or maybe the Amazon. Or maybe Arizona (can we schedule it for the monsoon season?)

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      No Amazon. Too many bugs the size of mammals.

    • Tea

      April 22, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      That’s exactly why I want to go there.

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Then you need to walk next to me THE ENTIRE TIME and keep them away from me.

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      that’s why I want to go…..and the anacondas. and the turtles. Az has rattlers and gilas (and patchnose snakes!)

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Specifically, Miami and Arizona. Over and over again. Not exactly an educational trip.

      Eckler fails to realize that this does result in extra work/stress for the teacher, who is then required to provide special homework ahead of time and then follow-up when the kid returns from vacation.

    • Tis2

      April 22, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Yup, it’s a whole lot of work for the teacher. But more importantly, she’s putting her kid’s education at risk. Seriously! It really shouldn’t be about the work of the teacher, because it’s just a whole lotta work to be a teacher, and we know that going in. I just don’t understand when people don’t realize how it all adds up and it affects your kid’s success. Over the course of a year, lots of kids will miss a combined MONTH of school. ?!?!?!?!?

    • noodlestein

      April 22, 2014 at 11:58 am

      For me, I would want to know if this kid is going to private school. I assume so, from the things that I’ve read by this contributor before. Now, if she is at a private school, I’d expect a little more latitude from the teachers, just because I was paying for my child to attend. I would also expect that in a private school environment that teachers would be more prepared for situation like a child vacationing frequntly, solely because of the tax bracket these children fall into. It would be a lot more commonplace, you know? I’m not saying the teacher isn’t justifyably annoyed due to everything that you’ve mentioned, but frequent vacations alone in a private school environment? To my mind, that comes with the territory.

  6. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 11:54 am

    We’re rarely good judges of our own “politeness.”

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:57 am

      That is soooooooooo true. I will read emails aloud to my co-workers to make sure I’m not coming off as a raging bitch. Emails are bad especially because you can’t hear the tone of voice.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 11:58 am

      I do this ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, when someone sends me a jerky email I step away and go get a coffee or something…and then I come back and respond and send it to like two people first.

      I don’t think people understand that you CAN tell a tone through email.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Oh man I KNOW you can

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      I agree that you can, but I think a lot of it is going to be more on how the person perceives you, as to how they are reading it. If I like you, and you say something I think might be a little bitchy, I will be like “oh, she’s having a bad day” or “she probably didn’t mean it to sound that way”. If I don’t like you, my response will be “OH NO SHE DIDN’T THAT FUCKING BITCH” and so on and so on.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      Oh yeah, I have people who hate me because I ask them for documentation to back up their reimbursement requests.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      There was a girl I used to work with who HATED me so hard. If I sent her an email that said “Thanks, you did a great job with that project!” She would’ve taken it to the boss and complained. Nothing I said to her was every going to be perceived as “nice”, even when I genuinely meant it nicely.

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      I had a coworker like that too! I’m a awful person, but it got so frustrating for me that I started doing bad things since if she was going to hate me anyway, I might as well enjoy myself.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      Oh hell yes. I was purposefully only passive-agressive bitchy so that she would know I was being a bitch, but I could play innocent to the boss whenever she griped. #noregrets.

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      I knew she was self conscious about her legs, and I was close with her crush ( which may have been the real reason she hated me) so I got him to tell her that he liked how dresses look and loved seeing her squirm and tug her skirts down every day after that. #sorrynotsorry

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      you’re an evil genius!

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      ::blushes::

    • Valerie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      I have several bitchy emails in my draft box. Glad I had the sense not to send them.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Damn tone.

    • jendra_berri

      April 22, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      I’ve sent emails to my best friend to pre-read for me when writing something that needed me to be civil under duress. Invaluable!

  7. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 11:58 am

    It’s important to believe your child blindly about something like abuse or molestation: report, halt access, and let the police investigate. But if you believe your kid every time they start a story with “I was just sitting there minding my own business,” or “I didn’t do what the teacher says I did,” that’s not good parenting. Teachers really do have better things to do than frame a kid who’s doing what she’s supposed to do. It’s not your job to take your kid’s side when she’s wrong, but to help her by holding her accountable.

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      so…I should investigate first, feed to alligators later? OK, I’ll remember that

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      Unless the alligators are hungry, then feed them first. 😉

    • keelhaulrose

      April 22, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      My daughter has told me that her teacher told her she didn’t need to clean her room.
      Either she’s a bullshit artist, or this is a horrible teacher, and considering this man is a damn legend around here I’m pretty sure it’s the former.
      You can’t believe everything out of your kids mouths in regards to their teachers.

    • Aldonza

      April 22, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      I recently had a student who told her mother I regularly cursed out the class. Mother came at me very aggressively and I kindly invited her as well as my boss (who the Mom complained to) to talk to every other kid in the class and ask them if any of that had ever happened. Shockingly, it was discovered the kid was not telling the truth. Mom is still making excuses for her.

    • 1Hell

      May 24, 2014 at 10:55 pm

      I had a 6th grade teacher who cursed at us in French. We knew she was fluent and the school didn’t offer French classes, so none of the students knew the language. We already suspected because there was a reason she was screaming at us without us being able to understand. Later we looked up what she was saying. Wow.

    • JJ

      April 22, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      Seriously this! Kids especially teens have a tendency to exaggerate things and make them a bigger deal then they are or outright lie. When we, my siblings and I, were kids and came home to report something that happened at school (that wasn’t anything serious obviously like abuse) like the teacher taking away a toy because we were playing with it in class my parents would listen and then stop us and go, “wait now did the teacher really yell at you and grab it? Did she really say it like that or did you mishear them?”. Kids lie and exaggerate people so you have to be like a detective, unbiased and hearing both sides of the story before you just run down the scene of the crime (or school in these cases) and start a ruckus accusing the school teacher of being horrible.

  8. Sara610

    April 22, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Oh, Eckler. *facepalm*
    Speaking as an educator, it doesn’t sound like the teacher “hates” you, it sounds like you’re 1) expecting special treatment and 2) not teaching your daughter to value education the way it should be valued–and the teacher is picking up on that.

    If the swim team doesn’t allow parents in practices, frankly, it doesn’t matter what the basketball or football or underwater-basket-weaving team does. Going above the coach’s head to complain to the athletic head because you want to be able to watch the practices when no one else is allowed to is obnoxious.

    Your daughter absolutely can be behind on her homework and still get a 95% on a math test. Homework completion and subject-matter proficiency are two different issues–and they both measure equally important skills.

    And I just can’t even with the cutesy (vomit) “No more school, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks” thing. First of all, I hope you’re not teaching her that reading and books are something that only belong in school. Some of my best childhood memories–and something that I still love to do–are of spending hours in the library, picking out books that I wanted to read and then losing myself in them.

    And “no more teachers’ dirty looks”?! I get that it was probably a joke and you were venting your frustration, but what are you, five?

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 11:59 am

      I need to know where this underwater-basket-weaving is going on.

    • noodlestein

      April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      I thought Division 1 colleges. Isn’t that what football players major in?

    • Armchair Observer

      April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      That really happened at my mother’s alma mater (USF in Tampa) in the late70s/early 80s. The printing goofed up the student bulletin and had a course labeled Scuba Basketry. Apparently, it was booked solid…and everyone was sadly disappointed when it turned out to be just plain old basketweaving.

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      Interesting. I would’ve thought that late 70’s/early 80’s would have been prime time for macramé.

    • Armchair Observer

      April 22, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Oooh, macrame in college would have been so relaxing…:-)

    • Williwaw

      April 23, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      I want to take Scuba Basketry soooo much! Also, Scuba Beekeeping.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 11:59 am

      I’ve got an eleven year old who is a certified genus, always in the gifted programs, and score amazing on tests. gets pretty much straight C and D grades because he refuses to do homework unless I sit on him.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      Pics.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      Many gifted kids do this. Just-above-average students do best, because they’re smart enough to get it, but not so smart that they don’t have to study or pay attention.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      well, also, he is a punkass, so there’s that

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      I almost just spit out my drink everywhere.

    • Sara610

      April 22, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      YES. This was me. It used to drive my parents up the wall because I would ace the English and history tests (because I had a lot of aptitude for those particular subjects) but still get Ds because I was too disorganized and irresponsible to hand in my homework on time.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      ALSO! I have a 17 year old, A+’s in Japanese for the last three years… C and B grades in English. WHY WHY WHY

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      conjunctions are HARD.

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      The English language is stupid.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      hee hee.

    • Spiderpigmom

      April 22, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      Nah, but it’s often quite baffling (from a non-native English speaker)

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      I never realized how baffling it is until my oldest son started reading. How do you explain the different verb conjugations, different pronunciations for words spelled the same or similar…all of that crap? I still have no idea…baffling is a very kind description of my native tongue.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      I refer to English as the bastardization of many languages. Don’t have a word? Just steal one from another language. Or if you’re Shakespeare, invent one.

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      So accurate.

    • Shea

      April 23, 2014 at 10:01 am

      I had a linguistics prof in college who described the English language thus: “Most languages borrow a few words or phrases from other languages. English accosts other languages in dark alleys, whacks them over the head and digs through their pockets for spare adverbs.”

    • pixie

      April 23, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Hahahaha. That’s probably the best description I’ve ever seen!

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      It sure is confusing! Yesterday I confused my 3 year old with the difference between “closed” (school is closed for Easter Monday) and “close” (we’re getting close to the park). He thought the park was closed too.

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 6:22 pm

      Like trying to explain to kids why the past tense of bring isn’t brung, the plural of mouse is not mouses, or the guessing game that is “is it i before e?”. Haha. And don’t even get me started on why “gh” sounds like a damn “f”!!!

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      Oh man, there is a really great Gallagher comedy sketch about this. Yes, Gallagher.

      Oh….and George Carlin. (Phew, not just Gallagher.)

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      Yup. You’re describing the hell that is homework at our house right now.

    • EX

      April 22, 2014 at 10:30 pm

      Or how I confused my poor almost 3 year old who kept proudly saying “Mommy did you see that?” by saying “yes, I saw that.” Which she apparently took as a correction and started saying “Mommy did you saw that?”

    • Williwaw

      April 23, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      Ghoti!

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      bahaha! I’m not a math/science person, and I always got better grades in there, because I felt I was learning something I didn’t already know. English was ridiculous and I spaced out…

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      In all fairness, they were discussing The Road Not Taken in class and his teacher seriously argued with him because he said it was about life and choices and not the fact the um other road was overgrown with weeds .. we srsly face palmed over that one , but then finally his teacher said she never thought of it that way. OY.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      momjones is appalled.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      I could write a book about bad choices in this class. You should see their terrible YA reading list

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      “You should see their terrible YA reading list”

      YES. YES, WE SHOULD.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      It’s a whole mess of contemporary stuff, like DIVERGENT. I was all um aren’t you guys gonna read Lord of the flies or maybe some Hesse and nooooope

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      What? Seriously, what?!

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      I know the teachers here (working at a bookstore part time) will assign stuff like that in between really content heavy books. And to get kids to want to read.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      oh sure, but this is basically all it is, except the canterbury tales and fuck that

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      So a bunch of YA and Canterbury tales? What the actual fuck?

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      I would be…not happy. Some of the classics were (and still are) my favorites.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      NOOOooo! In an Honors Class? Between me and CMJ (who of course had to read the stuff for my class), we could give him a killer list for “light” summer reading 🙂

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      It’s so much more important to get kids in the habit of reading for pleasure. My husband doesn’t really read books and that’s partially because too much John Irving in high school.

      And so many classics were consider popular and “frivolous” back in the day. Who knows – Hunger Games maybe regarded as the same caliber as “Pride and Prejudice” in a hundred years (although I doubt it).

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      I think you just gave momjones a heart attack 🙂

    • Rachel Sea

      April 22, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      I don’t think kids’ distaste for reading at that age is as much about the choice of books as it is the way the curriculum demands that they vivisect it. If they were just allowed to enjoy the books without having to take and argue a position on what the author was trying to say when they chose blue curtains for the protagonist’s bedroom then reading would seem like much less work

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Yeah, I can get behind that. My grandpa always said that was the fastest way to ruin a good book.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      That was one of the reasons why I disliked certain books in high school. The over-analysing of every little detail (what did the ducks mean? What did it mean when he wore this type of hat? etc) instead of overall themes. I do understand that sometimes there’s meaning in the small details, but sometimes, a duck is just a duck and has no outside meaning other than there happens to be a duck pond in the park the main character walks through.
      The teachers who got me to enjoy certain books spent far less time agonizing over the tiny little details.

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Shakespeare was ruined for me in high-school due to over-analysis.

    • VoteGilligan

      April 22, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      The DUCKS! I had a ridiculous argument in AP Language about the damn ducks in A Catcher in the Rye.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      LOL that’s actually exactly what I was referencing when I said that. 😉
      Seriously, we got a handout with a bunch of things to “find the meaning of” for that book, and one of them was the ducks. I think another thing was a hat someone was wearing, too.

    • CMJ

      April 23, 2014 at 10:40 am

      But the turtle is not just a turtle!!!!

      🙂

    • pixie

      April 23, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Curse that turtle! 😛

    • SarahJesness

      April 22, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      Hunger Games does have cultural significance, so it might be remembered as something. At least, something more than just shallow entertainment. Who knows? But I hear Divergent is crap.

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      I haven’t read Divergent yet. It’s sitting in my laundry room – I am not a huge YA reader. Although I enjoyed the Hunger Games – especially the first one.

    • Laura Mitchell

      April 23, 2014 at 2:11 am

      I’m a firm believer that it’s not *what* you read, only *that* you read.

      My mom always says she doesn’t know where I got my stellar vocab from. I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s from all the trashy romance novels I started reading in 7th grade! I read other stuff too, but after reading the LOTR trilogy straight through, you’re damn right I needed some “The Pirate Takes a Wife” bodice-ripper dreck!

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      I love Canterbury Tales. The Miller’s Tale is one of my all time favorite raunchy reads, and I honestly could not believe it was assigned reading my senior year. 😉 #EnglishNerd #FormerEnglishMajor

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      I was wondering where you were today, Kay_Sue.

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 4:40 pm

      Blah. Getting frustrated and having no one to kick for it. The VA has been dicking around the past three days, while my husband was waiting for an appointment (much more patiently than me). So today it was either scream irrationally at people or clean the house very very well and work out my frustrations that way.

      Now I am regretting it, because I would have loved to be on this thread at its most active. 😉

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      Ugh, the VA…..I feel ya.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      I mean, Brave New World is perfect.

      I also love discussion the correlation between the Malthusian Belts and Malthusian Theory.

      Maybe that’s just me….

      (and this is coming from someone who exclusively reads YA in their spare time)

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      nerd alert! (jk, nerds rock)

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      I’ve been meaning to read Brave New World for quite some time. Still working on The Lord of the Rings right now, though and don’t want to start another book when I’m only about halfway through LOTR.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      It’s one of my favorites and its a fairly quick read.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      My boyfriend got to read it in high school, and I’m kind of bummed that I didn’t. I got To Kill a Mockingbird (loved), Catcher in the Rye (disliked), the Crucible (disliked), Frankenstein (disliked), The Scarlet Letter (meh), and Heart of Darkness (loved). The books I disliked probably had something to do with the way the teachers taught them, though, because I read The Scarlet Letter twice and the teacher I had for the second time taught it differently and in a way I liked a lot better.

      I also read Animal Farm and 1984 for fun. Yay for dystopian novels!

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Ask momjones about The Scarlett Letter. Even if you disliked it after she goes on about it, you’ll want to read it again.

      And…Heart of Darkness is my favorite book. True story.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      True story: I feel a little bit superior to others when I get references of “The horror, the horror!” and they don’t. #humblebrag

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      “Mistah Kurtz. He dead.”

      God, it’s so good. Honestly, I would read it again if I didn’t need to give my brain a break from the Federal Regulations I read all day.

    • Rebecca R

      April 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      My class read that section aloud and when I got that line it sounded like I was saying ‘The whore, the whore!’

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      Hahaha, yeah, I can see it sounding like that.

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      The Scarlet Letter movie (with Demi Moore) was SO awful. I watched it before I read the book unfortunately and just couldn’t get over it.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      Oh god….I hope momjones doesn’t see this. She will RAGE so hard about this movie.

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      We totally need a Mommyish book club! All the book clubs I’ve joined in the past were crap.

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 11:57 am

      This has been brought up several times in the past. I belong to a book club now, but would totally be in for another one on Mommyish!

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 8:26 pm

      That movie was such an abomination.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:41 pm

      Not a great movie, but Gary Oldman…young…without a shirt. I remember rewinding that thing a few times 🙂

    • Aimee Ogden

      April 22, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      Haha, I haaaated Heart of Darkness, it was the shortest book I read for AP Lit but it took me the longest! My favorite “school read” was probably Catch-22 or Slaughterhouse-Five (I guess I like books with wars and hyphen/number titles?) Oh, and Their Eyes Were Watching God. But the teacher I had that year was kind of amazing, too, which probably helped. On the other hand, the year we read Julius Caesar in ninth grade was a bit torturous – I like the play very well as an adult but reading it aloud in class with a bunch of fourteen-year-olds and a teacher who kind of didn’t get it = awful.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      I had to read H of D about three times.

      I literally chucked Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man across the room when I started to read that damn first chapter about the “moo cow.”

    • Aimee Ogden

      April 22, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      I tried reading “Ulysses” and got like three pages in before I realized I had better things to do with my life.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      Didn’t even bother. 🙂

      Although, I have tried, and failed, to read “Infinite Jest” about 8 times.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Perhaps if you had paid better attention when I read, in class, the terrifying and endless description of eternity in hell, “…ever, never, ever, never…” you would have appreciated the novel more 🙂

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      You’re still mad I never read “Billy Budd” aren’t you?

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      At the very least, you should have read it for this: “Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity.”

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      A simple “yes” would have sufficed.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      Ugh, had to read Heart of Darkness as a English Master’s student. We had the fancy book with all the different styles of literary criticism (each style had an essay based on the book). So read the book and also about 15 essays about it. One of few books from my Master’s Degree that I will absolutely never pick up again. Just….yawn.

    • WriterLady

      April 23, 2014 at 10:49 am

      Wow! I am amazed at how many people don’t like Heart of Darkness. I was exposed to the novel as both an undergrad and graduate student, but I like the more morbid novels. I also love “Apocalypse Now,” the 1979 movie based on the book. I love the dark psychological aspect of both the book and the movie.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 23, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      I like Austen. I’m kind of meh about Bronte, though. Looking back on it, my dislike of it may be influenced by having to read all the various literary criticism essays about it. I enjoy some literary criticism (some not), but I don’t enjoy reading a bunch of them about the same topic. That might have just beaten it to death for me. Good lord, give me something different, I guess.

    • WriterLady

      April 24, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Yes, I completely agree! I’m really surprised I ended up liking Heart of Darkness, as it was taught in a minimum of three classes I took in both undergraduate and graduate school. When you have to read all of the accompanying literary criticism, there is a tendency to lose interest in a book–any book–very quickly. I think I would have enjoyed a number of books had the professors not analyzed the hell out of every theme, structural aspect, critical reading approach, etc. I just happened to really enjoy H of D, and reading it again a few years after my schooling was complete reinforced my love for the book. However, as I mentioned to Pixie, I think we all have our enduring favorites, and it’s perfectly understandable that people will have different experiences with–and opinions of–a variety of classical fiction (and nonfiction, in some cases). 🙂

    • pixie

      April 23, 2014 at 11:20 pm

      I’ve never read the original Austen or Bronte works (I know, I know, shame on me…they were never assigned to me, though) but I did quite enjoy the, uh, “reworkings”, such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. 😉

    • WriterLady

      April 24, 2014 at 8:38 am

      I haven’t read all of their books, but I wasn’t a fan of either author’s major works. But, we all have our favorites. I didn’t intend to be judgmental with my Heart of Darkness comments, and I truly apologize if it came across that away. I do think it would be a really cool idea to start a Mommyish book club. I’m not on here as frequently as some people, but I love the site and I do try to read the posts and comments on days when I’m not super-busy with my work. I really like the perspectives you bring the table! 🙂

    • pixie

      April 24, 2014 at 9:00 am

      I didn’t think you were being judgemental! I loved HofD when I read it in high school! 🙂

    • WriterLady

      April 23, 2014 at 10:45 am

      I absolutely loved Heart of Darkness. Then I became a fan of the 1979 movie “Apocalypse Now” years later, which is loosely based on the novel. Both are in my top 5 favorite books and movies, respectively. Anything from Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse Five) or Kerouac is fantastic. I also became a HUGE fan of Salman Rushdie (Satanic Verses, The Moor’s Last Sigh, Midnight’s Children) after taking a graduate literature course centered exclusively on the Rushdie’s work and his legacy. We have so much fantastic literature in the classical canon, as well as the more contemporary canon.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Okay, I’m just looking for a place to put this in the discussion, but has anyone heard of the Youtube channel “Thug Notes”? It’s a show that does summary and analysis of classic literature, but it’s presented with urban street flair, and it’s the funniest most informative thing I’ve ever seen.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nm61IoNdHg&list=PLghL9V9QTN0jTgA1qrhWrBCB_Ln4xlVlB

    • Rebecca R

      April 22, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      YES. Thug Notes is my favorite YouTube channel.

      Classic Literature. Original Gangster.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      I swear he’s like the Magic School Bus/School House Rock of literature.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      Oh my God.
      How is it possible that I’ve never seen this? How? This is my new favorite thing ever. EVER, I tell you.

    • Ms. Anne

      April 23, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      I think I’m in love.

    • whiteroses

      April 24, 2014 at 9:34 am

      “And Darcy brings him back, where Bingley finally realizes Jane’s the foxiest ho in the hood.”
      Yes. Jane is, indeed, the foxiest ho in the hood.
      This guy is AWESOME.

    • Sri

      April 22, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      I’m having trouble because of the content thread format and sheer wtf-ness if I’m right, but is this the 17 year old’s reading list or the 11 year old’s?

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      Sorry, the 17 year old!

    • Sri

      April 22, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      I really hoped it was the 11 year old. Our middle school students read Hunger Games and Divergent because they just don’t read otherwise. Also, books for tweens tend to suck. I’m ok with them reading fluffy stuff (which I admit I read as an adult) because at least they’re reading something instead of finding the spark notes.

      There are a lot of awesome books for high school, though. My favorite class was just epic poems- The Odyssey, Beowulf, Gilgamesh. Lord of the Flies is amazing, too. Kids want to read the contemporary stuff, though, and there’s a lot of analysis that can be done on dystopian fiction in general, so it’s not completely without merit.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      In grade 8 we read “The Outsiders”, then got to watch the movie. It was awesome. Even the kids who didn’t like reading much tended to like that book.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      I freaking loved The Outsiders when I was in highschool (it wasn’t assigned, I read it on my own after seeing the movie on tv). I still love Sodapop and Darry and Ponyboy and all of them.

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      I could totally see Divergent and Hunger Games being the gateway to 1984 and Brave New World. Actually, it is really nice to have strong, kick-ass female protagonists for a change.

      And even Twilight fans may end up loving Wutthering Heights and Jane Eyre. All that tortured love – the themes are (very deep down) so similar.

    • Sri

      April 22, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      It’s true. YA is the gateway drug to actual recognized literature. One of our students that absolutely tore through all of the Divergent and Hunger Games books has since moved on to 1984. It’s a little bit above his skill level- he can’t really do the deep analysis- but he has already come up to me a few times all excited to find connections between all of the books.

      Can I just say how amused I am that the comments on an article about how many emails to a teacher are too many have focused more on school reading lists and literature? Because I’m very amused

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      I’m glad we turned it around somewhat. 🙂

    • noodlestein

      April 22, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      OMG, you’ve just NAILED why I hated Wuthering Heights so much!! It’s just Twilight with better writing. Oh, dude, everything makes sense now!

    • rrlo

      April 22, 2014 at 6:20 pm

      I hated Wuthering Heights too. Heathcliff is the worst!

    • Williwaw

      April 23, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      Haha, I have not read Twilight but hated (and could not finish) Wuthering Heights! I guess I should skip Twilight, then.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      To be fair, I think there should be SOME contemporary stuff that the kids might actually like (and Divergent is actually pretty good). The only contemporary things we got were adult books that were awful and had to be by “international authors” in grade 11 and Canadian authors in grade 12. I don’t even think the books were well researched before the list was made (as evidenced by some of my classmates reading “My Year of Meats” – or something like that – that wasn’t exactly Catholic school friendly and the teachers getting really embarrassed when kids would start reading aloud in class for jokes).
      But there should definitely be classics in there, too. To Kill a Mockingbird was probably my favourite out of all the ones I read in high school.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      I can see why they’d do that, actually, since it seems to be easier for kids to get into current books than older ones, and if they like the one book, it wouldn’t be that hard to say, “You know, there’s another older book called X that’s a lot like the one you’re reading that I think you’ll enjoy.”

      And it could be worse. They could be reading the Trylle series. *shudders* I read that for funsies and it seriously broke me inside by the end, it was that awful (zero bad consequences for the main characters actions, almost nothing for world building, wasted premise, flat characters, it just goes on).

      And is Divergent as horribly pretentious as it sounds? Because having a main character be upset and have serious conflict stem from the idea that she’s got a lot of positive traits but doesn’t fit in anywhere sounds awful pretentious.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      It’s not as pretentious as it sounds. I can’t really do it much justice trying to describe it, but I think you should at least give it a shot. The main charter is also reasonably complex for a YA character and admits her faults (and the writing stays true to the character traits, unlike other YA lit *cough*Twilight*cough*).

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Book three goes a bit off the rails though

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      That is true. The big “event” (occurrence…thing that happens in that room with a boom) at the end, though, which books so rarely do, and especially YA books (which I can’t say here and give away spoilers for anyone planning to read it)…I gotta give it props for that.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      I appreciated the ending.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      As did I. I’m really hoping they keep it the same for the movie or else I will RAGE SO HARD.

    • Kendra

      April 22, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      I am so glad I’m seeing these comments. I have seen nothing but people hating on it and I thought I must be weird because I thought it was really impressive for her to actually be realistic for a change and not cookie cutter.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Yeah, I liked that she had some strong positive and negative traits, she wasn’t helpless and clumsy, and she believes in both herself and her friends. Also that she’s sometimes wrong and knows that deep down, her parents only want what’s best for her, including her father, even if they are a little disappointed that she left them.

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Yeah, I was really happy the book went there, I just didn’t like how they somewhat were like “screw you guys, were out” to the people in the experiment. And I want to know soooo much more about her mom.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      I felt similarly, and I know! I also want to know more about her mom!

    • keelhaulrose

      April 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      True story, the author of Divergent was my sister’s best friend through her grade/middle/high school years, but they fell out of touch after parting ways for college. My sister’s considering contacting her again to ask what the fuck she was thinking with that third book.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      She totally should

    • Sri

      April 22, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      I really did enjoy the series. Without too many spoilers, the main character is less upset about having too many positive attributes than she is about what impact that has in the society she is part of.

      That said, there are a few of those weird cliche YA conflicts which make sense through the lens of pretty universal young adult experiences, but fall flat for older “young” adults, like the anxiety of a first real love and finding your place in your family and society. They’re not particularly egregious, but it seems like all YA authors must include them and so it gets a little stale.

      Can we talk about all the face touching, though? There’s a lot of face touching.

    • Ana

      April 22, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      I would suggest some Vonnegut for his summer reading if he gets a chance. Pretty much any of them…though Sirens of Titan might not be the best start if he hasn’t read Vonnegut before.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      Classic.

    • noodlestein

      April 22, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      As an English major, that hurts my soul! Where’d she get her degree, at the toilet store??

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      A cousin of mine once had a teacher who gave an assignment to find out the meaning of the lyrics to the song “American Pie.” It turned out that the teacher was 100%-never-backing-down-fully-convinced that the line “The day the music died” was supposed to symbolize how the guy’s girlfriend left him. I SHIT YOU PEOPLE NOT.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      Clearly that teacher knew nothing about Buddy Holly or the Big Bopper.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      My auntie actually printed out the meaning from the internet to back up that it was indeed about Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, and Richie Valens’ tragic death, because she seriously couldn’t understand how someone could possibly screw that meaning up, but my cousin never did get her point back on the assignment even after she brought it in.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      My parents told me what the song was about when I was young because we had it on cassette and I enjoyed singing along to it. My dad, being a little morbid, came up to me while I was singing it, and said “you know what this song is about? It’s about when people got the news that Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, and Richie Valens got into a plane crash” and then walked away. Not his greatest moment, but I guess he was at least educating me on meanings behind songs.
      Then again, my parents also liked to inform me what songs were about drugs because they found it funny (so did I).

    • Sparrow

      April 23, 2014 at 1:44 am

      My mom (a fairly big fan of Shinedown) didn’t realize that Save Me has a line about heroin (I’ve got a candle, I’ve got a spoon…) until I mentioned it. She about DIED. 🙂 But we always debate song meanings until the song doesn’t matter and we’re just bull shitting. Between that and choreographing dances to Justin Timberlake, we bond a lot on car trips.

    • pixie

      April 23, 2014 at 9:25 am

      That sounds like a lot of fun! To this day my parents will still come up to me and say “hey, do you know what this song is about? It’s about drugs”. They listen to a fair amount of music from the 70s and 80s, so there’s A LOT about drugs hahaha. But then again, these are the same people who, when I was 12 or 13, we walked by a head shop in Toronto where the windows were filed with bongs, stopped in front of it and were like “hey! look at all the bongs!” as I hid my face and pretended I didn’t know them.
      Neither of my parents are hippies or do/did drugs, either. 😛

    • keetakat

      April 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      There is at least one university that has a whole class on just that one song. It’s deep, man.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      I had a high school social studies teacher send me to the princi- PAL for telling her that no, M.A.S.H. was NOT about Vietnam, but Korea.

    • freq

      April 22, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      well it was set durin the Korean War, but the subtext is about the Vietnam War.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      That’s not what she meant. I assure you. Also, the original writers dispute that.

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      kinda-sorta. Korea through the lense of vietnam maybe.

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      *FACEPALM*

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      Holy god you can’t be serious. Please please please dn’t be serious

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      I AM, AND IT’S TERRIBLE!

      Seriously, that whole town was fucked right up.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      You know he’s right, don’t you?

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      My kid? Yeah ummm.. yeah hahaha

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Whenever I used to teach this poem, I’d tell my students that it really makes me crazy when people misinterpret it. I’d say it’s about choices, not good ones, not bad ones, not right ones, not wrong ones. Just choices…which you make…and can’t make again (sigh). Then I’d tell them if they ever hear someone say anything else, they were to scream, “NO, you’re wrong!”

    • Laura Mitchell

      April 23, 2014 at 2:04 am

      My dad was an English major, and Robert Frost is one of his faves. I recently (jokingly) told him that the path less taken probably has poison ivy. Or bears.

    • KarenM

      April 22, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      Are they dyslexic? (Dyslexic kids can be good at Chinese and Japanese but poor at English)

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      Japanese takes effort and is a fun challenge. English “should come easy” so why bother. It’s a super smart kid problem all over.

    • Megan Zander

      April 22, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      This was me. Drove my mom nuts when I could come home with a 95 on a test and she would yell ” if you just studied you could get a 100!” And then I’d be like, yes but then I would have missed that big party, so no thanks.

    • pixie

      April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      I would routinely work on that night’s homework in class while my teacher taught the lesson about it so I didn’t have to do it when I got home. Multitasking for the win!

    • Tea

      April 22, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      I married one of these, he lost a huge college scholarship over it too and I almost murdered him via white cane beatings.

    • keelhaulrose

      April 22, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      I had a friend in high school who got perfect scores on his SAT and ACT, scored in the high 150’s on his IQ test, and had a 1.8 GPA because he was bored with the coursework and would refuse to do it.

    • Harriet Meadow

      April 22, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      My husband got a nearly-perfect score on the SAT and definitely has a higher IQ than i do (he’s probably a genius, in fact). But he hated school. We’re still not sure how he graduated from high school.

    • SarahJesness

      April 22, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      I have a near genius IQ, apparently. And my test scores were high. (English/reading, I was in the 99th percentile) My dad insists that if my school grades matched those stats, I’d be able to get into Rice.

    • Momma425

      April 22, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      That basically was me. I was “gifted” and therefore passed all my tests without really having to do a lot of work. Because tests are such a huge part of grades, I pretty much skated through middle school with a B average and nobody cared.
      Then, I got into high school and the subject material got more and more challenging. I don’t care how “gifted” someone is- they don’t just know calculus and logarithms without reading their textbooks. I didn’t devolop ANY of the study skills when I was younger like I was supposed to- and barely got into college.

    • Lackadaisical

      April 23, 2014 at 4:39 am

      Oh yes, this I understand. My second child is like this. At the moment he is 7 and the youngest in a combined class of 7 – 9 year olds. The lack of focus and application aren’t a big impact on his grades yet, but I can see them impacting his education more and more. Yes, he has the highest marks in his class and is well ahead of them at the moment, but as he gets older then homework will become a larger part of his education and his natural brains will not be enough for him to keep up with the hard working kids of the class, no matter how bright he is. His 11 year old brother is very bright but not in the same league and struggles with dyslexia. However big brother has a great work ethic and will go far, far beyond what he is expected to do with a homework. He will spend ages doing his homework, and in a practical way rather than staring into space with a pen in his hand, and takes deadlines seriously. My younger boy has so much potential and it is frustrating to see him squander it at this stage.

      I know it seems pushy for me to worry about a 7 year old not doing homework but if a school sets homework for 7 year olds then that is what they have to do. You don’t get to cherry pick the education offered by the school you put your kid in and say that you aren’t going to make them do the assignments set out of hours because the school bell goes at 3:15, if a teacher sets homework than there is a purpose to it and it is part of your kids education and expecting extensions so your kid can hand in work when they are ready disrupts that.

    • SunnyD847

      April 22, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      I really agree with you on the issue of showing respect – for the teacher, for learning, for the other students, etc. One of my daughters had a kid in her class who was extremely bright (reading Harry Potter books in Kindergarten) but his mom would bring him to school 20 minutes to an hour late EVERY day. This was pm kindergarten that started at 11:30! The kid would disrupt the whole class when he came in and basically for the rest of the day. His mom showed him that his education just wasn’t that important. Sometimes I don’t care for a teacher or for an assignment my kids are given, but I never badmouth the teacher and I always make my kids do the work because that’s how the world works.

    • Elisa Probert

      April 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Just have to mention that the rhyme thing is part of a song by Alice Cooper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qga5eONXU_4

      No comment on any of the rest of the article because it’s time for me to go to work.

    • Aldonza

      April 22, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      I had a student was constantly mouthing off to the teachers. I could not understand where the attitude came from until one day, when the Mom picked her up, she started yelling at one of the other teachers in front of her kid. Everything suddenly made sense.

    • marinedoc

      April 22, 2014 at 9:33 pm

      Well said!! The trite song lyric alone tells us that this parent is disparaging this teacher in front of her child. Parents and teachers should be a unified front. This author is just teaching her daughter to defy authority. She clearly expects special treatment as an “attentive” parent. Also in question is the fact that the daughter is out sick for days and then shows up on the days there are swim meets. Assignments are due when they are due. If the child was present when it was assigned, it’s due on their return even if out sick on the day it was due. That’s a real world lesson. All told, it seems to me that this teacher is almost being bullied by this parent. That said, I’ve had these types of helicopter parents and, if anything, my disdain for them only makes me help their child more as I have sympathy for the kid. Now, granted, my “help” includes teaching the child to stand on their own two feet when it comes to being responsible for their own performance, making them tow the line. This may be looked upon differently by the parent, but believe me, it’s necessary, as clearly the child is being taught that the more you complain, the more you get your way and that’s not the way the world works. Parents who make excuses for why their child consistently is late or remiss in turning in work are doing their child the biggest disservice. A work ethic is something that needs cultivating at the elementary level. Her teacher is having to provide this on her own as the parent is not, in this case. If your daughter is getting 95% on tests, then her teacher is obviously doing her job. Your job as a parent is to LET her do her job and support her class rules.

    • Momma425

      April 22, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      I feel like in 10 years, we will get part two: Daughter didn’t finish work assignment on time and got fired. Nobody gives you extensions in the real world (even for swim meets!) and daughter never learned this lesson when she was in elementary school. Daughter now lives at home with mother, mooching.

    • C.J.

      April 22, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      ” Parents who make excuses for why their child consistently is late or remiss in turning in work are doing their child the biggest disservice.” Yes, yes, yes!!! I am not a teacher but I know a child who has parents that do this. My older daughter has a best friend that suffers from anxiety. Her parents think she should be excused from homework and tests because of it. We have tried to be supportive, my daughter goes over and helps her with her homework. We spent two weeks last summer doing helping her get ready for grade 6 math. The kid is capable of doing the work she just doesn’t feel like doing it. She knows if she cries to mommy and daddy they will go yell at the teacher because he is so mean to expect her to do her work. She misses time almost every week claiming she is sick. She is always sick on test days and then cries that the teacher is mean because she has to take the test when she goes back. It drives me crazy when mom complains about it to me. I have a mother and a few close friends that suffer from anxiety, they have all told me her mom is doing the worst thing for her. I feel bad for the kid, if they still allowed kids to fail grades she would be held back. High school isn’t going to go well for her. Funny thing is she did her homework more before she was diagnosed. Now she knows she can get away with it.

    • G.S.

      April 23, 2014 at 1:48 am

      Ugggggggh, as someone who went through really bad anxiety in high school (and still has it to a degree), those parents are HORRIBLE. A) If the kid can do the homework BEFORE the diagnosis, she can sure as hell do it AFTER the diagnosis. Being diagnosed doesn’t magically take away all your abilities that you had 10 minutes ago. B) If the daughter IS having serious issues with her school work because of her anxiety (which can happen, especially if the class is very self-expressive), then the parents and school should be finding ways to get her through it, whether it be having her go over her more distressing work with a counselor or other adult that can help bring the panic down and keep the kid focused on the task without getting overwhelmed, teaching her self-relaxing techniques to stop the panic when it starts, give her an extra bit of time to get through tests if she really needs it, the list goes on. Just DON’T give up on the kid and write her off as a lost cause that needs special treatment without looking for solutions. Seriously, if this was a kid with a broken leg being confined to her bed and waited on hand and foot by her parents, that shit would have gotten called out so fast. It’s the same thing with mental illnesses/disorders/whatever. You aren’t doing the kid any favors by writing them off and enabling them.

    • C.J.

      April 23, 2014 at 2:14 am

      The teachers have tried by allowing her extra time and even sitting with her. They have given her the test questions one at a time so she isn’t overwhelmed looking at the whole page at once. She is just milking it now because she knows she can. My daughter was upset with her last week. My daughter and another girl were doing a group project with her. She didn’t come to school the day they were supposed to present it then told the teacher she couldn’t present it the next day because she forgot her glasses. My daughter and the other girl had to present it without her. My daughter didn’t want to tell her she was upset with her because of the anxiety. She said if the girl can play mindcraft without glasses why can’t she present her project without them. I told my daughter she absolutely should let the girl know she feels let down by her and is upset. She needs to understand she can’t expect everyone else to do her work for her. We had a talk about how it is great to help her but not OK to do it for her. I wish there was more we could do for her, her parents are hurting her by letting her get away with it. The teacher is frustrated. He told her not to come to school if she doesn’t bring her glasses. I don’t blame him. She just sits there all day and says she can’t do anything without them. Mom had a shit fit because the teacher told her not to come to school unprepared.

    • C.J.

      April 23, 2014 at 2:34 am

      She also sees a phyciatrist who says it is mild enough that she doesn’t need medication or special treatment. She just needs to practice her relaxation techniques. Sorry for the rant, just really frustrated right now. I hate to see the kid get hurt this way. Having grown up with a mother with sever anxiety I know what they are doing is going to hurt her in the long run. Even though the parents are enabling her we will still try to help her as much as we can. My daughter is still willing to tutor her when she needs help.

    • Gruzinkerbell

      October 9, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Okay this is way, way late but I seriously was that kid when I was in grade 6. I was a bit of a high strung kid and my poor teacher had never had to deal with someone who cried as much as I did. The primary difference? Rather than coddling me, my mom told my teacher to just ignore me when I cried and to make me do the work anyways because I wasn’t always going to be able to get out of everything by crying about it so it was better that I learned that at a young age than later on in life. And it worked – he made me do the work (with some additional coaching) and I stopped crying about it being too hard.

    • C.J.

      October 9, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      The teacher this year is very good at dealing with her. She is being make to own her own behavior. The teacher is communticating with her parents so the know right away when she hasn’t done her work. We just got the results from the EQAO testing done in grade 6. She did very well on it. Mom isn’t buying it that the work is too hard anymore since she did so well on the testing. There are now consequenses if she doesn’t do her homework. She loses her laptop or can’t go to sleepovers etc if the homework isnt done. She is doing so much better this year now that excuses aren’t being accepted. She is a much happier kid now that she is actually doing her work and not getting yelled at by the teacher all time.

    • Amber Stacey

      April 23, 2014 at 12:15 am

      Sarah, I mostly agree with what you’re saying here, but you do realise she was quoting Alice Cooper, right? Not just making up juvenile rhymes for the heck of it.

    • Althea

      April 23, 2014 at 11:48 am

      It’s actually an old folk rhyme that waaay predates Alice Cooper.

  9. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    If you address your e-mails to “Principle Smith,” I think I have an idea why she doesn’t like you…

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      The Principal is your pal!

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      exactly!

    • Roberta

      April 22, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      lol, that reminds me of how my dad’s teacher taught them how to spell “Friend”. If you forget how to spell it, you would be “fried in the end”

  10. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    I’m not sure I’d teach her that exceptions to breaking a rule should be made for none or all. That’s not practical in the real world at all. She missed the deadline. Anything that happens after that is discretionary. Two people commit a crime, one goes to jail, one gets probation; probably best just to teach them to follow the rule in the first place.

    • Ana

      April 22, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Yes, that was a missed learning opportunity. Eckler is teaching her daughter to find excuses and exceptions to get her way, and it’s not going to work out well with future professors and bosses. A rule is a rule; it doesn’t matter that other kids got extensions. And it was a freaking contest, not even something that counted towards her grade.

      The swim practice thing is another example of this. Saying “Well, there are girls playing basketball and baseball and those parents are allowed to watch.” and then complaining to the head of the gym is setting a bad example for how to deal with someone in a position of authority telling you something you don’t want to hear.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      The Head of Gym wisely followed the official “acquiesce and flee” policy enacted when Eckler’s kid entered primary school… He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of a string of “polite” e-mails.

    • guest

      April 22, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      UGH. I have a friend who is currently in her last year of university for a Bachelor of Arts in English. She has her last final in four days and has yet to learn anything about time management or responsibility. Her parents have paid for her tuition in it’s entirety and her room and board as well as all other bills throughout post-secondary, She does not have a job. She also has needed extensions on nearly all of her projects/essays to date. Ms. Eckler sounds like she is raising her daughter to be the same way. It is likely that her daughter’s lack of responsibility and consistent need for parental intervention will cause problems in other facets of her life. My friend has been in five car accidents in less than five years, all involving other vehicles save for her first where she totaled her new car that she had for less than two weeks. She absolutely does not understand the seriousness of this either, as her parents completely baby her and have not held her accountable for any of her accidents. They just help her fix or buy a new vehicle, or talk the other vehicle’s owners out of going through insurance. Do I think that Ms. Eckler’s daughter will fail to function at a proper adult level because of her mother’s intervention, of course.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 22, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      Yeah, she doesn’t even know if the kids had really reasonable excuses, like Grandma died or something. Not, you know, going to a swim meet.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      Truly. How is “I did something more fun, and now I want both” ever a good excuse?

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Maybe they even cleared it BEFOREHAND. what a concept. Being proactive.

    • Williwaw

      April 23, 2014 at 7:24 pm

      When I was a teaching assistant, the students had to write notes explaining why they were absent from labs, which I thought was kind of dumb, because they were university students, and it wasn’t as if they had to prove the veracity of their excuses. I got notes ranging from “doctor’s appointment” to “went deer hunting” and “didn’t feel like coming”. I couldn’t decide whether that last one pissed me off or not, because it was the only note I felt certain was the truth, even if it was kind of smart-assy.

    • Lindsay

      April 22, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      We have a rule in my classroom: Fair isn’t everyone getting the same thing, it’s everyone getting what they need to succeed.
      So yeah, the kid whose grandma suddenly just died (who he lived with) gets to go on a few more walks around the school with me and is allowed to bring in his favorite stuffed animal from home to comfort him. And the child who complains is always told the above.
      This whole article reeks of insane entitlement.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 6:25 pm

      ooh, I love this, I’m totally using this on my kids!

  11. Armchair Observer

    April 22, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Maybe the teacher’s just a reader of Mommyish?

  12. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    I don’t think being the ONLY parent at practice is “supporting your kid.” Supporting her is seeing she has the equipment she needs, driving her to practice, paying, asking her how practice was, and showing up at meets. It’s not making her the only kid whose mommy is babysitting her at an age when it’s humiliating just to HAVE parents. If she tells you it’s okay with her, she’s just telling you what you want to hear to avoid a guilt trip…

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      My parents honestly never were at my practices….or my voice lessons. Anything. I still felt extremely supported.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      And how about the fact that since I saw all of you throughout the day in high school, when it came to college, I’d come to a rolling stop to drop you and your stuff off at your dorm?

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      to my sister: “no sex”
      To me: “no alcohol and drugs”
      me: “Hey, why don’t I get ‘no sex’?”
      Mom: “whatever”

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      April 22, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      I’ve been asking “Hey, why don’t I get no sex?” for years!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      Pretty sure it’s the name that’s causing that problem.

    • jendra_berri

      April 22, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      My mom was at our hockey/softball/soccer practices growing up, but only because they were around an hour long and if she had to drive me or my brother 20 to 30 minutes there, she wasn’t going to bother wasting time and gas to go elsewhere when she could chat with other attending parents who were in the same boat, or read a book on the sidelines.
      Of course, if she could possibly not go or I could get a ride, then boom. Done.
      Going for support? Pfft. Nonsense.

    • JLH1986

      April 22, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      I played soccer, softball, basketball and did cheerleading for one god awful year. Parents were never allowed to attend. It was a distraction and when we got in trouble for goofing off the parent would swoop in, undermining our Coach. Parents supported us by making sure we delivered in one piece and picked up on time. Volunteering at our concession stands and bringing snacks/juice when we were young. That’s support.

    • Ana

      April 22, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      I never saw parents at any practices either. The focus needs to be on conditioning and improving, working better as a team, etc. Games are one thing. What good does it do to be at practice? It’s not helping the daughter or anyone else, and the coach is just going to be annoyed and feel hovered-over.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      Not to mention knowing that the parent who is watching you also likes to bash teachers online regularly. No wonder the coach was opposed.

  13. pixie

    April 22, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Ehh, I wouldn’t not like someone just because my friend didn’t like them. There’s plenty of people I’m friends with that another friend doesn’t like or get along with. I’m my own person and can decide for myself who I want to be friends with and if one of my friends tries to tell me I can’t be friends with someone else just because they don’t like them, well too bad. If someone tries to dictate who you can and can’t be friends with, they’re not really a good person. I also try really hard not to judge someone before meeting them just because I’ve heard negative things about them from a friend. Usually, when two people don’t get along or really dislike each other, it’s a two-way street and a clash of personalities (of course there are some people who hate others for petty reasons or no reason in particular), so there’s bias about actual events and disagreements on both sides.

    Others have pointed out pretty much everything else I was going to say.

  14. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Is anyone else confused by the multiple analogies to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships? You’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. You shouldn’t need an existing model to figure this out. And if you do, that’s the wrong one…and kind of creepy…

  15. momjones

    April 22, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    No need for gifts. It’s very rare that teachers really hate a student or a parent. But, sometimes the best gift at the end of the year is the fact that the teacher doesn’t have to deal with the kid or the mother or father ever again. I speak from experience…lots of it.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      WIN.

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      I’m pretty sure a LOT of my kid’s teachers have felt this way about him hahaha

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Rainbow Loom?

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      A picture of the back of your head walking out of her classroom for the last time? Nicely framed, of course.

    • noodlestein

      April 22, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      Vodka?

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      My mom has expressed this same exact sentiment.

  16. wisegal

    April 22, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Helicopter parent much? Your kid is in 5th grade. Just a heads up, they don’t let parents into practices in the upper grades either.

  17. Emily A.

    April 22, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    “I’m a teacher, and am having trouble with the parent of one of the kids in my class. Here’s what we have run into recently:

    * pulls student out of school for vacation and then expects extensions on assignments.

    * Student does not turn in homework assignments, so is facing 0 grades for these assignments, and those 0s will be factored in with test scores. Parent thinks this is OK because student scored well on test. Parent does not understand that one of the things we are teaching is accountability.

    * Student does not inform teacher that she has completed assignments; parent is then annoyed that teacher does not know she has completed them.

    * Parent attends sports practices and comments on practice.

    * Frequent emails of the “this OTHER student got this, why doesn’t MY student get it?” when obviously she doesn’t know the circumstances of the other child.

    How can I maintain a professional interaction with this parent, when so far, all of her interactions with me are undermining my teaching?”

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Brilliant!

    • jane

      April 22, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      PS – “I really like her kid, but its hard not to let these interactions color our relationship. As a professional, I am able to avoiding ‘taking it out on her’ in terms of grades and whathaveyou, but it is difficult to try to be a support to her when her mother is going to pick apart every interaction that we have.”

    • Lian

      April 22, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      This this this. I hope the author reads this and understands.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:28 pm

      I love this comment so very very much. As a teacher, it gave me the warm fuzzies.

    • Me

      April 27, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      YES. YES. YES.

  18. guest

    April 22, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    I only got as far as the byline before I thought “Yes, yes she does.”

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      And the principal and the school secretary and the PTA rep…

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Yeah, I think we’re all “pretty sure”

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Plot Twist: she’s a paid intern that Mommyish is using just to troll us all and doesn’t actually exist as Rebecca Eckler.

    • Lian

      April 22, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      When I started reading this post I thought it was a parody and I was unsure until I got to the end and then checked the author’s name. But I just googled and Rebecca Eckler is actually a real person who writes about motherhood and stuff, so I can still hope that she’s trolling us, but am afraid not!

    • m

      April 23, 2014 at 7:05 am

      It’s also kind of funny how it’s always so easy to tell which “articles” are written by Eckler just from the headline…

  19. Upsilon

    April 22, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    If the emails are as rambling as this post, then I can see why the teacher would be rolling her eyes. Less weird analogies to boyfriends and more explanation of why your child is missing so much school and why you NEED to be at swim practice when the coach says it’s disruptive. To paraphrase the great Allen Iverson, we’re talking about practice?! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d29VsG35DQM

    • Eve Vawter

      April 22, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      Do ya think he is talking about practice?

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      Are you sure he’s not talking about the game? Because I’m not quite sure.

  20. Paul White

    April 22, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Pretty sure if you act like you write like you act, I’d hate dealing with you as a teacher too.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      Aww…come on. You’re being too hard on her.

      Plenty of good people tear apart little children for bringing a Rainbow Loom as a birthday gift. Plenty of good people also tear apart the parents of said children for not including a gift receipt or wrapping the present in a certain way.

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      I’ll just maintin this is secretly supposed to be their way of showing us what a narcissist feels like.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Can’t wait for Eckler’s next birthday piece:

      “WTF?! NO ONE showed up to my precious snowflake’s party!!”

      I cannot believe the other parents even allow their children to associate with Eckler’s kid, given her lunacy and penchant for
      nasty blogging.

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 8:40 am

      Maybe the girls father tempers the selfishness? I’m hoping so because while I don’t get some of the more…acidic… Eckler hate, she really is out of touch with most Mommyish readers and if she’s like this in real life I worry her daughter (and son) might be missing out later. Other than the fact that this post has 400+ comments, but she really doesn’t bring anything to Mommyish. Eve, Frances, Maria, Bethany all bring interesting thoughts or opinions (usually backed up) and participate in the comment threads. Eckler…is usually just complaining about her 1st world problems (whereas the others are talking about mom or universal problems).

    • Alicia Kiner

      April 23, 2014 at 9:52 am

      Maybe because they’re all just like her? I mean, affluenza wouldn’t be a thing if there weren’t a bunch of them, right?

  21. MaestraPetiroja

    April 22, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    I’m a teacher, and all of the things you described above would drive me nuts. You may not email everyday, but consistently emailing is annoying, especially if it is over a social issue. I’m not sure if the social issues between your daughter and the other girls are typical Fifth Grade problems, or something more serious, like bullying, but if it is typical Fifth Grade stuff then BACK OFF. Talk to your daughter about ways to deal with it, but you constantly inserting yourself is not one of them.
    And hovering over the practice, ugh! So obnoxious. I have a rule in my classroom: If a parent wants to be in there he/she better be ready to help. There is no “hanging out,” “observing,” or “being supportive.” You are hovering, plain and simple. Trust me, other people, including your daughter, notice that you are there.
    I cannot stress enough how much extra work it is for a teacher to get together an independent studies packet for students when they are out on vacation. Once a year is fine, but consistently through out the school year is a big pain and loads of extra work.
    From what you’ve described above, I don’t blame your daughter’s teacher for not liking you. You are causing her stress and creating more work for her. Unfortunately, your article comes across as very entitled, and if this same sense of entitlement has been passed down to your daughter (not claiming it has, I don’t know your daughter) I could see the teacher having a difficult time with her as well.

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      I *hated* it if my folks wanted to come to practice UIL stuff. Holy crap, back off. Come to the event if you must, but let me work out my mistakes and gaffes without ya, you know?

    • Emily A.

      April 22, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      Right? It’s so easy to handle this in one email: “I am concerned about some of the social things going on in class. Can you please tell me if you see anything concerning on your end?” And if the teacher says no, then BACK OFF.

    • JJ

      April 22, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      I have so much sympathy for you and every teacher out there. You are awesome and do so much work that most parents, especially this author, don’t even realize or appreciate.
      I don’t understand why one would even enroll their kid in a regular school with a strict time schedule if they plan on taking that many vacations during the school year. Travelling is awesome but how many times does one child need to travel and have her school stuff disrupted during the year? Is a march break trip and maybe one other trip to Walt Disney world not enough for a kid when they have school work, homework, team practices and a school schedule. Honestly if you travel that frequently with your kid for funsies just because why not then get them home schooled or have them be taught by a private teacher. Its not fair for the poor teacher to constantly create travel homework and curriculum for your kid specifically because she just has to go Miami the next two weeks!

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      I mean – go on spring break with the rest of the plebeians!

    • JJ

      April 22, 2014 at 7:44 pm

      I know right 🙂 We all make it work and get our kids back to school on time for the next week. But oh no how the child will suffer if she misses fashion week, Miami travels or the resort trip in the middle of September when school just started. The horror! We wouldn’t want kids to think they can’t have it all and more. Why would we make the poor girl suffer through spring break with all the lower members of society out loose that week. There might even be gasp public school kids out too!

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      I bet the parents would bitch up a storm if a teacher took time off in addition to the breaks.

    • JJ

      April 22, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      Well of course who is going to create a specific, tailored curriculum for my precious child now while we travel all around. Don’t tell me I have to rely on a substitute for school work to take with us or worse have no one give my kid work and let her flunk the year. Um hello teachers are beneath us they are the plebeians of the working world so they can’t take extra time off because they have duties to do its only fair for the kids. Who else is going to read my various emails if the teacher is gone on extra vacation!

  22. Sara610

    April 22, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Also–for anyone with Internet, it really wouldn’t be hard to figure out exactly which specific teacher you’re talking about. So you’re bashing this woman behind her back, trashing her as a professional, and accusing her of “hating” you. All of which COULD do great damage to her professional reputation if anyone read this column and took your opinion seriously (I don’t think many people do, but you never know.)

    If she doesn’t strongly dislike you yet, if she ever gets wind of this article, something tells me she will. And I wouldn’t blame her–this whole thing is disrespectful in the extreme.

    • Roberta

      April 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Ms. Eckler has done this before, insulting the mother of her step-children in her column, She didn’t quite get why there was outrage over her wanting respect from those girls and at the same time insulting their mother online. Those who don’t learn from history…

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      And remember the time Eckler (Jewish) and her fiance (Jewish) insisted on getting the girls over Christmas (i.e. separating them from their Christian mother).

      Then Eckler banned Christmas trees from the home. It would be LOL if it wasn’t so tragic for those poor girls.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 2:30 pm

      They WHAT?! I mean, seriously, what the flying fucksicles is WRONG with these assholes?! If they want those girls to absolutely resent them and want nothing to do with them when they grow up (because fucking over their mom for their own selfish gain does that!), then they’re doing a pretty bang-up job. Seriously, I CAN’T FUCKING EVEN!!!!!

      http://media.tumblr.com/d0ae9ec85cb52c8c417bfe585e6db423/tumblr_inline_mvlyi6EQOh1s3rsd3.gif

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Not to mention labeling food in the fridge that only Eckler, baby-daddy, and Eckler’s kid are allowed to eat.

    • ninjalulu

      April 22, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      wasnt it her, baby-daddy, her kid, and “their” baby, and just not the Step-kiddos?

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      I don’t think Montgomery Ward was on solids yet, but yes, I’m sure he would have been included, since he’s spawn of the queen.

    • TngldBlue

      April 22, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      Montgomery Ward….that cracked me up, I remember that column.

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      You know, as much as Eckler is a bitch for that, I’m more mad at the father of the two girls for letting all this shit happen. Seriously, how much of a spineless, dickless, heartless fuckface do you have to be to think that it’s okay for ANYONE, and/or even yourself especially, to treat your own daughters that way?!

      Just fucking unbelievable.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      I agree, it’s worse because they’re his children. Incidentally, they’re also the children of his current legal wife…but that’s for another day…

    • G.S.

      April 22, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      I hope the wife gets full custody in the end, then. The girls don’t need this shit in their lives.

    • guest

      April 22, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      He married HER. Obviously he’s a pretty big spineless, dickless, heartless fuckface. How much more proof does one need?

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 6:05 pm

      Eh, they’re not even married. He’s the perpetual “fiance”. But then I suppose he DID pro-create with her, so 6 of one, half a dozen of the other…

    • Kay_Sue

      April 22, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      This all the damn day. I’m a stepmother and I flat out told my husband (after reading an Eckler piece, actually) that if he’d ever let me treat his kids like less than an absolutely essential part of our family, I’d have lost all respect for him.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      And that’s what makes you a good stepmom.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      Good for you! You are clearly a classy woman and I think it’s awesome that you chose a guy who didn’t (and couldn’t) just abandon his kids for the sake of a new relationship.

      It means you have a respectable partner who is worthy of you.

      Eckler and her latest baby daddy are just all shades of sad.

      For a dad to allow his new girlfriend to label food, ban Christmas trees and make his own children feel utterly ostracized is frankly disgusting. Those should have been red flags for him to run. I am sure if the tables were turned and his ex-wife (still current wife, actually) allowed some new guy to treat the girls so poorly, he would be outraged. Or maybe he just doesn’t care anymore.

      In any event, they seem to deserve each other.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 9:15 pm

      Sadly, yes.
      Tbh, I hope that either the legal wife gets custody or those girls run for the hills as fast as they can. Nobody deserves to live like that.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      I’m pretty sure if a parent wrote one like this about me we’d have it printed in the lounge and have a good laugh about it (after I rant about it for 4-5 days). Perhaps as a dartboard. Because what else can you do with the crazy ones? I have the most epic bitchy all caps email ever saved somewhere because it’s just so ridiculous it’s an art form. This article is pretty much the most epic proof ever that the parent is overly demanding. Its condemning to its author more than the teacher….especially after the commentors got ahold of it. It would hurt my feelings but I could see that it would be quite entertaining.

  23. Shikki

    April 22, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Honestly, based on what you have shared the teacher would be justified in disliking you. It doesn’t appear that yiouve treated the relationship with the teacher as a real partnership. Instead it sounds like a lot of “that’s not fair” whining.

  24. Sara610

    April 22, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    How about if, instead of buying the teacher a present, you just respected her work and professional expertise, didn’t ask her to do extra work to accommodate your vacation schedule, and didn’t expect special treatment for your daughter?

    Believe me, a bit of professional respect, appreciation and everyday courtesy is better than five thousand scented candles and Starbucks gift cards. But money can’t buy those……

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      In all honestly, getting a gift from someone who was an a-hole to me would be the most patronizing, condescending fuck you ever.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      But if you’re gonna be a pain in the ass anyway (and she is), might as well give me a giftcard. I’d kind of feel like, “oh, so you KNOW you’re awful.”

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 8:34 am

      To Starbucks so the teacher can caffeinate herself through the day after getting together extra work for her kid so she can go on vacay…again.

    • Kay_Sue

      April 23, 2014 at 8:53 am

      I was thinking to a liquor store….

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 9:01 am

      or both…a little Kalua for her Starbucks.

    • Kay_Sue

      April 23, 2014 at 9:10 am

      Brilliant.

  25. Tis2

    April 22, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    I’m a teacher and this is insanely annoying and disrespectful. To suggest I treat your child–punish your child–in a specific way because of your parental behavior is so disrespectful I could spit. I don’t feel like reading over your drivel again, but I’ll try to pick out a few points.
    Not doing the homework is a problem. It doesn’t matter if she’s acing tests. They are different components and are graded as such. Sounds like you aren’t into details, like filling out required paperwork about finishing books. Think it’s annoying for you? Consider what it’s like for the teacher, trying to cross-reference dozens of excuses from parents like you who can’t be bothered to deal with the red tape of THEIR OWN CHILD’S SUCCESS.
    Why is your child missing so much school? I’ve had parents say, “Well, they can miss some days in December because nothing is happening then.” Really asshole? I’m into family vacation and I’m OK with creating homework packages because I understand the importance of keeping your kid in the game. YOU SHOULD TOO. It’d be helpful if you took your child’s education as seriously as I do.
    It would be a really great idea for everyone to assume the teachers in their lives are working really hard at helping your child. And the only way that child will see success is if ALL THREE PLAYERS are in: student, teacher and parent. I find it so annoying that I even have to say that. It used to be that parents and teachers were on the same page, dragging students over the finish line. Now it’s parents teaching their kids to be incompetent, to make excuses, to blame the teacher, to undermine education. It doesn’t matter how many hours I spend on lesson plans, how diligently I follow up with your kid, how much I applaud her successes and take on her failures as my own. If you’ve made ONE disparaging remark about our time in the classroom, it’s all for naught. You dummy.
    I dream about my students. I am so excited about their successes. I am so upset when they don’t get the concept. The majority of my time and energy go to their success. I’m telling you, when I leave teaching, and I will, it’ll be because of the parents.
    Teachers have to worry about the social, emotional and educational health of their students, not parents. She probably barely has an opinion of you at all, let alone not liking you. Get over yourself.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 22, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Can I like this a few extra times? Please? All of this rings SO true.

    • Tis2

      April 22, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      For every like this comment receives, one teacher will receive a parent who realizes she’s a ding-dong but determines to take an active role in her child’s education!

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      what about alcohol? I’m big on expressing emotions through booze

    • Sara610

      April 22, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      YOU WIN THE INTERNET TODAY.
      Someone get this woman (sorry, but I’m assuming you’re a woman) a medal and a big effing glass of wine.

    • Tis2

      April 23, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      So excited to win the Internet! Dreams come true. 🙂
      And on the topic of disrespect, here’s a good one. I taught compulsory drama to grade nine kids in a small rural school. Nightmare scenario. One kid walked in at least ten minutes late every class, no book or pen, put his head down and planned for a nap. His mom finally called when he got the F in writing (I had tried to engage with her previously) and after lengthy annoying conversation, she said, “What will you do to earn his respect?” I said that wasn’t part of my job description and we hung up. I drive to the post office, there she is. SHE PRETENDS THE CONVERSATION DID NOT HAPPEN and wants to catch up on my life. So weird. So amazing. So insane.
      (Anyone else ever considered writing a sitcom?)

    • Aldonza

      April 22, 2014 at 9:33 pm

      The disrespect I receive from parents is astounding. Nothing is ever their child’s fault, and they constantly question everything. It’s no wonder the kids don’t think teacher’s know what they’re deserving or should be treated with respect when they attitude they get from parents is that they don’t.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      A thousand internet hugs to you from this English teacher 🙂

  26. brebay

    April 22, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    “I try to make it as easy on the teachers as possible by just asking what are they learning and we’ll get it done.” So, basically, you can do her job easy-peasy, huh? That smacks of disrespect for what she does. I don’t know how you are at math, but PLEASE don’t try to teach this kid grammar and spelling!

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      LOL! So true…every word!

  27. Abby

    April 22, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    imo, you should have given her the gift at the beginning of the year, and it should have been a large bottle of vodka along with a note:

    “Dear [Teacher],

    You don’t know me yet, but you will. You see, my precious baby will be in your fifth grade class this year, and because of that, you and I are going to interact a lot–far more than you’ll interact with most of the other parents in your class. You probably know exactly what I mean by now and are clutching the bottle of vodka for dear life, but let me clarify.

    My precious baby is a saint, you see, and would never lie about anything or do anything wrong, so obviously, if she tells me that she’s done all her homework and is very organized, I’m going to believe her over you regardless of any evidence to the contrary. I will also email you about this because email is awesome! 😀 😀 😀

    Secondly, my precious baby needs to experience the world around her, and for this reason, I’ll be pulling her out of school to come with me on lavish vacations and then expecting you to accept late assignments from her, despite that I could have just taken these vacations during school breaks. Before you ask, no, there’s nothing particularly educational about them, but they’re VACATIONS! Come on, [Teacher], wouldn’t you pull yourself out of school for them, too?

    Some part of me is aware that a lavish vacation is not a viable excuse for missing school–like, perhaps, an illness or the death of a grandparent–but I’ll still point to students who missed school for those reasons and got to make up their work as an example of the treatment my precious baby should be getting. After all, it’s hardly fair if you allow students who’ve missed school for far more legitimate reasons to make up work but not my precious baby, who’s missed school so that we can go on a VACATION (!!! 😀 😀 :D).

    If all of these things aren’t enough to have driven you to chug that vodka, just wait: I’m also going to show up at my precious baby’s swim practices, no matter the rules, and I’ll provide commentary! It’ll be great, real teacher-parent-student bonding time!

    In other words: you’ll need this vodka, doubly so because I’ll be emailing you every time I perceive the slightest issue as arising. Also, towards the end of the year, I’ll be writing a column online about how you don’t like me and I don’t understand why, so I’ve enclosed a coupon for another several bottles.

    Looking forward to a great year!”

  28. CrazyFor Kate

    April 22, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    It’s not hate. It’s survival instinct. Do you have ANY idea what parents put us through?

    • Mystik Spiral

      April 22, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      I imagine she considers teachers to be counted among her “staff”. It’s not typical for her to to be able to empathize or put the needs of someone else ahead of her own.

  29. Doris

    April 22, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    The principal is your pal. Please remember that the next time you use the word.

    I am a teacher and had a really hard time reading this. I wanted to get out my red pen.

    I, personally, don’t give my students’ parents much thought. I don’t think your daughter’s teacher cares enough about you to hate you.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Get out the aloe, Becky! This is the essential element in all her “writing,” complete and utter juvenile self-absorption.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      This. My student’s parents didn’t mean a heck of a lot to me, because after all, I wasn’t responsible for them.

  30. val97

    April 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    My son is in 3rd grade and can be a disorganized mess. He frequently forgets to turn in assignments and sometimes would rather play with his pencil or stare out the window than do his work in class. He usually gets As on every test but gets “Needs Improvement” in areas like Effort and Follows Directions. He’s steadily improved because we are always on his case about it. When I email his teacher it’s along these lines: “What else can we do at home to help this child be more successful?” I’ve never worried that his teachers hate me because I would never expect special treatment. She has 30 other students to worry about.

  31. Rowan

    April 22, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Maybe the teacher is being harsh on your daughter because she thinks the poor kid needs to learn from SOMEWHERE that the world isn’t actually arranged to her convenience. Just a suggestion…

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 8:01 pm

      Well said! Maybe the teacher doesn’t want to bend over backwards, breaking all the rules for Eckler’s offspring because it will only turn her into more of an entitled brat. (Any kid who complains after receiving 20 birthday presents is an entitled brat.)

  32. Zettai

    April 22, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    I’m starting to think Eckler isn’t a real person, but a composite troll character that all of the Mommyish writers take turns writing for.

    I am a person who, as a child, has honestly been bullied by teachers (and a principal) with little to no provocation–to the point where if it happened today, it would probably end up as an article on Mommyish and other sites. So to read this article about how this teacher is “unfair” to a spoiled brat who clearly does not do what is expected of her in or out of class and a parent who will one day sit smugly on the defense side of the courtroom while her teen’s expensive, slimeball lawyer uses the term “affluenza” to get her off of a murder charge, makes me exceptionally angry.

    The least of your worries is your lack of writing talent. The biggest worry should be the type of child you are raising, even though I am sure you think you’re doing a great job. After all, gosh, how many Rainbow Looms does one little princess need, it’s good she knows how to complain about people spending hard-earned money on her just to be NICE! And all of the learning and life experiences your princess gets by going on vacations during the school year–while still managing to pass this grade instead of failing for missing too many days and assignments like a normal (not rich) kid would? What a great way to teach her responsibility! AND you’ve tantrumed so hard at your princess’s school that you can watch her swim practice even though no other parent was allowed to? Great way to show her that bitching pays off!

    You are a stain on the earth, Eckler. Your child is becoming a stain on the earth. People like you (narcissists) don’t have the ability to feel shame, but you should really try. For the rest of our sake.

  33. raeronola

    April 22, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    Here’s what I got out of this (and most of these Eckler articles):

    MEMEMEMEMEMEEEEE
    meeeee MEEEEE?!?!?!

    but what about ME?!?!?
    meeeememememememe
    me
    me
    me.

    fin.

  34. ChopChick

    April 22, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Eckles strickes again!

  35. Kay_Sue

    April 22, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Damn. Can we start a kickstarter for this teacher? She needs a bonus this year.

  36. SarahJesness

    April 22, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Getting high test scores doesn’t mean she’s not behind on her homework. When I was in elementary/middle/high school, certain material came very easy to me and I could’ve easily gotten away with not doing homework if I wanted to.

  37. Buffy

    April 22, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    You sound like a really, reallly needy person.
    And exhausting. I feel tired reading this stuff and I don’t have to deal with you in real life.
    My gift idea:
    She doesn’t need anything to remember you. She wants to forget…although she might not be able to, even with therapy.
    Put some ( a lot of) money anonymously in her letterbox. This might do.

  38. ninjalulu

    April 22, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    This bullshit article made me go and re-read her other bullshit articles. I hate how you treat your kids vs. your step-kids, and how you treat the rest of the world vs. how you feel they should treat you. Your daughter is going to end up how my step-mother raised my youngest (adopted/step) brother–living at home without a job, after having a baby (4 years ago) with a chick who thinks a good living will be made by being a nude model/shot girl. Your step-kids are going to end up like me and my brother, conciously aware of the discreprencies between the treatment of all the kids. I only have a good relationship with my stepmother now, because i had a baby and want my child to have a good relationship with her grandparents. My mom was really hurt that my brother and i always scheduled Christmas, and Easter, and Mother’s Day with her to happen after everyone else. We finally sat her down and explained that hers was the one we could relax at, be ourselves, and that we were always looking forward to hers most, which was why it was last. It got us through the rest. Your stepkids are going to end up just like that.
    In regards to teachers, you are such a twat-waffle. Teachers are not there to be part-time educators. They did not choose this profession to cater to stupidity like you. Your kid needs to be there, physically and mentally, and you constantly taking her out of class does more than hurt her chances of learning something from the teacher; you are also robbing her of the opportunity to learn social mores, peer interaction, and to learn to be one of 30, instead of reinforcing the idea that she is “special.” What are you going to do when she has to do class projects or work with a group? Are you just going to leave those kids hanging?

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  40. Melissa

    April 22, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Is this article supposed to be satirical? If not, I can only respond as many other teachers have here by saying that no teacher cares enough about any one parent to hate him or her. We are far too busy working long hours doing our jobs of educating your child and the children of many others. Annoying parents are out there, but we just do our best to not them them distract us from the work we do–we certainly don’t waste time and energy disliking them.

  41. Lindsey Sweet

    April 22, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    This is insane the amount of hate/dislike, whatever, you people have for Rebecca! Maybe because I’m newer on here and haven’t read too many of her articles, but I don’t see this as ME!ME!ME! AT ALL. There are some teachers who will take out their dislike of the parents on the kids, and there are some teachers who have favorites. It happened to me in school, and my mom was the type who liked to go in and yell. I stopped telling my mom things that happened at school, because she would go in and yell at the principal, and I would get treated even worse.
    Sometimes, it happens. Most of the time, it’s not a big deal, and the teacher could care less about the parents. MOST, but not all. I’m pretty disappointed about the way you all are going on about her though; this is NOT what I though Mommyish was about. 🙁

    • Roberta

      April 22, 2014 at 7:24 pm

      I would suggest reading some of her previous work, it may help you understand why many are a bit ticked off.

    • Lindsey Sweet

      April 22, 2014 at 7:41 pm

      Thank you!

    • Paul White

      April 22, 2014 at 11:05 pm

      This is the woman who managed to unscheduled custody of her kids during Christmas, away from their father and step-mother that DO celebrate Christmas (Eckler doesn’t), then banned all Christmas decorations in the house. She behaves cuntishly on a regular basis. I don’t usually use that word, but her writing history here makes me feel justified in doing so.

      She uses her kids as weapons against her ex, she insist that her satisfaction is the only that matters, that no one else understands anything, that the various professionals her kids interact with simply aren’t up to snuff….she’s the picture perfect definition of the parent from hell narcissistic little bitch.

      For gods sakes, she even labels “her” food in the family fridge. She’s fucked beyond belief.

    • rebecca

      April 23, 2014 at 7:27 am

      That’s not what happened at all. I didn’t “ban” x-mas. I didn’t want a tree. I’m Jewish. The household is Jewish. That is it.

    • Cabbie

      April 23, 2014 at 7:38 am

      Yeah, except for the part where your stepdaughters aren’t Jewish, and it’s their house too, so it isn’t a Jewish household. Can you really be that ignorant? I know, rhetorical question.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 9:22 am

      Your stepdaughters live with you 50% of the time.
      Are they Jewish? Nope.

      So what you’re saying is that it is not their household,
      even though they stay there half the time.

      Nice stepmom.

      Tell me…why did you think it was appropriate to present
      your Christian stepdaughters with Chanukah gifts,
      but you could not tolerate a small Christmas tree for a week?

      Hypocrite.

    • brebay

      April 24, 2014 at 7:55 pm

      How are kids who are with you 50% of the time not part of the “household?”

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 7:29 pm

      The fact that a majority of people disagree with something doesn’t inherently mean they’re ganging up. Maybe it just means that it’s typically, ridiculously out of left field. Could a teacher pick on a kid? Sure. Would it be more believable if it came from any other mother on here? YES. We disagree pretty regularly and pretty respectfully here. This is a pattern of narcissism, immaturity and alarming lack of self-awareness in this particular authors lengthy posts that is enough to get a group who often disagrees to agree that it’s awful. This is this woman’s job, part of a public blog is that there will be feedback, that’s kind of the point, so don’t give me the “only read people you agree with” nonsense because that’s no way to live in a society. This isn’t pre-school and no one’s being profane or threatening. Would you feel better if some of us faked it?

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      I agree with brebay. We’ve disagreed more than once, but we’ve always managed to do it respectfully (I hope). And honestly, if a bunch of people- not just women, but people- have the same issue with you, regardless of their own personal differences (socio-economic background, race, interests, religion, orientation, gender identification, you name it), then maybe the problem isn’t them. Maybe it’s you.

    • Lindsey Sweet

      April 22, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      While I can see now why almost all of you feel this way, I don’t feel that some of this is respectful at all. Twat-waffle? Asshole? How is that not profane? And me, saying I didn’t get what was up, then getting a reply that was condescending and rude? Way to show that you guys do it respectfully…….

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

      I wasn’t being either condescending or rude. Perhaps I should have clarified. I meant ECKLER is the one we have a problem with. Not you, necessarily.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      I think she’s responding to my reply. But your little cartoon tsk tsk was far more condescending than my comment. Just because something has an impact doesn’t make it rude. You’re quite sensitive, and that’s cool. I just think you don’t see a distinction between discourse and “meanness.” Men do this on news networks all the time, it’s how people speak. I wonder if you think they’re hateful. Ever seen a Congressional floor debate?

    • Lindsey Sweet

      April 22, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      Sorry, I mixed up my replies to you and brebay……..she was, maybe not intentionally, but that’s how it came across. I apologize!

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:58 pm

      Lindsey – the author regularly uses profanity and bashes nearly every single person she comes across in her daily life.

      She has written disparaging pieces regarding her step-children’s mother. She has written disparaging pieces regarding her step-children.

      She regularly bashes the teachers or other parents at her child’s school.

      She had the nerve to make fun of CHILDREN who dared to give her daughter a Rainbow Loom for her birthday because her kid got too many duplicate gifts. Her kid received more than twenty gifts in total, but was an unappreciative brat because, like mother/like daughter.

      Rebecca even went on to criticize the parents for not wrapping the gifts well enough and for not including a gift receipt! You would think this was a damn wedding…not a kid’s birthday party!

      If you don’t dislike Eckler as much as we do, then you just haven’t read enough of her work.

    • rebecca

      April 23, 2014 at 7:24 am

      Drink Pepsi, when you say “we” do you mean writing 12 mean things under different names, which is what you actually DO! WE GET IT. YOU DON’T LIKE ME!! You’ve, of course, read every single one of my posts and can remember them (although you lie constantly) and know what I’m eating for breakfast. #STALKER #CREEP #AA

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 9:19 am

      Honey, does it make you feel better to think that I write under 12 different names?

      I don’t.

      I can see how that would make you feel better though, to think that all of these negative posts (400+) are all coming from one or two people who simply dislike you. You can’t possibly fathom the possibility that nearly everyone who reads your “work” or meets you dislikes you – for very good reason.

    • Allyson_et_al

      April 24, 2014 at 3:24 am

      I’m definitely not drinkpepsi, and I don’t like most of your writing, either. That rainbow loom piece was particularly heinous, but some others come to mind, too. You should know, too, that the ability to remember some of your previous columns does not make someone a stalker.

    • ninjalulu

      April 23, 2014 at 5:31 pm

      As someone who has introduced twat-waffle and douchecanoe to her group of friends, i fully stand behind my decision to call her one. She is stuck so far up her own vagina she cannot even see the level of desperation and attention-grabbing she has sunk to. Who would even think to question a teacher who is with your child all day when they tell you your kid isnt doing her work? Who would think to defend her decision to pull kid out school all the time for non-necessary trips, and whine that the teacher didnt do enough to prep your kid for missing (ANOTHER) day/week/month of school? Who complains that other people don’t love your kid as much as you?
      A twat-waffle, that’s who.

    • Lindsey Sweet

      April 22, 2014 at 7:41 pm

      No, I wouldn’t, Also, I didn’t give you the “only read people you agree with” nonsense. I just didn’t get the hate…..

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      Disagreement isn’t hate. That word has been so used up thanks to social media. Criticism isn’t hate either.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Brilliant quote. I’m glad Martin Luther King, Abe Lincoln, and all the suffragettes didn’t keep their mouths shut when they didn’t like something. This is a rule for toddlers, who don’t yet understand how to critique, analyze, debate, argue (in the Socratic sense) and opine on the world they live in, not for adults.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      Read her piece on Rainbow Looms. Then you will understand.

    • Rebecca Eckler

      April 23, 2014 at 7:18 am

      drink pepsi, my dear, do you want a kit? You sound like a three year old each week when you keep mentioning it.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 9:16 am

      We have several, thank you.
      That is why we regifted one to your daughter.

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      Mommyish is about calling someone out when they write something borderline appalling.

      Sometimes there are people that use profanity or are downright mean but most of the regulars will call people out when they are jerks. This is actually pretty tame.

    • Althea

      April 23, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      I’m far from being a fan of Eckler, but this is Mean Girls stuff, not “calling out,” and the effect makes her look better, not worse. People seem to get drunker on righteous indignation than on booze.

    • CMJ

      April 23, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Have you seen her replies to people?

  42. AW

    April 22, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    As a high school teacher of special ed students (wide variety of learning differences) – I often deal with some very entitled parents. I teach a total of 68 students and have on average 15-20 daily emails from parents who are complaining about something – whether it be that I do not mark the (15 page) midterms in less than 24 hours after the students wrote them, one student received an extension for a death in the family that she did not want announced, an assignment that was given is not to the parents’ liking, or that Special Snowflake was not given the answers to the test. A fellow colleague and myself often discuss how sad of a state that education has become whereby the parent trust their children and feel that they know more about teaching the teacher does. In Canada, the latest numbers show that 70% of teachers will last than 5 years in the teaching profession – the biggest reason? Inconsiderable and entitled parents!

  43. Justme

    April 22, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    I am so sad I missed the start of this conversation!

    There are so many things to address:

    – First of all, you might think that none of the kids noticed you sitting at practice, but having been involved with sports for 20+ years as both a player and a coach, I can almost guarantee you that yes, they definitely noticed. Coaches don’t want parents at practice, not because we’re afraid that you’re going to catch us doing something wrong, but because it is harder for our kids to focus on what we want them to do when Mom or Dad is sitting in the stands. You should have taken your cue from the fact that you were the only person in the stands and not gone above the coach’s head. Unless the coach is actively harming your daughter in some form or fashion, that is absolutely unacceptable behavior.

    – Secondly, you don’t know why those kids got extensions and it’s not really your concern. Your child did not and that should be the end of it. Many students have SPED accommodations that allow them to turn work in late or have extra time to complete projects and such. A teacher can’t divulge that information to people who don’t have an educational need to know, so yes, sometimes it comes across as “unfair” but until you’ve taught a class full of SPED and “regular” kids, you don’t fully understand the old saying, “fair is not always equal.”

    – Lastly, to assume that a teacher is going to treat your child poorly because you’re kind of an asshole to her is undermining her character. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how crappy a child’s parents are, an educators responsibility is to teach the child and foster a love of learning. And the VAST majority of teachers that I have come across in my time in the the classroom keep that in the forefront of their mind. The number one cause for teacher frustration is NOT the students, and not even the paperwork…it’s the PARENTS who are either completely uninvolved or who believe their child is a special snowflake who can never do any wrong.

    As much as you are celebrating the end of your daughter’s year with this teacher, I can guarantee she is doing the same…not because she actively dislikes you or your daughter, but because you are a pain the ass and she’ll happily send you and your reputation along to the 6th grade teachers.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      And realistically, if she thinks that the 5th grade teacher and the 6th grade teacher don’t talk, she’s nuts.

      All she’s doing here is turning her daughter into “that kid”. There’s one in every class- the kid whose mother or father is always there, no matter what, trying to do the teacher/coach/principal’s job, explaining how they took one intro to education class freshman year so clearly they know better. The kid may be awesome. Some of them are, against all reason and logic. But when it comes time to move on or graduate, everyone from the principal down to the lunch lady is happy to see him go, because they don’t have to deal with his parent anymore. They’d never say it. You’d never know it. But they’re throwing a party in their head.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      So true. She is doing her daughter such a disservice.

      For those who are convinced that Eckler is not real, or must be a troll….sadly, she does exist.

      Here she is in a TV interview, talking about her new book and how she didn’t change a single diaper in two months because she has so much help.
      (Skip to 8:50)

      http://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-morning-show/

      Eckler, maybe you can stop hanging out at swim practices and spend some time with your toddler instead. Even change a diaper or two.

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 12:23 am

      Okay, who’s the one who told her to feed her baby to Alligators?

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      My guess is, no one.

      Eckler seems to have a flair for the dramatic and it probably sounds better to make up such comments.

      The real comments just illustrate how crappy she is as a mother, step-mother and girlfriend.

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      I’m guessing someone said something like “I can’t believe you did “X” with your baby, that’s terribly dangerous, why don’t you just feed him to an alligator.” But in Becky-land, that means evil intent toward in infant… The thing that incensed me most was how she is just appalled that people are “mean” to her from behind a computer screen. She hates it and it’s so not fair, but she’s willing to make a living from it. The anonymous internet is so terribly awful…but she’d have far less money if it didn’t exist, or if she chose not to be on it. She wants all the financial benefit of opening your child’s life to total strangers, but none of the burden. It’s a balance, but as usual, Becky only sees the side where she’s completely the victim.

    • pixie

      April 23, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      I’ll admit when I get random, nasty replies to my comments (sometimes MONTHS after I made my actual comment), it does bother me a bit. I don’t like unnecessary nastiness and cruelty and I don’t always have the greatest self-confidence from having a string of shitty friends in the past. BUT I get over it quickly. I also don’t mind people disagreeing with something I say and debating with me about it. If the other person’s argument is persuasive enough or proves me wrong, I’ll admit it. And I’ve admitted to saying dumb things before.
      Mean comments can hurt for a short bit, but even negative criticism isn’t necessarily mean.

    • Cabbie

      April 25, 2014 at 10:18 pm

      It’s a real comment made on her “I’m ditching my newborn to go work on my tan for a week” post. Someone suggested she take the kid and feed it to an alligator.

    • whiteroses

      May 1, 2014 at 9:02 am

      And painting ALL Mommyish readers with the trolling brush? Incredibly disrespectful.

    • Guest

      April 23, 2014 at 8:54 am

      So, I guess the only thing I learned from that was she’s not very bright. And she wrote a whole book about nasty comments made on this website. I’m would love to know some of the stuff included in the book, but would rather flush $9 down the toilet then pay it. People don’t make mean comments because she’s a mommy blogger, they do it because she’s an awful person.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 9:15 am

      I would like to know how bashing children for bringing a popular, in-demand birthday gift ranks in terms of nasty…

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      They ALL KNOW. TEACHERS KNOW EVERYTHING.

    • momjones

      April 22, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      Says the person whose mother AND father were secondary teachers 😉

    • CMJ

      April 22, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      And sister 🙂

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 11:10 pm

      And the ones with these crazy ass parents, when they’re nice kids, I love them twice as much. Because I think:
      1) how are you so great?

      and 2) you poor dear, I’m only gonna have this mom one year; you’re gonna have her your whole life…..

    • Rowan

      April 23, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      I remember one of my “that kid”s – he was nice enough, if a bit full of himself – but his mum thought he could do no wrong. Kid got into a tussle with another boy in the corridor, no punches or anything, just the usual kid A stumbles into kid B, kid B shoves kid A etc. This boy’s mother emailed me to say he was perfectly entitled to shove the other boy, he’s merely defending himself, in fact he was well within his rights to PUNCH THE OTHER KID IN THE FACE for accidentally falling against him. Riiiight.

    • SarahJesness

      April 22, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      This! I’m sure the teacher is doing her best, but the students and the parents need to play their part as well. That means following deadlines and doing work and following rules and whatever. It’s not like the teacher can force a student to do homework, and if a kid is always missing school, it’s difficult to get them to catch up, especially if the kid and parent aren’t willing to work for it.

      If dealing with things like deadlines and rules and grades is just suuuuuch a problem for entitled parents, maybe they should just homeschool if they think can do such a better job. These kinds of parents just ruin the education system.

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      Yep. I started every semester with my college kids saying: “I can’t care about your grades more than you do. I will help you as much as I can and be as available as is possible for me to be during the semester. In return, there’s a certain amount of work I expect from you. After the final is not the time to talk to me about your grade. I will have office hours and email. Use the resources or don’t, it’s up to you, but your lack of planning is not my emergency.”

      A lot of the kids I taught had an issue with that, mainly because they were used to their parents smoothing the way for them. Trust me, it’s better to learn the lesson that everyone’s time is valuable when you’re eight than it is when you’re eighteen.

    • SarahJesness

      April 22, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      These kinds of parents seem to be more common lately. Not just complaining about deadlines and behavior, but grades. “Ooooh, can you raise my child’s grade? The content was too hard to be fair!”. These types of kids are not gonna get by in college, the option almost certainly being pushed on them. College professors don’t care about your sob stories or excuses, and the university won’t force them to give you a better grade. (unless maybe you’re a star athlete and the school is corrupt)

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      I got an email from a parent once, demanding to know if her son was attending class regularly and why he didn’t get a better grade on his first assignment.

      My email, in its entirety:
      Mrs [Her Name]:
      I appreciate your concerns. However, the privacy laws that apply to all of my other students apply to your son as well. As he is 18, he is a legal adult and will be treated as such within my classroom. I suggest that you address these concerns to him, as I cannot respond to you without violating departmental policy.
      Respectfully, [My Name].

      It became a departmental template after I ccd my boss.

    • brebay

      April 22, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      In college????

    • whiteroses

      April 22, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      Yep. And it’s exactly as sad as you think it is.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      April 22, 2014 at 11:11 pm

      Yeah, those helicopter rotors just don’t stop whirling….they’ve got momentum.

    • G.S.

      April 23, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Holy shit, you should have gotten a doctorate in social sciences for that response/template!

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 12:24 am

      It baffles me that the kids are fine with this. I would have curled up and died!

    • JLH1986

      April 23, 2014 at 8:44 am

      Their parents have raised them to think it’s normal to have them fix things. So it’s not embarrassing because their best friends mom just did the same thing! We are raising a bunch of self-indulgent, inept twits.

    • whiteroses

      April 24, 2014 at 9:44 am

      Yes. Which is exactly why I plan to be involved in my child’s education but I will not try to smooth the way for him. He has to learn how to deal with this stuff on his own.

  44. whiteroses

    April 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    I’ll be honest. As a teacher, I could not have cared less about whether or not my student’s parent’s hated me.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 22, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      And how would you feel if your student’s parent was a writer who frequently bashes you online? (and – I’m guessing here – quite inaccurately?)

  45. Jane

    April 22, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    I have been a full time classroom teacher for eleven years. I don’t hate any of my students’ parents. I don’t hate any of my students, either. I frequently see parental behavior towards their children that I am confident is causing dysfunction in the child, and if I sense that a parent might be receptive to feedback about that, I’ll provide it. However, most of the time I keep mum and attempt to be as consistent at possible with my policies without becoming overly emotionally invested in things I have no control over. (“Hating” a parent would be highly unprofessional.) All teachers have to deal with parents who disagree with them at times.

    If I am tempted to become exasperated with unreasonable parents, I remind myself that the student in question is only my problem for 45 minutes/day for 180 days of instruction (I teach middle school). The parent in question will have this child as their responsibility for the next decade or more. And I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    That said: the parenting described in this post seems far too involved for the child’s good. At this age, she needs to learn to navigate her relationships with teachers and coaches herself. The healthiest students I know have parents who create a loving environment with firm boundaries and limits at home and require the child to be her own advocate at school. They allow the student to cope with the disappointment of failure or strained relationships with teachers (even if the teacher seems to be unfair!) with minimal intervention. They do not ask for special treatment, and allow the student to suffer some “hard knocks” in order for her to learn how to deal with her problems herself.

    • Justme

      April 27, 2014 at 10:10 am

      Yes to your entire second paragraph. I remind myself of this fact frequently – I deal with the consequences of their poor parenting for one year…this parent has to deal with their child for the rest of their life.

  46. Needs Improvement

    April 22, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    As a teacher, I can safely say that I wouldn’t like you. the worst kinds of parents I get are the ones who blindly defend their child’s actions regardless of how much documentation I have given them about exactly what their kids is doing (walking out of class, shouting at me when I enforce building rules, etc). Sometimes you kids do shitty things, so help me to help them learn to be a less shitty person. Also, there is no good reason why your daughter is not in school as often as possible. Keeping track of make-up work is a huge PITA, and why should I do extra work because you aren’t valuing her education enough to get her into school? Yes, she probably is way behind on her homework. That doesn’t mean she can’t do well on tests, it means she isn’t practicing and doing the homework – that is life. Think about this – there are always two sides to a story, and most kids, while figuring out navigating school, will not always be honest about a situation.

    Also, I care about every single student. Doesn’t mean that I can’t be bothered by their actions sometimes. We don’t hold grudges – we prepare and react based on prior behavior.

    • Needs Improvement

      April 22, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      Also, I just noticed some Eckler-esque grammar in my post. I am entirely appalled, for what it is worth. Correcting and teaching grammar all day makes me a little spacey at night on occasion, haha.

  47. anotherteacher

    April 22, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    I hope Ms Eckler reads every single one of these comments. Every. Single. One. I’m so glad to see the comments showing support of teachers and disbelief at Eckler’s entitled viewpoint. Thank you all, commenters.

  48. Mama of 4

    April 22, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    I’m a teacher, and I have to say I can be really petty but in the opposite direction – I figure the parent is going to be badmouthing me at home, so I will go out of my way to prove to the child/other parents that I am freaking awesome and super lovely and the negative mother must just be crazy.
    Generally if I’ve clashed big time with a parent because of their behaviour, I just feel sorry for the kid. If I’ve clashed with the parent because they’re adamant their little snowflake would never hit others/lie to me/spit in the classroom etc etc etc then the kid and I have problems of our own to worry about without bringing my feelings about their parent into it. 🙂

  49. Copperkroewe

    April 22, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    There are so many grammatical errors in this article.

  50. C.J.

    April 22, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    I live in a really small town and my kids go to a small school where you get to know the teachers really well, especially if you volunteer. From what I have seen the teachers don’t waste their energy hating demanding parents. The mostly just feel sorry for the kid while trying to keep peace and avoid the demanding parent until they don’t have to deal with them any more. At our school all the parents know who the demanding parents are, they are hard to miss.

  51. kittymom

    April 23, 2014 at 1:41 am

    My friend in HS was always excused from this or that assignment because of this or that swim meet, etc etc. or this or that assignment because of x,y,z family issue. Now 11 years later I have a career and she is….looking for a a career? Sometimes kids need to deal with REALITY and understand that deadlines exist. I have gone to school with potential Olympians, and they understand they are not the most special little snowflakes around and exams and deadlines exist.IMHO

  52. Kare

    April 23, 2014 at 3:47 am

    this article has to be a satire on parents, please …..

  53. Teacher C

    April 23, 2014 at 3:48 am

    The best thing about my old teaching job when I was living in SE Asia was the fact that we had TAs who were in charge of dealing with parents (mostly to make sure there was clarity in case of language barrier but also to save all us teachers some pain). Twice I had to speak to parents one on one and both times it was just nightmarish. If parents had questions, it wasn’t hard for them to ask my TA who could relay questions to me if she didn’t know the answer.

    But I once had a student who I failed on a test, which meant she’d have to repeat the second half of the course. She was a pretty bad student, rarely did work in class, never did homework, and when I called on her, refused to answer questions. When I put her in group activities, she’d sit back and make the other kids do her share of the work. But she was a cute kid and nice enough, so I tried to work with her when I had the chance during classes. Of course she failed the final test for the course. Her dad called my TA and demanded to talk to me and tried to make me change my mind on her grades. He was convinced I just didn’t understand her and that I wasn’t giving her enough of a chance and if I just let her pass this class, he was sure she’d study harder and work more in class. He also said that his daughter said I didn’t like her and that’s why I was failing her, which just wasn’t the case. Nightmare to deal with, parents like that are the absolute WORST part of teaching.

    I also once had a parent complain the homework my TA assigned was too hard and I wasn’t teaching well enough because her son took more than five minutes to do his writing homework. I just laughed and told my TA to basically ignore it, especially since her son was a smart kid and did amazingly well in class but was beyond lazy when he could get away with it.

  54. Alicia Kiner

    April 23, 2014 at 8:30 am

    I’m the parent who emails the teachers at the beginning of the year introducing myself, giving them all my contact info and begging them to contact me with any concerns, questions, or anything else they want me to be aware of. I want open communication with them. If my kids will be out sick, I email the teachers to let them know, and I pick up the school work when I pick up my other child. If I have a problem, I email them, or I call. So, yeah, I can see where my kids’ teachers could find me irritating. So far, though, they have all said how much they appreciate how involved my husband and I are in our children’s education. We want them to succeed. We don’t pull them out of school for vacations. My son missed the last week of school in kindergarten because of a family emergency and that’s it. They don’t even miss the last day of school usually.

    The sitting in on practice thing, I do that too. Because I don’t trust random strangers with my kids. Yes, I know. I need to let go. I’m fully aware of that. And I am working on it. I’m just afraid for them. Let’s face it. There are some sick mofos out there, and I want to keep my kids safe. Not that I don’t want them to have experiences. They’ve participated in every activity they’ve shown interest in, except martial arts. And that’s only because we’re about to move, so I’m waiting until after we settle in to sign them up. But in fairness, they’re both still in elementary school, not middle school, so I guess maybe I have a little more time to let go. Right? 😉

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      At least you’re honest and not all “I’m just being supportive!!!!”

  55. Jezebeelzebub

    April 23, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Here’s what i do with my kid’s teacher(s): I leave them the hell alone. When my daughter (who is also in 5th grade) is a jerk about her homework, I apologize and make her turn all that shit in, and then I apologize again. One time (recently) I had my daughter stay home with me for two days. We went to the beach and ate icecream and I dyed her hair pink with Splat hair dye. It was awesome. I asked her teacher(s) like a week in advance for her assignments for those 2 days. Nobody gave me any shit about it, she just brought her work home and that was it.
    I have met a couple (literally 2) teachers who probably wouldn’t nominate me for Mom Of The Year and I don’t blame them. I know what my shortcomings are. Of those 2, there was one I wasn’t all that thrilled with myself, but it’s not like we live together and not for a moment did I think this teacher would have taken anything out on my kid… if anything, she probably felt sorry for her.

    And I think this author is a dipshit. I remember the Rainbow Loom Debacle. I thought she was an asshole then, and I still think so now. Sorry, Eckler- you seem like the kind of person I actively try to avoid. I don’t like your writing, either. And that post you made with the #STALKER thing somewhere down below made my opinion of you plummet to new depths. Is this some sort of a shtick? Because if it is, you are great at it- way to really sell it. If not…. friggin YIKES.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 11:57 am

      #STALKER here.

      Apparently, Eckler has not quite grasped the reality of the internet.

      She thinks that what she writes two weeks ago is over and done with and no one can possibly go back and re-read something, or remember it.

      Recalling information somehow makes one a #STALKER.

      Information which Eckler readily, willingly provides for all to see.

      And she thinks it’s fun to play the victim and pretend that she has a stalker because she watches way too much reality TV and needs some drama in her life.

      I have not said a single threatening thing.

      In fact, I have only expressed my concern for Eckler’s stepdaughters because she seems to treat them like second-class citizens. I also have no idea why Eckler would willingly provide the full names and photos of her children and stepchildren.

      http://www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/2012/03/08/blended_families_author_rebecca_eckler_talks_about_becoming_a_modernday_brady_bunch.html

      Considering her line of “work” she should guard their privacy more carefully.

      Remembering the shitty things she writes does not make someone a #STALKER.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      April 23, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      I read the thing about the Christmas tree and the stepkids. I think that’s pretty shitty. I’m Jewish (and pretty serious about it) and if I had Christian stepkids who were going to be in my (or, you know, *our*) house for the holidays, I would put up a tree if they wanted one. I’d try to celebrate their holiday with them because I feel like that would be the right thing to do. I wouldn’t go to church with them or anything- unless they were really upset about not going- then I would. I mean.. there would be dreidels and latkes and menorahs and a tree and stockings and Jews and Christians. I am pretty sure my Jew-card wouldn’t be revoked. And if my kid wanted to know wtf was up with the tree, I would just tell her. It’s not like my kid lives in a vacuum where she has NO IDEA that there is such a thing as a Christian. FFS, what’s the big deal? I really don’t understand.

      She also wrote that article about how her and her fiance have different parenting styles and how they should have talked about it before they had a kid together. I weighed in on that one… I dunno, I just can’t relate to this woman at all.

    • drinkpepsi

      April 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Well, you’re a better person than Eckler.

      Keep in mind too that those girls spent more than a decade growing up in a Christian home and celebrating Christmas.

      Also – if Eckler feels so strongly about not having a Christmas tree in her home, fine. But why demand to have the kids on Dec. 25??

      Why not allow the girls to spend the Christmas holidays with their mother – who actually allows Christmas trees and would probably love to be with her kids on such a special occasion (a day that is meaningless to Eckler).

      The only reason Eckler wanted the stepgirls on Dec. 25 was to stick it to the Ex. That’s just digusting.

      One day, those girls will be old enough to realize the extent of the manipulation and they will hate her for it.

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      “A modern-day Brady Bunch?” Uh, no, Mike’s wife was dead, Carol wasn’t fucking him while they were still married, and then engaged to him for years, and having his child before he’s even divorced. She treated all the kids exactly the same, held them accountable, taught them to respect authority. Stepfamilies are as common as nuclear families now, but leave it to Eckler to think that her “family” is so unique it hasn’t been done since the 60’s.

  56. WriterLady

    April 23, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    I didn’t know much about this writer prior to today, but after reading through the backlash presented in the comments here, I decided to peruse through some of Eckler’s previous posts. Whereas other writers focus largely on external issues (political or otherwise), this writer focuses almost entirely on her own personal experiences. Did it occur to anyone that she may be purposely embellishing her stories for more clicks/comments? After all, Eckler appears to be the most read and commented on–and it generally produces hundreds of negative comments. Sometimes the nutty, infuriating, or just plain bad can actually drive readership. I don’t know…it just seems like it might be a ploy, for the most part. And an effective one at that.

    • brebay

      April 23, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Yeah, someone usually mentions that in the comments. I just don’t know. I think her traits are so consistent throughout her piece it’d be hard to fake a character and have it be so consistent. I think a great writer could do it, but…you’ve read her writing.

    • WriterLady

      April 23, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      Oh, I agree that both her writing style and her command of the English language are extremely poor. Having worked for years as an editor, I cringed reading some of the posts. However, trade publishing is different from educational publishing (which is what I do). If someone is an established and well-known writer, the publishing company will occasionally overlook a writer’s structural and grammatical problems in favor of the substance of the material. Instead, they will use a seasoned, detail-oriented, and patient editor to clean up the actual content. When I say ‘substance,’ I’m not so much suggesting that the average person would find her stories compelling enough to buy one of her books. But, she seems to have a small following (per her Twitter account), and she has successfully published several books, so a small sub-group of the population is reading her stuff. I think this might fall under the ‘hate-reading’ category. It’s kind of like when you feel passionately about a certain issue and find that you are immersing yourself in all kinds of articles, posts, and perhaps even books about that issue—even those that express the opposing viewpoint and enrage or perplex you at times. Or, when you watch a movie so bad that it’s comical. I don’t know. You very well could be right on all accounts. I do not doubt the veracity of some of what she has to say (her life seems to be a whirlwind, obviously), but I wonder if she’s just really, really good at telling and ‘selling’ a story–but really bad at delivering the final product, which is where an editor would traditionally step in. Either way, I completely understand the readers’ reactions. This particular post is so absurd that it reads as satire, as another poster mentioned. Who knows? I think I’d have to read one or two of her books to see if the same tropes appear throughout all of her writing. Then again, I don’t care enough to actually buy her books. 🙂

    • Joye77

      April 23, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      I am not a professional editor and it is all too obvious that her grammar and spelling are horrid. The piece seems hastily put together.

    • Guest

      April 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      Agreed. That’s precisely what I said. 😉

    • WriterLady

      April 23, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      Agreed!

  57. Kat

    April 23, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    I read this in a 16 year old’s voice, for one. That’s not so great when you have a 10 year old daughter. But, not all adults grow up.
    Second, you think your child needs the same attention as everyone else? She needs extensions because a couple other children got an extension? You don’t know their reasons. Be thankful your daughter is getting “tough love” from her teacher.
    I had an I.E.P. since, I’m guessing, 3rd grade. I have major depressive disorder, I’m borderline bipolar, I have ADHD, high anxiety & stress problems. When I found out in 8th grade what they were holding me back from doing, like actually WORKING, I was pissed. My first real job fired me for being late- I was used to it in school. My 3rd job just decided not to schedule me anymore, & when I talked to my manager, she said I missed work & they thought I wasn’t coming in anymore (which was false- it’s because they had personal issues with me)- I wasn’t socialized correctly in school. When I fixed my lateness (I got my own car, instead of relying on my mom, who thought it was ok to be late), they fired me. When I was trying to socialize & set up timing better at my other job, they just dismissed me. It just happened to be right before I got pregnant & my car broke down.
    Bottom line is, be glad your daughter has to “fight” for her grades. I only had to do that once, because my teacher’s aid pushed me, because she believed in me, when no one else did. & the next year, she was laid off… Saddest time in my high school career. I never did work to my potential again, in school. I only wish I had the chances your daughter has. Grow up, & let the teachers teach. Learn to pick better battles.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 24, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Her daughter doesn’t even have to fight for her grades! Mommy does it for her.

    • Kat

      April 25, 2014 at 12:11 am

      True! Lol. Oh well, she’ll realize she fucked up one day! Unless she’s reading these comments & just not replying because she’s too afraid! Maybe reading these, she’ll have a break through!

  58. Marie

    April 23, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Oh, Ms Eckler, you said that you wanted teachers to tell you what they thought so here goes. The real truth, the really really honest truth is that when I’m in a situation like that with a parent it’s because deep down I’m terribly jealous of the mom and how amazing she is and so I take things out on her daughter out of spite. The only reason I do this is because I’m a horrible person and I could never compare to how fabulous this mom and her whole family are compared to my sad, lower middle class life. And deep down, beneath the resentment, there’s that sad, lonely wish that somehow, someday, I could get someone as amazing as Ms Eckler to really like me. I’m holding out hope that she’ll get me a really amazing gift (like maybe a handbag her stepdaughters gave her that wasn’t a posh enough brand for her) as an end of year gift to hold and cherish.

    Really lady? Is that what you thought the real teachers would say? You are so full of yourself and it really comes across in this article. Don’t ask for advice you obviously don’t want.

  59. BeechTree

    April 24, 2014 at 3:22 am

    I could barely make it to the end of this “article” because it was so poorly written. Is this person a paid writer? I just…man. I don’t get it.

    Also, yes. Sounds like you constantly make excuses for your child, and the teacher probably thinks you’re annoying. You sound annoying. I mean, I guess you sound annoying, but it was kinda hard to tell because your grammar, sentence structure, and overall understanding of the English language is so horrible that I honestly didn’t understand a lot of what you said.

  60. gothicgaelicgirl

    April 24, 2014 at 6:41 am

    God almighty, if you just want to bitch about a teacher you don’t like, post anonymously…

  61. aCongaLine

    April 24, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    I’m a teacher. I’ve had kids like your daughter in my class. I love the kids like your daughter- but you, as the parent, makes it really really hard for me to love your child.

    You’re that nightmare parent. The one that thinks they’re playing it cool, and it can’t possibly be them that is causing the problem, or their special perfect child, so it MUST be the teacher’s fault. The Teacher hates you, so your kid is struggling.

    This is not the case. Your kid is struggling (with work, or social situations, or whatever) because:

    1. She is at the cusp of the line between elementary school and middle school. This is a tough transition for many kids, and it is developmentally appropriate for there to be some bumps along the way. There is usually a change in friends, followed by a change in bodies, followed by a change in interests.

    2. You take your kid out of school, or your kid is out of school a lot in general- your article doesn’t specify what causes the absences. Any absence causes stress on a kid- not only do they miss the LESSON which is more important than the work that accompanies it, but they also miss regular social interaction, and fifth grade girls can be clique-y and mean. It’s hard to work with a parent who is constantly pulling their kid out of school- you are telling your daughter’s teacher that you don’t care by letting her miss so much. That’s an uphill battle for any teacher.

    3. You’re more worried about what other people think of you instead of what is most important- your kid’s well being, and formal education. You are teaching her that her schooling is not as important as what other people think. Also, you’re having a one way conversation with yourself, and imagining what her teacher could be thinking, leading you to draw conclusions that are not necessarily accurate. SHe could have not emailed you back after the “My kid is on book 6” thing because your kid’s teacher probably feels like stating facts, with evidence, is pointless, since you’re just going to believe what your kid said as the gospel truth.

    You’re overshadowing your child in her own school. She’s probably lovely, and smart, and awesome. And when she moves up to the next grade, her former teachers probably say “This kid’s great- her mom, though, she’s a total nut job.” Or, they flag your kid as a “Crazy Parent Kid,” which sucks. For everyone.

  62. guesty

    April 24, 2014 at 8:05 pm

  63. Dr. Oren Amitay

    April 29, 2014 at 12:55 am

    Does Eckler actually think that she is “leaving it” and not trying to sleazily get some “closure” with this teacher, when she essentially trashes the woman in a public forum? What is the teacher supposed to do in response? Eckler is the epitome of ironic lack of self-awareness.

  64. Marty

    May 24, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    What an embarrassingly childish way to handle a problem. What are you, 12?

  65. sweetchildomine

    May 24, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Ironically, I too have a daughter in grade 5 and COMPLETELY AGREE that this school year is fraught with muddy waters both socially and academically. Its a shame that Rowan had to go through this year with difficulty and without resolution and that you too, her Mom, feels “really, really” unliked by her teacher.

    I feel so lucky to say that my daughter’s experience with her teacher this year was different in every way. It wasn’t an easy year by any means – often times we had to “turn her in” for not doing her homework well or for forgetting something that was under her umbrella of responsibility. And our daughter’s teacher was TOUGH! We trusted, though, that our daughter’s teacher could guide our IMPERFECT daughter to make good choices and ultimately, we were all rewarded for this. This year, our daughter’s teacher took a nervous, insecure girl who didn’t believe she could accomplish much academically and guided her through the peaks and valleys of learning accountability, capacity, independence, and strength.

    Rest assured, I type this tale not to boast about our very different experience with our daughter’s teacher. I type this tale because our daughter’s awesome and remarkable teacher also just happens to be your daughter’s awesome and remarkable teacher. Sadly, Rebecca, you have missed a beautiful opportunity – not only for yourself, but for your lovely daughter as well.

  66. momofthree

    May 24, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    It is one thing to try to gain attention through rediculous drivel about your own pathetic life and the way you live it but to drag your daughter, her school and the teachers who spend more time with her than you do into your selfish attempts at gaining relevancy is the most pathetic and sad thing you could do as a mother. I feel sorry for you as you must feel very insecure about yourself and specifically your daughter. I hope she has some other role models besides her self-serving mother. By the way, you should definitely pull her out of the school that we all appreciate and love.

  67. 1Hell

    May 24, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    My mom only handled a problem at school for me one time. A jerk kid shoved me against a wall, cutting my face and breaking my glasses. Glasses aren’t cheap, and she wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t be buying new ones if they couldn’t be fixed. She was livid.

    I did have one teacher who didn’t like me. We had a revolving door of math teachers that year, and I happened to be home with strep throat when we got the last victim of the year (I’ll be the first to say the class as a whole wasn’t particularly nice, even if we were advanced.) I asked for makeup work, because I was allowed to and had a doctor’s note, but she refused to give me any and gave me 0s on the assignments I missed. She happened to be the teacher that was supposed to work with me on my state mandated writing portfolio, making sure it was formatted correctly and helping me edit, but I was the only kid to not have a meeting, because I was, “so smart I could do it myself.” I didn’t call mommy; I was 13. Instead, I asked some of my other teachers whether they had time to squeeze me in for a meeting to help me decide which of my writings to use. Problem solved. (I wasn’t asking for a special meeting but the exact same help every other person was getting from their assigned teacher.)

  68. 8th grade Teacher

    June 4, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Okay, since you asked for a teacher’s opinion.

    Last year I taught 5th grade for a private school, so I taught the age group of your daughter. There was one parent that I absolutely hated with every fiber of my being. Like fantasized about her dying a slow death in a fiery car crash. That kind of hate.

    *She was constantly pulling her kid out of school for crap like his sister’s macaroni bridge building competition. She often did this without notice and expected me to give him makeup work before he left. My inability to have makeup assignments magically appear led to her belief that I was a bad teacher.

    * In her first email ever addressing a problem, which wasn’t really a problem, because I did not answer her right away because I was um . . . in the middle of teaching her kid. By the time school was over she had gone over my head to the Head of School. Now she had it her head that I was unresponsive to her child’s needs and a bad teacher.

    *Her kid was coming home telling her flat out lies for months about some other student “bullying” him. This persisted from November through April. He was lying for the attention. I know this wasn’t happening because as soon as the first mention of this came to my attention, in my Head of School’s office because she immediately went over my head, I immediately separated the two kids, in every possible. And he still went home whining that this kid was “bullying” him at recess.

    * The kid never turned in his homework, “I know exactly where it is at home”, was his standard line. When I emailed his mom telling her that he has not been turning in his homework she immediately scheduled a conference with guess who, the Head of School. In this meeting she flat out called me a liar. I even had my associate teacher in the conference with me. And she confirmed my concerns. This parent did not want to face the fact that her kid was lying to her. Her kid was telling her that he was trying to turn in his homework, but that I wouldn’t accept it. Now, I have a 137 IQ. I am a tad brighter than to invite crap from this mom.

    As far as your situation is concerned. Understand that teachers, especially elementary school teachers because they have to prepare for 4 or 5 subjects as opposed to just 1 or 2 like secondary teachers, have A LOT on their plate. So much so that sometimes some of it falls off.

    Teachers are not looking to add more work to their own plate, or emails to their inbox. In fact if the teacher doesn’t like you because, as you have stated: “So, yes, I sent a number of e-mails.” That teacher is trying to avoid conflict and extra work that comes with dealing with you. You probably didn’t hear back on the homework issue because that teacher received your response and the teacher just didn’t want to waste their energy fighting with you about it. It is very possible for your kid to get a 95 on a math test and not do their homework. I did it all the time. When I was 10 I lied to my parents about math homework because I didn’t want to get in trouble.

    Teachers, at all costs try to avoid conflicts with and talking with parents who send a number of emails. So I don’t think this teacher is trying screw with your daughter because they don’t like you.

    One thing that I wish so many parents would take into account is this, You are taking the word of a child over the word of a trained and educated teacher. You need to get out of that mindset that you need to defend your daughter. Because your kid very well gasp . . . may be lying to you, “what was I supposed to do, not defend my daughter?”
    No, not necessarily until you find out what is really going on.

    With the swim coach thing, the fact that you escalated that to the “Head of the Gym, or something”, makes you appear petty and an all around pain. The fact that you didn’t bother to know whom you spoke about the issue shows that you have a mindset of marginalizing people. Again if the swim teacher has heard from your daughter’s teacher that you are the type to “send a number of emails”, they are not going to go out of their way to piss you off. The fact that you had to be “allowed” in the last 10 minutes of practice by the “Head of the Gym, or something” tells me that it was already in place. You seem like the type of person that questions teachers at every turn while having absolutely no experience or training in education. You know it all because you are a parent.

    The fact that you felt the need to pre-/post qualify/defend your actions in your article makes me think, “thou dost protest too much”. You seem like the type of parent that I would try to have as little contact as possible not get you worked into a lather trying to screw with your kid. So yeah, you probably are a pain to deal with, but the teacher is not going to go out of their way to screw with your kid, make more work for themselves by having a pain in the ass parent complaining about them.

    Stop questioning teachers so much, we got into this business to help kids not screw them up. Your default position should not be that the teacher is wrong.

  69. 8th Grade Teacher

    June 4, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    Wow I spent some time responding to this article. I typed it out, giving real feedback on how not to treat teachers and be a general pain in the ass. It was just deleted. So is that what you think of teachers’ opinions, you just disregard and delete them. It seems you have not read any of these. I have read a number and they are spot on.

    I have an adjective for you Eckler. And it starts with a “C” not a “B”.

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