Somehow Oprah Winfrey has found more Favorite Things for this year, because she is a woman with money and minions to Google for her. I love love love looking at her list every year, because ultimately it is bizarre and excessive, yet full of things I inevitably covet. This list always reveals just how unlike us O truly is, because so many of the items are absurdly priced. Still it doesn't mean they aren't fun to oogle at. Behold, the most ridiculous items on her totally ridiculous list. Please send us all of these things.
1. Gold Beat By Dre Headphones. $700.
Because nothing says "Look at me, I'm a rich asshole and I can't hear anything you're saying because I'm listening to this.sick.beat!" like a pair of gold headphones.
2. Her own book. $20.
What I know for sure is that there's nothing more self-absorbed than putting your own book on your Favorite Things list.
3. Some body scrub gift set made with pink Fijian ginger, whatever the f**ck that is. $265.
Or maybe just buy some ground ginger for $4 at the grocery store, toss it in your tub, and call it a day?
4. A giant box of flowers. $189.
The last time I saw such gorgeous flowers and a giant black box was at a funeral. So.
5. A tablet made by Ashton Kutcher that doubles as a projector. $500.
Once upon a time, Ashton Kutcher had a great idea while stoned.
6. Some foot cream and socks that cost as much as a week's worth of groceries. $165.
I am picturing Stedman rubbing Oprah's feet while Oprah rubs Gayle's feet, and now everything is weird.
7. A box for your glasses which you've probably lost somewhere in the couch. $250
It's important to note that one of Oprah's other Favorite Things are Warby Parker glasses, of which she has 26 PAIRS. 26. PAIRS. OF GLASSES.
8. Expensive pajamas for your kids to barf all over. $155.
These look wonderfully comfortable and oh-so-ready for stains.
9. Just some candles. $240.
These are candles. That's it. Candles.
10. A bike you could probably find at a yard sale. $550.
But seriously, does Oprah have her chauffeur pedal this while she holds on to the back?
11. Dog beds that cost more than your own bed. $445-700.
I would happily put a couple of these next to each other and sleep on the them - as long as there was a photo of my face on top.
12. Ballpoint pens that look fancy but are really just pens. $36.
Well, at least now we know what she uses to write all those gratitude journals.
Check out the entire list here.