Back To School: The 10 Types Of Parents You Will Meet At Your School’s Open House
I hate back to school night, the open house at school where you’re supposed to “meet the teacher” and drop off a buttload of school supplies. I’m down with both of those, but the dreaded back to school night combines two of my least favorite things in the world; other people and their children.
I expect people to not suck, particularly in public, and despite having lived on the planet for many years already, I continue to be shocked and horrified when someone turns out to be awfulsauce. In the case of back to school night, what you’ll see is a lot of adults acting like children and this might make you sad.
1. PTA HBIC
This person will be the first one in the classroom, folded into a tiny chair and hands folded primly in her lap. She will nod along enthusiastically and when the teacher points out the volunteer sign up sheet, she’ll take the floor and talk about all the hours she logged last year as her child’s personal shadow.
2. Mr. or Mrs. Chatterbox
These two will NOT shut the hell up. Do you remember when you were in school, and it was almost time for the bell to ring, and the teacher would ask, “any questions?” and some idiot would say, “you forgot to give us homework” ? This parent is what that fun-ruiner grew up to be.
3. The Normals
The Normals show up together and are very much in love. They have precisely 2.5 children with a border collie at home. They are not divorced and never swear and their child is named something very generic and they own sweater vests and cardigans.
4. The Prodigy’s Parents
This is the only parent who will interrupt the Chatterboxes. They want to know how the curriculum will be tailored to their Advanced Child and how the teacher will deal with Advanced Child’s behavior when he becomes bored with the material. Did I mention that Advanced Child has been reading since he was three? Because his parents will mention that at least four times in one hour.
5. The Parents Who Are Just Looking For A Babysitter
These parents don’t really care what goes on, as long as their kid is fed and supervised. They usually duck out after they ask about how early they can legally drop their kid off in front of the building.