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Worst Idea Ever: Ohio School Board Approves Plan To Arm Custodians

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shutterstock_73633852After Sandy Hook, a lot of people thought armed guards was the answer to the increasing trend of mass violence in schools. The NRA spearheaded this idea, of course. Somehow, there is a segment of the population that believes more guns equals less violence. Math is not really my thing, but I think this is statistically illogical.

Assuming that we do get behind this idea, where will our already strapped public schools get the budgets to hire these armed guards? An Ohio school board thought of a brilliant idea to get around that messy financial issue. Give the school janitors some minimal training and arm them. Great. In a country that is used to being lulled to calm by a false sense of security (airports – I’m looking at you!) this should catch on like wildfire. From the Toledo Blade:

School officials say that having armed personnel — believed to be the first for any school system in Ohio — is designed to thwart incidents of violence and prevent what happened in Newtown, Conn., from occurring here.

“Sitting back and doing nothing and hoping it doesn’t happen to you is just not good policy anymore. There is a need for schools to beef up their security measures,” Superintendent Jamie Grime told The Blade today. “Having guns in the hands of the right people are not a hindrance. They are a means to protect.”

Does anyone really believe that an armed janitor would have been able to stop the massacre that took place at Sandy Hook? Are we arming these people with assault rifles? I don’t think so. The thought of arming someone whose biggest responsibility is keeping the halls safe from children slipping on wet floors does not inspire confidence. So now, in addition to their already shitty job – we expect it to be their responsibility to throw themselves in front of the path of a bullet to protect our kids? What is going on here?

If it’s just the mere presence of guns at a school that makes parents feel safer – I’m worried about the future of humanity. The absence of logic in that argument is staggering.

(photo: Gustavo Toledo/ Shutterstock.com)

7 Comments

  1. Diana

    January 12, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    In other news a custodian shot twenty kids next week… Nah… Just kidding adults are always perfectly sane…Always.

  2. Paul White

    January 12, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I’m not opposed to guards in schools in all cases–we had a cop at my high school even, and that was a while back–but the custodians? What the hell?

  3. K.

    January 12, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    My favorite comment on this whole thing was Michael Moore’s tweet:

    “If only the first victim, Adam Lanza’s mother, had been a gun owner, she could have stopped this before it started.”

    Yes, more guns are always the answer! The Jews could have defended themselves against Hitler! MLK would still be alive! Ghandi could have kicked some ass for peace instead of starving through that hunger strike bullshit! And if Jesus had himself a 12-gage shotgun, you can bet he wouldn’t be having any of that getting-nailed-to-the-cross noise.

    Please, put firearms in our elementary schools. And on the playgrounds. And allow them in Disneyland. That is exactly what we need: guns near children. Sweet.

    • AlbinoWino

      January 13, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      OMG, these are all thoughts I’ve had. You are awesome.

  4. Byron

    January 13, 2013 at 2:26 am

    I…guess that tackles the issue of both killing the assailant and cleaning up the blood and gore at the same time but…that’s about where the positive aspects of this idea end.

    I wonder, if custodians have to quit will they now start hanging in their gun and mop? Would that be a “thing” in movies even? 😛

  5. Byron

    January 13, 2013 at 2:26 am

    I…guess that tackles the issue of both killing the assailant and cleaning up the blood and gore at the same time but…that’s about where the positive aspects of this idea end.

    I wonder, if custodians have to quit will they now start hanging in their gun and mop? Would that be a “thing” in movies even? 😛

  6. Anon13

    January 13, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    I don’t agree that arming school personnel is a good idea, period. However, maybe can we skip the bullshit stereotype that “janitor” somehow equals moron?

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