Ah, the sun rises on another taco Tuesday, and the world is a banquet of choices. Will you have tacos al pastor with soft corn tortillas? Tacos al carbon on flour? Or will you go tacos gringos with one of those weird crunchy shells and shredded iceburg lettuce?
Who cares? They're all delicious. So delicious, in fact, that you may wonder; is there anything that's better than tacos? As you ponder this age-old question, preferably while eating a delicious taco, you will find that it is likely easier to make a list of stuff that aren't as good as tacos. If the first thing on that list isn't "other people's kids" you're not as smart as I gave you credit for.
Lots of things besides tacos are better than other people's dumb kids. For instance, DMV trips. Wisdom tooth extraction. Tax Day. Vaginal itch. But it's not vaginal itch Tuesday, now is it? No. It's taco Tuesday! And if Megan Zander forgot to buy taco supplies again, I say we vote her off of Mommyish Island.
1. Tacos fit nicely into a trash can if you get sick of their little taco faces.
Unlike other people's children. They don't get in there without putting up a fight.
2. Tacos don't break all of your stuff on play dates.
Other people's children will break all of your stuff, pee on it, and call you fat, which there mothers will likely find adorable.
3. Your Facebook feed isn't flooded with pictures of tacos you have no interest in.
Because that's not a possibility.
4. Tacos don't teach your kids bad habits.
Tacos will never teach your children that whiney voice you hate that you know they picked up at daycare. Tacos will only instill awesomeness in your kids and make them fucking radical.
5. You won't regret offering to watch some tacos.
Unlike when you accidentally said you would watch some other dude's kid, and then learned they weren't stuffed full of seasoned ground beef.
6. Tacos are really quiet on airplanes.
Silent as the grave.
7. You don't have to pretend to like your friend's taco's name.
If your dumb friend names their taco Persephone or Fitzwilliamsnifflefrynk, you can tell them how stupid that name is. Try this with another mom about their kids' name. I dare you.
8. No one gets pissed if you yell at their shitty taco.
Or tell you that their taco is an "indigo taco".
9. Tacos won't tell your children there's no Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy.
Or that there's no such thing as a guinea pig farm where guinea pigs can run free.
10. Tacos aren't made of poop, boogers, and demon butt hair.
Which is, coincidentally, what every child that isn't yours is comprised of.