6 Parent Screw-Ups To Make You Feel Better About That Time You Dropped The Baby

If you’ve ever screwed the pooch on your parenting duties of keeping your kid happy, healthy, and with an undented skull, congratulations: you are not alone. In fact, you’re a lot likely to be alone if you’re the only one whose kid has somehow skated through his infant and toddler years miraculously unscathed.

Reddit user eftresq was looking for commiseration in a thread about bonking his baby daughter’s head on a restaurant light fixture, and he got what he was looking for in spades. Fortunately for me, I’m both short and in possession of the upper body strength of an anemic Tyrannosaurus Rex, and so my kids are in little danger from our house’s ceiling fans and light fixtures. (They have, however, fared less well around the sides of door frames and cupboards.) If, like me, you have ever experienced the terrible feeling of helplessly watching a baby take a header off the couch or chomp on a dog turd, enjoy taking a moment to acknowledge that your parenting screw-ups don’t make you a bad parent – they make you a normal one.

1. The classic changing table dive

I’ve also noticed this bouncing baby phenomenon, often right after I let go of my kid’s hands and say, “Can you walk to Momma?” (Answer: no.) Good thing we have carpeted floors in the living room and not hardwood.

2. The multi-child pileup

This happening to me at some point seems inevitable, but somehow I haven’t yet fallen while carrying a child, and not for a lack of attempts on their part (or the dog’s). Picking up one baby turns an adult into walking catnip for any other children or pets in a twenty-yard radius.

3. The ‘oh god oh my GOD why’

We discovered that the nails that fastened the carpet trim between the kitchen and living room were loose when my son yanked one out and tried to shove it into his mouth. I have never moved so fast in my entire life.

4. The public spectacle

This is why I try not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. I’m afraid someone is going to call the police on me for leaving the kids in the car long enough to retrieve a shopping cart from the nearest cart return, let alone if I accidentally drop one of them on their face in the frozen pizza aisle. “She dropped her kid, and she’s not even buying the brand with the organic crust! MONSTER!”

5. The lead foot

I was crawl-chasing my daughter when she abruptly changed direction and I crushed her tiny fingers under my giant knuckles. That was enough to, quite understandably, buy the baby an instant ticket to Silent Screaming territory. (Do other people’s kids Silent Scream? At our house, that is how you know you have Really Really Fucked Up.)

6. Attack of the killer stroller

The dreaded stroller collapse can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone, no matter how many times you checked to be absolutely sure it was locked open. It is most likely to happen when your child is already stressed out and when there is a large number of onlookers, so beware.

Bonus: The perfect princess party pooper

Of course, the thread did have at least one stick in the mud show up:

It must be nice to be perfect. For the rest of us mere mortals who have to eke it out here on Planet Earth, what’s your best (or worst) parenting goof-up?

In the interest of full disclosure: the Dog Turd Incident chez Ogden was pretty bad, but not directly caused by me, so I think my best story might be from when I forgot to buckle my son into his stroller seat before a Target shopping trip. I was getting some weird looks from fellow shoppers before I bothered to look over the stroller visor, which is how I discovered that the little bugger had slid out of his seat and was happily playing in/trying to escape from the cargo carrier section below. Mom of the year over here, guys.

(Photo: Supertrooper/Shutterstock)