The One Million Moms Are Super Pissed About Sexy Italian Guy Selling Kraft Salad Dressing

I used to think the One Million Moms were a bunch of prudish bigots whose sole purpose was to destroy marriage equality, women’s rights, and all things awesome. Now I just think they are a bunch of bored housewives that watch too much TV and hate all things Italian – like sausage and sexy.

It seems these ladies never run out of things to protest. You may or may not remember the weird Skittles ad with the cute walrus that they insisted had bestiality undertones to it. Most of us would just look at that ad and realize that someone went to work high that day. Not these ladies. They were convinced that someone was trying to promote the agenda of lady-walrus love that we have heard so much about. Um, you ladies need some serious therapy. Also – there are actually real things to be concerned about in the world. Let me see… childhood hunger, poverty and Ann Coulter having the gift of speech come to mind.

Since Disney, Geico, and Urban Outfitters haven’t done anything to piss them off lately – they decided to focus their energy on the controversial world of condiments. Kraft had the nerve to use a half-naked man to sell some salad dressing. I think it’s kind of refreshing to see a half naked man selling something for once, instead of the usual landslide of half-naked women that are constantly cast in commercials. I am all about equality! Here’s the television commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=97Q56WXTsp4

Jezebel has the two-page ad that the Moms are so up-in-arms about here.

The Moms had this to say on their web page, which happens to have the most boring design of all time. I guess they needed to stay away from any fonts someone may find seductive or offensive:

Last week’s issue of People Magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling. A person has to look closely to see the item the company is marketing because the salad dressing bottle is so small next to the male model, picnic basket and other food items. There is also a small Kraft logo in the upper corners with the words “Silverware Optional – Let’s Get Zesty.” The website getmezesty.com is listed in the bottom corner.

Unbeknownst to me, the words “naked” and “genitals” are bad. Also, the salad dressing bottle should have been made freakishly large so as not to offend anyone. “It’s easy to see what the ad is really selling.” Well, after seeing the commercial I really want some Italian sausage, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Seriously though, I literally want some Italian sausage right now.

I can’t wait to see what they are offended by next. Their boycott alone will probably make me buy more of it.

(photo: YouTube)